The DerfJam Chronicles

So we, Struedel Court, had our very first public performance last night and it was.....interesting. We brought our PA system but when we walked in they already had one so we didn't bother using ours. Bad idea. So we're up on stage plugging in and our guitars aren't being heard through the speakers. So they just ended up mic'ing our guitars. We couldn't really hear each other so we just playing everything by memory, hoping that we're in the right spot on the changes and stuff. It also sounded like one of our guitars was out of tune the whole night. I kept on tuning after each song but it still sounded that way. And when Fonso would mess up he would start laughing. I would just smile and try to not make it so obvious. But it was a fun show. There wasn't really any pressure since it was so last minute and there were barely any people there. My cousin, Joseph, and Meryl were the only ones who showed up. Thanks guys. I know everyone was watching Monday Night Football, Padres and other shows so I wasn't expecting a big turnout. There was maybe 30 people in the entire audience.

Hopefully on the next show we'll have way more songs. We only played 5 last night. But we're gonna bring our own amps so that way if things don't work, it's our fault. I don't like putting the blame on someone else.

Oh yeah, the show last night was for a Church benefit thing and all the performers gave some words of wisdom or true life experience/lessons or something of the sort. We said absolutely nothing and just played music. My guitar does my talking for me.



A bit of fragrance clings to the hand that gives flowers.

The dredg concert was dope as hell. They played a bunch of old songs, the current hits, and a few super new ones. They were even taking requests from the crowd. Aileen only heard a few songs from them when I let her listen to them a long time ago but she ended up really liking them at the show and I got her their CD. Me and Aileen had a lot of fun that night. My friends Ruben, Nickie, Fonso, Tin, Joseph, Meryl, and Max were also at the show and some of them I haven't seen in a good while so it was a good time. A few of us hit up TGIFridays after the show and had more fun. Aileen ordered this 3 course meal. I like it when a girl has an appetite and isn't afraid to munch in front of me.

I would say, of all the girls I've taken out (I haven't taken that many out) Aileen is probably in my top 3. I dunno what it is. We just have fun. There is never a moment of silence. I love that feeling. It also helps that she's crazy and blunt as hell! She does stuff that you wouldn't normally expect and it makes things exciting and spontaneous cuz I'm pretty much the same way. All the pix we took are so stupid and obnoxious. I'd post them on here but they're all on her camera, and for good reason. Everyone and their Mom would see what we were doing if it was on my camera. That reminds me, I should delete a few of the pix on my camera. Hahahahahaha.

I found out last Thursday that my new band, Struedel Court, is gonna be having a show tonight. We're playing for this fund raiser for The Arts that our friend is taking part in. I think it's for her Church and she knew we were looking to start playing and she asked us if we wanted to do it. Show starts at 8pm and I don't know what time we're up. I haven't really asked anyone to go cuz I know people have theirs shows to watch and Monday Night Football and it's a school night and all that jazz. So I don't really expect anyone I know to show up. But if you happen to be reading this and want to listen to some smooth jazz, the address for the venue is 1969 Sunset Cliffs Blvd. San Diego, CA 92107.

Cousin's b-day this week and also a few friends. I gotta do my shopping tomorrow or something. Too many October babies. I guess that means they were conceived on Valentines.

I've had this weird throw up feeling for the past 2 days and this morning my stomach was killin' me. I had every intention of showing up at 5:30 this morning but I was on the crapper for half an hour so I got here at 6:12. Oh well, I'm still leaving before 3.

I also woke up to find my hand all curled up. And usually when I fall asleep with my hand all curled up, my hand is numb for the entire day. Luckily my hand isn't numb, but it does feel like I'm wearing a watch waaaaaaay too tight.

I tried shrimp pho yesterday and I wasn't feelin' it too much. Of all the seafood, shrimp is my favorite but the broth tasting like boiled shrimp water wasn't doin' me good. Shanel got the chicken pho and I tried a little and it was good. I might get that next time we go.

Dredg concert tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!

So my supervisor talked to me about my Diner that I have set up here. She was asking if I wanted cabinets? Apparently upper management was looking at all my items and our supervisor thought they might not like it, since it's all out in the open. They haven't said anything about it so it might be a sign of disapproval. So that's why she offered to get me some cabinets to conceal my items. She is fine with me setting up shop but if upper management complains, they will get on her case about so I told cabinets would be a good idea.


LJ tells me that Kelvin is having a Pajama Jam this Saturday and I might be tempted to go. He said there was gonna be a bunch of hunnies in tiny pajamas so that might be incentive enough.


I went over to talk to Vanessa, the new girl, this morning and we were chatting and I invited her out to lunch today. I told her we were gettin' some pho and she was all like "Cool, I'm down! I didn't bring lunch today." And then I said something like "Alright alright. It's on." And then Tam butts in and asked where we were gonna go for lunch and he said he didn't bring lunch too and wanted to come along. C-BLOCK!!!!!


Mr. Hot Shot isn't pissing me off as much anymore. He stopped working during break, he's starting to talk to us more, he even played some guitar during lunch yesterday and he was pretty decent. I think we attacked him too much and now he's finally trying to get back. We always make fun of each other and none of us get our feelings hurt but he did before and that didn't stop me. I guess now he knows that everything is just a joke and we're not really trying to attack each other.


My bro's company is moving to Texas so he's looking for a new job. Imma try to get him into my company but I dunno if they allow that, especially if we're gonna be working in the same department. I'll find out.


Tomorrow is the Dredg concert. I'm excited to see them. And I also looking forward to seeing Aileen.

The rain stopped and the sun is shining for the time being.

I got called into the Big Boss' office earlier today by my Supervisor and when I walked in the two big bosses were in there. They told me to have a seat. I was nervous. I didn't know what I was in there for. They must have saw the fear in my eyes cuz I made eye contact with all three of them before I sat down. But then one of them said "Don't worry, this is good."

They proceeded to tell me some stuff about our company achievements and changes going on and stuff I saw when I started and where we are now as a group. Everything we've done has exceeded expectations so......now I am a Technical engineer II. Along with more duties and responsibilities comes more pay!

They gave me a pretty FAT raise. It's morbidly obese!!!!! This is more than double of my previous raise, and that was one of the highest they were giving out. This was totally unexpected.

I walked out of that office smiling like I just got the girl of my dreams and her best friend. I couldn't hide my smile and excitement. I wanted to call my Mom right away and tell her the good news.

I wanted to leave but now I'm glad I stayed. =)

Curveballs. Learn how to hit them.

I look back at all the things I've done and I'm quite proud of all my accomplishments and achievements throughout the years. I was doing something right to get me to where I am today. But I have one big regret that I can't get off my chest. They always say "regret the things you do and not the things you didn't do" but this is something I didn't do and it's haunting me. 8 years of futility, 8 years I can't get back. It was fear that drove me to seclusion. I didn't know what to do....so I didn't do it. It was my predominant Catholic upbringing that always made me think twice about everything. I was never able to put myself in the equation. I was always thinking about the consequences and who would be offended and what would so and so think about me if I went through with this.

I've been trying to break the mold but there's always someone who slaps me in the face and puts me back in my place. I wanna fight back but my conscious tells me not to. It tells me to turn the other cheek.

But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you (Luke 6:27-28). I understand the concept but the execution is the hard part. Knowing and doing are two different things. You don't fight fire with fire, you fight fire with water. But what if there's no water around?





He who strikes the first blow admits he's lost the argument.

...there is no such thing as failure, only learning lessons.

"The first problem for all of us, men and women, is not to learn, but to unlearn."
-Gloria Steinem

All the things that I do wrong, I keep doing wrong. To reprogram my mind is out of the question. It's instilled in me. No thought goes through my head until after I've done the deed. Instinct. It's the fight or flight syndrome and I'm fighting to the death. Pavlov's dogs aint got nothin' on me. I'm already salivating...

We know something is wrong and we know we need to fix it. Soon.

Based on yesterday's experience, I decided to come in early so that way I would not have to deal with stupid drivers. I left the house at 5:15am and clocked in at 5:39. My alarm went off at 4:30 but I decided to sleep an extra 30 mins. Yaye!

Yesterday I bought the Dredg tix. I'm excited to see them. I remember the first time I saw them the singer was all fat. And the last time I saw them the singer got skinny. Imagine me losing enough weight to end up looking like Ramon. I guess that's what happens when you're in a band that tours and you guys aren't famous yet and y'all still don't have any money. I've only heard Dredg on the radio once. And that was on 94.9, which is an Indie station. I like the bands that aren't mainstream cuz they have a sound of their own and they're not afraid to do different things. I know when a band gets signed, their sound becomes what the record company wants them to sound like. EVIL!

I also stopped by Costco to restock on the goods. I made an excel spreadsheet that lists what item I bought and it's quantities, and I'm tracking the buy price, sell price, profit, and all that jazz.

My Mom is sick, Shanel is sick, people around me are sick, and I'm starting to feel sick too. I woke up and my throat felt all lumpy and full of phlegm. So Today we will have pho and hopefully it makes me feel better. I invited Vanessa again. She's always down. I like that about her.

LJ tells me there's this slammin' girl who got interviewed. He saw her sitting in the lobby waiting for the interview. He also said she went to State and I'm pretty sure I introduced myself to all the girls in engineering cuz I went to all the SWE (Society of Women Engineers) meetings. What? That's where all the hunnies were at. Don't hate. But yeah, he said her name was Jade or something and the only girl I remember with a name similar to that was some Korean girl in the Masters Program. And she was slammin'. So we'll see if this is the same girl. But why would someone with a Masters apply here? Hahahahahaha.

Oh yeah, I'm leaving at 2:18pm today.

And Scotty's Pirate Party is a NO GO! Boooooooo! Sorry Melin.


Don't open a shop unless you like to smile.

I left at 6:40 and barely clocked in right now at exactly 8:00. People don't know how to drive when the roads are a little slick. Why do the worst drivers decide that they need to drive when it rains? And it doesn't help that I live in Mexico. Front BC drivers + rain = 1.33 hr commutes to work. Yaye! NOT!

When I was driving this morning, my hand was throbbing from playing so much guitar yesterday. It was mostly my thumb, which I will say is my most important finger. I could function normally missing any other finger except the thumb. The thumb is crucial for grabbing/grasping/holding things. But yeah, all my fingers (except the pinky) on my left hand hurt right now. It feels like I have paper cuts on my fingertips. And I have the mouse on my left hand here at work. Bleh.

Last night at practice we were writing this new song and I'm excited about it. I opened up a can of worms with a capo (pronounced K-poe, I think). A capo is basically a clamp that goes onto your guitar and you can play the same chords but in a higher key, so essentially it is no longer the same chord but you're doing the same fingerings. I don't really play conventional chords in all the songs I write. I guess you can call them open bar chords, if that makes any sense. I don't do bar chords, where you press your pointer finger on all six strings, cuz I have small hands and it hurts when I do a lot of them in one song. Yeah, I don't think anyone who reads this is gonna understand any of this paragraph.

Moving on, Beerfest this Friday........and rain? I dunno if that's a good combination. Sorry April. Imma have to pull out. When in doubt, pull out! =) If you're going, rain or shine and it happens to be shining in the afternoon, I'll give you a call.

I wanna go see Good Luck Chuck. Who wants to join me?

I'm buying Dredg tickets today. So far it's me, Aileen, Fonso, and Tin that are going for sure. I'm buying our 4 tix today. And I might meet Thompson and Krisando there. Who else wants to go? Ramon? Mari? April? The show is on Sept. 28 and starts at 8pm. They'll probably hit the stage at 9:30 but they get to pick who opens for them and I'm curious to hear those opening acts. $15 only.

So I set up my basketball hoop that I won at the company picnic. I put it on my cubicle. At first it kept falling down but Shanel helped me tape it down so it would stay. I've only shot a few baskets and it hasn't fallen yet so that's a good sign. I should have used duct tape but all we got here is scotch tape and that tends to lose it's stickiness when it gets cold. But yeah, Mr. Safety Committee Guy said as long as my b-ball was a soft, plush one it would be ok for me to shoot around. And I'm not allowed to shoot it from halfway across the room. Booooo! That would be dope to be sitting at Ramon's desk, a good 40-50 feet away, and shoot it from there. Here's the work layout:


The new people like LJ and Vanessa don't have seats yet. Mr. Safety Committee Guy also inspects my Diner/food stash to make sure no roaches or rats are being attracted. I think Mr. Hot Shot and Mr. Safety Committee Guy would make good butt-buddies. =)


I got this pimple right underneath my lower lip. It's right next to my soul patch. At least I hope it's a pimple and not a cold sore. I popped it yesterday and all this solid puss came out. It was like the size of a sesame seed and my lip was starting to swell. It's gone today.

I came to the realization that I'm living on borrowed time. The things I do and the abuse I put on my body and my mind. I'm surprised that nothing extremely bad has happened to me. There have been a few close calls but I have the "I'm young and I'm invincible" mentality. I'm starting to feel things that I've never felt before. Pain in muscles I didn't know I had, aches in joints, shoulders poppin' out of place, and carpal tunnel kickin' in.

I was having a conversation with my Mom last night and she was saying I needed to take care of myself better. I was getting angry and was starting to yell at her. I didn't scream at her or anything but my tone of voice was a commanding one. I'm sure she didn't like it cuz she stopped talking. I was mad cuz she was trying to stop me from doing what I like to do. I'm more angry at myself for not having a clear head and not seeing what I was doing. I was almost at tears cuz I know I have no self control and I don't know what I need to do. How can I right this wrong?

I'm mad now and I'm trying to change. Every other time I've tried to make a change, I would be doing good for a month and then I would revert back to my old self. We'll see what happens this time around.


Do not fear going forward slowly; fear only to stand still.

I remembered what I was thinking about last night. Cesar, the former guitarist of my old band, hit me up asking me if I wanted to do the drum tracks for his new projects. Cesar joined the Air Force after I quit the band, so he's stationed over in Utah most of the time. He said he was coming down here next month and he was gonna record. I was excited for him cuz I knew I ruined a good thing when I left the band. It was good to hear that he was still doing music. But I'm excited to play drums. I don't think I've touched my drumset since December. And I have a brand new drum set. I only used my drumset for 3 gigs before I left the band. So everything is still in it's case and in tip top shape. I just gotta dust em off and tune the heads and they're good to go.

My Mom was talking to her sisters in the Philippines and they're gonna coming stateside sometime and we already have 6 people living a 4 bedroom house. If you add my Auntie, her husband and her 3 kids, that's a grip of peeps in my house. And my Mom still has 2 more sisters that will follow after and they each have their own families. Most likely, they will stay at our place until they can find jobs and afford an apartment. Either that or me and my bro are gonna move out. I've been spending my earnings like a madman when I shoulda been saving for a house. My bad.

Earlier today at a meeting, someone wrote "Fred loves you" on the new girl Vanessa's nametag on her desk. That's not gonna be good when she sees it. I didn't bother crossing it off cuz what if she's flattered by it? If she gets pissed I'll just say I didn't know anything about it. It's not my handwriting.

I had a bunch on my mind last night and I wanted to write about it today but I totally forgot. Like that's never happened before. Meh.

But I was talking to Aileen last night and we've been planning a dinner date or something from way back when but the both of us are really busy so we never got around to it. I told her about the dredg concert on Sept. 28 and she said she was down for it. Yaye! And then we can do dinner that same night before or after the concert.....or we could just go straight to the baby-making. Ha. Yeah, but I'm real excited to see her. I haven't seen her in a good while. A lot has changed since the last time we graced each other's presence. I went to her place a couple months ago but she wasn't home so I just played ping pong with her bro and sis and their cousin. And I dominated them....with my left hand. Ha.

Flag Football has begun so imma be out there in Ocean Beach on Saturdays doing some photography. I love taking pix. Who wants to model?

Kicked Glenn's arse in FFL thanks to Carson Palmer and his 6 td's. Andre Johnson of the Houston Texans helped me out bigtime too. Pick him up if he's available. Oh, and screw Leon Washington. Hahahahaha.

So Friday night I went to take my Mom to the Movies cuz she wanted to watch this Filipino movie called A Love Story. It was pretty funny cuz right when we walked into the theater, we were the only ones in there. The theater was huge too. It looked like it could hold around 500 people and it was just us in there. When the movie started a few more people walked in so there were about 7 total. It was weird watching it with my Mom cuz there was like 10 love making scenes. Hahahahaha. But I didn't really like the movie. I'm not too much into those romance stories and crap. I'd much rather see comedy or action stuff. I am a man. =)

Saturday was the company picnic. April Joy came with me and I enjoyed her company. We never really hung out when we were in school. When we would get together it was always school related, working on a project, grabbing a beer after a final, and things of that nature. I dunno why I waited so long to start kickin' it with her. Actually I do know but I'd rather not say. But yeah, back to the picnic. I had a good time. There were a bunch of games and I participated in a couple of them. I was in the hula hoop/human chain game, where 10 people hold hand is a cirlce and pass the hula hoop around while music is playing. And I was in the shaving cream/goldfish toss where they lathered my face with shaving cream and people tried to make goldfishes stick to my face. They had this mega raffle where they were giving away a laptop and an X-Box 360 with Guitar Hero 2. I didn't win anything. I never win anything. That's the story of my life.

Sunday was football all day and the Chargers lost. They lost bad. That's all I will say. Looking forward to Green Bay.

Oh yeah, I was talking to Karmen on Saturday night and she was kinda mad that I ignored her during the picnic. I saw her there and I said hi but I didn't really go over and talk to her. I usually keep her company anytime we go to a function or whatever cuz she's not really comfortable with everyone we work with. She doesn't understand the lingo and all that stuff that we do but I always break it down and explain it to her. Like one time she heard one of us say "I dig it" and she was wondering what that meant. Hahahahaha. Things like that, I'll make sure she understands but no one else really explains things for her. Since she's not too good with her English so she takes everything literally. But I felt kinda bad cuz she said she didn't have a good time. She felt all alone and bored. I saw her with Jesse so I thought she had company but apparently he wasn't doing any talking and he felt the same way as her. I'll remember not to leave her alone next time we're out.

Pirate Party is tentative. We'll find out if the planners are gonna go through with it. Stay tuned....





Do good, reap good; do evil, reap evil.

I'm still at work and I'm trying to meet this deadline. Funny thing is, I don't really care. Ha.

I invited Vanessa to lunch today. I was a little scared at first but then I remembered that I have nothing to lose so I just straight up asked her to join us for some pho. It was originally just gonna be me and Karmen but as we were clocking out for lunch I saw Vanessa and I wanted her to come. Ha. She's not really slammin' or anything but there's something about her that intrigues me. It could be the new girl factor, just something different and new to look at. Don't get me wrong, she's not ugly but if I was walking down the street I wouldn't break my neck to check out the goods. But yeah, I'm glad I invited her and I'm glad she went. Found out that she's from the dirty south too and she knew some of my high school mates. But Karmen tells me she has a boyfriend. Oh well, that's never stopped me before. Muahahahahahaha.

Beggars can't be choosers. And when you're ugly, you can't be picky.