The DerfJam Chronicles

Last night I finally got a full night of sleep. Who knew it would do so much wonders? I've had back pain since last Friday and today is the first day it actually feels better. It's been getting worse everyday but now I'm on the road to recovery. I'm also not coughing that much anymore. I was coughing like crazy the past couple days and today I feel good. Maybe tonight I can get a full night of sleep as well? Hahahaha.

I was supposed to work on some slideshow last night but I went to sleep instead. I'll out it together real quick today and have some people review it and see if they wanna take stuff out or add stuff in. And tomorrow will be the last day I touch it since the deadline to turn it in is on Friday. If the slideshow sucks....oh well. It's better than nothing.

I was thinking of not going out to the clubs this week since my back has been hurting. But now that I'm feeling better, I'm reconsidering. But I'm also supposed to go hang out with this chick I met on a cruise a few weeks back. I bailed on her twice already and I don't wanna bail on her again. She's been real sweet and understanding of what I've been going through with my Grandma and me working double time. She works two jobs also, so she knows what it's like.

I also had this crazy ass dream last night. I was at a friend's place and his wife calls me into the room all panicking and going berzerk. And I see my friend is dying. So we call for help and they try to revive him but it's too late. So as they take my friend away, I'm consoling his wife and all but things started to get intimate. It was the only thing that I could do that would make her feel better. So I'm takin' her to town and doing everything she wants me to do. I'm havin' a blast. And then I woke up....at 100%. Hahahaha. I will also note that I haven't beat off or had any kind of action in a while. So this is my body telling me that I need to release. Hahahahahah. Oh yeah, I don't know who the people were in my dream. I can't remember their faces....

My back has been hurting since Friday night. Theres a couple things that might be the culprit of my pain. 1: Drea riding me. (It's not as dirty as it sounds. Honestly.) 2: Moving some couches. I woke up Saturday morning in pain. It even hurts when I cough. It literally feels like someone punched me right on the spine. The pain is right between my shoulder blades. If I push my chest out, there's a sharp pain in the middle of my back. If I'm still in pain at the end of the week....I might have to consider going to a doctor. And y'all know my beef with doctors.

If there's ever a reason that you invite me out and I don't show up without a call or any notice, it's because I'm with my Lola. I don't want to leave her home alone. I wanna make sure someone is home with her at all times cuz I don't want her being stuck and not to have anyone there to help her. It's a pain to have to do every little thing for her, but it's a pain I'm glad to endure. It's teaching me to become a better person, to not be so self absorbed. I've never had to put someone else's needs before mine. I get frustrated at times because she rejects my help, but I see her struggling so bad. I know she wants to do it on her own and she doesn't like being waited on hand and foot but her body can't function the way her mind wants it to.

I always wanted to live a long life but seeing someone live with unbearable pain scares me.

I miss these talks at night. Just opening up and not being afraid. Sharing our goals, our thoughts, our stupid tendencies. It made me feel....whole. I learned a lot about myself. The people close to you seem to know more about you than you do about yourself.

The other day I saw this 18-wheeler do this u-turn at the stop light. I think it was me, Jerry, Joel and Ryan sittin' in the car at the stop light on Telegraph by the 805 and we were thinking that this fool is crazy for even attempting to do that. But he pulled it off successfully and I was highly impressed. It's hard enough to bust a u-turn in my truck. I can't imagine having to do that in an 18-wheeler.

I've been sick for maybe 3 or 4 weeks now and I'm starting to feel better. Yeah, I should went to the doctor right when I got sick but y'all don't know the beef I got with them. Whenever I go get checked up, it always ends up being up a lecture on how much overweight I am and then they give me pamphlets on dieting and weight loss. I went to the doctor to get check up on my cough, not cuz I'm fat. So now I never go to the doctor cuz I'm tired of hearing it. Yeah, I'm aware that I'm overweight but I'm not mentally strong enough to do anything about it. I'm also very sensitive about the issue. So yeah, that's why I never go.

This past weekend, I drank for the first time in a long time. Like, really drank. I wasn't even planning on drinking but for some reason I just decided to go with it. And I'm glad I did. It felt good. I think the only reason I decided to drink was cuz I knew everyone there. I didn't need to have my guard up. The last time I drank was 4th of July at the magazine's launch party. I got kinda faded and this beast was giving me the eye. She hanging around the group of friends we were with so I thought she was with our crew. So when she came up to me to talk to me, I didn't really think twice about it. But yeah, I give her props for saying all the right things and making me feel comfortable. She had her game down pat. I didn't even realize what was happening...until it was too late. And you all know that I don't kiss people on the lips. I think it's more intimate that sex. But let's just say she pulled me in and I couldn't stop it.

Last night I tried Moonshine for the very first time. And I will mention that I haven't had any alcohol in a couple months. The last time I really drank was on the 4th of July. I've literally had a sip here and there (when a girl would ask me to taste their drink) but that's about it. Moonshine is no joke. It gave me a headache with the quickness. I only took maybe a teaspoon of it. Maybe when I'm done with this Food Project, I'll start drinkin' it up again and I'll take another stab at Moonshine.

My Lola is finally home from the hospital. She still can't walk but I'm sure she's happy to be home. It's kinda scary though cuz we all work and we can't attend to her 24/7 like at the hospital.

The reason we made her go to the hospital was cuz she was stuck in the bathroom for like 8-9 hours. Last week my Mom and bro left for work around 830am and my Lola was eating breakfast. Apparently she went to the bathroom shortly after that but her legs and feet gave out. She couldn't walk or move. My bro came home from work around 530-545pm and found her in the bathroom.

I wish time was on MY side. That's all I can say.

Bowling is quickly becoming one of my favorite sports. I love basketball, football, and ping pong but right now bowling is edging for that top spot. The fact that I'm getting good makes things more enjoyable. Before when I sucked I hated it cuz everyone was better than me. Now I'm runnin' with the big boys and havin' a blast. I'm ultra competitive so if I'm not doing good, then I'm not having a good time.

Yesterday was my Lola's B-day. She had to spend her B-day in the hospital. She's been in there since last Thursday. For the past 2 weeks she was in pretty bad shape. She was struggling. My Mom had to force her to go to the hospital. She didn't even want to go. I guess that's where I get it from cuz I hate going to the doctor until it gets really bad. But yeah, I hope and pray that she gets better. When we visited her she looked to be in better shape and in better spirits.

So last night I decided to go out. I took a nap after I got home from work and woke up feeling better than I did during the day. But yeah, our friend decided to bring his girl to the club. He was kickin' it with the fellas so I ended up dancing with his girl. We were dancning and talking and I don't really remember exactly what I said to her but somethin' went down.

She said something about looking all faded and I reassured her that she looked perfectly fine. I told her she was lookin' good. And I guess it made her feel good. So she decided to give me a kiss on the cheek but I didn't know she was gonna do it. I had my ear turned towards her mouth so I could hear her better. But I turned my head right as she went to give me a kiss. Of course she missed my cheek and her lips came VERY close to making contact with mine. And I told her "Whoa, that was close to the lips there! Your boy might be watching and think something different." And then she says "Don't worry he's not looking." And I turn around and survey the area and notice him far away with the fellas yuckin' it up. So I turn to her and say "If he ain't lookin' then why didn't you just go for the lips?" So without hesitation, she plants one on me. I know I'm a jerk for planting that seed but I didn't think she would do it. I figured she would say "It was an accident. I wasn't aiming for the lips." Oh well, I don't feel guilty. Hahahahaha.

I woke up last night because I couldn't breathe. It felt like I was underwater grasping and fighting for air. I was losing in this fight.

I went to bed at 10pm and woke up from my coughing fit thinking it was already 6am. I got up and looked at the clock and noticed that it was only 12:12am. All the coughing had made my temperature rise and I was sweating. My lungs felt like they were on fire and my throat hurt from all the coughing.

I dunno if it's a good idea for me to be going out tonight....

Last night I tried sleeping with a shirt on. It was tough. It felt like trying to run while wearing a backpack. It was just excess baggage. But I did sleep with a blanket again.

It's still hard for me to breathe. It feels like I have fluid in my lungs. I take a deep breathe and it's not as deep as I want it to be. I can only fill half my lungs before it starts to feel full or I'll just end up coughing. It's almost like the feeling where you're drinking something and it ends up going down the wrong pipe....that's the feeling I've had for the past week.

Last night I slept with a blanket for the first time in about 4 months. I wasn't cold or anything but I dunno. I went to sleep without a blanket but I kept waking up. It was hard to breathe and I dunno, I felt like the blanket would do me good for some reason. My body temp fluctuates from really hot to really cold. I get hot and then I start sweating and the I'm drenched with sweat which makes me feel cold. The blanket kept my body temp relatively even. I think tonight I might sleep with a blanket again. We'll see.

She's a different type of girl. One that excites me because of the things she doesn't do. It might be because she's a little bit older and knows what she wants. But nonetheless, her drive and ambition far exceed any girl I've ever met. And yet I hardly know her. I've talked to her a lot for the past two or three weeks. And it's not always me initiating the conversations. So she's taking control and I like it. But she also backs off and I like that. She's doing the right amount of push and pull and it's pulling me in further, closer to her.

I came to work at 5:30 this morning. I have to take my grandma to the doctor this afternoon. But on the drive here this morning, I kinda zoned out for a few seconds. It was like the deer in the headlights thing. My eyes were fully open but for some reason I was non-responsive. I didn't snap back to reality until my tires started hitting the reflectors in between the lanes. I wasn't sleepy or anything. I just straight up zoned out. It happens alot when I'm bored or thinking deeply about something.

I think I'm getting sick. For the past week I've woken up with flem. But after I hock up all the flem I feel fine.

I was supposed to do a photo session with Esther last night. I texted her in the middle of the day to change the location in order to make things easier for her. By the end of my work shift, I didn't get a reply from her yet so I tried calling her. No answer. So I figured she was busy and I decided to go to the original location to just shoot around for a bit. But she called me when I was on my way to the original location asking where I was at. It kinda upset me that she went to the changed location without giving me any confirmation/indication that she would go there. Oh well, life goes on.

I have a photo shoot with Katie this Friday. I think she is so slammin'. Her body isn't perfect but the way she carries herself makes me think it is. She's got this air of confidence that can make me believe in anything she says or does.

Yesterday Michelle came to the tailgate and she brought brownies and banana bread (that she baked) and cucumbers and carrots (that she sliced). I know she asked me if I wanted her to make anything and I said all the stuff above but I didn't think she'd actually do it. It just shows me that she cares. I got on her case cuz she only hits me up when she needs something and I'm sure she realized it was the truth. I mean, I'll call her just to to say hi and talk or whatever. She calls me and asks me to help her with something or if I could take her somewhere and stuff like that. I don't appreciate that. I feel used. But she made up for it.

The way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

The past 4 have been intense. It was an adventure nonetheless. It starts off like this:

Thurs: We worked an 18+ event over @ Belo. The girls there were gettin' buck wild. The way they were dancing had me at 100%. I ended up dancing with a few of them. I love them fresh. Hahahaha. They were sober as shiite and they just didn't give a damn who they were dancing with. Winding and grinding all night long.

Fri: We worked over at Thin and that place wasn't really poppin' so we bounced after a lil' bit and took off for Visions. I aint never been there before so I didn't know what to expect from that place. The managers were flippin' out cuz I was gonna take pix in there. It seems like they aint never had nobody come in there and take pix. They gave us the royal treatment. Hahahahaha. And all the people there were trippin' out too cuz they were all like "Since when did Visions hire photographers?" But yeah, I met this one chick who slammin' from head to toe. And she was all about pictures. So we went off to the corner and had a lil' photoshoot sessions with her and her friend. I woulda rated her an 8.5........in the dark. LOL. When I got home and looked at the pix, she wasn't as slammin as I thought. I started dancing with her after we took pix and my buddy danced with her friend. He thought he was taking one for the team so I could get mine, but it ended up me taking one for the team cuz we both thought my chick was better but the pix prove that his chick ended up being the good one. LOL.

Sat: In the morning I woke up to find a bunch of sequins on my bedroom floor. I was all wondering where the hell it came from. And then I started going through all the pix from the night before and noticed the chick I was dancing with had a bunch of sequins on her dress. I guess we were grinding a lil' too hard and me being at 100% knocked all them sequins off her dress. Hahahahaha.

But on Sat night we worked at Belo and Sin. Belo was crackin'. The place was gettin' packed and it wasn't even 11pm yet. That was a good sign. When we went to Sin, I ran into my ex-girlfriend and it was weird cuz usually my mind starts thinking all these thoughts of when we were together whenever I see her. But this time I was cool about it. I just saw her and said hi and that was it. I didn't care too much for her. I didn't see her for the rest of the night. And we ended up going back to Belo and havin' a good time. Slammin' hunnies left and right. It's a sign that school is almost back in session. They wanna party hard before it's time to hit the books.

Sun: Esther had us come over to Bong's place and she cooked for us. She made fish tacos and it was the most delicious fish tacos that I've ever had. I ate waaay more than I should have but she said she invited us over cuz we know how to eat and she made a grip of food. By the end of the night, we finished it all. Me and Bong also played a bunch of songs in his garage and we ended up recording one of them. It's Cupid by 112. It's one of my favorite songs to play on guitar.




Upcoming week:

Mon: Tonight is the Chargers game so I'll be there.

Tues: Bowling league championships. We're playing for 1st place. Wish us luck.

Wed: Out with Karmen.

Thurs: Another 18+ event @ Belo

Fri: Another night in Downtown

Sat: More nights in Downtown.

Sun: BBQ in San Marcos, and then Downtown.


This is like 10 straight days of commitments. No sleep. Sleep is for the weak anyways. Hahahaha.

Somehow the topic of weddings came up last night when I was with the fellas. Wait, I remember how it came up. We were listening to some songs and we pondered about how tight it would be to have an actual live band in a wedding since everybody does DJ's nowadays. We're all hoping that Ramon will hire an 80's band for his wedding. If the guy can schedule a wedding DURING football season(and ruin a chance of a lifetime to go to London), he sure as hell won't have a live band. It just goes to show his logic (or his lack of power in the relationship). Hahahahaha. But yeah, I told the fellas IF or WHEN I get married, I'm gonna pull an Uncle Jesse and play that song "Forever" at my wedding. I'll hop on a piano (even though I don't know how to play that well) and sing my heart out to her.

Back in high school, I was at Fatima's house and we learned how to play "Forever". We listened to that song for days to try and figure it out. I learned it on guitar and she figured out the piano part. I kinda remember the chords so I can figure out how to play the piano part the way Uncle Jesse played it. And don't ask me why I was at Fatima's house. Hahahahaha.

I played basketball last night even though my legs are sore as shiite. It hurt at first but after a while my muscles warmed up and I felt good.

I really love those Under Armour type performance shirts cuz they work. I run on my lunch breaks at work and I would feel all icky from my sweat but those performance shirts keep me feeling cool and the sweat doesn't stick to my body. I do bring a change of clothes but the sweat would just stay on me even after I would wipe it off. With these shirts, I wipe it and it's gone.

Me and my cousins have been playing basketball 3 nights a week and we're in bowling league and we play table tennis and we started the Madden 09 title shots. I have my wrestling belt and we play tournament style to see who is worthy of being called the Madden champ. My cousin Nate Dogg won the title this past weekend. I get first crack to dethrone him. I doubt I can beat him cuz I'm not 15 and I don't play video games all day anymore. Hahahaha. It feels good to do stuff with my family cuz we're all ultra competitive and it makes things interesting. We all get pushed to the limits, which makes us all give our best every time. I like that.

Bowling league last night was tough. My calves were sore as shiite yesterday and I couldn't get any power in my throw. I'm glad Richard carried me for the first 2 games. My calves loosened up by the third game and I bowled a 198. We ended up winning all 4 games and we secured our 2nd place spot. Next Tuesday is the last day aka The Championship Match. We get to play the 1st place team, my cousin. The first time we played them this season, we got owned on. That was when I was still bowling a 130 average. That was ages ago. For the past month I've been bowling over 170. It's gonna be an exciting match. The team we're gonna play against were originally our teammates. It was supposed to be 4 person teams but not enough people signed up so we split all the teams. Now the team that got split up will face each other for 1st. This is like the stuff movies are made of. I imagine my team down by a grip of pins and a miraculous comeback sends it into sudden death. And in overtime we go neck and neck but in the 10th frame one little mistake by the other team allows us to win by 1 pin.

I'm so hyped up about this Championship match that I'm signing up for the Winter bowling league. The fact that I've gotten alot better gives me confidence. Winter league is a money league. We play for money. That's where the serious bowlers are. My average was around 130 entering this league. Exiting this league, I'm now in the 160's. My goal was to break 200 last year but now, it aint no big thing when I break 200. 250 is now my goal.

I've been running everyday for the past month and today my calves are sore. This is the first time they are sore. I've had my hamstrings sore but not my calves. I'm wondering what I did differently.

I hate waking up to a calf cramp. It's one of the worst feelings in the world. That didn't happen this morning but the first step I took when I got out of bed almost didn't happen. Hahahahaha. My leg almost gave out on me.

I'm debating if I should run today or just walk, since I do have bowling league tonight and we're still in contention for first place. I think I'll run a little and see how it feels and if my calves hold up, I'll keep running.

This weekend I got to hang out with a long lost friend. He called me up last week to invite me to his daughter's birthday. I wasn't planning on going since I had some family birthdays to attend also but that got moved so I decided to cruise on by. And I'm glad I did. I haven't hung out with this guy in so long. To be honest, I'm very bitter that he isn't around us anymore. I know he has his priorities with his family and whatever but we've known each other since we were 3 years old. We grew up together and went through a lot of tough times together. I would just like to see the effort to hang out or even a random phone call to just shoot some shiite.

But yeah, I'm really glad that I got to see him this weekend. I'm looking forward to more good times with the friends.

Today is Karmen's last day here at work. I'm gonna miss her.

My watch is becoming loose. I just noticed that yesterday. Usually my watch is snug around my wrist but now it jiggles around. What's also weird is that no hair grows around the part where my watch is. I have like a bald spot on my arm that's a perfect line. It doesn't help that I have a slight watch tan so it points it out even more. Hahahahaha. I guess it's from the watch rubbing on my wrist and pulling the hairs off or something. That's the only explanation I can think of. Or the constant pressure of the watch against my wrist blocks the hair from coming out of the skin.

I've been running everday for maybe 3 weeks now. Before I would dread the thought of having to run but now I find myself wanting to run. It's starting to become fun. I'm setting goals for myself. Before I set a time limit for myself. Now it's distance without stopping. I noticed that if I don't look ahead and just watch the ground as I run, I tend to be able to run farther. I dunno, I guess it's seeing the goal that makes me more tired. If I can see it, then I know I'm that close but I'm all super winded. If I just watch the ground and my footsteps, I'm at the goal before I even know it. I like that. So I've been watching the ground more that looking up. It's a good thing that I run when there are no people around. Hahahahaha. Or else I might run into them when I'm not looking forward.

I'm glad that I finally have some friends who blog.....and get this, on a regular basis. I mean, blogs shouldn't matter that much but it feels good to read about what's going on with my friends since I don't get to see them on a regular basis. I know my blogs don't exactly highlight my days or anything (at least not this one) and that's why only a select few know about this one.

I'm also glad it's football season, which is where I usually pack on a few pounds every year from all the tailgating we do. We'll see how good I can be with my food project still underway. I think I did pretty good this past weekend with my eating at the tailgate. I didn't overdo it and I felt satisfied with the amount I ate.

Our new seats for the season are pretty damn spectacular. We got west endzone seats and I enjoy standing up throughout the majority of the game. It makes me feel like I'm a part of the action or something. I dunno. Hahahaha. It's better than sitting down. that's it.

We, as in me and Joel, also discussed that my cousin and Ramon have officially been cut from our crew since they decided to ditch us the last game. Hahahahahaha. SCISSORS!!!!!!!!! BAND-AIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lately I've been sleeping a lot more than usual. This is alarming to me. I normally sleep around 5 hours a night. But for the past week or longer, I've been sleeping for 8-10 hours a night. I guess I can blame it on me working out more often and changing what I'm eating.

I do feel different emotionally. I think I've calmed down a little bit. I'm more relaxed than I ever was. But I'm also more sensitive than I normally am. Maybe before I stopped caring cuz I was headed nowhere but now that I'm making changes and starting to make some sort of progress, my feelings are more prevalent. I was at rock bottom and I had nowhere to go but up. Now I have a little bit to lose and I'm a little scared. Change is not something I'm good at.

It's 1:30 am and I just got done talking with her again. She told me her fears and the lack of sleep it causes. All her thoughts and anxiety cause endless nights. She told me she wanted to shut everyone out and I told her I wanted to shut her out too, just to make the situation easier. But we both can't do it. It's just too hard.

And she called me out on a lot of the things that I do. She told me to be a good guy, to do the right thing even after she's gone. Treat every girl right, and with respect. She said she can see the good in me but I have to stop portraying myself in a different light. She's seen the real me and she wants me to make everyone aware of who/what I am really am.

I was kinda getting pissed off at all the things she was callin' me out on, but I know she's right. And I can't change overnight. It's a tough process to get these habits out of my system.

I know at the end of the day, I'm gonna thank her for helping me become a better person. Live, learn, love.

I'm growing fond of the new girl. I've been talking to her more and more. I keep "accidentally" running into her. Hahahahaha. And she's been singing with me on our breaks. I'll bust out the guitar and go in the hall and then she'll be grabbing some coffee or something and she would hear me and stop and listen. And if she knows the song I'm playing, she'll sing along with me. I like that. I like a girl who's not afraid to sing.

Today, we were singing that BBMak song "Back Here" and we were staring at each other in the eyes while singing the words. I felt a connection but I couldn't help but laugh cuz she actually knew all the words and I actually knew how to play the song. Hahahahahaha.

I feel alive again.

I wanted to cut off all contact with her so that way when she leaves, we won't be close anymore. But it's too hard to do. I'll just make the most of the time we have left. It's a lot easier knowing now instead of her just blindsiding me and telling me right before she leaves. I have time to deal with it and gather my emotions.

We were talking the other night and I asked her a few questions that I probably shouldn't have. What can I say? I'm just curious sometimes. She didn't answer at first, which made me even more curious. She just basically said it wasn't the right time to reveal that answer. And then I started talking about other stuff, with the intention of bringing the subject up again in a subtle manner.

When the subject came back up, she answered by letting me put the pieces together. She brought up the things she had been doing. She mentioned the things she had given up. The things she had been asking me for help with suddenly had meaning. And then I realized the truth. She's leaving. Leaving for good. I will never see her again in my life.

I cried for the first time since my Grandma passed away.

She said she would be sad when the moment of truth comes along. She said she's already sad just thinking about it. I told her that I would miss her. And she asked for my advice on how to deal with it. The things I said were too drastic for her to do. I'm not good with goodbyes.

Finding out the news, I was wishing that I never got close to her. I wish that I didn't meet her. I wish she knew that I'm a jerk. I'm not that guy she should trust her life with. Yet she does. I wish she didn't accept me for who I am. I wish she didn't make me a better person. I wish she didn't know how much she means to me. How much easier would this situation be if I kept my distance from her?

I haven't felt this lonely in a long while. It's not just her that's making me feel this way.

My close friend invited me out to dinner and then not decided to not show up. No explanation. And no answer on the cell for two days. Still no answer. I went out of my way to show up for this dinner only to be stood up.

Another friend made up some BS story about me not wanting to go to Comic-Con and gave my pass to someone else? The story has yet to unravel but the people I spoke to have given me their story. I don't know what the truth is. I just need to hear from this friend if they ever decide to return my phone calls/messages.

I have a problem with people not living up to their word. I don't mind if something comes up and there's a change of plans. But flaking and taking the easy way out is not acceptable in my book.

I really feel like shutting everyone out of my life for right now. I need to figure out who I can trust. I need to figure out what I'm doing wrong. I need to change things for the better.

Yesterday when we were having lunch, she informed that she is now single. It was out of the blue. I don't really remember any of our conversation but she just threw that out there. And that's all I can remember. I wanted to stand up and give out a big "wooooo hooooo" but I think that would have been too much. So I just did the good ol' fist pump under the table.

It really took me by surprise. 5 years gone out the window. I really want to step in and fill that void in her life. Whatever she's missing out on, I know I can provide. But I don't wanna be the rebound guy. I'm not thinking of doing anything dirty with her. I actually enjoy being around her and spending time with her. I can do what I normally do with the fellas and not be afraid to do it in front of her. I told her that she was like the girl version of me. She acts like a total tomboy yet she's still very feminine. I like that. And she knows all about my pr0n obsession. Hell, she even supports it. I got nothin' to hide from her. I can be me.

I'm debating what I should do. What kind of plan can I devise in order for her to fall for me? I'm not gonna make it where I'm chasing her. No, that's played out. I gotta set up scenarios where she realizes that she's missing "something" and I just "happen" to be her Prince Charming. Eh, yeah right. I'll just continue daydreaming....

So I tried callin' her at around 630ish last night and she didn't pick up. I figured she was still mad at me from our last conversation a few weeks ago. I said some things I probably shouldn't have and she was questioning my morals and values. I admit, she probably wasn't the person to tell this thing but it slipped and I always try to be upfront and honest with her.

So my phone rings late last night and I'm wondering who the hell would call me at this hour. I see the name on the phone and I pick it up. So she apologizes for the last time we talked and she explained that she was going through some ordeal and she was stressed out. And I explained the story behind what I said and she was cool with it. She understood that I meant no harm and I'm just trying to have fun. So we're good. And then we ended up talking for a damn good while. And those of you who know me know that I hate talking on the phone. But I enjoy talking to her on the phone. She's probably one of the few people that I enjoy talking to in general. I'm pretty sure we can talk for days and not even realize it. And I think that's what happened last night. The only reason we got off the phone was cuz I said that I needed to wash the sweat off my balls and I think it's marinated long enough. She was grossed out at first but I explained to her that I was working out and then I was resting and now I needed to shower. And then she was all understanding and saying she does the same thing. I guess no one talks to her the way I do and she doesn't know how to react. Hahahahaha. And so I have to explain everything.


Just to clarify to all you perverts out there, there is nothing going on between me and this one. We're just friends.

I was with this girl who was wild. I knew she was wild but I didn't know how wild. I'd seen her workin' it and shakin' her thang so I wanted a piece. When I met her my hair was neatly tied back. When I parted ways with her, my hair was down and soaked with sweat. And so begins the saga.....

On the sofa we were grindin' and gettin' each other all worked up. And she smothered my face with her voluptuous chest. These had to be at least D's and I couldn't help but move my head from side to side making motorboat sounds. She laughed at this but continued to pound my face with these flotation devices. I almost felt like I would end up with two black eyes by the end of the night.

I swear this girl was raised on a ranch cuz she rode me like she had been riding horses all her life. As she mounted me, she wrapped her hands around my head and ripped off my hair tie, along with a handful of hair. She pushed me deep into the sofa and pulled my legs out from under, so only my back was touching the sofa with my ass hanging off the edge, and proceeded to ride me into the sunset. After a while, she turned around and faced away from me still riding me. She leaned back into me and I began to kiss her neck. I nibbled on her ear and when the time was near I whispered to her that I was about to unleash all my fury.

She began to stroke away while still mounted on me. My piece was in between her cheeks and her hand. I told her the time was now and she licked the palm of her hand and began to churn butter. It was like she was driving a stick shift on a winding road. The straightaway was here and she had me from 0-60 in under 3.5 seconds. The baby yogurt was splattered all over her hand, back and my belly. And she commented on how much there was. She asked me how I'm able to let out so much. She was in shock. And I told her it was because she was that damn good!

Here I am thinking she's gonna get off me now that I've finished. I begin to try getting up but she pushes me back down and says to me "You can't leave until I finish". I look at her in amazement cuz no one has ever said that to me. Keep in mind, that she's still on top of me. So I accepted the challenge.

I proceeded to insert some fingers into her from behind and with my other hand reach over to the front and rub away. This was a little difficult to maneuver. The in and out motion with one hand and the rubbing motion with the other, factored in with the fatigue, was not working too well. She was trying to get my soldier to stand tall again, but to no avail. So I just continued the in and out motion while she rubbed away on the front end. She began to moan and my fingers were getting moist. She was quivering and all of a sudden, she stopped and her body went limp and she breathed very heavily. She rested on top of me and we were both covered in bodily fluids. We laid there for a few minutes catching our breaths. And then she got up and I was able to leave. By that time, I was ready for the next round and I wasn't sure I wanted to leave...

Over the weekend, I got the best head I have ever gotten in my entire life. She did a lot of things that no one has ever tried before and things I didn't think I would let anyone ever do. She was making my toes tingle and my whole body tense so I let her do whatever she wanted to me. And she wouldn't stop. Even after I spewed forth the juices of life, she kept going. I tried to get her to stop but it felt too good for me to fight it. She had me at her mercy.

I don't know why but when I looked down at her and she was staring up at me while taking me to town, it just turned me on so much more. That eye contact, it's like entrancing or hypnotizing or something. It's a feeling I can't describe. It's like we were communicating without words. She knew what to do just by looking me in the eye. I think she enjoyed seeing the pleasure on my face. The fact that she was turning me on was turning her on.

I think I'm in love. Naw, not really. But it was pretty damn awesome.

What is that?

It seems like every other tech article I read is about the iPhone. I'm sure it's great and all but I'm kinda tired of seeing so much about it. I've just never seen anything get so much hype. But it seems like it's living up to it. I guess the people are getting what they want....

So far no one has looked and I haven't given into temptation yet. I've wanted to and I had to fight myself to stay strong. I'm going to be positive about this whole situation. I have a plan this time. It's going to work. She'll never know what hit her...

No one is watching me and I can do whatever I want. I've been doing whatever I want. But now imma do what I didn't do. Imma do the right thing, or at least try. I've been told plenty of times but I never listen. It's hard to listen to someone when you don't believe them. Imma listen to myself.

It's not about the things you do when people are around. What matters is when no one is there and you're all alone and you know you can get away with it. What do you do?

Shoot the J....shoot it!!!!

I was making my morning oatmeal and someone pulled up next to me. I didn't really think anything of it. But then I felt some eyes staring at me. So I turned and looked to see who it was. The face was unfamiliar but she was smiling at me. So I smiled back. She quickly turned and walked away. I followed her out the door so I could say something to her but then I remembered my oatmeal so I turned back around. After I made my oatmeal, I went in the direction that she went and saw her walking back to where I was. She was making eye contact with me and smiling the whole way. I was smiling too. I kept walking past her and sat by Ramon so it wouldn't look like I just followed her. Ha. But then on the way to my desk, I ran into Scott and he's training her, so I went into the room that she was in. I was gonna stay but I had business to attend to. At least now she knows my face and next time I see her I'll say something.

I give it a solid 6.

She asked me to talk to him about cleaning up his act. As a friend, apparently it's my duty to talk some sense into someone who's path has gone astray.

But how can I tell someone to do something if I don't believe in it? She explained all the angles to me and what role I play in it. It made sense when she was explaining it. I even had a guilt trip about it. But when I look at my friend, I don't see anything wrong. It's his choice.

I guess it's the way I was raised. My Mom was always telling me what to do and what not to do. She was molding me to become what she felt was right. On the other hand, my Dad always let me do what I do and allowed me to learn from my mistakes. He let me mold myself, but with some guidance. That's the same thing I'm doing with my friend. I'm there if he needs me, but I'm not going to interfere. He's a grown ass man and he knows what he's doing.

Karma.

Just the way that she talks has got me in a knot. That accent of hers is so exotic. I absolutely love Russian girls. Even in a drunken state she refuses my advancements. But she lets me in just enough to keep me coming back for more. Damn her for being so sexy. And damn her for loving my camera more than me.

Me and Shanel went out to lunch yesterday. We were talking about "being" with someone from work. Hahahahaha. But yeah, I told if I had a choice to pick one girl from work, it would be *________*. I'm not gonna name any names but it's for obvious reasons. I'm sure if you met her, you would know that I'm into those kinds of girls.

And we also talked about the one that I'm attached to. I talk to her occasionally and I wonder what it is that keeps me hanging on. It might just be the comfort and all the experiences we shared, but regardless of who I meet I always end up going back to her. I guess it's the backup plan and I always mess up so I resort back to her. I need to grow a pair and move on cuz I know it'll never be.

It's been etched into my brain and I can't get the images/feelings out. It's the curse of a good memory. I can't stop thinking about that night and how good it felt. For a moment, I actually felt loved. I don't know what it's like to be loved but I imagine it feels like that. I guess this is what they call the forbidden fruit. I got a taste and now I want more.

It's not necessarily her that I want. It's the feelings that I felt which is driving me mad. I know I always say that the last time was the best time, maybe cuz it's the most recent and I can remember it better, but this one tops it all. The other times I knew what was gonna happen. I was mentally prepared for what was to come. But this time, everything was a total surprise. That's what made it so exhilarating. And now I'm a sucker.....

I always thought I was waaaaay out of shape. But I guess I was wrong. This weekend I played football with my cousins and this is probably the first time I ran full speed in about 5 months. But I was playing receiver and DB and I had to cover one of my cousins who is about 130lbs. I'm about 250lbs so when you look at us, you see that there is a mismatch and the 130lb. guy will have the speed advantage. But that's not always the case. My other cousins were saying that how can someone almost twice your weight be faster than you? They were totally ripping on my 130 lb. cousin. I was huffin' and puffin' more than he was but still, I was amazed that I could actually keep up with him. I know he thought I was slow which is why he probably thought he could take it easy. Even if he wasn't going all out on me, it made me feel good to just be out there and being active and not sit on ass all day.

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The activities happened on Thursday night. She texted me Friday morning, since she didn't come to work. And she texted me again in the afternoon. Both times I thought she wanted to talk about what went on between us, and where we stand. Both times I was wrong. Or so I thought.

She finally hit me up again around 3am last night/this morning and we had a lengthy discussion of what went down. She was saying that it was bothering her the whole day on Friday. I don't blame her. It would probably bother me too if I was in her shoes. I don't know how people who cheat on their significant others can live with themselves. But yeah, we talked it out and it wasn't like it was planned. It was a spur of the moment kind of activity. Things like that happen when people are drunk. And so now she's taking a break from drinking.

And we're still on good terms. I actually think we're closer now. That sexual tension is gone and we can just be comfortable.

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I dunno if I should feel guilty or not but I did for a little while last night. Up until the point where my lips met hers. In my mind was the fact that she was engaged to some other man but at that very moment she laying in bed next to me, not him. We were laying face to face, with her head gently resting on my arm. We were smiling at each other and not a word was spoken. I started to pull my face closer to hers and she closed her eyes. Our lips met and all the guilty feelings went away in the heat of the moment. It was intimate, passionate, and exhilarating. I went from 6 to 12 instantly. Tongues darting in and out, back and forth, and hands roaming freely. I rolled onto my back and she gracefully mounted me. I don't think our lips ever separated.

3 hours later when I got home, the taste of alcohol still lingered on my tongue. Keep in mind that I barely drank anything that night. This flavor was all from her mouth.

I no longer feel guilty about the fact that she's engaged. It was a night of passion that she was probably yearning for. Her man is on the other side of the world right now, and a girl has her needs. The only thing I do feel a little quirky about is how she's gonna react the next time I see her, at WORK......

All my attention will now be dedicated to http://culturebullets.com/. Thank you for reading.

Okay, bye.

So tonight we're gonna go do coverage for Sean Kingston over at Aubergines. I'm not really a huge fan of the guy but whatever. I'll add it to my resume. Ha. Now if T-Pain came to town, I'd be there with no hesitation. If I could be 1 other dude right now, I'd want to be T-Pain. Sure, the guy is ugly as hell but he's makin' the hits and everyone wants to work with him. Ha. The other night, we probably spent a couple hours on youtube just watching a bunch of T-Pain videos. The guy comes up with crazy outfits and even crazier dance moves.

I've been watching a lot of youtube lately. My cousin will IM with a link to a video and then I'll go off on a tangent for hours. I also watch a bunch of guitar/bass lessons on youtube. And I like to see the Wowowee girls. Romyreen Enriquez is slammin'!!!! And I found some softcore of the Viva Hot Babes. Hahahahahaha.

According to a few people, my phone has been crapping up. Apparently they can't hear me but I can hear them. But they say there's a lot of static. And I so i tried it out. I called my phone from Jerry's phone and I heard what everyone is telling me about. I guess it's time to upgrade.

Arizona trip has been confirmed. Vegas trip has been confirmed. Almost every weekend from here on out until July is booked. Looking back at all the things we've been doing this entire year has been pretty nuts. We've covered so many events and I have so many nightlife pictures that I want to create my own gallery and a favorite shots portfolio. Everything has been going by so fast. And I'm enjoying every second of it.

Last night some startling revelations surfaced about the Arizona trip. Let's just say we're mixing up a special concoction of "R. Juice". I'm a little bit out of the loop since I work and the other guys have no jobs. But they filled me in on some info that got me from "7 to 10". I'm excited.

The bowling association refused to take me and Richard's original team name, Dominatrix Time. So we put a suggestion for a new name and now we are called the Ball Droppers. We were on fire yesterday. We won all 4 games. We were in 3rd place as of last week, but I think we just moved up to 2nd. My cousin's team is currently in 1st place. It'll be hard to beat them. Him and his teammate actually work at the bowling alley so they know the lanes pretty well.

After league was over and I was waiting for my cousin, My teammate from last season walks into the bowling alley. It was such a pleasant surprise. His name is Jeff but I call him Coach. There are 2 reasons I call him that. 1) His name is Jeff Fisher aka head coach of the Tennessee Titans. 2) He actually coached me last season in how to bowl. He'd give me pointers in my game. He'd tell me "Throw it exactly how you threw last time but stand one board over" or "You're not following through after the throw" or "Wherever your thumb points is where the ball will go". He gave me a lot of useful advice. So yeah, we had just finished bowling and he's about to bowl and he wants us to bowl again with him. So I decided to against my better judgment. My arm was starting to feel like jelly. I tossed a couple practice balls with my right but I couldn't even grip the ball anymore. My arm was hurting that bad. But I wanted to bowl with Coach. So I bowled another 3 games with my left hand. Ha. I did decent for bowling with a 16 pounder on my off hand. Those guys wouldn't dare bowling with a 16 with their good hand. Hahahaha. I probably averaged around 70 with my left. I average around a 130 with my right. Yeah, I know I suck. But it's fun and that's all that matters.

I was having a heart to heart with my cousin last night on the ride home after bowling. He was telling me that he was getting super stressed out from going to school full time, working full time, being in bowling league, being the bowling league secretary, and having all his duties at home to take care of. He said he was getting absent minded because of all the things going on. Little details he was missing and he was starting to misunderstand things. I told him I knew how he felt since I have my full time job, my part time job, playing in a band, giving guitar lessons, taking singing lessons, and doing my chores at home. I told him the only way I remember what to do is by writing it down. Write down everything you need to do and set up time constraints. You learn to become more efficient. Sometimes the busier you are, the more you can focus and concentrate. I'm sure all parents know what I mean. You make time for the things that are important to you. Nothing can get in the way of things you NEED to do and you're always looking for an excuse for the things you WANT to do but DIDN'T do.

I'm starting to have oatmeal for breakfast everyday again. I did it for a few months but then I got tired of it. Lately I haven't even been eating breakfast. I'd wake up at 8 and go to work. Today I got to work at 730. I would like to come in at 530. I feel like I have more time to myself when I come in earlier. I spend less time in traffic therefore, I get to do more stuff. I probably spend an hour and half each day in traffic. That could be an hour and a half more of sleep. We all know I don't really get much sleep. Well, it's starting to catch up to me. I'm starting to feel tired all the time now. Tired boy = not so happy boy.

Oh yeah, I've been working on my website. I kinda changed the whole thing. I wanted something new. www.culturebullets.com It's not that spectacular but whatever. It's easy to maintain.

Future trips:
May 17-18: Glamourcon in LA
May 24-26: Back up to the Bay with the fam?
June 7-8: Arizona to visit Fran?
June 28-29: Vegas for Shanel's b-day?

So this weekend I was up in San Jose to visit my Lola's grave for Mother's Day. On Saturday at my cousin's house, my Auntie asked if I wanted to sleep in My Lola's room since there was gonna be 5 of us in the other room. They're all scared to sleep in my Lola's room cuz they're afraid they will see her. Ha. So I told her yeah, I'll sleep in Lola's room. I usually sleep with no shirt and no blanket and with the fan on. Well, early in the morning, I felt someone put a blanket on me. I didn't think anything of it. So the next day my Mom asked if everything was ok in there. Nothing strange happening? And then I remembered the blanket incident. When I was a kid, I used to move around alot and I would kick my blanket off to the side. In the middle of the night my Lola would notice me without a blanket and so she would put it back on me. Thanks Lola. I love you.

I finally slept at a decent hour last night. I got pretty sleepy at around 930 but Stranger Than Fiction, that Will Ferrell movie, was on around 10 so I stayed up and watched that. It wasn't as good as I was expecting. I thought it would be pretty funny since the concept was so ridiculous but it was a love story. And right now I don't believe in love. At least I don't believe it's in my immediate future. But maybe when I stop being so selfish, I might start to believe.

I'm headed up to the Bay tonight. We're gonna go visit my Lola's grave. I need to take a nap before I drive up there. I also need to clean my truck.

Indra hit me up last night. Hahahaha. I was on AIM, like how I usually am everyday, and he sends me an IM asking why I haven't been on. That guy has a couple of loose screws in his head. The things he talks about is ridiculous. But he did mention that he's starting to learn drums and he was asking me for advice. I know what he's doing. I do it all the time. If I know a girl likes something, I learn about it so I can have something in common with her. It makes her feel comfortable and she won't realize that we're getting close. It's all part of the game. Like in sports where you study your opponents tendencies and use that knowledge to your advantage. It's the same thing. Life is a sport, play hard. 6 o'clock to 12 o'clock hard.

Esther calls us the Three Pervateers. Hahahaha. But she loves us.

I think this is the 4th consecutive night that I've gone to sleep after 3am. It's starting to take it's toll on me. On my drive to work this morning, it felt like I got shampoo in my eyes. My eyes were burning for some reason. It was hard to keep them open, which is natural but the burning sensation was weird. It went away after I took a dump at work. Hahahahaha. My eyes feel normal now but it's still hard to keep them open. I think I'm just Asian and that's how my eyes are supposed to look.

Can you say Sausage Festival? Red Circle last night was a 17:3 dudes to chicks ratio. It was like breakfast time and the longonisa was fresh. I still had a good time though. I danced with a few hunnies. No fatalities last night. =( I met a few people who were looking to hire photographers. I should hit them up tonight so they don't forget about me.

Today is pho day. It gonna be me, Vanessa, Karmen, Shanel, Scott, and Ramon. And I think Marcos, Arturo, and Damien are gonna meet us there. I feel like going right now. I just don't wanna be here. Hahahahaha.

I don't really think I'm that dark but I think she captured the essence of me. Hahahahaha. I love Shanel. She's awesome. My Mom loves her too. My Mom calls her "Pretty Eyes".

It's Model Casting Call Part 2 tonight over at Red Circle. The first one didn't turn out as well as I would have liked. This one has a bunch of sponsors so it has the potential to be better. Ramon said he was gonna cruise out with us. He's been MIA for a good while now.

Ever since I got this photography gig, I've been exposed to alot of things that I probably wouldn't have ever seen. It's almost like I'm starting to become numb to certain things. Things that I once considered sacred is like another walk in the park now.

Last night we went to Bong's place to celebrate his b-day. That mutha sucka kept making us take shots and drink beer. It was the "drink this for my b-day" offer and you can't deny the b-day boy his wish. But yeah, we stayed there longer than I was hoping. It was fun though. Esther was dope on the piano and we were jamming for a while. We started off with her asking me if I knew this one song but the name didn't sound familiar. So she sat on the piano and played it and then I picked up the guitar and started playing along. I didn't know the song still but it was a good song. But yeah, they were impressed that I was able to learn the song in like 5 mins. So I asked Esther if she knew another song. She didn't, so I started playing it on guitar and then she learned it in like 2 mins. She's the better musician. I was seriously impressed with her. I even asked her if she had enough free time cuz I want her to join my band. She came to my gig a couple weeks ago and she liked my songs. She even asked me to play some of MY songs last night and she played along to it. She picked it up real quick. It's hard to find someone with "the ear".

Joel got pretty faded last night. Jack Daniels is not his friend, but it was the drink of choice for the b-day boy. So Joel was going off on a rant and he mentioned that he doesn't know if Ramon still exists. He said he hasn't heard from "the guy" in a while. And then I informed him of Ramon's plans to come out and party with us this week. He got pretty excited cuz he kept on calling Ramon a "sucker" for even getting married and then he went off on another rant about pu$$y and marriage and loyalty and friends. The guy was just spouting off. It was pretty hilarious. If I wasn't friends with Joel, I'd think he's an arsehole.

When we dropped him off, Joel started to go wild on Jerry's car. He dove on to the hood as we were backing out of the driveway and proceeded to elbow the hood. And once he got off, he Tiger Knee'd the passenger door. Hahahahahahaha. Crazy drunk. And then I was pretty faded and I couldn't find my way out of Jerry's car. I found the door handle but it was locked and I couldn't find the lock so I was trapped for a cool minute or so. LOL. I had to open the window and Jerry came around from the outside and unlocked it for me. Oh yeah, did I mention I was the one driving? Hahahahaha.

It's bowling league again tonight. I'm glad Richard and my cousin are in it with me. I just wish more of my friends were in it too. This reminds me of one of the things Joel was ranting about. Friends and their priorities. Maybe I need to do a better job of keeping in touch with my friends? I apologize. Being busy doesn't mean that friendship takes a backseat.

I saw Three 6 Mafia perform over at Martini Ranch this past Saturday. Friggin' Jerry goes up to DJ Paul and says "How's your hand? Is it doin' alright?" What a dummy!!! Hahahahaha. But he doesn't give a shiite. For those of you who don't know, DJ Paul has a "baby hand". One of his hands, from the forearm down, is half the size of the other one. He was born like that. But he wears this dope ass gauntlet glove on his baby hand to make it look tough.

We hit up Martini Ranch for Three 6 Mafia, Onyx/Thin for Elena's, and On Broadway just for the hell of it on Saturday. After the club hoppin', we hit up the usual spot. CONCHINGS. Hahahahaha. We always see a bunch of people we know and people we seen at the clubs there. Somehow I ended up dropping my license at Conchings and had to go back the next day to get it. At least I knew where I dropped it.

We saw Iron Man yesterday and I loved it. Iron Man is a total pimp. He probably read The Game cuz I noticed his techniques. Hahaha. And we stayed for the scene after the credits. who shows up at the end? Well, none other than Samuel L. mutha f*ckin' Jackson!!!!!!!!!!!! The dopest part about yesterday was we brought a bucket of KFC to the theaters with us. We had 8 pieces of chicken, 4 corn on the cobs, and 4 biscuits for me, Joel, Jerry, and Paul. We could hear people in the theaters saying "Where's that chicken smell coming from?" And then Jerry would raise his hand with a chicken in it. And another funny thing is we sat up front!!!!!!!! LOL. Joel was all embarrassed to be seen with the chicken so he stood away from us when we were getting the movie tickets. And he didn't even touch the chicken until the lights went out. Me and Jerry took the chicken to town right when we sat down. Hahahahahaha.

Ray J pix

Three 6 Mafia pix

So I covered the Ray J event last night and, needless to say, the turnout was excellent. Every dude that was there was someone I knew. And they were working for the event. There were all kinds of hunnies last night. You name your flavor and it was there.

Me and Punla ended up dancin' with some white girls and I only got to 40% cuz they didn't really dance that well. Ha. But this chick in the red dress was shakin' her rump shaker like there was no tomorrow. Did I mention that red is my favorite color? Ha.

NBA Nicknames. Come gets yours. I like mine. It seems fitting cuz I'm always hot and sweaty and I'm always asking someone to turn up the AC.

I don't get to watch TV that much, since I don't have a TV in my room and TFC is always on in the living room, but last night I watch this program called Accidental Genius. It was on the National Geographic channel and I thoroughly enjoyed it. They had guys who were savants and people who had a traumatic event and then they recovered and all of a sudden had some special ability.

They did this test on normal people and had them read familiar passages and show a picture with dots on them and show it for a split second and they had to guess how many dots were on there. And then they blasted magnetic waves on a certain part of these peoples brains and had them do the test again, and they were more attentive and saw details better.

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I think some people are born with certain abilities but everyone is capable of doing it too. I know I have a good memory but the only reason I think it's so good is because I'm organized. I know where I put my stuff. There is a whole reasoning behind the method. Repetition also helps. When I put things back I put them exactly how I found them. I'll know when someone moves my things cuz it's not put back exactly how I put it.

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When I got to my desk this morning there was a gift for me. It was this cute little bag and inside was a bento box and some chopsticks. Michelle, the new girl, got it for me. She went to SDSU also and I've been kickin' it with her everyday for lunch and breaks. We also get in trouble at work cuz we're too loud. The higher ups will come over and ask what we're doing and to keep it down. Ha. She's fun and really cute. I don't wanna say too much about her cuz she might read this. I've shown her a lot of my stuff (photography, writing, music, pen15, etc.) Thanks Michelle!

Bowling league was a little peculiar last night. I guess not enough people showed up so what would have been 4-person teams got split into doubles. So now it's just me and Richard on a team. We're called "Dominatrix Time". Richard is pretty good. I seen him bowl maybe like 5 years ago but we were all messing around so I didn't get to see his real skills.

I haven't bowled since last season so I sucked hairy ballzack last night. The first game I got a 131. The second I got 148. A little bit of an improvement. And then on the third game I got hella tired so I bowled a 101. I didn't even think I would break 100. But I barely did. So we lost 3 out of 4.

Right now my arm is all sore. It's hard to straighten my arm and I can't really pick anything up. I think I need to downgrade my ball. I have this massive 16 pounder. I only bowl with 2 fingers so I think that's what makes it heavy. I need to learn how to use my thumb. But I think a 14 pounder would be the most effective for me.

It begins tonight. I'm pretty excited. I haven't really bowled since last season and we're the defending champs. Hopefully I'm not too rusty. I got the award for most improved player last year and so we'll see if my improvements have stayed with me. We lost two players from last year but I think the replacements will be worthy. Richard is one of my closest friends and he was a kick arse bowler when he was younger. I think he won some city championship for kids. And the other I have never met but he works at the bowling alley so he's gotta have some mojo. You can't work at a bowling alley and suck.

I wish that our 4th member was someone I knew. I asked a few of my friends but they're kinda busy or they didn't want to. The only one who was down was Bobby but he responded too late. Lazy bum. Hahahaha. He called me back the same day we got our 4th member. It's just so much funner when we're all friends. Sometimes I feel bad cuz we're joking around and having a jolly good time but that other guy who's on our team doesn't have the same sense of humor as us and he just looks at us weird. It's almost like we're alienating him.

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Last night I went to my best friend Jay's house and we watched these videos of us from back in Kindergarten. We still look the same. Our hair is just different. Hahahahaha. The videos were pretty weird too cuz it's his Dad just filming us in the classroom learning our lesson plan. And then he films us at recess going buckwild. And then we go on a field trip to the park across the street. He also filmed the junior olympics. Jay ran the relay race and his team got beat cuz he didn't hand off the baton very well. Hahahahaha. I remember my event was the tug-o-war but it didn't get filmed. Maybe my Mom has it somewhere.

It's pretty sick to know that me and Jay have been friends for over 20 years. Not many people can say they've been friends since kindergarten. I know people will be in the same class in kindergarten and then meet up again later on in life, but we've been friends the whole way through. That's something special.

Today would have been my Grandma's birthday. The big family reunion was planned for next weekend. We're still gonna go up to the Bay to visit her grave.

Yesterday something really crazy happened. My sisters alarm clock, from when she was a kid, is displayed in my Mom's room for decoration. It's one of those white Japanese cats with the paw up and it plays music when the alarm goes off. Well, the alarm hasn't worked for years. Yesterday my sister was in the living room and heard some music, or she thought it was someone's phone. Well, she followed the sound and it was coming from my Mom's room. It turns out her alarm clock went off. That clock is out of reach and nobody set the alarm. My parents say it was my Lola visiting us. She let us know that she's still with us.

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I saw Harold & Kumar 2 and it was dope. I loved it. I wanna see it again. It's so ridiculous with the exaggerated stereotypes. It takes things to the limit and pushes it.

I also got to chill with Shawne Merriman and Stephen Cooper. I was taking pix at the club and Merriman goes to me and says "No more pictures" and so I stop and then I'm watching him and he starts to triple kiss these two chicks. It was dope!!!!!!!! Kendra Wilkinson was there too and she was faded. I got to take a pic with Julia Bond. Note to self: Teach Joel how to take pix! I hate that guy.

Staci finally sent some pix from 80's night at Channel One from a few months back. My shirts says: Metro League: Rock Paper Scissors Metro Champion 1982 1983 1984 1985. And everyone sang 80's songs on karaoke. I wanna throw another 80's party but with my friends this time. It was pretty fun with a bunch of people I didn't know that well. Imagine the madness if it was with my closest friends. That would be obese! Morbidly obese!

I'm 25 damn years old and I have no idea what to do with myself.

I wish things were different. Just deal with it.

When I'm bored I resort to reading the blogs of people I don't even know.

Thank you for all the little details you take care of. You didn't have to but you did anyways. And for that I love you. I know if you were in a closer vicinity to me you would be here consoling me but you're not and you still do what you can. Don't think that the things you do for me go by unappreciated. It really makes me feel special. I know I need to do more on my end and I apologize for that. Imma do you right. You have my word.

1: Does your dong say Micro Machines on it?
2: No!
1: Then it's not the real thing.
2: ?

Throwback to 4th grade. Hahahaha. At the end of every Micro Machines commercial, the guy who could talk really super fast would say "If it doesn't say Micro Machines, then it's not the real thing!"

Sometimes I wish I kept all my old toys. But I know one(or a few) of my younger cousins in the Philippines is probably enjoying it right now.

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Last night. No offense Christine. I had more fun with you but Kim just looks more slammin'.

Near death experience. Yesterday when I was driving home from work I was really tired. And there was an accident on the 805 south so we were going single digit speeds. That didn't help at all. So I'm driving along and the traffic starts to speed up a little. I'm probably going 15 mph and my eyes start to feel heavy. 2 seconds later I feel my head drop and I wake and I notice the car in front of me has it's brake lights on. It was probably 10 ft in front of me and my eyes got HUGE and my heart stopped beating for a second and I slammed on the brakes. I probably stopped about 4 inches away from hitting that car. The whole ride home I was wide awake because of that.

I guess it's not really a near death experience cuz we were traveling at pretty slow speeds (less than 20 mph). But that whole cliche' of "I saw my life flash before my eyes" is kinda true. In the moment that I realized that I needed to brake, it felt like time had slowed down. My eyes got huge and my peripheral vision got better than normal. It's like when you focus on something and the objects in the background are blurry, my peripheral vision had everything in focus for a few seconds. I didn't breathe and my heart felt like it stopped. But as soon as my car stopped, my heart felt like I ran a mile. And my vision was back to crappy. Ha.

This is my nephew Taylor. I was playing the ukelele and he would not leave me alone. And he kept on trying to grab the uke from me so I just sat him down and let him give it a go. And then I started playing drums on my leg and he copied me. It was so funny. He had one hand just slapping his leg.

This kid can munch too. Half the time, he had some kind of food in his hand. So did I. We get along great.

When I was up in San Jose I tried frog legs and snail. Hahahahaha. The frog legs were pretty good. That whole "taste like chicken" deal is true. The meat is a little bit more chewy than chicken but it was good. The snails on the other hand were pretty damn gross. It tasted kinda like mussels or clam or something. I'm not a big fan of shellfish so I wasn't feelin' it. My cousin was all pouring salt on it to see if it would shrivel up and sizzle or something. Ha.

I miss my family. I wish we all lived in close proximity to each other.

I don't think I've ever cried as much as I did the past few days. I tried to stay strong and I was when I was here. But when I went up to San Jose and I actually saw my Lola laying in the casket, I just couldn't stay composed. I had to break down and let it all out. The more I tried to hold my tears, the harder it became to deal with the situation.

Hearing all the stories everyone told of my Lola was very emotional. I could hear the love coming out of every word they spoke. It was joyful and sad at the same time. Hearing the stories brought back so many good memories. We also had a photo montage and a slideshow with a bunch of pix of us with Lola.

I remember when we were poor and we couldn't afford nice clothes, my Lola would buy fabric and make custom clothes for me. It was funny too cuz she would make me like a shirt or some shorts or something and then I would go to my cousins house and walk into their room and notice that my shirt and/or shorts would match their pillow covers. Hahahahaha.

This was the first significant death in my lifetime. I've had other family members pass away but I never really had any strong connection with them. My great-grandma passed away when I was in high school but it didn't really hit me too hard. This one was really tough though cuz I was a Pallbearer, one of the guys who carries the casket into the actual grave. I didn't want to let the casket down. I kissed my gloves before I placed them on the casket with her. I kissed my rose before i set it down in the grave with her. And I kissed my balloon before I let it fly to heavens with her.

The thing that made the whole situation easier was having my niece and nephews around. My Lola died on my nephews birthday. This was her first great-grandson. She was so happy that she got to live to be able to have great-grand children. So now every year, we'll celebrate the life of my Lola as we celebrate the birth of my nephew. Seeing the innocence in a child is what makes life worthwhile.

I can only wish to live half that old. I’d be lucky if I even reached 45 with the way I take care of myself. I want to say it’s a wake up call but it’s not. It’s up to me to do something about my health. No external occurrences can influence my mindset, at least not in the longrun. Something can happen and I’ll change for a few weeks or a month or so but as soon as normalcy returns, my old habits come back to form.

I’m not too sure how to have a conversation with people right now. I’m not exactly in the most cheerful mood and I don’t really want everyone to know what’s going on. They ask me "How’s it goin?" and all I respond with is "Yo!". I don’t really like to lie to people and tell that it’s goin’ good when it really isn’t. Everyone at work keeps asking me about my weekend, wanting to see some pix of a crazy weekend, but I got nuthin’ for them.

Zoua called me last night askin’ me to go out with her and her sister, since it was her sister’s last night in town. I didn’t have the heart to tell her what was goin’ on so I told her I was busy. I really was busy but on a normal day I would have dropped what I was doing to go and hang out.

I’ll be MIA again this week since I’ll be up in San Jose for the viewing and Funeral. I leave Wed and I might be back on Sun.

I think that's what her name was. Hahahahaha. Last night was another fun night. We had an emergency meeting with the Street Crew to discuss matters on an upcoming event. I can't talk about it here cuz it's confidential but there is money to be made and my pockets are waiting for it. But back to Emma. So Zoua calls me up last night asking me what my plans are for the evening. I told her that I was gonna be downtown and she asked if she could tag along. Zoua is slammin' so I agree and she asks if we can get her girlfriend too. I ask if she's hot and she says of course. You know girls are gonna say their friends are hot even when they aren't so that's what I was expecting. So we get to Emma's place and as soon as I see her, I see an amazing rack. But on our way downtown, somehow the topic of her breasts come up and she says they're real. I called bullshiite. So I said something ridiculous like "Mine are real too. I always get people asking me those same questions." So she calls bullshiite too and I said when we get to the club she is welcome to feel them.

Fast forward and we're at the club. We're in line for a really long time cuz Zoua can't find her ID. I hint that it could possibly be in my backseat due to some "activities" prior. So Zoua asks Joel to go back to my car and look for it. Joel, being the Gentlemen that he is, gracefully declines and proceeds to walk away. Right then and there, Emma calls him out and Joel decides to step up. So Joel goes back to walk a mile to my car and look for Zoua's ID. While he is gone, Emma decides to take me up on my offer to see if mine were "real" and she's just grabbing and exploring and feeling me up for a good minute or two. So when she finished and gave her approval that they were "real" I had to do my inspection on her. So I start reaching in jokingly, but she sticks her chest out inviting me in. I wasn't really gonna go and grab them but as soon as I saw the chest stick out I dove right in. I'm doing my inspection and Jerry sees me and he's all like "What the furk?". So I tell Jerry, "You gotta feel these, they almost feel real." We all laugh and then she turns and points her chest towards Jerry and he goes in. Hahahahahaha. I still got one hand on them.

So Joel comes back and we ditch the girls to go meet with another girl and then we have our meeting. During the meeting we tell Joel about what just happened and he was all like "How come I always miss the good stuff?" It is true. He is always gone when the juicy stuff happens.

Fast forward again to the end of the night. These fools are a little blazed and they want to get Emma blazed. I tell Emma that Jerry is gay so he won't get turned on if you grab his crotch or if he grabs your boob. It's disgusting to him. I told her "you can totally take your clothes off in front of him and he will not be turned on." He was denying it at first but once he realized that I was setting him up for the alley oop, he played along. The bait was set so this is where me and Zoua take off and Emma is left with Joel and Jerry. I need to call them later to find out what happened after she got blazed cuz if the stuff she did when she was sober was fun, I can only imagine what she did while under the influence.

I finally figured out what was hurting my knee. I thought that it was from running cuz I'm too heavy and my knees cant take it. But it can. I was playing basketball again yesterday and I can run fine. I just get winded quick cuz I'm out of shape.

I was playing hackey sack after I played basketball and I was kicking all left and my right knee started to hurt. It's the same feeling as my left knee, the messed up one. So the pain I have in my knee is from me standing on one leg and turning my body while my foot is planted.

I was looking through myspace last night and I noticed that a bunch of people's default pix are ones that I took of them. It makes me happy to see that they like my work. =)

I played basketball with my younger cousins yesterday. We played 21 tips for about 3 hours in the blazing heat. I won the first game but after that, I was dead beat. I could feel my knee throbbing and my calf ready to cramp. I made no effort in game 2 and I don't even think they finished it. Everyone was pretty beat. We were all looking for water and I only brought 2 bottles and it got killed with the quickness.

My knee has been bothering me for a couple weeks now and I figured basketball/running would loosen it up. It felt ok when I was in motion but sitting still makes it hurt. When I get up, the first couple steps hurt but after a while it starts to warm up and begins to feel ok. I've been sleeping with a pillow under my knee to keep it elevated and bent. It hurts when I straighten it out.

I kinda feel like alcohol was too hard to give up. I never really drank that much, but then again I was never at the clubs every week. I feel like I should give something else up right now for another 40 days. I was thinking maybe meat. I dunno, we'll see.

Oh yeah, I was at the park yesterday and there were mad hunnies around. A bunch of milfs and it was a hot day so they had "good" outfits on.

Jocelyn called me yesterday while I was at work. I picked up cuz I haven't spoken to her in a long while. We ended up chatting for a good 30-45 mins. She's one of the few people I enjoy talking on the phone with. No offense to anyone else.

Right now she's a substitute teacher and this girl is maybe 4'11" and has the facial features of a 13 yr old with DD's. She's teaching middle school and high school. Pretty much all the kids are bigger than her. Hahahahaha. She was telling me that she was in the Teacher's Lounge one day and they said to her "Excuse me, this lounge is for the teachers only!" I can totally imagine that happening to her.

It turns out that she aint really likin' the scene in Arizona and she wants to come home. She said she might come home in June and I said I would take her to Medieval Times. That'll be so much fun. I've never been there before but it looks dope as hell.

I remember back in the day Bobby, her brother, said that he could see me and Jocelyn hooking up. She was always talking good stuff about me and we'd have so much fun together. I don't really find her attractive or anything but I had a really good time whenever I was with her. We could be silly and act like little kids and not care about what other people think about us. We're also pretty loud. And yesterday she told me that none of her other friends are fun. They never want to do the stuff that she wants to do. One time we went ice skating and I don't do that kind of thing but I went with her anyways and I was eating shit all day and she had the best time laughing at me. Hahahahaha. So then I was just holding on to her for dear life and every time I fell I would drag her down with me and have her land on top of me. It was a good experience but I'm not gonna do ice skating any time soon.


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No, I don't really talk Alicia anymore. I have her as a friend on Facebook and that's my only contact with her nowadays.

Last night I dreamt of Alicia. She is the girl who worked in the Engineering Office at school. I used to visit that office everyday just to chat with her. And she would visit me in the lab from time to time and we'd have lunch together. I'd say that I'll take a 10 min break but it'll end up being an hour. She was easy to talk to and we'd get so into a conversation that she'd say "Man, I shouldn't have told you that." I took her out a few times also but she always emphasized that she'd go but "just as friends". Hahahaha. She felt the vibe, she knew what was up.

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Back to the dream:
I went to go pick her up at her apartment complex and I couldn't find parking. I told her I'd pick her up at 8 and it was still 7:30something and I was driving around looking for a spot. I finally found one but I had to parallel park my huge truck into it. So here I am trying to squeeze into this little spot and I get in but I realize that I'm too far from the curb. So I go and attempt to park it again but I see some people coming out and there's this huge commotion out in the street. I can't see what's going on but I see Alicia come out and she's wearing a good outfit. I look at myself and realize that I'm not dressed nice enough so I take off and zoom home to change clothes. It's now 7:50something and I'm looking for something to wear. I zoom back to her place at a little past 8 and get her. We end up at a bowling alley with all my friends already there.

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That's all I can remember of the dream. It's so random that she was in my dream. I thought she was really cute and fun to be around. I remember always inviting her out on Thursday nights but she'd have Bible study and I would call her anyways even though I knew. The last time I spoke to her was when I was in San Fran for the Chargers vs. 49ers game. She's from up north so she was home and I called her up to come meet us at Milk.



And yes, that is JAWS! Hahahaha.

From last Friday to last night I have been out. Being out means no sleep. This morning it hit me real hard. The past few morning I've been able to get up and still feel ok but this morning I could not get up. My eyes felt like someone squeezed a lemon directly onto them and then proceeded to pour salt on it. It still hurts right now.

Tough it out. Suck it up. Get on with your life.

I'm not gonna go out tonight. I think I'd like to TRY to catch up on some sleep. Last night's photo shoot took alot out of me. Here's a little taste.....

Last night was dope. I've never been to downtown during St. Patty's and it was poppin'. You know it's poppin' when you get there at 8:45pm and people are already gettin' tossed into the paddy wagon.

I was at Ole' Madrid and my friend Monica was the hostess last night. It was DJ Rags spinnin' and he was playing all the jams. That's my new favorite DJ. But yeah, the night started off slow but then they hit the streets and hustled some people to come into the club. It was funny to see Johnny from G-Spot work it. He would give all the ugly girls half off and then the hot girls he would let in for free. And he would be all slick about it cuz some of them were in the same group of friends. Hahahahaha. So Johnny and his crew G-Spot are gonna throwing Pitbull's after party on Apr. 4. Pitbull is definitely gonna bring the hunnies and after last night, we built up a good rep with G-Spot so we might be participating in this after party. So Sportsfest is a no go. And by the way, I love white girls. Especially ones that are freshly 21.

Thunderbolts of lightning, very very frightening. That's the song I thought of when I was driving home at 4am on Saturday night/Sunday morning. This huge bolt of lightning lit up the sky and I almost wrecked cuz it was so bright. It was like when sometakes a picture of you and the flash is right in your face. Jerry was with me and right when it happened I slammed on the brakes. Its a good thing no one else was on the road.

On Friday night, Vanessa came over to my place and we had a jolly good time. We had the place to ourselves for a little while and we made a bunch of noise. I hope the neighbors weren't pissed. She came over around 8pm and we were doin' our thang til' 1130pm.

Saturday night we went to Decos and Belo. It was ok. Decos wasn't really poppin' and Belo was packed like an ass. It was sardine status, which made it hard to walk anywhere. I know people were drunk and what not but I had to call them out on their actions. We had a lil' pow wow at the end of the night so I could explain my point of view and let them know how I felt.

Yesterday I went to LA with Fonso to drop off his girl at LAX. She's goin' to the Philippines for a couple weeks. She's very clingy so she didn't really want to go. She needs to be around her bf all the time. I don't think I can handle a girl like that. I need some space to do my own thing. But Fonso likes it so he can handle it. But yeah, after we dropped her off we headed over to Roscoe's for some chicken and waffles. We aint never been there so we were excited to go. It was pretty damn good. I think all we did yesterday was eat. We were eating on the whole way up. We killed 2 bags of beef jerky and a big bag of Munchies. And then after Roscoe's on the way home we tore up another bag of beef jerky. Too much. In the car, we were practicing our vocals. We sang along with the entire Catch Without Arms album by Dredg and half of El Cielo. Fonso was there when we first started doing music so he mentioned how much I've improved. Singing is my weak point but I'm working on it.

I have leftover Roscoe's and I brought with me for lunch today. Yaye!

Happy Pi Day. 3.14!

I love theme parties. The next theme party is gonna be a Pajama Jam. At least that's what the plans are. Hopefully it goes down cuz I'm stoked about it. And the person organizing it specifically said "pajamas", no lingerie or naked people allowed. That's kind of a disappointment for me cuz most of you know I don't sleep in very much clothing. But I'll buy a pair of pajamas for this party.

Vanessa is comin' over tonight. I better make sure I have enough condoms and lube available. SYKE. We're gonna have a jam session. Vanessa is a talented musician and I love playing with her. And I also enjoy playing music with her. Hahahaha. She is cute though and my thoughts do verge on dirty when I'm with her.

I played pool with Karmen last weekend. It was pretty fun. She was pretty faded and I wasn't so it wasn't really fair. Oh well. Before last Saturday, I didn't play pool in about a 2 or 3 years. And then on Sunday I played pool all day. I'm getting hooked again. And it doesn't help that my friend Richard got a pool table so we now have access to a table 24/7. Richard understands the game more than I do. I like it when we play each other cuz we're talking about the shots we're gonna do and the shots we've already made. It's like we're analyzing and learning as we play. I like to take more chances than Richard so I'm calling shots that he doesn't think is possible. Sometimes I make it and sometimes I don't. But after each shot, I know what to do next time around cuz we'll discuss what went wrong and what went right. When I say that Richard understands it more than me, I mean he knows all the terminology and the proper techniques. I'm pretty raw and I just go out there and do it. I'm starting to understand more cuz of him. That's what's good about playing with someone better than you. They bring you up to their level.

Nothing is sacred anymore. You all (yes, the 3 of you) know that I don't really kiss anyone on the lips. Well, last night I did it again. 3 times. But don't worry, it was the same girl. What can I say? I have a weakness for drunk girls. Who doesn't?

And I got to meet The Twins last night. Both sets. One of them was actually pretty cool. You wouldn't expect that from that type of girl.

I had someone offering to pay me more than what I am currently get paid. It's a music company. They're having their official launch party next Friday and imma see if they really meant what they said.

These next couple weeks are gonna be crazy for me:
*3/15 - Fame @ Decos, Kasia's B-day @ Belo
*3/17 - St. Patty's @ Ole Madrid
*3/19 - Mansion Wednesday @ Red Circle
*3/21 - ???Jive Music Official Launch Party @ Onyx/Thin???
*3/22 - White Out @ Aubergines
*4/04 - ???Pitbull Afterparty???
*4/04 to 4/06 - Sportsfest

No sleep.

I just got off the phone with Michelle. She called me during her lunch break. And you all know I don't like talking on the phone. But I enjoyed it this time. There's a few people that I do enjoy talking on the phone with. There's Aileen, Jocelyn, and now Michelle. Sorry, no offense to anyone else. I like it cuz they're all talkative and I don't have to do much talking. I'll have my moments where I put in my 2 cents but 80% of the time it's all them. And they go off. And they don't mind. I'll say one little sentence and they'll be all like "this reminds of me the time...blah blah blah" for 30 mins. I'm dictating the conversation by topics I introduce but it's them who do all the talking.

I can't even remember what me and Michelle were talking about. We say a bunch of silly things to each other. But I do remember hearing a bunch of little kids keep interrupting out conversation. Ha. I said I'd try to call her tonight, but I got work later so I doubt that will happen.

So last night was Staci's roommate's b-day party over at Channel 1. It was pretty fun. The theme of the party was 80's night and a whole lotta people were dressed up, including myself. I love how all the bartenders are female and they're all pretty slammin'. And they dress up to the themes as well. I really like going to Channel 1. I think might start going more often, even though people look at me weird cuz I'm the minority.

And I ran into Michelle's friend Celina. It turns out that Michelle is not playing games with me. Everything she said was the truth. She's a straight shooter. I asked her friend a few questions and her friend has no idea what's going on between us so she has no reason to back up her lies. It was just a little absurd where I thought it might be a made up story. But it's the truth. I was wrong once again. And I might burn for it. There goes my seats.....