This is a confession I'm not willing to make. I try to hide it as best I could. I see all my friends in relationships, getting married, having babies, and yet I'm still all alone. I'm happy for them but I wish someone could say they were happy for me. I give them nothing to be happy about. I can't help but think if there's something wrong with me. It's been a good while since I was in an actual relationship. I know I'm fat as hell and that is one of the major contributors but I'm working on it. I've been working on it. Some people have it easier than others. Some people are just lazy, like myself. I try to keep myself as busy as possible so I don't have to deal with my reality. All I'm doing is buying some time but I don't think it's doing any good. It still lingers in the back of my mind that I am not worthy. Not worthy for anyone. I come with excuses but I'm only trying to trick myself.
Last night I hit up the last girl that made me feel alive. I apologized for the way things ended and for the way things are now. She was nothing but a positive influence on me and I said some things I shouldn't have cuz I'm selfish. I shouldn't have let my ego get in the way. I can't remember the last time I saw her but the last contact I had with her was this past July and I flaked for her b-day. I vividly remember cuz it was same day as Ernie's bachelor party and I put him ahead of her. It's what friends do. And I never saw her again.
I just can't get anything right. Destiny is not on my side.
...but I did this weekend. I find kissing to be more intimate than doing the deed. It might sound a little strange but that's what I believe. I will "do" someone I'm not attracted to but I sure as hell won't kiss them. There's just something about kissing that is more passionate and more sincere. You just can't fake it.
I had a dream last night that I was out with this girl and I knew who she was but I was acting like I didn't know her. It's like when you've never met someone but you've heard alot about them from your friends. It was that type of deal. Well, we were on on this date getting to know each other and we're having a blast and what not. And then I reveal to her that we have mutual friends and I've heard alot of good things about her. And then she says she knows exactly who I am too and she was playing the same game as me. And then things became even more fun after that.
That's all I can remember from that segment of the dream. The next part of my dream that I can remember is meeting some guy who is a lead singer for a band but he's also the drummer. He was showing the trouble he had when doing a crazy drum fill while singing a crazy melody. He had to torque his body in such a way for his mouth to reach the mic while turning the other way to hit the drums. It looked painful.
Maybe not once. It probably happened a few times. But the time I'm remembering is when I was sick and I was driving to school. Right when I found a parking spot, I coughed really hard and accidentally sharted cuz my abs contracted so hard that it squeezed one out. I walked so slow to campus. I didn't want it to smear all over my pants. I think I skipped my first class. And now you know why I carry extra clothes in my car at all times.
When I've done what I've wanted for the day or I just can't seem to focus, I have a tendency to just munch away. I dunno, it feels comforting and somewhat productive. I know I shouldn't but logic doesn't work sometimes. I can't explain the things I do except try to come up with reasons to back up my actions. It's not something I consciously think about. I probably would never have noticed if I didn't weigh 250+ lbs.
I wear underwear one size smaller so I can feel "bigger"
Yeah, I know it sounds a little crazy but hey, it's what I do. It's like when super fat people wear all black so it doesn't show their fat. It's the same idea. I think I have Napoleon Complex where I lack a certain feature/trait so I try and make up for it by exceeding expectations elsewhere.
I probably watch it every other night or so. I dunno, I don't really watch TV cuz I don't have one in my room but I do have a comp. So it just makes sense. It's pretty fun to watch and it's even funner to see it happening live right in front of you. It's an experience like no other. I can't believe the effort that goes into filming a 15 minute scene. It takes about 5 hours or so and I don't think I would ever be able to do that. I have trouble maintaining for more than 20 mins. These guys are like professional athletes. I can't imagine the kind of training they do that hold these crazy positions for an extended amount of time. I remember trying one of them crazy positions and I did like 15 pumps and then I started to cramp up. I need to build up my stamina.....
Ever since I was born my whole family has called me Erick. It wasn't until 7th grade that I started going by Fred. It was very weird for me. At first I didn't really respond when people called me Fred. I thought they were talking to someone else. And the fact that I have 4 uncles that are also named Fred makes things weird. People would call my house and ask for Fred and even my Mom will say you got the wrong number. Hahahahaha.
A couple of days ago some girl came to my house to drop something off when I wasn't home and it said Fred on it. Well, my Uncle was the one who answered it and he goes by Fred too. So he thought it was for him. Hahahahaha. So he was all like "this is for me?" and he started talking to the girl to see what it was all about. And she explained that this was for the photographer and then he immediately knew who she was talking about.
So when I got home, he told me all about the encounter and he thought his dreams came true by some beautiful girl coming to the house and taking him away. Hahahahahaha.
So yeah, if you're ever at my house it is a big no-no to refer to me as Fred.
I don't feel like a complete musician due to the fact that I can't sing. I practice everyday on any chance I get. I just don't like to do it around people cuz I don't want to make their ears bleed. I practice and practice and I feel like I get better throughout the rehearsal but the next time I practice I feel like I'm in the same spot as I was before. When you practice, it's supposed to bring your game up a level but I've been on the same level for quite some time. It's a little discouraging but this is something I want to do. I didn't learn how to play drums overnight so singing will come eventually.
I have thought about vocal lessons but right now I can't commit the time to do it. I got my full-time job, the part time job, my band, and my Mom on my case all the time. Whatever free time I have is spent sleeping.
I started this blog back in '03 cuz I had a few friends who blogged and it was a way to keep each other up to date with our lives since we didn't see each other on a daily basis. But I eventually stopped seeing them and they never updated anymore and I didn't know if they kept on reading mine so I stopped. I went to various other blogging venues such as Xanga, Fotopages, etc. I stopped writing about my life (cuz it was boring and it probably still is to this day) so I started writing poetry and taking pictures. I wrote my poetry on Xanga and random people would read my entries and they soon became regulars. My poetry was basically my thoughts on love, friendship, intimacy, roles in society, psychology, etc. It was all over the place.
My Fotopage took over my blog since I captured moments of fun. It was just funner for my friends to look at pix of what I did rather than read about what I did. This page I showed to my family and friends. It was for everyone to see what I was doing. I stopped Fotopages cuz there were too many random weirdos that were getting on that site.
But now I'm back here on blogger for the time being and I update it cuz I wanted to keep in touch with my favorite engineer. After school ended, we kinda lost touch for a little bit. That's probably my fault cuz I don't really like talking on the phone and I'm too lazy to drive up north. But yeah, this was my main form of communication with her. I feel like she helped me so much in school cuz I'm kinda lazy and she motivated me to do better. I remember the first time she talked to me. We were sitting in the hall outside one of our classes and she was asking me something and I wasn't responding cuz I don't have good hearing. I finally looked to my side once I heard an almost angry, kinda annoyed voice say "Excuse me!" Hahahahaha. I felt pretty bad cuz I kinda heard her talking but I didn't know it was directed towards me. And to make things worse, we were the only two people in the hall. Hey, she could have been on her phone. Hahahahaha. Yeah, that's my life is that boring.
No one knew about this blog except her but then somehow Shanel found out about it. I think I wanted to show her a pic or something that I had posted and I sent her the link. And I guess she started to read it. And then Shanel told Ramon about it. I didn't tell him about it cuz I see him all the time anyways so what's the point? And now a few other people know about it. So I guess it's no longer for one person....but it was for about a year and a half. =)
Right now I'm trying out this "confessions" deal to see what I can find out about myself. I dunno how long this will last. There aren't too many skeletons in my closet so this could possibly end soon.
I think I wanna start my 365 project again. I think it might be easier this time around cuz I have a photography job and I HAVE to take pix all the time. So once this "confessions" deal ends, I might do that. But it might have to be called 366 since this is a leap year.
I can't sleep even if I wanted to. I've been known to say that sleep is overrated and I don't exactly believe that 100% but I do think it takes up unwanted time. I feel it cuts into my production and disrupts my creative juices. Usually at night is when I start to feel like I can accomplish something. I dunno, maybe it's the whole work thing during the day that occupies my mind but when I start winding down and relaxing at night that's when my mind starts to go into overdrive. Maybe I should start writing these blogs at night then? No, I'd rather be doing something else than writing these at home.
But yeah, I feel sleepy and then I lay down and close my eyes. And then I'll lay there for a couple hours before I fall asleep. I normally get 4 hours of sleep a night. People ask how I can get by with that little sleep. I have no good answer to give them. All I can say is "you just do it." I catch up on the weekends though.
This weekend we went out and things got pretty wild. Needless to say, I had an excellent time. There was this girl and we ended doing some things that I'm not really proud of. Things I shouldn't have done with her I did. I shouldn't have done it cuz I have no idea where she's been. But in that moment of pleasure I didn't care. The thought did cross my mind in the middle of the session but I didn't want to stop. You know what they say, "Fill it up again! It's so good! Once it hits your lips it's so good." And I did end up going for seconds.
That was probably one the wildest nights I've ever had. No regrets.
Speaking of which, I did see Kaylani Lei that same night.
I know it might sound funny, since I'm a grown man and all, but it's true. When I get up in the middle of the night (to use the bathroom or grab a drink, etc.) I flip on every light switch that I pass by. It's not so much the dark that I'm afraid but it's more what my imagination portrays shadows/silhouettes to be. If it was pitch black I think I would be ok. Just having another person there also gives me comfort.
When I was a kid I refused to sleep on my own. I either slept in my parents' room or my brother's room. When I finally got my own room, I had this little cushion mattress thingy that I would put on the floor and I would bring that into their rooms and sleep on it.
If I'm in unfamiliar territory and it's dark, my mentality is to get ready to hit something. It's the fight or flight response and I'm ready to fight.
I cleaned my truck again this weekend since it rained right after I cleaned it last week. Guess what's happening today? Yup, you guessed it. It's raining. What is this now, the 5th consecutive time this has happened? CURSED.
Me:....hey, looks aint nothing if your body can’t talk….and your body can talk!!!!! It’s been telling me all the right things. =)
Her:That’s probably the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me! Thank you!
Me:I wasn’t just saying that, I mean it. I don’t even like dancing, I hate dancing in public but when I’m dancing with you I’m enjoying every second of it.
Her:Ur too much fun....I find it hard to believe you don’t like dancing. And in general you’re fun to be around....Where were u while I was in college?!?!? We’ve got to find more stuff to do again...
I don't like her but she does give me a sense of comfort....especially when we're grinding. Hahahahaha.
And here I am at work. This was another busy weekend for me. Busy weekends mean no sleep.
Friday was the Hearts On Fire event over at Red Circle. Vanessa and Marcos came out. It really means a lot to me that they came out. We had a good time even though the music was "not our flavor". The night started off real slow and we were the only ones in the place and then it picked up quite a bit later on. I did end up getting one girl's number that night. I don't really try to get girl's number when I hit the clubs cuz I'm not really a "club person" and if I meet them there then that means they're gonna want to go there all the time. But yeah, I'm trying to break out of my comfort zone and do things I haven't done before.
Saturday I was supposed to audition for this band but I called them up and told them that I was really busy all week for both my jobs and I didn't get a chance to listen to and learn their music. So I told them it wasn't a good idea for me to audition and the singer was all like "Oh, it's all good. I'm actually on my way to Vegas right now so we wouldn't have been able to do the audition anyways." So that kinda told me where their priorities are at and I told him that I probably wouldn't be auditioning in the future as well.
I went to a wedding on Saturday afternoon/night and I got to see some former co-workers. It was good seeing them cuz they were the people I actually liked. And I'm glad I got invited to the wedding. The groom was the singer for the death metal band and the guys in his band were there too and they were trying hard to get me to commit to the band. we were talking music all night and listening to stuff they like and stuff I like. I was getting a good vibe from them and they had a demo, which was pretty good, and it was making me want to play. But yeah, anytime there is a wedding I'm always trying to get with girls. But the only girls there were the groom's little sisters and cousins so I didn't want to mess with that. They were barely legal but they were drinking it up anyways. And I was dancin' with them for a while. Hahahaha. There was music playing and people were gathered around but no one was dancing so I just went in the center and started to get my groove on. The girls were laughing at first and I was just making eye contact with them trying to get them on the dance floor. It worked cuz they started dancing too. They were getting a little too comfortable with me and I had to stop cuz I didn't want the other people there thinking I was trying to hook up with these youngins. Later on in the night, the bride came up to me and was all like "Fred, I invited my single girl friends but none of them showed up[to the reception]. I was lookin' out for you." I think that was her way of telling me to stay away from the youngins. So I chilled with the groom for the rest of the night. Hahahaha.
Sunday night we went to House of Blues (to meet Ashley Robles) and Jade Theater. we got to meet the head guys at Victory Nightlife, Heavy Rotation, Cockstar Army and another company. We met so many people that I doubt anybody will even remember meeting each other. I did take a bunch of pix and handed out a bunch of cards so people will check the website looking for their picture.
Last night I was actually cold. That's not a good sign. I usually only get cold if I'm sick. So when I woke up this morning I felt all congested again and I hacked up all this yellowish-green phlegm. I was just sick a couple weeks ago. C'mon now.
Karmen is so cute. She treats me like how a Mother would treat their child. I told her all the stuff that I've been doing outside of work and she is so worried for me. I haven't really been getting sleep and my mind is all over the place (which is why I got my PDA back up so I could keep track of everything). But yeah, she was all like "You have to give something up. Your other job or your band. You're doing too much. You need to let your body rest." And I know she's right. Cuz my Mom tells me the same thing. Thanks Karmen for caring so much. =)
I tried wearing my watch on my left hand today. It just feels weird. It's like I'm wearing my shoes backwards or something. Plus my left wrist is so much bigger than my right. I have no idea why. It's probably just buffer cuz I use it every night. j/k. Or am I? LOL
Tonight is the event over at Red Circle. It should be fun. I'm expecting a good amount of people.
I tried to run but my knees can't take it anymore. I need to bike for a while until I drop a few and then I can start running again. I've gone over my max and I need to get back under.
Project: Mustache Rides! has ended. I just don't like the way a mustache looks on me. Plus I can feel it every time I kiss someone. I'm sure they feel it too and it can't be comfortable.
I am officially cursed. Every time I wash my truck, it rains that same week. This is the third consecutive time this has happened. It's like every little step I take, you will be there. Every little step I make, we'll be together.
Oh yeah, it's Valentines Day. Marcos got me this Transformers card with a pencil and a lollipop. Hahahahahahaha. Last year I got everyone some Winnie the Pooh and friends Valentines cards. That was when only like 20 people were working here. Now there's a grip of peeps and I didn't feel like buying that much stuff. I shoulda just got stuff for all the girls but eveyone already thinks I mess around with them too much. To them this would justify that I'm doing extracurricular activities with them. A few people asked if me and "insert_name_here" were having some sort of fun outside of work. I gave them an open ended answer with nothing definitve so I could leave some stuff for their imagination. It just makes things funner that way. And I'm sure the girls don't enjoy being the center of office gossip. Me, on the other hand, I don't really care and I will add fuel to any rumors and make them more ridiculous than they already are.
It was another sleepless night for me. It didn't help that I got home around 1230am. We had our weekly meetings and I got the dates and times for all the events this week. The PDA is very helpful. But yeah, after our meeting we went over to Red Circle and I took a few pix over there. The place wasn't really poppin' but there were a few hunnies. The plastic twins (two girls who have had plenty of surgical enhancements) are always there, Chloe and Nicolette are always there(they're the hosts for Wednesday nights) and I finally got to meet them, and there were a few random girls in the mix. I would say there was about 20 people in there. Red Circle is pretty small. I think 50 people would make the place look poppin'.
I think imma start changing what I write about on here starting next week (or earlier). I don't like writing about my life. It's boring. I think I might explore creative writing....
I'm still having trouble going to sleep. Last night I got sleepy around 9ish so I tried to go to bed but I was just laying there for about an hour. So I got up and got my PDA back up to speed and killed about an hour and a half. So I went back to bed and it took like another 30 mins for me to fall asleep. So by this time it's almost 1am and I set my alarm to 6am. 5 hours of sleep is usually good for me but I still feel so tired.
My truck is clean, both the interior and exterior. I still have to clean my rims but other than that it looks good. I also bought a watch battery but as I was doing so I saw this other watch that looked dope so I bought it. The face on this watch has like a 3 inch diameter. My regular watch probably has a 1.5 inch diameter face. This new one is huge. I like it.
My left eye has been twitching a lot. I can feel it twitching right now.
Tonight I'm having a meeting with my other job. I need to find out the dates for some events. I think I remember us having to go to an event this Saturday ()during the day) but I have that band audition and also the wedding to go to. Which reminds me, I should buy a wedding gift. I think a bottle of wine would suit nicely. Or a bottle of Patron. Hahahahaha.
I have yet to learn the music for that band I'm auditioning for. It's pop-punk/emo so it's not too hard to play. I just gotta figure out when the changes are. But I'm questioning whether I should even go or not. I really want to play drums. I have been yearning to actually play drums in a band but there are so much other things going good for me right now. So much things I wanna do and not enough me's. I wish I had a clone or two. That'd be tight if we shared all the same memories. Like if I was out with this girl and my clone was at home learning new songs on guitar, we would both remember the experiences I had with this girl and we would both remember the song my clone learned. This would also give new meaning to doing two chicks at the same time. The possibilities are endless.
It's been hard for me to sleep at night and even harder to wake up in the mornings. My internal clock has been shifted and I don't know how to get it back to normal. Right now my eyes are twitching from the lack of sleep and looking at a screen all damn day.
I need to get my PDA back up and running. I stopped using it cuz I wasn't as busy but now I'm starting to get super busy and I'm thinking in my head "I know I need to do something today but I can't remember." Imma list the things I need to do this week (after work and picking up my Mom).
Tuesday: *wash my truck *clean the interior of my truck *get a new watch battery *learn music *change my Kaiser password (that won't take long)
Wednesday: *meeting for my other job *bring/fill out worksheets for my other job *learn music *hopefully get PDA up and running
Thursday: *bring Shanel to the airport *learn music *band practice? (it's Valentines so I'm not sure if we're rehearsing)
Friday: *Event photography at Red Circle (stop on by. i'll take some pix of you)
Saturday: *audition for band (2pm) *wedding to attend (5pm)
I think imma be playing up in Rancho Bernardo on the 23rd. I'm giving you fair warning April. Ha. It'll most likely be around 6 or 7pm. I'll find out the details. I was informed of this last week but I've been given a lot of information and I didn't write any of it down. So that's why I said "I think". I'll get the "for sure" info soon.
On Friday, I got to see my old band play. This was their first show with their new drummer. I must say that they sound waaaaaay better with this drummer. He has a playing style like me. He's very precise and not too flashy. Real solid. I took a bunch of pix of them. And then I was gonna stop by Ramon's b-day thing over at On Broadway. I aint never been there before so I wasn't too sure where it was at. I figured by the name it would be on Broadway and I saw a long line over on Sixth and Broadway so I figured that's where it was at. But then I was cruising around for parking for like 40 mins. I was trying to call and text some people that I knew were inside but they weren't responding so I bounced. I was tired and hungry and I'm not drinking anyways.
Saturday I was supposed to go to Tin's b-day thing at On Broadway. I ended up not going cuz we went to Aubergines and chilled with Danity Kane. We helped promote the event they were hosting so we got in with the quickness and we got to meet them and chill. I really like Aundrea. She was real sweet and easy to talk to. And then I didn't get home til 5:30am. My Dad called me around 4 cuz that's the time he usually leaves for work and he noticed that I wasn't home yet.
Sunday I slept pretty much the whole day. When I was awake I was playing guitar. I'm real excited about playing cuz me and Vanessa have been jamming a lot. I'm working on my vocals so we can do harmonies.
I got asked to play drums in another band. This one is kinda pop-punkish/emo. I know the singer and he's a cool guy so I said I'd try out. My audition is this coming Saturday at 2pm. Ha.
And I also got invited to this wedding. The singer of that Death Metal band that asked me to play for them is getting married and they invited me along. I haven't told them whether or not I'm gonna play with them yet. But I did say I'd attend the wedding.
They were on my case about some stuff that needed to get done so I've been doing that all morning. Now that I'm almost done, here I am.
Last night's Strauss was cool even though I didn't do any drinking. And I love getting to spend time with my favorite engineer. I don't see see her nearly enough.
Andie brought her guitar to work today and we jammin' on a couple songs earlier during break. I was playing "No One" by Alicia Keys and Andie sings it so damn beautiful. If I close my eyes, I swear it's Alicia Keys. Too bad Andie didn't come to Strauss last night. It would have been fun with her around. =)
Misc. Ailments Foundation, my old band, is playing tonight at the Epicentre here in Mira Mesa. I invited Andie along. Hopefully she comes through. MAF has a new drummer and I'm curious to see how he plays. I've heard good things about him and I saw him play with his previous band but I didn't like their music. I kinda wish they asked me to play for them, but I doubt I'll have the time to do it. That's why I decided NOT to play in that Metal band that asked me to play for them. I'd like to have at least 4 hours of sleep a night. Ha.
Tomorrow is Tin's 21st b-day party. She's gonna have a little thing at On Broadway and I said I would stop by.
Tonight is another night of Strauss. I gave up alcohol for Lent so no drinking for me. It'll be fun either way.
So last night I was over at Red Circle and this girl I kick it with spilled her drink all over her hand so she decides to stuff her fingers in my mouth. I thought she was just getting frisky, cuz that's how she is, but I licked her fingers and I tasted alcohol. I didn't know she had spilled her drink all over her hand until after I licked her fingers. And then I asked her if that was alcohol cuz I gave up alcohol. All the other people we were with knew I gave up alcohol so they started messing with her. They started saying "Why'd you do that to him? Don't you know he's allergic to alcohol?" And then she got all freaked out and thought I was gonna get all messed up and what not. Hahahahahaha. But I dunno if that counts as me messing up cuz I had a taste of alcohol even though I said I would give it up. I don't think it should cuz MY intent was just to get frisky with her and lick her fingers. I had no idea the alcohol was there. INTENT. Good topic.
Speaking of intent, I had a heart to heart last night. It was about me as a person. I got called out. Called out bad. And I needed it. It helped bring things back into perspective. This conversation had to do with intentions and life. What do you intend to do in your life? What steps are you taking to get there? The moral of the conversation is similar to like when you borrow a movie or a book from someone and you finish watching it or reading it. A lot of times people will just let that item sit around somewhere and not return it to the person they borrowed it from until that person asks for it back. How rude is that? You should have the decency to return it as soon as you are done. And you, as the lender, shouldn't have to wait over a month and then ask if they are done with it. That's basically what I'm doing in my life right now. I'm not returning things I borrowed, figuratively. It's 38 days into the new year, and the 1st for the Chinese New Year (happy year of the rat), but from this day forward I am aware of what needs to be done. This is about respect. For myself and for the people I interact with. I apologize for my actions. Ignorance is unkind.
So last night I was asked to make a some flyer's for Riley's. My friends DJ there every week so they asked me to make some simple flyers. Too bad they're on my home computer cuz I wanted to show some people.
I was at 85% healthy yesterday and for some reason today I feel at 75%. I woke up to some congestion and my cough is starting to become more frequent. I'm drinking some tea with honey right now. It feels good.
So I got a new phone yesterday. My bro hooked me up with some European phone that they're making. It's one of those slider phones and it's pretty solid. I like it way better than my old phone. My old one had like a plastic casing and this one feels like some nice composite material.
I've been writing alot of music and I want to record it cuz yesterday I was playing one of my songs for this girl and I was forgetting the song. Maybe it was the pressure of having an audience? A one person audience? Yeah, I think that's more nerve-racking than playing in front of 100 people. But yeah, I couldn't remember how my song went so I didn't play it anymore. I think it was more that she asked to hear some of my new material and it kinda put me on the spot. It's like when someone asks me what songs I know on guitar, I can't think of any. But when I'm by myself I play all these songs that people are always asking for.
So I've been conversing with this girl and she tells me that she's an introvert and she sometimes acts like it but I don't believe her. I think it's a front cuz she is a helluva performer. I don't understand how someone who is afraid to be around people can be so comfortable performing/singing in front of hundreds of people. It just doesn't make sense to me. I know people who are social butterflies but when they get on stage, they get the biggest case of stage fright. I can understand that. It's someone who is not in their element and they're not comfortable. I don't know where I fall here. I think I'm the ultimate exhibitionist. I crave attention. I want all eyes on me. I don't know if that's the vibe I give off. You tell me.
Health update: I feel like I'm at 85%. I still don't feel like I can run a mile in under 10 mins but I feel good. My voice is almost back to normal and I don't have the bloody phlegm anymore. I still have a little bit of a nagging cough but that's it. Speaking of coughs, yesterday at work I coughed really hard and as I my did my abs contracted. And usually when my abs contract I'm trying to push something. Well, I pushed something out when I coughed. Hahahahaha. I let this juicy one rip accidentally when I coughed. I got a leather chair here at work. I'm sure that helped amplify the sound. Right when it happened I had this look of horror on my face and I started looking around to see if anyone heard it. Juan, the dude sitting next to me, had his headphones on and he turned in my direction but I gave this shrug of my shoulders and had this face of "did you just hear something or did I imagine it?" I started cracking up when he turned back to his computer.
So I get this call on my phone yesterday. It was a number I didn't recognize so I didn't answer it. If they don't leave a voice message then I don't bother calling back. This person left a voice message and it went something like this: "Hey Fred, this is David. Long time no see but I wanted to talk to you if you were interested in playing drums for a band? Give me a call back. Later." I don't remember a David. There was some guy named David that played in a band that my old band used to play shows with. That was the only David I could remember. So this dealt with music so I decided to call him back. It turns out this David is my former co-worker from the Roller Coaster and he plays in a band now. When I was with my old band I gave him a CD and he was impressed with my playing. This was like 6 years ago. So his current band has gone through a number of drummers and they wanted to find a good one and he remembered me. I guess he still had my number cuz I sure as hell didn't have his anymore. But yeah, we chatted for a bit and got each other up to speed with what we're doing nowadays. So I'm interested in playing in this band cuz I haven't "played" drums in 3 years and drums are my passion. I asked David for some samples and he led to their youtube videos. So I go and watch these videos and these guys are Death/Black/Heavy Metal. It's pure screaming and a lot of speed. I haven't played metal since high school. That's over 7 years ago. I don't think I have the stamina to play metal. It's gonna be interesting.
2 jobs and possibly 2 bands? I dunno if I have the time for that. It's hard enough with just one job and one band.
I had every intention of getting him something but I waited last minute and something came up so I didn't get the chance. I'm still gonna get him something. Better late than never.
So I missed my gig on Saturday and I also missed the SuperBowl yesterday. I also had every intention of doing both but something came up. Here's the story:
I wake up to a text from Fonso on Saturday morning about the gig. I replied and went back to sleep. My bro comes into my room a few hours later and tells me to pack my stuff and that we're leaving. I told him I had a gig later on in the day. And he informs me that my Grandma is in the hospital. We got a bunch of people calling the house asking about the situation.
So I packed my bags and texted Fonso that I wasn't going to be able to make it to the gig tonight. He wasn't pissed about it. He was very understanding, which put me at ease. I hate to cancel any gigs, but music was the last thing on my mind. So we drove up to the Bay that instant. Apparently my Grandma had been in the hospital for 4 days now and I wasn't really home the past few days so I didn't hear about it.
We left San Diego around 2pm and we were worried that visiting hours would be closed by the time we got to the hospital. So we called my Auntie around 7pm to ask her what time the visiting hours were and she tells us the they released my Grandma from the hospital earlier in the day. So we went straight to my Auntie's house and stayed there.
When we saw our Grandma, she looked like she had lost a lot of weight. My Grandma is around 5'2" and 110 lbs. But it looked like she was only 90 lbs. She didn't eat for four days at the hospital. I guess she didn't like the food there. My Auntie was saying the doctors released her early so she could eat the food she normally eats at home and she'll gain her strength back.
I think my Grandma had caught a cold and it took a turn for the worst and she had all this fluid in her lungs and I think they had diagnosed her with pneumonia. I'm glad she's at home and doing better.
I don't feel any better today. I don't feel sick anymore but my voice is all jacked and my throat is all super dry. Other than that I feel fine. I'm drinking some tea with some honey and it feels nice cuz my throat is getting all coated with honey and it doesn't feel so dry anymore. I wonder how long this will last.
Karmen is back to work today but she still doesn't look recovered. She told me she had to go on the patch so she wouldn't smoke cuz it'll just jack her up even more. I've been trying to convince to stop smoking but it's like trying to convince me to go to the doctor. It's tough. Hahahahaha.
I got a gig tomorrow with my band but I didn't really tell anyone. It's up in Rancho Bernardo or Poway or somewhere up north. I think it's off Pomerado. But yeah, I don't really invite people to my gigs anymore cuz I feel like I'm putting a burden on them. I'll tell them and if they have plans or can't make it then they feel bad for not going. Plus I don't think my friends really like my music. They just say it sounds nice cuz they're my friends. I don't really mind cuz the music is for me. It's my therapy.
Here's a little video clip from our last performance at the Children's Hunger Benefit. This song is called Mt. Everest.
I had this crazy dream where one of our friends had passed away. The scenario was she got into a minor car accident but wasn't hurt too bad. Since she wasn't really hurt she didn't go to a hospital or anything. After a few days she started to feel a little weird so then she decides to go to a hospital. It turns out she had some head trauma and it caused some swelling in her brain and it put her into a coma or something and she never woke up from it. I remember talking to her and trying to get some explanation as to why she waited so long to go get checked up and she said she was trying to be tough.
This one hits me pretty hard cuz for the past week everyone I know has been trying to get me to go see a doctor and I kept saying imma tough it out. It was only after Karmen hit me up from her death bed and tried to convince me to go see a doctor that I decided maybe it would be a good idea to actually go. Karmen had to go to the ER the other day cuz she couldn't breathe and it really scared her. It scared me to see her in that condition. And here she is asking if I went to go get checked up. She thinks we have the same ailment, which we probably do, but I don't smoke so I don't have it as bad as her. It meant a lot to me that she tried to reach out even though she was in a weakened state. Next time I get sick, I will go to a doctor right away. But right now I think this sickness has pretty much ran it's course so I won't go.
I think I'm at 70% right now. The only thing that bothers me is a dry throat and I feel like I have fluid in my lungs cuz when I exercise I can feel it as I breathe harder. I guess I shouldn't exercise yet. I also have an occasional cough when I feel the fluid in my lungs. My cough is to try to get that fluid out.
...to recovery. I feel like my body is at 60% right now. I say another week and I'll be back to 100%. Everyday I've been feeling better and better and this morning when I opened my eyes I thought I was all good. And then I stood up and I felt all the congestion in my chest and throat. My tongue is still slightly numb and swollen. I also have my appetite back, which I'm happy about.
I got an award at work for providing a service to the entire floor. Fred's Diner is a hit with management. They love the fact that everything at my store is half the price than the vending machines. Chips, $0.25. Sodas, $0.40. I wonder if the guys who stock the vending machine notice anything fishy? Hahahahaha.
I've been feeling like making a change lately. Be on the lookout for something different.....
I probably slept for a total of 12 hours yesterday. I went home a little before noon and slept til 5:30pm. I was then wide awake until about 11 and then slept til 7am this morning. I feel slightly better.
I've been taking my Mom to work in the morning cuz my bro is up in Newport all this week getting CATIA V5 training for his new job. He keeps asking me if I'm siiiick in CATIA and I always say I'm alright. I mean I don't do any design in it but I just manipulate parts/assemblies already made and what not.
Every time I cough it feels like I'm getting punched in the throat. I mean I'm not coughing very much, maybe like once an hour, but it's pretty powerful.
I've been drinking about 3 gallons of water a day since I'm not eating that much and I'm sweating out all my fluids. But for the week that I've been sick, I think I've lost 10 lbs. I started wearing some shirts I haven't worn in about 2 years. And my regular shirts now feel all super baggy.
You know how guys will open the car door for girls? And then I'll walk around and open my door. There's this girl that I took out a few times and she opens my door for me from the inside. That's never really happened to me before. I find it to be very impressive. She appreciates my gesture and returns the favor.
I was working this weekend and here is a link to the pix I took. I can officially say that I am a professional photographer. I get paid now! YES!
So on Saturday I drank some some TheraFlu to try to help me get better but after the first sip it felt like I bit my tongue. I thought that the TheraFlu was just that strong and it's attacking whatever virus/disease/sickness that I have. After I finished the cup of TheraFlu I felt something behind my jaw and under my ear start to hurt. It was as though it was swelling up. I didn't think anything of it.
Fast forward ahead 2 hours and now we're at Phil's BBQ for my sister's b-day. So I'm there eating my ribs and chicken and I could feel that something behind my jaw and under my ear getting bigger with each bite of my food. Halfway through my meal, it was painful to even open my mouth. I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror and saw that this huge mound had developed on the side of my jaw. It looked like I had been hit by a baseball bat to the face and this huge grapefruit sized welt was developing. My tongue was going numb and the left side of my face was 3 times bigger than my right side.
So we get home and I ice it down but it's painful as heck. My Mom tells me that I might have the Mumps. I don't know what the heck that is so I look it up and sure enough, I'm displaying all the symptoms of it. I read about the causes/triggers of the symptoms and lemon was one of the irritants. The TheraFlu I drank was Lemon flavored and I had some raspberry lemonade at Phil's BBQ.
Right now, the left side of my tongue is still a little swollen and slightly numb. It kinda feels like I was at the dentist. I woke up this morning to excruciating pain. My tongue was twice the size it is now and it was painful to chew anything.
Karma. The time is coming for me to give up a lot of the things I love. I need to make things right.
It turns out that I'm not the only one who is suffering from these fever and chill symptoms. A good number of people in the office are experiencing the same thing as me. The only person who I know was sick was Scott. And we go get our morning coffee/tea together all the time. So I think I got sick from him.
This morning I had the crazy shakes. My entire body was shivering so much that my lower back muscles tightened up and it was all hell. I tried to curl up in the fetus position but that didn't help.
I took some Motrin IB at 5am and I feel pretty good right now. The only thing that's bothering me right now is my throat. It just feels dry as hell and no matter how much liquids I drink it still feels this way.
I'm not really used to drinking hot drinks but I've been drinking it alot for the past few days and I've drank so much hot stuff that a layer of skin on my lower lip has been burned off. I can feel it when I press my tongue against my lip. It also hurts when I drink hot stuff now.
After work Andie wants to get together for some beers and she wants to hear stories from Vegas. She's been bugging me ever since we got back from Vegas. I told her there are no stories to tell. We basically stayed in our hotel rooms and watched TV all day every day. That's not really the truth but I dunno if she should know what we did. I don't want her perception of me to change. I mean if her perception of me changes, it should be because she saw it first hand and not because she heard something.
I have to work tonight at Thin so if any of you guys feel like stopping by to say hello, feel free to cruise on through. I think Thin is right by Onyx. I'm not too familiar with the downtown area yet but I'm slowly learning.
Last night was one of the worst nights of sleep I've ever had. I went to bed at 6pm and for some reason my extremities were freezing. My hands and feet felt like they were gonna fall off but the rest of my body was so hot that I was sweating profusely. Because of this I was not able to sleep. I kept tossing and turning and trying to get comfortable. I woke up at 4am and the 10 hours I was in bed I probably only slept for a total of 1 hour.
I had this weird dream that I was a real estate agent and every time I tossed and turned I would be at a different location. I was probably at over 50 different location and I'm pretty sure I sold all the places I was at.
Right now I'm at work and I'm sweating up a storm. I can feel my back all wet and the beads of sweat trickling down my forehead. Every time I cough it feels like I'm gonna yack. It hurts. I thought about calling in sick but I'll save my sick time for when I really can't function. I just sit at a desk all day and it doesn't take much effort.
My arms and legs feel so hot that it almost feels like I'm sunburnt.
I feel better now that I've drank a half gallon of water, ate an orange, a banana, and a box of raisins. I also had a cup of hot tea and rubbed Vicks Vapor Rub all over my chest and neck and I also took some tylenol and took some multi-vitamins. I got a couple apples calling my name in like 30 mins.
Did I ever mention my mission of eating a piece of fruit every hour? It's pretty hard to do. I've been doing this since late Novemeber and it's hard to eat a regular meal now. I also drink at least a gallon of water throughout my work shift.
I should quarantine myself to living in a bubble cuz guess what? I'm sick AGAIN!!!! Yaye! NOT. This is like the 6th time I'm sick in the span of 3 months. I'm pretty sure it's due to my lack of sleep and me sweating when it's cold outside.
My chest hurts when I cough. And my abs also contract and squeeze and it feels like I'm trying to drop a deuce every time I cough. I've been on a sort of liquid diet for the past couple days cuz my throat hurts too. I have a bunch of soft stuff that I'm eating like oranges and bananas. My face feels really hot and I'm drinking hot tea.
We usually have our meetings for my other job on Wed. nights but I'm pretty sick and today is also my bro's b-day so I dunno if imma be able to make it tonight. I can do a conference call or I could have everyone come over to my place since my Mom will probably cook pancit today. I like that option better.
We had a meeting for my other job over in Otay ranch yesterday. We discussed business over at Chili's and then cruised through the mall and watched a movie after.
We watched Cloverfield last night and I wasn't feeling it all that much. The first few minutes had me already dizzy as shiite cuz of the camera all shaking and what not. After that, it was hard for me to watch it. There were a bunch of funny lines that the cameraman was tossin' out there so that kinda kept me into the movie. When I saw the cause of the destruction, I wasn't all that impressed either. I think when they had that trailer for it in Transformers, they shoulda kept it that way: no name, no details, no anything.
I also bought a few new books yesterday. I got Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahniuk, the new book by Neil Strauss (the title will stay unmentioned), and Love Is A Mixtape by Rob Sheffield. That last book caught my eye and the title sounded interesting so I read the synopsis and it's about some guy trying to explain the memory of the love of his life through music of the times. It's like a eulogy through the songs popular during that moment in their life. I think it's a genius idea. When I hear songs I'll remember where I was at and who I was with and what emotions was going on through my head at that exact moment. I remember being with my high school crush and the song "You're Still The One" by Shania Twain being the current hit. I remember the mood it would put us into whenever that song came on. I remember being at my house and the two of us singing along to it. I actually saw my high school crush last Wednesday but we've drifted so far apart that we don't even acknowledge each other anymore. We used to be really close. We'd walk home from school together, we'd play guitar in my garage for hours, and just be stupid and act like little kids. I remember the exact moment where I lost all respect for her. I won't discuss it on here cuz that's between me and her. But yeah, back to the books. The current book I'm reading is called The Mystery Method by none other than Mystery. Y'all might think I'm weird for even having it but I'm not ashamed to say that I need all the help I can get.
My bro's b-day is tomorrow and I don't know what to get him. Everything I ask him he says he doesn't want. And then I ask him what he wants and he says he doesn't know.
I got randomly picked in a drawing by the Chargers ticket office that if we had made the SuperBowl I had access to buy 2 tickets. $700 a pop, only cash or cashiers check accepted. I would have jumped on that in a jiffy. What a shame.
She's trying to find things out about my past that I'd rather not discuss with her. I told her I didn't want her perception of me skewed because of what I did before. She knows me now and the type of person that I am now and my past is irrelevant, but she keeps prying. I don't know if I should give in and just let her know or if I should just keep trying to change the subject every time she brings it up. She keeps reassuring me that I don't have to be ashamed or afraid to tell her anything. I don't know what to make of this......
I woke up at 7 this morning. I'm usually at work by then. So by the time I clocked in it was already 8:15.
Jerry came over to my place with Zoua last night. She's pretty slammin'. I showed them some of my Vegas pix and now Zoua totally wants to go. And me and Jerry discussed some business for these coming weekends. We have a meeting again tonight in downtown. I thought this whole photography gig was all fun and games but it is very time consuming but well worth it. Did I mention I get paid now? Hahahaha. YES! So I go to clubs, take pix of people, and give them a card where they can find the pix. Go here to see some of my pix.
I doubt I'll be getting any sleep again tonight. My body hurts. I bet imma get sick again. It'll be the 5th time in like 3 months.
Tonight we leave for Vegas. Directly after work, we're goin' straight to the airport.
I'm friggin' tired right now. Last night I had a meeting for my other job. Meeting started around 9:30pm and we finished at almost 11. And after the meeting we made some rounds in downtown to make our presence known. We stopped by Confidential and passed through Red Circle and Belo and then made a quick little stop over at Heat. When we were talking to the doorman at Heat, I was taking a peek inside cuz it looked like there were a good number of people inside but I didn't see any ladies. And as we're talking to the doorman we see a couple guys step outside and start putting on some make-up and then we realized it was all guys inside the place so we just took off. After that we stopped by Croce's cuz they had some live jazz. After Croce's was when the most interesting part of the night happened. We're walking around downtown and then all of a sudden we hear this growl of pain behind us. There were 4 of us cruisin downtown last night and me, Punla, and Bitches turn around to see The Gentlemen hunched over in apparent pain. Let me take a few steps back now. We had our meeting over at Hooters and we had a few bites to eat. After we finished eating, someone asked what we should do next. I suggested we all take dumps before we leave. It got a good laugh but I got up and went to the bathroom. I came back and then we left. Ok, back to the growl of apparent pain. So The Gentlemen is hunched over and I asked him if he squirted a little. All he said was "We gotta stop somewhere." we spot a Ghirardelli's and he starts running across the street. We slowly follow him and we ordered some ice cream inside. The Gentlemen finished and came out to tell us that he almost didn't make it. The goods squeezed out before his cheeks made contact with the seat.we were cracking up so much that somehow I bit my lip and I was eating some Mint n' Chip ice cream, which is green, and then I started to see swirls of red everytime I licked it. The Gentlemen was all like, "Did you order Mint n' Chip with strawberries?" I bit my lip so hard I felt a chunk of skin missing.
Now I'm here at work, feeling the events from last night hitting me. When I gotta wake up at 4:30am. I'm usually in bed by midnight. Well, I wasn't even home yet at midnight. I probably went to sleep around 2:30ish and woke up at 5. And I doubt I'll be doing much sleeping in Vegas. Not good.
On a side note, Michelle knows something is up so I'm keeping my distance from her right now. She doesn't know exactly what I'm doing but she just knows something is up my sleeve. I'll get back to her in maybe 3 weeks or a month....or maybe longer. For those of you who DON'T know what I'm doing, don't worry cuz it's nothing bad. It's just an unconventional way of "moving up the ladder". And for those of you who DO know what I'm doing, I might have to bypass the "Supervisor" and go straight to the "Manager". This is for the good of the group.
So I have this gig on the 19th with my band playing at this Charity Event. It's a benefit for the Children's Hunger Fund being hosted by the church for Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints. Pretty much every charity event or public service thing I do involves me playing music at the event. It's funny cuz people would recognize me and say "Hey, you did community service work with *insert name here*. I remember you." And I didn't actually do any kind of community service but I just played music to help them raise money.
It feels good when people enjoy the music I write. I mean, I write it for myself as a form of therapy but when it can lift someone else's spirits or make them feel better than they were feeling before or whatever, I think that right there is the real community service. It's all about giving someone a positive outlook on the future. If you can make someone believe, you can make someone succeed. And it's through music that I believe.
Did I mention that my bro got a new job? He now works for Nokia and he said they were gonna give him a phone and a laptop and his job is to do R&D on new phones. So all the latest and greatest phones, he gets to play with before they even come out. That's sweet. I was gonna buy a new phone but now I think I'll wait to see what he says and maybe he even gets discounts or comes up with free phones. I dunno, we'll just have to wait and see. Ha.
There was a scheduled photo shoot on Jan. 19 for my other job but that got postponed and now I have a gig with my band on that day. I got a call last night asking if I could do it. I had to make a few calls to see what the deal with the photo shoot was and that's how I found out it got postponed. I'm not even sure where this gig is and what time and all the details. They just asked if I wanted to play and I'm down. I'm excited. That just means we have to practice. We haven't practiced in a couple weeks, but we know our songs. The last few rehearsals we had we were writing new songs. So if you are free on Jan. 19 around 4pm, I have a gig. I'll post more details once I find them out.
I can't wait to see all the pix of Japan that Shanel took. She said there was this place in Harujuku that sells a bunch of clothes that I would wear. I bet they wouldn't have my size though. Hahahaha.
Being sick this time is totally worth it. Sitting/standing in the rain for 3 hours watching the Chargers win their first playoff game since 1995 was so much fun. I like the fact that 98% of the stadium was Chargers fans. I probably only saw like 30 Titans fans the whole time we were there. I might have saw the same ones twice. I really wish it was like this during the regular season cuz it would make things so much better. The whole playoffs atmosphere is a totally different beast.
Shanel is back from Japan. Yaye! I can hear hear from my seat but i haven't see her yet today. I'm jealous that she got to go on a trip and be away from work for 2 weeks.
I came in late and I'm gonna start coming in late for who knows how long. Some things I just have no control over and I just gotta roll with the punches.
My Mom told me we were gonna go to the Philippines this year in Oct/Nov. I haven't been there since 1998. It'll be fun. I'll get to see a bunch of cousins that were babies the last time I saw them.
We, as in me and Ramon and the fellas, were planning a Euro trip so we could go to Oktoberfest but I think that will have to wait for another time since imma be going back to the homeland this year. Too many trips = too little cash. This weekend is our trip to Vegas and it might be my last trip in a while. No Miami, no Cabo, no Europe.
It's really early in the year and I already feel a little burnt out. I need to let my body rest. I need to put myself in better situations. I got a lot on my mind but I'd like to talk to someone in person and not type it on here. I dunno. I should visit a doctor sometime soon...
I woke up this morning and I needed to spit out some loogies and I went to the sink to spit but there was not spit that came out with the loogie. It was just solid loogie. I guess I was that dehydrated from last night. I dunno, I'm guessing I only had 6 beers but that combined with the running and "physical activities" Andie and I did to sober up was probably what got me. Andie and I got to work at the same time this morning, only by chance, and I was telling her that my hamstring was sore and I didn't know why. I totally forgot some of the stuff we were doing. And she reminded me that we ran 5 laps and that could be the reason for my hamstring. I'm pretty sure it is. Hahahahahaha. Andie also woke up to find a 10 dollar bill stuffed in her bra and then she was all like, "WTF? Where did this come from?" And I had to remind her that when we payed, she was too lazy to go into her purse so she put her change in her bra.
Oh snap, I just remembered that I got the privilege to Tap The Keg last night. Our waiter told the manager that me and my group of peeps have been coming to Strauss for the past year now and it's about time one of us got the chance to tap the keg. It was pretty cool. I aint never tapped a keg before so I was stoked to do it.
I went to bed at 730pm and I woke up at 530am. My alarm went off at 430am, but I went back to sleep. I still have a little bit of a cough and I know if I get 6 hours of sleep per night for the next week the cough will be gone. At least I'm hoping it will be gone.
Tonight is another Strauss night and this time Scott is not going. Scott was kinda like the "originator" of Strauss night. I don't think any of us would know about it if it weren't for Scott. We were planning on doing a huge group of about 30 people to rent the back room but then Strauss threw in all these demands that we could not accommodate for. So I booked a separate reservation for about 15 people. And a few people that we had on the list booked their own reservation, so hopefully we'll just all be seated somewhere near each other.
Did I mention that I don't even like beer? I really don't like the taste of it. I dunno, it's just not my flavor. I just drink for the social aspect. It's weird if I'm with a girl and she's the only one drinking. It might come off as me just trying to get her drunk to take advantage of her. That is not the case, which is why I will drink a little bit. And I think the fact that I'm allergic to alcohol factors in to the equation. I like the hard stuff better cuz I will feel the effect of the alcohol before I feel the effect of the allergic reaction. Hahahahahaha. So what happens to me since I'm allergic? Basically, I just start to get itchy on certain parts of my body (chest and back) and I start sweating and I also turn purple. I've built up my tolerance to where the purple and itching part take longer to take effect but the sweating is uncontrollable. I also feel my heart start to pound a little faster. When I drink, it feels like I took a short jog around the block. That could also factor in the sweating part. When it feels like I just ran a mile, that's when I know I've had too much to drink and I should start pounding water ASAP. My heart will start racing and I'll get a little light headed. That's only happened a couple times so I'm good.
Shocker foam hands are in place for the Playoff game. It'll be awesome. Hopefully this will get us some TV time. Hahahahahaha.
I've been sleeping super late the past 4 days. So last night I didn't sleep til about 4am. It wasn't by choice, it more by habit. And when my alarm went off at 5:30am, I didn't want to get up. It felt like I had just closed my eyes like 10 minutes ago. I had a headache so I went back to sleep. I woke up at 6 and the headache was gone so I got ready for work.
New Years Eve was spent with the little cousins and we played Madden 08 all night. We started around 630-7ish and didn't finish playing until 1am. We almost missed the NYE countdown cuz we were in the middle of the championship game and it went into overtime. The champ was down 16 points in the 4th quarter and made a miraculous come back to send it to OT. And in OT, the champ got the ball first and scored. It was truly the game of the year.
On a side note, I have yet to win a game in Madden 08 against a serious competitor. I am 0-35 or something like that.
Oh yeah, Michelle has been playing mind games with me. I don't know if she reads this or not, but I'm pretty sure she has found it. She's found other stuff that I do or belong to me. Hi Michelle! I am NOT trying to get in your pants if that's what you're thinking. You are not an object to me. Respect. But I am an arsehole so I don't blame you for anything.
For the past 3 days I've been blowing blood out of my nose and spitting out bloody flem. Not a good sign. I am feeling better today though, so there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Imma be goin' out tonight and I have a feeling that this will not help me recover. I doubt I'll do any drinking but I'll still be outside the comforts of my home and I won't be resting.
I was supposed to take Andie out tonight but she has some viral infection and she's pretty messed up. She can't even talk. When I saw her yesterday she looked like a zombie who could barely keep her eyes open. She whispered to me that the medications she was taking was going into full effect. I should gave given her a beer to enhance the effect. Hahahahahaha.
Andie really knows how to dress. All her outfits are really cute and I kinda wanna take her shopping with me so she can help me pick out some nice clothes. I dress like a bum everyday, but I aint really tryin' to impress nobody so it don't really matter. But it does feel good when I dress nice and people compliment me. I guess I have to dress nice only once in a while for that effect to keep it's meaning.
My website is pretty much done in the design phase. Now all I gotta do is add content. Peep it here
The drive to and from work is so pleasant during this time of the year. What would normally take me an hour now takes me 35-45 mins. I love it.
I've been working on my website now for a week and it should be up but I'm having some trouble getting my scripts to work. I mean, I'm not doing anything complicated but I'm just not that good at this whole web design thing. I've probably spent 20 hours on it and a normal, computer savvy person could have done it in 2 hours. Yes, I'm a little slow. I know that.
I want to buy some new equipment for my camera. I just wish Best Buy or Circuit City didn't jack up the prices cuz I hate having to wait like 2-3 weeks for my online purchase to arrive. And I don't wanna pay and extra $30 for 2 day delivery. At that point I should just spend the extra $75 and get it at Best Buy or Circuit City. Oh well.
I was bored a couple days ago and I made this picture. It's of Ramon, Ronnie, Marcos, and me. We are the 4 Whorsemen. We just like to go out and have a good time no matter what.
So it's the day after X-Mas and I'm here at work. I wanted to come in at 5:30am this morning but I've been going to bed at around that time for the past 3 days. It's been a fun little weekend. Here's a weekend recap:
Friday the family went over to Barona casino for the buffet and a little bit of gambling. They had some crab legs there and I tore it up. I probably ate like 20 crab legs.....and I don't even like crab legs(there's a story behind me saying that all the time). And after that, I cruised on over to Sin in downtown to meet up with some coworkers for some unadulterated fun. I took plenty of pix but I can't post any of them to protect the identity of the participants. Some might have significant others, some might be frequent church-goers, but nonetheless their actions are not accounted for.
Saturday was my Pops b-day and we had a lil' potluck that my Mom threw together. It was basically an X-Mas party for my Mom's coworkers and she didn't tell any of them that it was my Pops b-day. So there was a bunch of random people at my house and I just kept my distance. And after the party at my house, I stopped by Roel's pad for his b-day thingy. I got to see some friends that I haven't seen in a while. It was good times.
Sunday was a cleaning day due to the party we had the night before. I also watched a little bit of football and went to church for the first time in a while.
Monday was mostly spent at Qualcomm. We got to the stadium around noon and started the debauchery. Michelle came by and I gave her my X-mas gift and she loved it. It was a pair of Chargers lightning bolt earrings. She immediately took her earrings off and sported these ones. I like it when people actually like their gifts. =) The Chargers spanked the Broncos and now we got one game left on New Year's Eve day against the Raiders. It should be a blowout.
Tuesday was spent delivering gifts to my relatives and just hanging with the family. We didn't do anything special. We opened gifts and took some family pictures and that's it. It felt like a regular day to me, which is fine. I don't have a problem being ordinary. I think this was the first time we didn't gather together with relatives and celebrate in one location. I guess we're all too old now and people are tired and vacation days are actually used for resting.
Last night I had rehearsal and we played for about 3 hours straight and now my fingers hurt. The good thing is that we got 2 new songs written and a 3rd one almost done. It feels good to be productive.
After rehearsal I came home and worked on some stuff that I've been talking about. It's taking me a lot longer than what I was expecting cuz I'm learning new stuff as I go. I don't feel like writing that much so I'll post a little sample of my work. Enjoy.
I went to bed at 9pm last night but I didn't sleep very good. I saw almost every hour on the clock. I think I missed 4am even though I had my alarm set to 4:30am. I haven't slept much in the past 3 or 4 days. I've been working on some big things that can hopefully take me places. I'll reveal what those things are in the near future.
Last night I saw the R. Kelly video for his song "Thoia Thoing" and I was cracking up. It had this Japanese theme and R. Kelly was sellin' it. R. Kelly + Numchucks = Video Of The Year nominee. The song itself is pretty ridiculous. I usually like R. Kelly's music but this one almost had a reggaeton feel and I'm not really down with reggaeton. I'm sure this video is up on youtube. Give it a peep.
On the way to work I saw this skunk in the middle of the road and I flashed my headlights cuz I didn't want to run over it and I didn't feel like changing course. I never knew that skunks run weird. They have this slinky type effect on their body. It's like watching a huge caterpillar run really fast.
Shanel just walked in right now and the first thing she said when she saw me was "Oooohh". It wasn't like a "sexy" ooooohh, it was more like a "i'm pleasantly surprised to see you this morning" type of ooooohh. And I responded with a "whattup" oooohh.
Last night I had a heart to heart with one of my closest friends. I'll tell you, guys don't talk on the phone to each other unless there's a major crisis at hand. I faced this crossroad a few years back and now it was his turn. He came to me asking for advice and I told him all the things I was feeling at that moment in my life. I weighed the pros and cons and told him the consequences that each will bring. And he asked me if I was happy with my decision. I told him that I was NOT happy but I'm glad that I made that decision cuz now I know the difference between needs and wants. You can't always have what you want but you can survive. If you can't have what you need, you need to re-think things over. That was all he needed to hear. Someone to tell him he isn't crazy and that someone will have his back regardless of whatever decision he made. I wish I had this type of support when I was going through it. Moral of the story: How do you expect to provide for a family when you can't even provide for yourself? And respect a woman's right to choose.
Hahahahahahaha. Another classic conversation. I love it.
Man, I am dead tired. I probably had 8 hours of sleep in the past 56 hours. Not good. My body can't recover and I feel like I'm getting sick again. This is the 3rd time I'm getting sick. I am a sickly child.
Shampooing the carpet was a success yesterday. The carpet does look WAY better and we managed to do it in record time. I basically moved all the crap/furniture out of the way and my bro just shampoo'd away. And then I would dump out the dirty water and my bro would refill it with clean water and carpet shampoo. We are a good combination.
Picked up my Mom and ended up taking her shopping after work. I kinda needed to get a lot done so that had to get put in the backburner.
I had rehearsal last night and we finished a new song and we were working on another. I want to go to the studio and record an album. I think we have enough songs now where we can start selling some cd's.
Went over to Jerry's after rehearsal to drop off some pix I took this weekend and discuss my "compensation". There was a lot of good news in that conversation.
The white elephant gift exchange at work was yesterday and I got someone a ri-dong-culous gift. I ended up getting a gift from Andie. The limit was $10-15 and I'm pretty sure she spent over $50. I came out on the good end of that. But I will take her out next Friday. A concert and dinner and then we'll make sweet love and take it from there.
I came in at 5:30am this morning. Why? Cuz my Mom wants me and my bro to shampoo the carpet today for this X-mas party we're having at our house this weekend. So I'll be home a little before 2:30 today and we can get started on shampooing the carpet and hopefully we'll be done in time for me to pick up my Mom from work at 6. This is ridiculous. My Mom wants us to clean the carpet so other people can come over and leave their footprints all over the place. I don't have a problem cleaning, it's just that the place is gonna look exactly the same after the party. Why not just clean it after the party? It's not like our carpet looks dirty. We have a dark colored carpet. I was trying to reason this with her and then she came up with some idea that there's all this dust in our carpet and that's why I got sick. There's no point in arguing with my Mom cuz she'll fight it to the death and never admit that she's wrong.
I remember having this conversation with this old guy at the tailgate on Sunday. He was talking about marriage and the pros and cons of it. Basically he said that if you get married go all the way. Have a couple kids, cuz what's the point of being married without having any kids? Having a wife sucks but having kids is the best. He made a lot of good points but I can't remember them all. As of this moment, I don't see myself getting married. Things could change down the line but right now it's not on my mind. I know Ramon is basically getting his dong cut off soon but I saw it coming and it doesn't bother me in the least. He still hangs with the fellas unlike someone else I know, *cough* Ernie *cough*. Plus he has one of the coolest girls I've ever met. She's still a girl though, which means she's still a little crazy. No offense Ramon.
A little while back I made this 'Motivational Poster' that had a picture of me and the fellas drinking it up and smoking and it said "Friends don't let friends get married. It's ok to love someone but just say NO to marriage" It was a funny poster if you were one of the fellas but some of the significant others didn't appreciate it too much. Hahahahahaha
Friday night was supposed to be this huge event with me taking pix of like 8 models in various clubs and what not. Well, only 3 models showed up but we still had the limo and champagne and VIP access in the clubs so it was still a good time. The only thing that took away some of the fun was that one of the clubs took me out cuz of my camera so basically I couldn't take pix. We spent a good portion of the night in this club too so I didn't get to take that many pix. Oh well. It was a good night overall.
Saturday was spent at Ramon's flag football game. It was the championships and I was taking pix of them. Things didn't turn out the way we wanted and they ended up losing a close game in the championships. Calls that could have gone either way went against us.
Sunday was the usual. Tailgating, eating, drinking. The Chargers clinched the AFC West so that was awesome. I got to hang out with Michelle for a good portion of the tailgate. She baked some cookies for me and they were delicious. Butterscotch and chocolate and some nuts and all that delicious goodness. Michelle kinda plans things waaaaay ahead of time, which is a good thing, but every time I try and make some plans for us she already has something going on. So we were debating and decided that on Feb. 16, we'll be going up to LA to see Wicked. So I guess she's gonna be my Valentine.
Alot of other things happened but I was pretty faded so the details are a little blurry. I'll remember them eventually. The pix are on my camera.
I hate being sick. I was sick 2 weeks ago and now I came down with something different. The past two days my voice has been pretty much shot. It just feels like I never recovered. Bleh.
Those are my specialties. Hahahahaha. So last night I slept at 7pm again. I woke up and looked at the clock and it said 11:59pm. I normally sleep like 4-5 hrs/night so I guess that was a natural time for me to wake up. But I didn't wanna just sit around and do nothing while everyone was asleep so I decided to go back to sleep. I woke up again at 4:25am and I felt it was too early for me to go work so I slept again. I woke up for the 3rd time around 5:15am or so. Then I decided to take a shower and eat breakfast and pay some bills and do some other crap. I was gonna leave for work early but I got caught up with the crap I was doing that I ended up leaving around the same time I normally do.
Today is the last rehearsal for the X-mas band. Some people don't know their parts yet and keep looking at the music. I stopped looking at the music a few practices ago and I'm just playing it all by ear. They gave us a new song yesterday but I didn't even get the music so I can learn it by ear right away. I wanna have them all memorized but we're playing like 11 songs and there are 3 songs where I am unsure of their endings. It's not a big deal, it's only the last few measures but I've been ending the song at a different time than everyone else. Oh well, we'll iron out those kinks today.
Sorry for the no blog yesterday. I was in a meeting right when I got into work and then I had some stuff to take care of and then I went to music rehearsal for 4 hours and then by the time I came back, it was time to go home.
*******EDIT 8:12am***********
Shanel wrote a blog? That's like me having a girlfriend.
I think this past weekend has been the best weekend of '07. Action packed with testosterone and determination and pride and all the good stuff that makes life worthwhile.
Friday night I started fixing my compact digital camera. The screen cracked when it was in my pocket and it's been out of commission for like 6 months. It was still able to take pix but I had to look through the little viewfinder, but then I couldn't see the pic turned out like until I uploaded it onto my comp. So I got a new screen and decided to fix it myself instead of spending $120 to send it to Canon and have them repair it for me. I got a screen for like $65 and it came with instructions but they were a little weird. So I just decided to explore the inner workings of the camera on my own. and after about 4 hours and 3 unsuccessful attempts I finally got my camera working again. Now I can have a camera with me at ALL TIMES once again. Yay! And later that night my friend Jerry called me and told me that there would be a model photoshoot for DYSMD Girls.
Saturday I went to the photoshoot over in downtown at Red Circle. I guess they rented out the place and set up shop over there. I got there around 11am and stayed until 4pm. It was my first time being at an actual photoshoot. It was good for me to learn what the environment was like and the preparation that goes into everything. I never knew how much time and effort went into a shoot. I got to meet alot of the models there and they were asking for my card but I was all like "You know what? I'm fresh out but I'll get it to you when I get some more." The only 2 models doing shoots that day were Desiree and Rona. The crazy thing is I went to middle school with Desiree and I told her that I remember her. I said I was in band and she was in color guard. And then she was all like "Yeah, I remember you too. You played drums, right?" That was crazy. But yeah, Desiree and Rona each did 3 sets and it's pretty tough. Time constraints and people rushing and trying to squeeze things in. I'm glad I wasn't the main photographer. I was photographer B. I just took a bunch of auxilary shots, behind the scenes stuff, etc. I'll post some of my pix.
Sunday was one of the dirtiest games I have ever seen. Those Tennessee Titans were looking to take someone out. We had so many guys get injured in that game. I'm just glad we came out with a win. That's what we needed. A win on the road against a team with a winning record. Hopefully this gives us plenty of momentum going into the playoffs.
After the game, my Mom had us put up a bunch of X-mas lights around and outside the house. We spend a good portion of the day doing that. And when we finished that, I spent a few hours editing the pix from the photoshoot cuz I had to turn them in that day. I didn't realize that I took over 1100 pix. It was crazy. I think I only ended up giving 534 pix to the boss. They're quality shots though. Quality, not quantity.
Around 6 or 7 on Sunday night Michelle hit me up and asked me if I wanted to go to Charger Park with her to greet the team as they came home. She said the team was gonna be arriving around 9pm so she was gonna get there at 8:30ish to make sure. Well, I was dropping off the photoshoot pix and then I called her at 840 to see if the team had arrived yet. She said I need to get there soon cuz Casey Pierce, the Chargers.com writer, called her and told her the team arrived at the airport at 8:25 and they were gonna arrive at Charger Park a little before 9. So I hauled some major ass to try to get there.
As I pulled into the parking lot, I saw the Chargers team bus in front of me so I parked in the first spot I saw and started running full speed. It was like a scene in a movie. As I'm chasing after the buses, the first person I see is Michelle standing right by first bus and I tell her I made it. And she's smiling at me and says "Perfect Timing!" So we're chatting and she introduces me to her parents. Eeeeek. But they seem to be lovin' me. I guess Michelle told them a bunch of good things about me already. So we're taking pix and greeting the players and chattin' it up. They're good people. It was fun. The crazy thing that happened was when I was talking with Michelle I saw this blue-ish white light streak across the sky. I dunno if that's a sign or anything but it gave me a good feeling. Maybe it means I'm gonna have better seats come playoff time? Ha. =)
Last night at Strauss was a total blast. But something was missing. My night was not complete. I didn't get to see my favorite engineer. Booooooooo! I haven't seen her since last Strauss.
But Andie, the new girl, cruised along and she was fun. She's got a pretty slammin' body and she is an absolutely AMAZING singer. When I first heard her, she was doing this Faith Hill song and it gave me goosebumps cuz I felt every word she sang. If I wasn't a man, I probably would have cried. It was that good. Another thing I like about her is that she can munch. Nothing turns me on more than a girl who isn't afraid to eat. At the end of the night, we were chillin at Shanel's plpace and we ordered a pizza and me and Andie had a competition. Who could finish more pizza? It ended up as a tie cuz we ran out of pizza. But the girl can munch. And she's so tiny. I would guess that she's only like 95 lbs. She'll be a good, new addition to the crew.
Me and Shanel always have these weird conversations where people will walk into it at the wrong time. We'll be saying something and it's totally in context with what we're talking about but to a person who only hears that line, it sounds extremely dirty. For example, this one time we were eating a burrito and she was scared of this meat that didn't look fully cooked. I grabbed it and ate a piece to show her it was safe. It was fully cooked but the marinade made it look very pink. So I told her "Don't look at it! Just close your eyes, open your mouth and swallow." And someone comes in right when I said that and they were like "What are you guys doing?" And we just started cracking up.
I went to sleep pretty early again last night. Around 9pm. That's early for me. I usually sleep around midnight or later. My body is in a weak state right now. That's my only excuse for sleeping this early.
Right when I walked into the office this morning Shanel says "How can I depend on you if you're not even here?" I told her yesterday that if I came in and she wasn't here, I would text her. Well, I kinda felt like an asswipe when she said that. Maybe I shouldn't go around offering things I can't do. Am I in the wrong for feeling this way?
And when I went to get the morning coffee (morning tea for me) with Scott, I accidentally spilled some beans with him. We were just havin' some guy talk about crazy stuff we do and I mentioned something and he stopped me and was all like "What did you say?" And I was all like "Uhhhh, you didn't know? Well you didn't hear it from me then." I mean, it's not too big of a deal but I dunno if I should have been the one to break the news to him. Oh well, the damage is done.
Tonight is Strauss and I brought my camera. It's always good times at the Strauss. I invited Michelle but she already had plans. She said she would come next month. It means alot to me cuz she doesn't even like beer and she's willing to go for me. It was funny when I was talking to her the other night cuz when I called her she was still at work. She tutors kids after school and what not but one of the kids she was tutoring got next to her and yelled into the phone "Get off the phone with her, she's supposed to be tutoring me!" But she kept talking to me for like 10 more mins and then she started laughing all of a sudden and she told me that the kids she was tutoring were all on their phones now too. Monkey see, monkey do. Gotta love the kids. Hahahahaha.
Last night I went to bed at 7pm. The night before I went to bed at 9pm. I haven't been feelin' good lately. I guess I haven't been letting my body get any rest and now it's catching up to me. I also feel another cold coming. Not good.
Shanel has been comin' in at 6:30am and when I got here at 6:45am she wasn't here yet. SO I waited 15-20 mins to see if she would show but she never did so I texted her. She texted me back saying "Thanks for waking me up hahahahahaha". And when got here she told me she was supposed to come in a little earlier today since she has a doctor's appointment but now she might have to cancel it. Shanel is also sick like me.
You know who else is sick? Vanessa. She has strep throat and she didn't even come to work yesterday and she's part of the X-mas band too and we had studio time yesterday. We just ended up doing some songs that she wasn't singing. It's a good thing she's sick this week and not next week cuz that's when we perform. Eeeeek.
I think all this sickness is from Rosarito and dancing in the rain at Papas & Beer. Alcohol + Lack of sleep + Dancing in the rain = Sick. Whatever, it was well worth it. I had a blast. Looking forward to the next trip.
I just remembered about this voicemail that Shanel left me on the last time we went to Strauss. It was after Strauss and we were dropping off Karmen and then gonna head over to Scotty's house. Shanel was riding with Ramon and Vanessa was with me. So Shanel is trying to call me to tell me not to drop off Karmen and just bring her with us to Scott's but Karmen was pretty much wasted. She was ready to pass out. So Shanel is calling me but I can't find my phone. I can hear it my truck but it dropped in between the seats and I couldn't find it so I couldn't answer. Once we made it to a stoplight, I looked under the seat and found it. So I had a new voice message icon when I found it. I listened to it and here's what it said: "Freddy! Freddy? Why aren't you picking up your phone? What are you doing with Vanessa? Are you making out with Vanessa? You better not be! You should be making out with me! Freddy? Ok, call me back." Hahahahahahaha! I was cracking up when I heard it. Shanel is crazy.
I've been feeling a little down ever we came back from Rosarito. I didn't really want the fun to end. I keep looking at all the pix and I'm smiling and all happy. Now, that's not the case. I'm here at work and pretending to look busy. Hahahahaha. The only thing I have to look forward to today/this week is music rehearsals in the studio with the X-mas band.
I'm getting paid like an engineer but I'm getting to do what I love to do, play music. Who wouldn't want to be in X-mas band? I get so much priveleges. The only hard part about being in the X-mas band was that I also got to voice my opinions on some of the people who auditioned. I was kind of a deciding vote yesterday. We've been rehearsing with one of the guys for over a week now and it looks like he'll get cut today. We have a week and a half til the performance. I think there might be 2 newcomers (technically 1, cuz the other is just switching instruments) today. We haven't gone through all the songs yet. We've practiced maybe 4 or 5. Those are the songs that the new singers are gonna do. The focus has been on them. I guess the other songs are traditional X-mas songs so "everybody" should know it. I haven't actually played on a drumset with the band yet. I've been sitting there listening to their style of play and thinking of my parts that could fit with them. Today is gonna be the first day I actually get to hop on a drumset and play with the full band.
I was told that some people heard me play last year and they were inspired to join the X-mas band this year. Apparently every drummer they had before me was mediocre at best. I know the feeling of playing with people who are still learning. It makes you hold back cuz they can't comprehend all the things you're doing. It's a different story when you play with people who are waaaaaay better than you. It's like they bring you up to their level, or at least a couple notches above your normal playing level.
Practice is at 1:30. Only 5 more hours to go......
I found this site, , that shows you how to make wallets out of money. I think imma try it sometime this week. How sweet would it be for you to be pulling out a wad of cash from a wad of cash. Hahahahahaha. Maybe I'm the only one who finds that entertaining.
I've had some doubts about myself and my abilities as of late. Some things just aren't falling the way I want them to and I know what I need to change but I just can't bring myself to do it. Being in a comfortable spot is NOT always a comforting thing. You gotta be on your toes at all times or else you become complacent.
I don't think I've practiced for Struedel Court in over a month now. Things just keep coming up and I keep pushing things back. Maybe I don't wanna do this right now? Music is my life. I really enjoy it, but there are other things that I'm enjoying more. Another one of my flaws: not keeping my eyes on the prize. I have a wandering eye and it's also very greedy. Instant gratification is what I need and nothing can stop me.
The new year is coming and I want to end this year off right so I can keep that vibe going into the next one.
I really want to get into all the full details of this trip but I can't. All I can say is that I went down there with something in mind and plans changed a little but I still had fun. The whole coworkers/keeping it professional deal went out the window. I mean, we'd go out and have fun but not his kind of fun. This is a throwback to the college years. Madness. Good times. And plenty of incriminating photos.
