The DerfJam Chronicles

For the past few weeks I have been walking around in alot of pain. Take that literally. I was cutting my toe nails and I cut the corner of the big toe too short. Well, when it started growing it grew under the skin since I cut it too short. So everytime I took a step I felt all pressure of the nail pressing against the skin. It felt like someone was sticking a needle under my toenail and stabbing me everytime I took a step.

So last night I decided to try to get rid of that ingrown toenail. I sliced open the skin and went to pry the nail out. I sliced open the skin just fine. It didn't hurt too bad. But trying to get the nail out was excruciating. It took me about 35 mins to get it out. I had to stop every 5 mins or so cuz the pain was unbearable. Everytime the tweezer came into contact with the nail, I felt all the pressure. The skin around the nail was so tender since it was freshly opened. The nail itself was small so it was hard to grab it. All I would grab was skin and it hurt so bad. It was also hard to see where the nail was cuz blood and puss kept oozing out.

I finally got the nail out and now it doesn't hurt as much when I take a step. I can still feel the skin since it's still open. Right now, the corner of my toe is all purple. It looks pretty nasty but it feels so much better than before. The pain endured during the removal process was so worth the end result.

This is such a good life lesson: Endure the pain and enjoy the pleasure. The greatest pain will NEVER compare to the greatest happiness.

I had my interview at Goodrich this morning. I decided to call in sick....wait, I emailed in sick today. Hahahahaha. I was pretty damn nervous when I was waiting in the lobby for my interview to start. It was crazy cuz when I was entering the gate, my name wasn't on the list for interviewees so I thought maybe they forget to give my name to the guards. So I check in with the recpetionist and my name isn't on the list either. So they contact HR and they set up a room for me to go in.

When I went into the room, there were 3 people there to interview me. The HR chick was pretty slammin'. Ha. They didn't have my resume and luckily I printed one out before I left. They were pretty impressed with my resume when they were looking over it. That calmed me down quite a bit to see their faces. I guess CATIA is a pretty big deal and I'm using the newest version so I'm one step ahead of the game.

They asked alot about my current job and everyone I talk to seems to be impressed about it. They did grill me with some technical questions that I was somewhat prepared for. They even had a paper with a picture of two plates being held together by a bolt and asked me questions about that. They asked me stuff about 4 different matreials and their properties and I couldn't remember so I responded with "Well, with the proper resources I can go out and find the correct answer." and one of the guys interviewing me said he liked that answer. Hahahahaha.

And Angela, my senior project partner, passed by the room I was being interviewed in and I said I knew her. So they brought her into the room and we all just started joking around. They were comfortable with Angela and So was I so that made things so smooth. It brought out the lighter side of the interviewers and myself. My question session probably lasted as long as my interview. I decided to grill them with questions now and they would respond with "Well, that's a good question. Bill do you want to handle that?" Hahahahaha. And they kept passing it on to the next person cuz they didn't really have good answers for me. I asked them "What they enjoy most out of the job?" and one of the guys responded "I get to work with Aimee!" Aimee is the HR chick who's pretty slammin'. Hahahahah. We all started cracking up after that.

Well, after the interview was done Angela walked out with me to my car and we chatted for a bit. She said her interview was like that too. It was pretty casual with a few technical questions thrown in but they get just want to get a feel for your personality and see if you can work in that environment. That was probably the funnest interview I've been to.

It took me 8 minutes to get there. I hope I get this job.

My bro is back from Europe and he brought me back some crazy shirts. I don't really understand them and I guess you had to be in Europe to really get a feel of what the shirt is about but they're cool. XL is Europe is slightly smaller than XL here cuz the shirts are skin tight on me. Hahahahaha. I guess that means I just have to drop a few pounds. I need to. Out of the 40+ shirts I own, only 15 fit me good. The rest are getting tighter everyday.

It was weird not having my bro around. The house was just too quiet. I like there to be noise. When it's too quiet I can hear my own thoughts and they scare me. Yeah, I'm weird like that.

On Thursday I have a follow up doctor's appt. for the pain I've been having in my elbow, wrist, and fingers. I blamed it on all the computer work I've been doing but I'm pretty sure it's from playing drums. But I haven't played drums since December and I think the computer is just aggravating an old injury. So I guess that applies as an on-the-job injury. And the only reason I played drums in Decmeber is because they asked me to play for the the X-mas program we had at work. And now I have all this worker's comp paperwork to fill out and I don't really want to do that.

I should also do some studying before my interview at Goodrich on Friday. When I had my phone interview, they grilled me with some technical questions and caught me off-guard. They asked me shit from like 2-3 years ago that I studied in school but have never actually used. Shit like factors of safety and material properties and explanations of structures like why this has that type of shape. I hope I get this job since it's like 10 mins away from my house and that means no traffic for me! Yaye! I don't mind being in my car for 50 minutes cuz I get my groove on with some music but I'm pretty sure this job will pay more than my current job.

I almost cut my hair for this upcoming interview but I decided that my hair is at a decent length when I can still comb it pretty boy styles. I did shave off my goatee which I have been growing for the past 9 months or so. It was about 3 inches long and I could almost braid it. I shouldn't have shaved it but oh well. I hate having to conform to society's standards.

I got an interview with Goodrich this Friday. Wish me luck!

Sorry for the lack of updates/entries/etc.

I gotta find a new job. NOW!

I'm being a rebel and going on the internet. Ha.

You know what's weird? No hair grows on the part of my wrist that my watch touches. When I don't wear a watch, there is usually hair. I guess cuz my wrist is so big that the watch is basically glued to my wrist and doesn't allow for the hair to come out of the skin. I can't adjust my watch strap, it's set to the biggest already.

I also have alot of bald spots on my legs. Everytime I shave my legs, a patch of hair will not grow back. So if I shave my legs enough, eventually I will have no hair whatsoever.

I wish I could grow a full beard so I can the rock the Uncle Phil from Fresh Prince look. I can only grow a thin mustache and a thin goatee. Asian status.

They moved my seat at work. I used to sit with my back to the wall....which meant internet all day for me. Now I sit on the opposite end and I'm facing the wall/window and everyone sits behind me which means no more internet for me. Oh well.

NBA playoffs has begun. I love it during playoffs. Good games and pretty much every night during the first few rounds. I'm a Laker fan by default cuz when we moved here and stayed with my Uncle, he was a Laker fan and I grew up watching the Lakers. It was the Showtime Lakers with Magic Johnson, James Worthy, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, AC Green, Kurt Rambis, Michael Cooper, Mykal Thompson, and the gang. I'm not a huge Kobe fan.

Did you know that there's some Chinese dude named Sun Ming-Ming who's like 7'9" tall? I was watching something on Discovery HD called Anatomy of a Giant and they were documenting his dream to make it to the NBA. It was pretty nasty cuz in Chine, they didn't have shoes big enough to fit him so he wore some smaller size and now his toes are all curled up. I think he wears a size 19 shoe. If his toes weren't curled, he'd probably wear a size 22. I wear a size 9 so his foot is HUGE!!!!!

I'll see if I can uodate during work still....

I entered a skate shop that my friends own. I walked in to find my friend Sal working there. I wasn't aware that he worked there. Another one of my friends was putting clothes on the racks and there were some customers just lookin' at the gear. I walked in wearing a shirt that I designed. I had designed it in hopes they would sell it. Sal is diggin' my shirt but he never says anything to me. I guess his attention was to the other customers in the store. He was answering their questions, getting stuff out from the back and what not. I was just checking out their selection the whole time. I saw some all-over print jackets that I wanted.

**end of dream**

Last before I slept I was doing some design stuff on photoshop. I guess my ideas carried over into my dream. My friends play on a flag football league and I go and take pix every once in a while. The design I was doing was for their myspace page. They named me their official manager since I do some of the publicity work for them.

Today I just happen to be wearing some green, yellow, and red (aka Rasta colors). I'm rockin' a Rasta headband, my shirt is black but has some letters in Rasta colors, and my jackets has Rasta diamonds on it. So some of the coworkers are accusing me of doing the deed that is done on this day, April 20 (aka 4/20). It's pure coincidence that I'm wearing all this. I didn't even know today was the 20th until they started teasing me. Needless to say, I remain untainted.....

Last month I mentioned that I was waking up with a dry mouth/tongue and feeling all dehydrated. When I mentioned that to a couple of my friends, they said their Dads had the same thing and it was because of high blood pressure. I went to the doctor on Tuesday and they said my blood pressure was 140/100. Normal blood pressure is 120/80. I guess I'm gonna start running more and eating better. Wish me luck.

I dunno if I'm gonna do the food competitions at work anymore.....

I've been chillin' with Karmen alot lately. And today we were taking a walk together and she said I was cute. Yes. I doubt imma go for her but it feels good to know that someone thinks I'm cute. No wonder everytime I went to kiss her (in the presence of alcohol, of course. and on the cheek, not the lips) she never backed away (unlike Shanel). Hahahahahaha.

I went to the doctor yesterday. My work actually forced me to go. They gave me pain relievine medication. It doesn't work. They gave me papers showing stretches/exercises. Those work. I'll be out of commission for a while. 2 weeks before another appointment. We'll see what the diagnosis is then. Expect the worst, hope for the best, pray that everything turns out okay. =) 143.

I don't want to air out dirty laundry but I'm really pissed right now. I feel like I could shank someone, anyone. I don't care. Look at me the wrong way *shank*. Smile at me *shank shank*.

I feel betrayed. Please forgive me for anything I might think or say.....






I'm doing this for your sake, not mine. Understand this. Please. Don't put the blame on me. You asked, I responded. I have every right to be angry.

I wanted to start wearing my necklace again but the chain broke. It's a sign that maybe I shouldn't wear it yet. I'm beginning to open my eyes but apparently the sun is too bright and I still have to squint just to see my way around.....

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My bro leaves for Europe tomorrow. I wish I was going too. I wish I had friends who had jobs so they would have money to go on trips with me. Boo to being a loner and only-child status will begin tomorrow (my sis lives in LA) which makes me a loner even more.

Everybody needs a little attention every once in a while. I just happen to need alot. I like receiving messages/emails/comments from people.

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Oh yeah if you're reading this, 143! Hahahahahahaha. K.I.T. Big ups to my only 2 readers.

There was this riddle/puzzle that was presented to me. If I could solve it I would be on my way to the "next level" or a "higher plane". There were some clues given to me. Some of the clues were: A Coined Phrase and a few of the letters were laid out like in Wheel of Fortune. I stared at his riddle for the longest time and I still could not figure it out. And then someone said something to me about letting it go. It was something like "We could be out having the best time of our lives but here you are having the worst time." It reminded me of the book A Tale Of Two Cities. The opening phrase from that book was "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..." and that was the answer to the riddle. I gave the answer to the riddle and I was supposed to be given access to "somewhere".

**end of dream**

Alot of my dreams are based on things that happen throughout my day. For example, if I'm at the bookstore and I see this hot girl I want to say hi to her and maybe ask her out to lunch. But in real life I'll go up to her and say hi and I'll get flustered and start talking about whatever book she is holding or what I'm holding. I'll totally forget to ask her out lunch. I'll probably have a dream later on in the night with the situation of me asking her out to lunch and her accepting. The dream will carry into the lunch session and showcase my charm and she will fall hopelessly in love with me.

Everything I don't/can't/won't do will happen in my dreams. I guess it's my super-ego being fulfilled. My desires can never be satisfied, but I can always dream....

I received a phone call from a number I didn't know so I didn't pick up. I was going through all the numbers that I knew in my head and no face or name came up when I was reciting that phone number. But I was curious as to whom it was. After a few minutes of trying to figure out who it could be, I decided to call it back.

It ended up being a familiar voice. It was a childhood friend of mine. We start talking and shootin' the shiite and whatever. I'm just happy to hear from him.

**end of dream segment. i wake up and try to go back to sleep to continue my dream**

Dreaming again, I'm in a different place. I'm at a random location with some people I know. I take some daily vitamins and supplements so I'm poppin' a couple in my mouth. Then some guy from my work shows up and sees me poppin' some pills and asks for some. I told him they were vitamins and he said he needed it. So I gave him one and he went away.

I'm talkin' to my posse and we're havin' a jolly good time. And then all of a sudden this guy shows up again askin' for more pills. I told him they were one-a-days and you need to take them with food. He said he just got 3 more from some other people and he wants more. I'm angry at this point and I wanna knock him out.

**end of dream segments**


My childhood friend and I went to the same Church, elementary school, middle school, and high school so we were really good friends. And he also lived on the street behind me. Our families were close too. His bro and my bro were really close friends. I saw his name when I was checking my email and I was thinking about hittin' him up to see what he's been up to. I decided against it since nothing new really happened to me so I didn't really want to have such a short conversation.


I just remembered about this one time at work when me, Christine and Shanel were having this conversation and Scott comes along saying he wants to join in on the fun. All of a sudden we just stop talking and look at him. And I remember saying something like "Excuse me, this is an A, B, and C conversation. So D ya real soon!" And then me and Christine started crackin' up like crazy. I don't think Shanel got the joke. She is a little slow, hence the nickname "shortbus". Just kidding Shanel, you know I ain't got nuttin' but love for ya! 143.

Remember back in the day when all the girls would end their letters with T.C.C.I.C or K.I.T. or J.A.P.A.N. or L.Y.L.A.S. or 143 or 637. That was awesome. They should start doing it again. I'll the start the trend again...

Kudos goes to the first person who can remember what all those acronyms stand for.

When I was with my old band, we were chillin' outside my house one day after practice and we were talking about dreams and crazy things that happen to us at night. Cesar, the lead guitarist, told us about something that would happen on random occassions.

One night Cesar woke up to go use the bathroom. As he was letting it out, his bro walks into to the bathroom startling him. So he's going pee and talking to his bro. So he looks over to his and bro and in the corner of his eye, past the bathroom door, he could see his bro still lying in his bed sleeping. So there's someone here talking to him in the bathroom and there's someone lying in his bro's bed. He was freaked out by this so he bolted back to his bed and went to sleep.

The next morning his bro says he had the weirdest dream. He dreamt that he got up in the middle of the night and went to the bathroom and that Cesar was in there and he started talking to him.


On another night Cesar was playing guitar and his bro comes in and says "Whoa, I feel weird. It feels like I'm floating!" And Cesar looks at him and says "Dude, where's your legs?" Cesar described his brother as smoky and almost see-through, like in the cartoons when a genie comes out of a bottle. And again he saw someone in his bro's bed while he was talking to his bro.

Cesar told his Mom about these occurrences and she said it was just her brother's soul leaving his body while he was asleep. Apparently she had experiences like this too so she wasn't freaked out to hear about it.

So everytime Cesar was having a conversation with his bro in the middle of the night, he would go and check his bro's bed. And if his bro was still in bed he would tell his bro's soul to go back to his body cuz he was getting freaked out again. And the bro's soul would listen.

That is such a crazy story. I had goosebumps when he was telling us about it.

Yesterday I wore a white shirt. I wore a white shirt when I stopped by my friend's house on Sunday. Since I was only at his house for 30 mins or so, I decided to wear that white shirt again the next day to work. During my 30 minute stay, I did grab a bite to eat. At the end of my shift yesterday, I noticed that I had barbeque stains on my shirt. I went through a whole day of work wearing a shirt with barbeque stains in the belly area. I mean, it wasn't a plain white t-shirt. It had a design in the chest/mid-section area but the stain was definitely visible. Now my question is this: Is it wrong to wear the same shirt 2 days in a row, even if no one saw you wear it the day before?

I was basically sitting at my desk the whole day yesterday. The only time I went out was during lunch and I had BBQ chicken from TEMS in the food court in Mira Mesa. So I didn't really expect anyone to notice the stain. But if they did, do you think they just kept quiet and were too embarassed to call me out on it?

I'm the kind of person who will tell a stranger that they have a booger hangin' from their nose. I know not too many people will do that. Of course I'm gonna laugh when I see it at first, but once I'm over it imma go and tell them. But if I see a girl's thong just hangin' out, imma admire it the whole time and not say a damn word. I'd rather see thong than crack. I dunno why, but seeing a crack just makes me laugh while seeing a thong just hits me in the right spot. Even if it's just the outline of a thong on tight pants, me likey.

I remember seeing a skit either on SNL or MadTV about thong diapers. It was pretty nasty but it was damn funny. I'll try to find it on youtube or something.

Conversations with myself. I just spent over an hour talking to myself. It was an interesting conversation. It was about success and how we define it. I'm not gonna get into the conversation but I wanted to talk about the fact that I find myself having these solo conversations quite frequently. I'm having one right now as I type. I'm trying to think of why I do it. I dunno. Am I the only one who does this? It's not thoughts, it's an actual conversation. I can imagine a figure I'm talking to, but the figure is myself. It's like looking in the mirror and saying "Who is that sexy beast?" and then you change your posture and respond with "I see you watchin' me watchin' you!". And you continue to go back and forth. It's like you changed roles and became that other person in the mirror but you're still you. I dunno. Maybe I am the only one who does this? Hahahahaha.

I guess this can be similar to being a kid and having an imaginary friend....And I am the imaginary friend. The kid is real, the thoughts are the ones that are deceiving. I only exist in your head. Everything you're reading right now is you imagining it. You have a very vivid imagination. You're coming to the realization that everything around you is all in your thoughts. You have the power to change things. But you're afraid to mess up so you leave things as they are and complain. The kid is growing up and the imaginary friend is disappearing. The imaginary friend and the kid are now one. The time is now 11:03am and the kid just wasted another hour having a conversation with himself.

I just went to the bathroom right now and pee'd in the urinal. I flushed and then went to wash my hands. As I'm drying my hands I hear the sound of waterfalls. I turn around and I see that the urinal is now flooded and it won't stop renewing water and the water is coming close to my feet. Some other dude walks in and sees the mess and me just standing there watching it. He then proceeds to go near the urinal and starts jiggling the flush handle. This stops the water from flowing but the urinal is still full....of my piss, nonetheless. Hahahahaha. I just stood there and watched the entire thing happen. I could have tried to stop the water from flowing but I found enjoyment in seeing the flood happen. I was imagining a toilet full of doo doo butter and the logs falling to the ground, like a raft going over the edge of an actual waterfall, and maybe being floating or being swept near the door by the vast amount of water. It was a thing of beauty. It was funny though cuz all I said to the guy was "It won't stop!" After his heroics, he said the water stopped but it won't drain. He would go ahead and call the janitors. I didn't say another word and left. The entire bathroom floor is now covered in my piss. Hahahaha.

On a sad note, Upper Management is trying to prevent us from doing our weekly food challenges. Last week we had 2 people throw up, for the first time ever in competition history. More and more people are starting to participate in these challenges. when we first started it was only about 4-6 people who would compete. Now we have around 10-15. It's a great team bonding exercise. It pushes us to our limits and that's when you see the true nature of a person, when they reach that limit. This week we were supposed to chug a bottle of maple syrup...

Last weekend at Sportsfest in Pomona, the bathroom door in our hotel would not lock. I shower at night, instead of mornings, for some strange reason and the fellas kept opening the door to the bathroom whenever I was in the shower. Well after about the 10th time they opened the door, I just opened the shower curtain and showered out in the open for them to see. And they stopped messing with me after that. It's like V for Vendetta when Natalie Portman is all locked up and abused and then she loses her fear and is set free.

This past weekend, I saw Jerry's "brain" on numerous occassions. He set us all up pretty good. If you don't know what the "brain" is, google it when you get HOME. If you know what the "goat" is, then you might have an idea. Or you can just watch the movie "Waiting". It's the one with Ryan Reynolds and they work at some restaurant and they mess with people's food or whatever. It's a good one. And the hostess is HOTT! I think her real name is Vanessa Lengies.

The audio and video might be off but whatever. Blame it on youtube. This is a good song and I'm not playing it the way it's really played cuz it's just one guitar and I can never play anything the way someone else does it. I got my own style. I call it crappy. Now if I can only learn to sing falsetto....

You know those street performers that paint themselves silver and pretend to be statues? They were everywhere. All the places I went to, they were there. And I think it was the same two people everywhere I went. It was one guy and one girl. The girl was always on the guy's shoulder and then they'd do some twirling crap like spinning in circles and shiite. Gymnastics stuff....or figure skater doubles moves. It was weird cuz when I see them doing their moves, it was like The Matrix when the bullets are coming at Neo in slow motion. I had a 360 degree view. The guy was hoisting the girl in the air with one arm and her arms and legs made a human X and they were spinning somehow. It might have been me spinning completely around them while they stayed still but I saw them at every angle. It was weird....

**end of dream**

Poker last night at Joel's pad. I went but didn't play. There were so many people. They had 2 seperate poker tables and a pot of over $400 when I left. I just chilled and played guitar. I'm writing a bunch of songs again. I wanna find people to jam with. It's easy to find people who play but it's hard to find people who are actually good. I know ALOT of people who are good at playing songs they hear on the radio or whatever but when it comes to songwriting they don't know jack shiite. When I was learning guitar, I couldn't play the songs I heard on the radio so I wrote my own songs. I'm a horse of a different color. I'm a right handed lefty living in a backwards world.

Mike Einziger, the guitarist for Incubus, is currently sidelined from action. They had to cancel some tour dates. Word of the streets is that he injured his hand and needed surgery. Well, I did some research on message boards and forums and what not and it turns out that he developed carpal tunnel in his left hand. For rightys, the left hand is the fret hand on the guitar. Well, I can't play guitar for more than 15 minutes before my thumb starts going numb. If I keep playing beyond that, other fingers start to go numb. It's usually my thumb and pointer finger that get it the worst. I'm pretty sure I have carpal tunnel from playing the drums. I should get it checked up now that I have medical insurance. If I do have carpal tunnel and need surgery, it's gonna be weird for 2 months. My left hand is the one that is feeling the pain and I use my left hand more than I use my right. Whatever though, I guess I can learn to use my right hand. If it heals, then it'll all be worth it.

So I finally got approval to come in to work at 9am when my bro goes to Europe in a couple weeks. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I was kinda hoping it wouldn't get approved. Call me an arsole or whatever but it would be nice if I had my own life. *see last post if you have no idea what I'm babbling about*

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My back still hurts. I might have a pinched nerve or something. Or I could just be too damn fat for my own good. I'm working on it though. I haven't eaten rice, any chocolate, or soda for around 37 days or so. Imma try to go longer and see what happens.

I met a girl this past weekend and she was pretty damn cool. I'd like to spend some more time with her and get to know her more. Thing is, she's newly single so I really don't wanna be THAT GUY again. Whatever though, she's hot so if I'm THAT GUY I don't care. Hahahahahaha. There was alcohol involved when I met so I'm not sure how cool she really is. I'd like to have a non-alcoholic conversation/interaction with her.

I couldn't really sleep last night cuz my back has been killin' me. I wore a back brace when I got home from work and it helped. I took it off when I was gonna sleep and maybe I shoulda left it on. I shoulda wore it to work today too.


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I have no friends who have real jobs. Everyone is still in school or they dropped out. The ones who have jobs I don't ever see or talk. That is partially my fault. I ain't baggin' on anyone but when they invite me to go out during the week, it's just not possible for me to go out at 9pm and come home at 4am and then be ready for work at 6am.

My brother is going to Europe for a couple weeks. He's usually the one who takes my Mom to work in the mornings and I pick her up in the evenings. Me and my Dad work the early shift so that's why my bro takes her in the mornings. Well, since my bro will be gone my Mom asked me to take her to work in the mornings. My Dad works an earlier shift than me so he can't do it. My Mom starts work at 9am. I have flex time so I can start anytime between 530-730am. To get to work by 730am I have to leave my house by 630am. For my Mom to get to work by 9am, we can leave the house at 840am. I'm not sure how this is gonna work. My Mom doesn't want to leave the house 630am cuz she'll have +2 hrs of nothing to do before she starts work. I asked my supervisors if I can come in later but they still haven't responded. Is it selfish of me to not want to take my Mom to work? Me having to change my schedule for her and all. I mean, my Mom can drive on her own. She just hasn't done so in about 6 years. She stopped driving when I started. I wouldn't mind taking her if it fit into my schedule. Driving isn't that hard. I'm pissed.....

I was just cruisin' all over the place lookin' to take pictures. I ended up taking pictures of alot of people. People I knew, strangers, innocent bystanders, and anyone within viewing range. I know I was trying to convince people to let me take some pix of them. Someone even offered to take pix of me with my camera and I happily obliged. That is all.

**end of dream**

I know this dream seems all short but it wasn't. Cruisin' around town takes time and taking pix takes time and convincing people to be in pix is even harder.

Dream world > Reality


I think I'm getting sick again. This morning I was yackin' it up and it came out with such force that I threw out my back. I was all hunched over the sink and then my back stiffened up. I tried stretching it out but it's too much pain right now. Maybe later on in the day I'll try again. My back hurts so much that my neck is starting to hurt. I'm trying compensate for my lack of mobility and my neck is taking the brunt of it. Like when I was driving to work, it was hard to look over my shoulder when I was changing lanes. My back didn't want to move so I'd turn my neck a little more than I normally would and that was not a good idea. Oh well. No pain, no gain.

I was either in school or at work or at some place I go to that had set break times and a lunch. Well, at the end of lunch I got a call from a lady friend. She was asking for a "special favor". She had this sexy voice and everything that came out of her mouth was said in a sexy tone too. I told her that if she had called me 30 minutes earlier I would have been to her place with the quickness. 30 minutes is plenty of time for me to get the job done. I told her that I'd go there as soon as I could. Since it was the end of lunch and I had to go doing back to whatever I needed to do, she was on my mind the whole time and I couldn't concentrate. I felt like leaving and doing this "special favor" she was asking for.

It seems like hours pass and it's time for me to leave. I go home and fix myself up and shower and what not. I pack up some "toys" that we could use and I'm about to leave my house.....

**Eyes open and I look at the clock. It's not time to wake up yet and I realize that my dream didn't finish. So I think of all the details that happened in the dream and re-enact it in my mind. I want to fall back asleep so I could continue my dream, hopefully...**

(I fall back asleep and the dream continues)
I'm already on my way to her place. I'm thinking about all the good stuff that we will be doing.

I make it to her place and I immediately mention that I'm here to take care of her "special favor". And she's all excited about me getting there sooner than she thought. She says "Follow me, let's take this in the kitchen". I'm thinking this girl is a freak, but I like it.

So we make it to the kitchen and I start untucking my shirt and prepping to take it completely off and then she says "I think this fridge would look better on this side of the kitchen. What do you think?"

It dawns on me that this "special favor" is nothing more than me moving her fridge for her. So I end up moving the fridge for her and nothing else happens.

*end of dream*

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This dream was weak. I woke up all disappointed, as usual. The story of my life even occurs in my dreams.

The weekend in Pomona was fun as hell. We got 4th in the flag football tourny, which was a big disappointment for us. "If you aint first, you're last!" But the time we spent up there was great. The bonding sessions, the harrassments, the pictures, and the stories to share was all worth the trip. I'll post pix when I get home from work. In a span of two days, I took 1370 photos. Hahahahahaha. It took up 5.39GB of space. It's a good thing I have an 8GB memory card. I love having a DSLR! =)

I went to the pier yesterday to take pix of the sunset and I ran into Tatiana. I haven't seen her since around Halloween. I think she is absolutley gorgeous. If there is one girl that could make me forget about every other girl out there, it's her. I asked her to be my model so I can practice my photography and she said she's down. I took some pix of her before at the Halloween party I saw her at and she adores the camera. She'll be a good model. =)

This weekend, I'll be partying up in Pomona. It's Sportsfest and I'm gonna be taking pix of my friends playing football. I went last year and it was pretty damn fun. I drove there last year and my truck got rear-ended. So this year I will not be driving. Ha. I'm hoping it's not all raining so my camera doesn't get messed up. I had a crap camera last year so I didn't care if it got all jacked up. So far, the weather looks good and I hope it stays this way. I'll bring an umbrella just in case. And I'll also use the umbrella as shade from the sun. Ha.

I woke up later than usual and could not remember anything I dreamt of. The trick for remembering my dreams is to think of it right when I wake up. I play back the scenario(s) in my head. This morning I woke up thinking "Man, I might be late". Thus I rushed to get ready and forgot all about my dream. As the day goes on, I forget my dream altogether. I really should write it down right when I wake up so I can recount everything acurrately but let's just say that I'm just too damn lazy to do that.

Anyways, we started the 4/10 work week so the food competition will be on Thursday (today) instead of Friday. We will be attempting to see who can finish a jumbo Slim Jim the fastest. These team building/bonding activities really work. It makes me see the human side of my coworkers instead of seeing them as just robots doing their duties. I've only won 1 competition so far. Today, I'm looking for my 2nd....

...but I found this to be hilarious.

It was the eve of my brother's birthday. I was at home wondering where he was. He was home a short while ago and then left with some friends. A long while had passed and he was still not home. I was in my room and I'd begin to hear noises. I'd go outside and find nothing. I could hear voices, people talking, having a good time. Yet it was never there when I was around.

*end of dream*

**********************************************************
I find it hard to sleep. I constantly wake up throughout the night. Sometimes I open my eyes to see the time. Sometimes I just keep them closed hoping to fall back asleep. And I wake up every morning feeling dehydrated. I don't feel refreshed. It's like the lights are on but no one is home.....

I was in a music studio and there was this band recording. The drummer was doing his tracks but he was having alot of trouble. I merely watched as he did take after take to no avail. I could see the frustration in his eyes and also in the eyes of his bandmates. He was so angry at himself that he left the studio to go cool off somewhere. I hadn't touched a drumset in years and I saw his drumset just laying there in the booth all alone. I had the urge to go sit on the set and start playing. I started to walk closer to the drumset and gave it a good look. I slowly circled it looking at every inch.

I eventually sat down on it but didn't play. I was just thinking about the times when I did play and imagining that I was still playing. I picked up the sticks and clicked them together. I started giving a little tap to each drum, hearing the warm sounds that resonated with each hit. One by one, I hit all the drums. I was just sitting there on the set, not in a playing position.

I started to play a simple beat and it felt good. I kept playing and started incorporating some of the things I used to do. The groove started to get a life of it's own. I felt the passion coming back.

I was playing all hard on the drums. I was putting my soul into my playing because it felt so good to be on a drumset. After I was done playing, I noticed that the band that was recording was still in the studio except for the drummer. They heard me playing and they were impressed. The whole time I was playing, it was being recorded. They said it was a keeper. They started walking into the drum booth to talk to me. I was hoping they were gonna ask me to be the new drummer of their band. And as they were walking in, I WOKE UP.

*end of dream*


**************************************************
This was a cool dream cuz I was actually in a music studio on Sunday watching my old band record songs for a new album. Their new drummer really was having trouble recording the tracks. He didn't leave the studio like in my dream. He just waited for the bass player to come along and play the song with him as he was recording.

She sent me another little message. It got to me again. Damn her to heck. And damn me for being such a fool. So I spent an hour learning this one song on the guitar last night. I'll record a video of me playing it and kudos goes to the first person who can name it. It's a good song. I think you all will like it....

**************************************************

Oh yeah, for the 2nd straight night I opened my eyes to look at the clock at exactly 3:42am. It was like deja vu.

MAF @ SCM 03.25.07

I remember being in a car driving somewhere. I wasn't the one driving. I wasn't in control. There were 3 of us. One guy, one girl, and me. I saw one of those freeway signs that show the number of miles to an exit. We ended up getting to our destination but I was now alone. I have no idea where I was or what I was doing there.

That's all I can remember. There wasn't much content in this dream but I woke up feeling tired and I almost fell when I tried to stand up. My equilibrium felt off and right now my back hurts.

From now until I feel like changing it, this is what I will write about. My dreams, or what I can remember of them. Some are more vivid than others, some are very lacking in content. Some are strange and I don't know what they mean. Actually, I don't know what alot of them mean. Maybe you can help me decipher them.....

Sunset Cliffs 03.24.07

M.I.A. for who knows how long.......

sorry to disappoint.

There is no greater feeling than sitting on a warm toilet seat. It gives you that feeling that someone cares about you enough to warm it up for you. Ha. Yeah Right. For the 2nd time, I had someone look under the stall door while I was in it. It's a weird feeling seeing someone's face when you're going number poo. I almost feel scared but at the same time I wanna laugh cuz he's an idiot. I mean, when the door is closed that usually means someone is in there. How hard is that to comprehend? Do you really think someone would close the door and then hop over to get out? Who does that? Come on now. Common sense. Put it to use. I know it's hard but if you put your mind to it, you can do anything.

I've been having these weird dreams. It's like real life encounters but in a "what if" situation. A few years back, someone got into my truck and the bastards stole my seat covers. So a few days ago I had a dream that someone stole my seat covers again. I was pretty pissed cuz these new seat cover I bought cost $300. When I woke up, I had the urge to go to my truck and check to see if the covers were still there. It felt so real, maybe because it happened before. The feeling of someone stealing something from you is so disheartening. It sucks all the life out of you. It makes you feel so vulnerable. I hate that feeling.

I also had this other dream where I was gettin' it on. Hahahaha. That too felt so real. And when I woke up, I had a surprise. Guess what it was? Hahahahaha.

My "what if" dreams are things that happen to me throughout my day but I acted the proper way in real life. My dreams give me a glimpse of an alternate world where everything goes my way. Like if I run into an old classmate that I never really liked, I would be polite and have a nice little conversation of what we've been up to. In my dreams, I would run into this classmate and she/he would start talking and I'd interupt and go off about how much of an idiot they are and then I'd leave. In my dreams I feel satisfied. My dreams rule.

*********************************************************

I just remembered that last Friday I saw one of the funniest things I've ever seen. At work, I went to the bathroom and the urinal is after the stall. So as I pass the stall, something catches my eye so I take a few steps back to see what caught my eye. And here I am looking at the stall laughing hysterically. What I saw before me was nothing I have ever really seen before. I've seen people using the bathroom and not flushing. I've seen people leaving smears of doo doo butter on the seat. But never before have I seen a log on the ground. I wasn't even mad, I was impressed. Normally, any person would disgusted and grossed out by this. Anger might even ensue. But not with me. I even took a pic of this with my camera phone. too bad I haven't uploaded it yet. I couldn't stop laughing. Even when I think of it right now, I'm still cracking up. Oh man, the things that bring delight to my life.....

The only reason I still come to work: Friday Food Challenges. Today we had the marshmallow challenge. Who can eat the most marshmallows in a minute? We each had 15 to start things off.

I got Shanel to start a blog. The evil powers of persuasion. Muahahahaha! More for me to read. I wish more of my friends would update on a regular basis....but they all blog on myspace and I'm not really using myspace that much anymore. Imma just use it for my photography and my music. No more personal use. I have facebook too but I never go on. I still have my xanga that I never update. That one was for my poetry. I have a fotopage that I should delete. I signed up yesterday for this new photo site called FilmLoop. It's pretty sweet. I'll be using that to post pix on my website that I still haven't fixed up. Ha. I'm just lazy.

After work here is my routine. Come home, grab a quick snack, pick up my Mom from work, go to the gym, go home, shower, go online while I wait for my hair to dry, watch some girl on girl action, clean up, brush teeth, and sleep. The only time I'm home is to sleep. I'm glad I don't pay rent or anything or else I would never want to leave the house. It would be like paying for something that I'm not using. If I have a house and I'm making payments I would always have my friends over and I'd have the house decked out with everything we could possibly want to do so that way I feel like I'm spending my money well.

The only time I don't feel guilty spending money is when I buy food. You can't go wrong when you get good food.

I'm over it but I'm still not wearing my necklace.

Oh, and I now have a copy of V5. Time to install and pass it along to good friends. =)

The real world sucks and I want to relive the days when my main objective in life was to beat my bro in a game of 1 on 1 b-ball.

She sent this to me a little while back....

*******************************************************

There once was a little girl who had a bad temper. Her mother gave her a bag of nails and told her that every time she lost her temper, she must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the girl had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as she learned to control her anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. She discovered it was easier to hold her temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the girl didn't lose her temper at all. She told her mother about it and the mother suggested that the girl now remove one nail for each day that she was able to hold her temper. The days passed and the young girl was finally able to tell her mother that all the nails were gone. The mother took her daughter by the hand and led her to the fence. She said, "You have done well, my daughter, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one." You can put a knife in a person and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say "I'm sorry", the wound is still there. A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one. Friends are very rare jewels, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear,they share words of praise and they always want to open their hearts to us...

And...Please forgive me if I have ever left a hole in your fence.

***************************************************

Forgiveness was never a question. I already did before she even said anything to me.

I am the sun
that brightens your day.
You are the moon
the pulls me away
like the ocean tides.
And when planets collide
gravity is not on my side.

The rotating skies,
the stars in your eyes,
newborn galaxies arise.
Black holes of love
light years beyond
the clouds in my head
a co-valent bond.

Newton's law explains it all.
Inertia no longer pumps blood.
My momentum has been killed....


to be continued

Have you ever seen the movie Pi? It's one of my all time favorites. It's a movie about how the entire universe is shaped by numbers and patterns and some madman creates a supercomputer that might be capable of understanding all this. People from the stock market are hunting him down because the pattern created by these numbers can predict the rise and fall of the stock market. And a Jew hunts him down because this pattern is hidden in the Kabbalah and is a code sent by God. This pattern is apparently the Golden Rectangle or Golden Spiral or Golden Ratio. It's a good movie that makes you think.


*************************


Yesterday my ex-girlfriend hit me up and mentioned that her Mom recently found something I gave her a long time ago. A weird feeling ran through me even though it was just a little message she sent me. Why? I don't know. Maybe I'm not over it. Maybe there's a part of me hoping she'll one day come back to me and apologize. She is a big reason I am the way I am with girls. I don't trust them! But everytime I see her I forget everything she did and I have this huge smile on my face. I haven't seen her since sophomore year of college but I have talked to her every so often. She always turned to me everytime something went wrong. It's not like I had the best advice to give to her but we had a comfort zone and I could always bring her back to there. I don't know what's going on inside me right now...

For 9 years I wore something that meant alot of to me. I never took it off. I only started to take it off when I showered because it started to fade. It symbolized my passion, my love, my dedication to "something". And I said to myself that I would always wear this until I found something that meant more. I stopped wearing this a few months ago. Not because I found a greater passion but because I thought no greater passion existed. But yesterday, I felt like wearing it again. I wish someone had taken it while I was showering and tossed it down the drain. That greater passion is a mirage.

King for a day, a fool for life......

So a few moments ago, I'm having this nice conversation with the semi-new girl at work. She's OK. Ha. Well, we're talking and shootin' the shiite when this guy comes up behind her and starts flailing his arms to get my attention but I don't even acknowledge it. So he pulls up next to the girl and interrupts us in mid-converstion. He didn't even wait 'til I finished my sentenced. And I kindly say to him "Excuse me, but I'm trying to have a conversation with the lady." And he starts chuckling. So I say to him that he just C-Blocked me. And me and the lady are laughing and comes back with "Whatever happened to bros before.....ladies?" I told him I didn't believe in that myth and he walked away. And I tried to continue the conversation with the lady but I couldn't remember what we were talking about and she couldn't either so she took off. DAMN C-BLOCKERS!!!!!!!

So I saw 300 last night and it was so wicked. I wasn't expecting a Monday night to be so packed. But every dude in that movie was on 'roids or something. Them dudes were ripped as hell. They reminded me of myself. Ha, yeah right. But the movie was super gory and bloody. I squinted everytime I saw a leg or an arm or whatever get cut off. I thought there were some really funny parts but I won't mention it cuz I know all of you haven't seen it yet.

I think I ate something bad over the weekend cuz the past couple days I've had this throw up feeling in my stomach. I feel like yacking all the time....but I never do. It's almost like that feeling where you need to sneeze but you don't ever actually sneeze.

Yesterday Bill made me do some knuckle push ups. He did about 30 or so and then told me to do some. I tried and only pulled off 10. And then my knuckles started hurting like crazy. I weigh about 250lbs. and that is no easy task to do 10 knuckle push ups. I can probably do 40 regular push ups. But today my chest and triceps are sore. From only 10 knuckle push ups. That means I am way out of shape. There was a point in my life where I could do 100 push ups straight. But then again I didn't weigh as much as I do now. I'll work my way back up.

I've been meaning to cut my nails but everytime I'm at home I'm doing something else and I forget. I'm at work and I could feel my nails when I type. It doesn't get in the way cuz I've seen girls with some long nails type all super fast. But it does get in the way when I play guitar. Pushing down on the strings I can feel my nail hitting the fret board and it prevents me from pushing the string all the way down. Hopefully today I remember to cut them at home or at least bring my nailcutter to work. I'll just write it on my hand so everytime I look at my watch, I'll see to bring the nailcutter.

I bought some apples and carrots to bring to work but I left them at home for the 2nd straight day. My Mom is probably wondering why they're all out. Ha. I'm trying to eat healthier. Being around Shanel, she's probably the healthiest person I know and it makes me want to be healthier also. She has a positivie influence on me even though I say I hate her all the time. The people around me have alot of impact on my life and I'm glad to be surrounded by great people.

What a weekend! Oh man. Friday night I went out to the Beauty Bar with some coworkers. I had never been there before so it was a trip. I take that back. I have been there before but it was called the Playhouse when I did go there. It was with my band and we played a few shows there. But yeah, the setup in the Beauty Bar is like a beauty parlor. Hahahahahaha. I wonder how they got that name then. They got them seats with the hair dryer on top and beauty magazines on the tables. I think I got there too early and left too early. My coworkers said after I left, the goods started pouring in. And by the goods, I mean hot girls. =) Whatever, I had a long day and I was getting damn sleepy. I was in no capacity to hook up with anyone that night.

Saturday was my cousin Charlie's b-day celebration at some fancy pants restaurant in Coronado. Charlie called me earlier in the day and asked what I was gonna wear and I gave him a vague description. When we see each other at the restaurant, we're wearing almost the exact same outfit (just different shoes). Hahahahahaha. I know alot of people get mad when they show up at some place and another person is wearing their same outfit. Not us. We decided to take as many pictures as we could cuz we thought it was so funny. We were talking about our clothes and I told him I got mine at Sears and he said he did too! Hahahahaha. But after the fancy restaurant we went over to Charlie's Mom's house and had a re-enactment of Beerfest. We just tried to chug as many beers as we could. It was funny cuz on the first chug I got the hiccups during mid-chug but I kept on chugging anyways and they could hear it. I must say, it's real hard to have something going down your throat when air is coming up. Yeah, we got pretty drunk in a real short amount of time. And then we ended up watching the movie Selena. I love that movie. I was singing along to all the songs. My favorite is "Como la Flor". This is the movie that taught me Spanish. Hahahahaha.

Sunday was cleaning and recovery day. I think I need another day.....

I know there's more stuff that I'm forgetting. We'll see if my mind starts working in a couple hours.

This is gross but it was super fun.....

This morning me, Scott, and Shanel were in the break room making some oatmeal for breakfast. I've been doing the oatmeal thing for quite some time now and Shanel claims to be the one to start it. I beg to differ. Hahahahaha. But anyways, Shanel took her spoon home and didn't have one except for the pho spoon I gave her. And the sink was broken too so she copuldn't wash her bowl. So I told her the bathroom is the place to go to wash it and she goes and comes back. I ask "Did you wash it?" cuz her bowl still looked a little dirty. She says "I did....but I'm not perfect." I just nod my head in silence and then Scott says "Well, we strive for excellence!!!" and I just started cracking up. I mean, we're talking about oatmeal here.

And for today's food competition, we will be eating a cup of peanut butter. Whoever can finish it the fastest will win. It sounds easy but we're not allowed to have any kind of beverage to help wash it down. This is just straight up peanut butter by itself. The cup sizes are like double shots. It's maybe 4 or 5 hefty tablespoons. I think I have a chance to win this. I normally eat peanut butter by itself but I don't eat it fast. So far Scott has won all the solid food competitions. I dominate on the liquid food competitions. This is somewhere in between solid and liquid so it might go down to the wire.....

A few months ago I was cleaning out stuff in the garage when I came across a guitar that nobody ever uses anymore. It was my Uncle Alex's guitar and then it was in the possession of my cousin Ramil and now I have it. I guess you can say it's been passed down the family. But it's just been sitting there and my younger cousins are way too young or they already have a guitar. I would like to pass this guitar to the next-in-line when the time is right. But since we were cleaning and this guitar had no place, I decided to bring it to work and leave it at my cubicle.

When I brought it to work, all the girls started coming to my cubicle during break times cuz they would hear music and want to be a part of it. I played it up, asking for song requests cuz I have a vast knowledge of songs stuck in my head. I know a bunch of songs but I don't know that much lyrics. That's the girl's job, to sing while I play. Hahahahahaha. Plus I have a horrible voice.

But thinking back, the only reason I learned to play guitar was to drop some p@nties. I always saw how girls' knees would buckle when some guy was playing their favorite song. I was jealous at how easliy they could do this and I wanted in on the action. This was back in high school when all of us were "inexperienced". Nowadays, I play guitar because it is soothing and puts me at ease. It's amazing what time can do....

Oh yeah, I started writing about my guitar because I took it home to change the strings but soon realized that I had no strings. So this weekend I might have to stop by Guitar Center and pick up a new set. So no guitar at work = no girls at my cubicle.

I almost died yesterday. I came home from work around 5ish and I knew I had to pick up my Mom from work at 530. I leave the house around 530 so I can get there by 6, which is the time she gets out. Well, anyways I'm dead tired from going to the gym and sleeping late from the night before and waking up early for work so I decide to take a 10-15 min nap. So here I am sleeping away when all of a sudden I wake up before my alarm goes off. The reason I wake up is because I can't breathe. Apparently I was choking on my own saliva. It went down the wrong pipe and me laying down caused it to stay there and not go down completely. It was that feeling when you're in the underwater and accidently take a breath. So I sat up with the quickness and then all the blood stayed in my head and I got semi-dizzy. But yeah, it was a little scary.

I never really drooled in my sleep before but something happened a few months ago. I started to notice these wet spots on my pillow whenever I woke up. I have no idea what triggered me to start drooling but I want it to stop. I was also informed by my friends that I snore pretty loud. Hahahahaha. Some girl told me this quite some time ago but I thought she was on crack so I didn't believe her.....

Today I had my 2006 Performance Appraisal and things turned out real good. I got a really good raise, one of the highest. I asked what was the average and I'm well above it. But yeah, at the end of the review the big boss asked me this question: "Are you happy with your job?" Throughout the interview I was all smiles and it was a good vibe. But as soon as he asked the question, my face turned serious and I answered with what was in my heart. I'm not gonna get into details about that but it's a double edged sword of a question. The hand that feeds also eats.

I have a 30gb video ipod, yet I have no video uploaded onto it. I think I'll add some this weekend. And I also need to update my music library. Some of my mp3's got corrupt and they skip and all that crap so I need to rip them from the cd's again.

I feel my creative juices starting to replenish themselves so imma start writing (music)again. I think my photography has triggered this into effect since I've been doing alot of photography. I love my Digital rebel XTi. I also just bought a new lens. A 50mm f/2.8 Canon lens. I saw some sample pix taken with this lens and I liked the results.

Current song learning on the piano: Don't Stop Believin' by Journey. I love that song.

Blogging from home is a different experience. Ha. Imma be a rebel and blog from wherever I am. So what's new? Let's see......I joined a gym and I went for the first time today. It was kinda packed and the only thing I saw free was an exercise bike so I just stayed on that for 30 mins and then was looking to lift some weights but it was packed still so I just left. I haven't eaten any rice, chocolate or drank any soda since Lent began. I've been good on the no-meat Fridays except when I went to Seattle but I was in a different area code so that doesn't count. Hahahahaha. Ummmmm, I started playing music again and I have ideas that are fresh. My hair is getting kinda long and I'm looking for someone who knows how to do cornrows. I keep getting C-blocked by stupid guys. They don't even realize what they're doing until I call them out on it. If you see me with a lady and we're chattin' it up, laughin' and having a jolly time don't come and try to join the conversation. Real example that happened today: I'm talking to a female and we're enjoying ourselves and this guy comes along and tries to be funny and says some stupid shit and so the female ends up leaving because of his comments. Major C-block. I was puttin' some good work and effort into that. But it's all good cuz I talked to her later on anyways. Imma get the job done no matter what. Just try to not make my job harder than it already is.

All my hats are starting to NOT fit. I bought a bunch of them when I was bald and now that I have a bunch of hair, all my hats are hella tight. It's almost to the point where I get headaches wearing them. I don't think I've ever seen a hat in size 8. The biggest hat I have is size 7 7/8. Ok I'm done.

Me and the Fonz cruised to Incahoots last night to meet up with this girl from work. We did some country line dancing and it was fun. I looked like an idiot trying to learn but whatever, I had fun doing it. Christine, the girl from work, is a good teacher. She puled me to the side and showed me the dance steps.

Me and the Fonz want to go back and learn all the dance steps for the line dancing so we can go out and pick up any girl in that place. They have lessons from 5-8pm on Tues-Sat. And they also have DODGEBALL on Sundays!!!! How exciting is that? Chrisitne is down for dodgeball too. I've been chattin' it up with her quite a bit lately and she seems like a dork like me.

The other coworker Scotty and his roommates met up with us at Incahoots later on in the night too. All those guys are hella funny. Scotty, Barnes, Matt and B Loadzz are always on a mission. It just too damn funny watching them find a group of girls and attacking. And it has to be a group. They will not do solo missions. I mean they will fly solo into a group of girls but the one of them will not go solo and find a solo girl. Me and Scotty rolled double and found a trio of girls but then Barnes and B Loadzz came by so I flew back to mission controls center and the three of them got rejected hardcore. Barnes was tellin' me he ended havig this argument with one of them and ended up calling her a bitch. Good times....

Oh yeah, no more blogging from work. Management called us out on using the internet for personal use at work and demanded that we stop so I will try to update every night at home from now on. They said they monitor everything we look at so I will make no more mentions anything related to work.

This was from last Friday.

After work I went over to Shanel's place to kick it. We chilled there and watched some Family Guy and she showed me her art collection. I have so much more respect for now that I've seen her passion. I am a big fan of the arts whether it be poetry, music, paintings, etc. I envy the people who do it for a living. Then we headed over to Karl Strauss for free beer. Strauss was packed like an ass. The regulars were telling me that this is the most packed they've seen it. I guess they were tapping their most popular beer so that's why there was so many people. But it was a good time nonetheless. I wish we would have gotten 1 big table instead of 3 small booths. At least the booths were all right next to each other.

But yeah, I was putting in some work on this "project" last night and some startling revelations came about. Things that I wanted nothing to do with. So at that very moment that the prophecies came out, I decided to abandon the "project". I didn't leave her or anything. In my mind I was just thinking to get through the night and things will be cool. I made it out alive. Time for the next project.....

Free beer tonight over at Karl Strauss in Sorrento Mesa. We'll be there before 6 if you wanna join us. We'll be the loudest, most obnoxious group in the place. You can't miss us.

But yeah, today all the female coworkers are rockin' pigtails (including myself since I am the only male with long enough hair to do so). The excuse was "National Pig Day". I don't know if it really is but that's what one of the girls told me. The real truth behind this is because one day one of the girls put her hair in pigtails and one of the supersivors mentioned that he had a thing for pigtails. So all the girls decided to tease him by all wearing pigtails and I found out about this so I decided to rock some pigtails too. My goatee is about 3 inches and I split that into pigtails and my hair is about 4 inches so the top half I did in pigtails. Hahahahahaha. My supervisor came up to me and said "You know, I have a thing for pigtails." And I responded with "you know, I was only born with one leg. This right here, it ain't a leg." Yeah I know we're gross but it's funny and it keeps the work environment fun. The new hot girl really likes my hair today. I invited her to Strauss. We'll see if she goes. If she gets faded, it's ON!!!!! Hahahahaha.

I thought of more stuff to write and once again I am at a loss for thoughts/words.

So that crazy girl Shanel, whom I said wanted to get in my pants, hangs out with me frequently. We have lunch on a daily basis and what not.....but only because we work together and she is around the same age as me. Yaye for youngins in the working world! But yeah, I keep telling her that I hate her and she's always so mean to me but she keeps coming back for more(it's like those wrestlers who are bad guys and they like it when people boo them). But she's fun to be around. It makes being at work tolerable. Today for lunch she kept some of the most random things and I told her that she should be blonde. She asked if I was saying that because of her intelligence? I told her no, it was for her fun factor. Blondes have more fun. Hahahahaha. My buddy Scotty said it's not a good idea for Shanel to go blonde cuz he really likes blondes and we all work together and he doesn't want to be forced to make a move on a blonde at work. We only have one blonde girl working here and she's practically married so she's off limits.

Oh yeah, Saturday is movie night at Shanel's place. I will be bringing over Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. It will be a fun night. Hopefully her roommates are home and we can all get faded and hit the hot tub. Wishful thinking. Ha.

I was driving to work this morning and I was thinking about some stuff and I thought it would be good to write in here. But here I am and I can't remember a damn thing. Watch, once I get home I'll remember it exactly.

Tomorrow, free beer at Karl Strauss in Sorrento Mesa on Scranton Rd. Me and the coworkers will be heading over there after work. The first Thursday of every month they do a keg tap and they hook it up with free beer. Scotty and the gang go there quite frequently while this will be my first time. I'm not really a beer drinker but if it's free, what heck. Why not? I'm not really too big on alcohol period! I can drink every once in a while but not like my friends who do it on a weekly basis. Did I mention that I'm allergic to alcohol? My Mom is too. But if a really hot girl offers me a drink or asks me to join her in a drink, I simply will not pass up that opportunity.

"Ahhhh, it's on the tip of my tongue......." Don't you hate that feeling? You know exactly what it is but it won't come out. Or when you walk into a room and wonder why the hell you are there? And then as soon as you walk out, you remember you needed to get the stapler or something.

I have this deficiency where I can hear music in my head but when I try to play it, it doesn't ever sound the way it did in my head. I'm looking for ways to associate sounds with pictures or something of the sorrt. The idea is if I hear a certain musical note, let's say an F# (F sharp), I'll associate it with the color red. So when I hear that note, that assigned color pops into my brain. I think this is called Synesthsia or something like that.

And Shanel doesn't think that the girl I'm seeing is all that great. She says that I can do better. Could she possible be alluding to herself? She keeps saying that I'm the one who likes her and its not her who likes me. I'm sticking to my story.....

Let's do a weekend recap.

Friday I left work early so I could catch my flight to Seattle. My flight was delayed for two hours because it had come in from Cabo and they needed to go through Customs or some crap like that. And then once we boarded the plane, they discovered that the landing gear had some mechanical problems so we had to wait for that. And since the plane was full, they had trouble doing the work on it and the pilot mentioned that they might have to unload the entire plane in order to fix it. Luckily they were able to fix it with all of us onboard.

The original departure time was supposed to be 4:45 but we didn't leave until 6 something. We arrived in Seattle at around 10ish and went to eat dinner at a place called The Rock. It's Friday and I'm here with my coworkers and they're all ordering some good ass food and I'm thinking if I should order something good too but there was nothing on the menu that was tempting and didn't contain MEAT. Fridays during Lent = no meat for me. But I was thinking that I'm here on business trip and the company is paying and I'm in a different zipcode so I opted to order something with meat and it was delicious. Sinning never felt so good....

So it's almost midnight on Friday night and we just finished eating dinner and my coworker wants to go to this "club". Hahahahaha. He drove so I said I was down to roll. It ended up being a good decision cuz we had a damn good time. Its almost 2am by the time we leave and make it to the hotel to check in. We were scheduled to start our work at 5am but we were on call.

We ended up not coming in at 5am but I was awake anyways. Our supervisor called us around that time and said they were fixing some problems and that he would call us when we could come in. He ended calling back later and told us to come in at 7am. So we get there but they weren't done fixing what they needed to fix. We were just chillin for a damn long time and we didn't get to start working until about 9:45am. Our work was supposed to be done by 10am. What we needed to do could not be possibly done in 15 mins. We ended staying til noon and I'm not too sure if the work we did would even be useful. Oh well. Shit happens.

And now we're done with work and its around 1pm and our scheduled flight is at 8:55pm. We had some other coworkers also in the area for some training and I called them up so we could meet for lunch. We go to the place I had in mind but it was closed and didn't open til 3pm. We were trying to catch an earlier flight at 5:30pm so we didn't want to wait til it opened. We ended going to the same place we ate at on Friday night and it was good. One of our coworkers in training is this really hot girl and she was the one I called to come meet for lunch and I was hoping to get her alone but all the other coworkers came along. It's all good. Lunch is good and we make it in time for the 5:30 flight.

We arrive in SD at about 8:10pm and I get home around 8:45 or so. I get a call at 9pm and it's my friend Kevin's b-day and they tell there's a party at his place. So i'm pretty damn tired but I go over there anyway cuz I've known Kevin since we were about 7 years old. But yeah, we drank and ate and played some musical instruments and listend to some jazz and also RATM since Kevin got tix to Coachella and Rage is gonna be playing. It was good to see friends I haven't seen in a while. I'm pretty much the only one who works a full time job cuz most of my friends are still in school so I can't hang out with them as much as I'd like. I ended up getting home around 1am.

Sunday comes and I don't wake up til noon cuz I'm dead tired. I wake up to Alexis' call. We were scheduled for a date on Sunday. She calls and basically makes sure that we're still gonna do our plan. So I'm cleaning from 1pm til about 4 and then I go to pick up Alexis. I haven't seen her since December. We were supposed to eat at a restaurant but she was kinda lagging so we didn't have time go to a sit-down restaurant and make it to the Misc. Ailments show over @ SOMA. So we decided to go to this taco shop called "It's a Taco Shop" over by SOMA. It was so weird. Random dirty looking guys kept talking to us. I know they were just checking her out and everything cuz I saw them looking at her ass but she was scared. Hahahahah. One of them had this dog and asked us to watch it while he went outside and did something. I told him No and I gave him this look like he was crazy and I wanted to fight him so he walked out immediately. Everytime I stepped away from Alexis, he would come to her and talk and then I would hear her call my name I'd come over and talk to them crazy guys. I don't think I'll be going back to that taco shop anytime soon.

So we go to SOMA to watch Misc. Ailments and they had their CD release show. It's about time they released their CD. It's been about 8 months since they recorded it. It turns out that Alexis knows the studio producer that recorded their album. I guess she's family friends with him. But the show @ SOMA was good and I got alot of good pix. I even had that press pass so I could go onstage and take pix of the bands. It was good show. I'll post the pix sometime within the next few days.

I like hanging out with Alexis cuz she likes to have her picture taken and I like to take pictures. We go hand in hand. So yeah, that was my weekend. I wish I could have gone to April Joy's housewarming but it's all good. I'm not Superman and I can't do everything but I wish that wasn't the case.

Oh yeah, there's this crazy girl at work named Shanel and she totally wants me. Hahahahaha. When we go out drinking, she gives me all these crazy looks like she wants to get in my pants but we work together and I will never let that happen....when I'm sober. If I'm drunk I am not accountable for my actions. If I don't remember it, it never happened....but I'm sure my camera will tell a different story.

I just found out I am flying to Seattle Friday night after work so I can do some work up there and work starts at 4am on Saturday. I'll be back Saturday night. Things are kinda hectic but whatever. This means I will miss out on April Joy's housewarming and Kevin's b-day.....but I will be back for Misc. Ailments @ SOMA and the date with Alexis.

Back in college (ha, that sounds funny. I feel like an old man) when Bluetooth was starting to come around and get noticed, I had an idea that I thought would revolutionize the electronic community. I thought about the way bluetooth or wireless internet worked and I thought it would be a cool idea if we could use those same ideas for rechargeable batteries. What if we could recharge batteries without ever having to plug them in to a charger? Well, it looks like somebody beat me to the punch. Looks like I won't be getting rich anytime soon. I'll let you guys read about the details on how this works.

I have more ideas such as this that I think could shake the ground we walk upon. It's just a matter of me actually figuring out how to get it to work. Think about it, if we invent something that pretty much the whole world will use we would be rich and never have to work a day in our lives. I mean, I would still "work" but I just would be in a different field if ya nom sain?

I went to sleep at 6pm last night and woke up at 4am. I don't really feel refreshed at all. Too many nights of staying up late and waking up early. I think I need a full week of sleep to catch up and get my body fully recovered. Well whatever, that's my own badd.

Things to look forward to this week:

*Misc. Ailments playing at SOMA
*Date with Alexis
*April Joy's housewarming
*Karmen coming back from Taiwan
*Ash Wednesday (don't eat MEAT!!!!)
*Think of something to give up for Lent (Soda for sure and maybe chocolate, MAYBE!)

So here I am blogging from workland and we got a bunch Boeing folks are here to help understand all the system problems we're having. Ok, enough about work....

Everyone around me is getting sick so that means I'm gonna get sick sometime soon. Did I mention I hate being sick? Ha. My friend April Joy is funny cuz she likes being sick. Crazy girl. Hahahahahah. I can't understand how anyone can enjoy being sick unless they are attended to hand and foot by someone and that person is fulfilling their every desire. I think I would enjoy being sick if it meant that I had to miss work or school or something. But yeah, being sick is not my thing cuz I'm sick for months at a time. I never take medicine cuz I think it makes the body weaker. I think your body becomes dependent on it and you don't build the immunities that you normally would if you didn't take that medicine. But whatever, I could be wrong. What else is new?

So I spent the New Year with my homie Nam and his group of friends. They had a party for the grand opening of his car shop Revd Up Kustomz. It was pretty dope. It was like a giant block party. They had a DJ, food, a unch of fixed up cars and bikes. They even had a stunt riding demo and I took a bunch of pix of it. They had Lisa Flemming there too. I was there for about 4 hours or so and I left before the bikini contest. I was hoping to be able to see it but my grandma was at home alone and I felt bad for leaving her there so I went home. But yeah pix are posted on my website www.derfjam.com and Happy New Year!

Oh yeah, I entered in this Chess tournament at work. The winners get to be the first passengers on the new 787 plane. I dunno if that's a prize or if it's punishment. Hahahaha. My supervisor wants nothing to do with that first flight. He wants to see it fly a couple hundred times before he sets foot inside that plane. But yeah, word on the streets is that some of the people that work here are nationally ranked chess players. So I brought my chess board to work and I'm practicing....

I wake up and I want something else. Everyday I wake up and I wish hadn't. It's not death that I wish. It's life. I wish I didn't have to sleep so I could experience all the things I want to and have been meaning to do. Stupid sleep takes up so much of my day. It's way overrated. Yet, I can't seem to get enough of it. My waking moments have me fighting to keep my eyes open. My eyelids get heavier throughout the day but as night nears, suddenly I'm wide awake. I don't know if it's me being greedy or the battle between my "id" and super-ego. My morals have all gone out the door and with it, any self-respect that I once had. I just want to fulfill these desires without shame. Is that so much to ask?

So today for Valentine's I brought cards and candy for the entire office. It's those Winnie the Pooh Valentine's cards that say something clever on it. Ha. People were all surprised cuz no one's done this since elementary school. I wish more people would still do it. I guess I'm the only one who doesn't care to get ridiculed. Some of the guys in the office were all like "I usually never get these kinds of things from a man." The chocolate will still taste the same even if it's from a girl. Ha.

Everyone has this so called "hatred" towards this day but it's just like any other day. It's like my birthday, another day come and gone. Basically I don't do anything too special. It might be because I'm single but that shouldn't matter. I'll go out and bring a girl chocolates or flowers anytime I feel like it. It might be because she's sad about something it might cheer her up. Or it could be me trying to impress her. Same shit, different toilet.

Oh yeah, Karmen gave me chocolate this morning. What a sweet girl! =)

....and you're to blame. You give love a bad name. Well well well, the Charger head coach Marty Schottenheimer got fired last night as you all may know. I walk into to work and people are waiting for my reaction. Ha. I guess that just shows how much they know about how I feel for the Chargers. I guess anyone passing by my cubicle would know that too. My posters and the stuff on my desk and screensaver and all the hats and shirts I wear everyday. Hahahaha.

But yeah, I'm a little shocked by the news as to how late in the offseason they decided to do it yet I am not troubled by it. I have faith in the General manager AJ Smith. The man has a masterplan and he would not start it without some of the pieces already falling into place. I think our team is loaded and anyone who takes over will have to just look pretty. It's like handing the keys of your Porsche to the valet driver. It's gonna look good no matter who is driving it. I think they have someone in mind to be the next head coach otherwise they wouldn't have fired Marty. I don't think we've taken a step backwards. We're moving laterally....I'm looking forward to our next move.

I was talking to my boy Johnny "The Moocher" Lam. We went to school together but alot of people hated him cuz of his "mooching". Me and Johnny were cool cuz he didn't really mooch off me that much but he hooked me up with alot of stuff in exchange for his mooching so I didn't mind. If I ever needed anything, he could get me a bootleg copy of it. He is from Hong Kong, the bootleg capital of the world. Hahahahaha. But yeah, he hit me up on Friday and we started shooting the shit. We were just talking about everything we're doing and what we've done since we last spoke. He's married now and his chick is pretty smokin' hot!!!!!! I showed him pix of the one I'm working on (I won't post it on here cuz she probably looks at this page). And he was teaching me phrases of his native language cuz my chick in the works is from the same place he is (Damn, that narrows the field so I might as well as put her pic up on here). He was explaining to me about why he's not an engineer and why he's doing what he is now. He's the manager of some company in the food industry. He told me he's in the works of starting an import/export company (I smell BOOOOOOOTLEGGGG!!!!!!!!!!). Hahahahahahahaha.

I was wondering how Johnny got his chick. But when he got with her he was about 50 lbs. lighter so that makes sense. Ha. Damn, I gotta get 50 lbs. lighter now. For reals.

I thought you were supposed to feel different when you got older. I really don't feel that different. Maybe it's cuz I still live at home and I don't have any real responsibilities. I mean I mow the lawn, trim the bushes/plants/shrubs, take out the garbage, do the dishes, do laundry and all that jazz but I don't feel like an adult. I'm 24 damn years old but I feel like I'm 16. I still have to call home to check in cuz my Mom is paranoid that I got killed if I don't call when I go out. I have to tell her where I'm going. It's pretty weak. I need to get my own place. I dunno though, people always tell the opposite of what I feel. "Take yout time in college". "Live at home as long as you can" Things of that nature but sometimes I have to find things out on my own for it to have any meaning. Somebody talk some sense into me.....

I woke up today in the worst possible way. I woke up cuz I had a calf cramp. Those are so damn painful when you don't realize what's goin' on! I woke up and felt paralyzed from the pain. I couldn't really move, let alone understand what was going on. I tried to get up out of bed but I couldn't. I tried to bend my leg so I could grab onto my calf but my knee wouldn't bend. After about a minute of being in pain, I finally realized I could use my other leg to push my cramped leg towards my body. Basically I just used one foot to make my other foot be in a neutral position. Because of the cramp, my heel was close to me and my toes were pointing away. I used my other foot to get my toes pointing towards me instead of away. It was a major struggle but once I was able to do it, the cramp subsided. And I finally was able to stand up and stretch it out. I HATE calf cramps. I hate them with a passion. But I guess it's my own fault for not stretching before running.

I didn't wake up in time this morning. I mean, I didn't get up in time. My alarm went off 410am but I turned it off and went back into bed. The next time I looked at the clock it was 512am. I still didn't get up. Ha. by the time it hit 530 I finally decided to get up. I was still debating if I should get dressed and go to work right away or eat and lounge around for a while. I decided to go to work and eat there. Ha. So here I am now.

Yesterday when I got home from work, I was feeling a little bit woozy. I had this dizzy feeling but I wasn't dizzy. At times it felt like I was just gonna tip over when I was standing still. This happened when I was washing the dishes. I guess it was a sign that my body was lacking sleep. I always thought 4 hours of sleep was good enough but I guess when you do it two weeks in a row it doesn't work.

I've been playing music again but I haven't been writing anything new or working on anything old. I've just been learning songs that are popular so that when someone asks me if I can play this or that, I won't even say anything and I'll just start playing it. It's funny how I get alot of admiration from the ladies when I play guitar. It seems they are so impressed with it. There's just something about the guitar. But when I play drums all the guys are impressed. I enjoy playing the drums more than the guitar but I like it when the ladies come around. Imma stick to guitar for a while. I'll be back on the drums soon though.....

I don't know why I can't go to sleep early. I try.....but I always just end up laying down for a couple hours before I actually fall asleep. It sucks too cuz I know I have to wake up early. My friends are still up from the night before by the time I wake up to go to work. I wish I could sleep at 10pm every night.

This year's SuperBowl sucked major ass. The Bears were just horrible and the Colts did enough to win. But I must say that Devin Hester is a BEAST! The Chargers should have been there and they would have won. But oh well, there's always next year.

The commercials were also pretty weak. There were two good ones in my book. The Snickers one where the two dudes kissed and the Sierra Mist one with the beard comb-over. Who would have ever thought of a beard comb-over? That is genius. I'm into that off-beat sense of humor type of thing.

This past Saturday, we celebrated my best friend Ramon's b-day. It was like a mini-reunion. Alot of us close friends were in the same vicinity for the first time in a long time. It was a good feeling to be able to walk to any part of the house and talk to anyone and be totally comfortable. The house was packed like an ass but everyone there was considered family. The trust that me and my friends built up is amazing. I like the fact that my friend's girlfriend can hang out with us even though my friend isn't there. That's the kind of trust we have. There's alot of February b-days among my friends so I hope there are more good times like this one.

It's Friday and I enjoy Fridays. For some strange reason, this day seems to go by way faster than any other day......except for Sundays during the football season. After the SuperBowl and ProBowl, it will be back to my regular routine of going to Church on Sunday mornings.

I don't know why my Mom gets pissed at me for not going to Church. The way I see Church is like a library. People go to a library to go study or read. And People go to Church to pray and ask for forgiveness. But I am able to study and read at a place other than a library. And I can also pray and ask for forgiveness in a place other than Church.

But since the chargers were winning this year, my Mom didn't really give me any grief cuz when we lose she says it was a waste of my time to be there at the game. I just enjoy being at the game no matter what. Winning isn't everything......but losing SUCKS!

I'm starting to lose track of the days. I wake up in the mornings and all I know is that I have work today. I don't know if it's Monday or Thursday. All I know is that it's not Friday and I'm up at 410am. I feel like I'm losing touch with society. In school, at least I knew what days were what cuz I had certain classes on certain days and certain times but with work it's the same thing all day everyday. I also got to see a variety of people at school. People that I got to hang out with with and have lunch with or just chat with. I got to meet new people all the time. Now I see the same people and I think I've seen everyone's entire wardrobe. I can tell when someone gets a new shirt or some new pants or new shoes or something. Call me crazy but I'm very observant of my surroundings. I know if someone wore the exact same outfit down to their socks 2 Mondays ago. I have a wandering eye but it's also very sharp.

I need to read some new books. I haven't read a book in about 6 months. Can someone recommend a good read? Yeah, right. I hardly know anybody that reads a book nowadays. Maybe 2 or 3 of my friends actually read. And they just read stuff that I just finished reading cuz they'll see me reading it and ask about it and then get interested. So I think everything I've read, they have too. What is happening to kids these days? Don't they have "Book-It" anymore? When I was growing up, we had this program called Book-It where after you read a certain amount of books you'd get a gift. I think after you read 4 books, you'd get a coupon for a free personal pan pizza from Pizza Hut. Pizza Hut was right across the street from my elementary school and jr. high. I was gettin' pizzas every other week. Hahaha. As you can see from my belly, I read alot of books.