The DerfJam Chronicles

She sent this to me a little while back....

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There once was a little girl who had a bad temper. Her mother gave her a bag of nails and told her that every time she lost her temper, she must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the girl had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as she learned to control her anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. She discovered it was easier to hold her temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the girl didn't lose her temper at all. She told her mother about it and the mother suggested that the girl now remove one nail for each day that she was able to hold her temper. The days passed and the young girl was finally able to tell her mother that all the nails were gone. The mother took her daughter by the hand and led her to the fence. She said, "You have done well, my daughter, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one." You can put a knife in a person and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say "I'm sorry", the wound is still there. A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one. Friends are very rare jewels, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear,they share words of praise and they always want to open their hearts to us...

And...Please forgive me if I have ever left a hole in your fence.

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Forgiveness was never a question. I already did before she even said anything to me.

I am the sun
that brightens your day.
You are the moon
the pulls me away
like the ocean tides.
And when planets collide
gravity is not on my side.

The rotating skies,
the stars in your eyes,
newborn galaxies arise.
Black holes of love
light years beyond
the clouds in my head
a co-valent bond.

Newton's law explains it all.
Inertia no longer pumps blood.
My momentum has been killed....


to be continued

Have you ever seen the movie Pi? It's one of my all time favorites. It's a movie about how the entire universe is shaped by numbers and patterns and some madman creates a supercomputer that might be capable of understanding all this. People from the stock market are hunting him down because the pattern created by these numbers can predict the rise and fall of the stock market. And a Jew hunts him down because this pattern is hidden in the Kabbalah and is a code sent by God. This pattern is apparently the Golden Rectangle or Golden Spiral or Golden Ratio. It's a good movie that makes you think.


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Yesterday my ex-girlfriend hit me up and mentioned that her Mom recently found something I gave her a long time ago. A weird feeling ran through me even though it was just a little message she sent me. Why? I don't know. Maybe I'm not over it. Maybe there's a part of me hoping she'll one day come back to me and apologize. She is a big reason I am the way I am with girls. I don't trust them! But everytime I see her I forget everything she did and I have this huge smile on my face. I haven't seen her since sophomore year of college but I have talked to her every so often. She always turned to me everytime something went wrong. It's not like I had the best advice to give to her but we had a comfort zone and I could always bring her back to there. I don't know what's going on inside me right now...

For 9 years I wore something that meant alot of to me. I never took it off. I only started to take it off when I showered because it started to fade. It symbolized my passion, my love, my dedication to "something". And I said to myself that I would always wear this until I found something that meant more. I stopped wearing this a few months ago. Not because I found a greater passion but because I thought no greater passion existed. But yesterday, I felt like wearing it again. I wish someone had taken it while I was showering and tossed it down the drain. That greater passion is a mirage.

King for a day, a fool for life......

So a few moments ago, I'm having this nice conversation with the semi-new girl at work. She's OK. Ha. Well, we're talking and shootin' the shiite when this guy comes up behind her and starts flailing his arms to get my attention but I don't even acknowledge it. So he pulls up next to the girl and interrupts us in mid-converstion. He didn't even wait 'til I finished my sentenced. And I kindly say to him "Excuse me, but I'm trying to have a conversation with the lady." And he starts chuckling. So I say to him that he just C-Blocked me. And me and the lady are laughing and comes back with "Whatever happened to bros before.....ladies?" I told him I didn't believe in that myth and he walked away. And I tried to continue the conversation with the lady but I couldn't remember what we were talking about and she couldn't either so she took off. DAMN C-BLOCKERS!!!!!!!

So I saw 300 last night and it was so wicked. I wasn't expecting a Monday night to be so packed. But every dude in that movie was on 'roids or something. Them dudes were ripped as hell. They reminded me of myself. Ha, yeah right. But the movie was super gory and bloody. I squinted everytime I saw a leg or an arm or whatever get cut off. I thought there were some really funny parts but I won't mention it cuz I know all of you haven't seen it yet.

I think I ate something bad over the weekend cuz the past couple days I've had this throw up feeling in my stomach. I feel like yacking all the time....but I never do. It's almost like that feeling where you need to sneeze but you don't ever actually sneeze.

Yesterday Bill made me do some knuckle push ups. He did about 30 or so and then told me to do some. I tried and only pulled off 10. And then my knuckles started hurting like crazy. I weigh about 250lbs. and that is no easy task to do 10 knuckle push ups. I can probably do 40 regular push ups. But today my chest and triceps are sore. From only 10 knuckle push ups. That means I am way out of shape. There was a point in my life where I could do 100 push ups straight. But then again I didn't weigh as much as I do now. I'll work my way back up.

I've been meaning to cut my nails but everytime I'm at home I'm doing something else and I forget. I'm at work and I could feel my nails when I type. It doesn't get in the way cuz I've seen girls with some long nails type all super fast. But it does get in the way when I play guitar. Pushing down on the strings I can feel my nail hitting the fret board and it prevents me from pushing the string all the way down. Hopefully today I remember to cut them at home or at least bring my nailcutter to work. I'll just write it on my hand so everytime I look at my watch, I'll see to bring the nailcutter.

I bought some apples and carrots to bring to work but I left them at home for the 2nd straight day. My Mom is probably wondering why they're all out. Ha. I'm trying to eat healthier. Being around Shanel, she's probably the healthiest person I know and it makes me want to be healthier also. She has a positivie influence on me even though I say I hate her all the time. The people around me have alot of impact on my life and I'm glad to be surrounded by great people.

What a weekend! Oh man. Friday night I went out to the Beauty Bar with some coworkers. I had never been there before so it was a trip. I take that back. I have been there before but it was called the Playhouse when I did go there. It was with my band and we played a few shows there. But yeah, the setup in the Beauty Bar is like a beauty parlor. Hahahahahaha. I wonder how they got that name then. They got them seats with the hair dryer on top and beauty magazines on the tables. I think I got there too early and left too early. My coworkers said after I left, the goods started pouring in. And by the goods, I mean hot girls. =) Whatever, I had a long day and I was getting damn sleepy. I was in no capacity to hook up with anyone that night.

Saturday was my cousin Charlie's b-day celebration at some fancy pants restaurant in Coronado. Charlie called me earlier in the day and asked what I was gonna wear and I gave him a vague description. When we see each other at the restaurant, we're wearing almost the exact same outfit (just different shoes). Hahahahahaha. I know alot of people get mad when they show up at some place and another person is wearing their same outfit. Not us. We decided to take as many pictures as we could cuz we thought it was so funny. We were talking about our clothes and I told him I got mine at Sears and he said he did too! Hahahahaha. But after the fancy restaurant we went over to Charlie's Mom's house and had a re-enactment of Beerfest. We just tried to chug as many beers as we could. It was funny cuz on the first chug I got the hiccups during mid-chug but I kept on chugging anyways and they could hear it. I must say, it's real hard to have something going down your throat when air is coming up. Yeah, we got pretty drunk in a real short amount of time. And then we ended up watching the movie Selena. I love that movie. I was singing along to all the songs. My favorite is "Como la Flor". This is the movie that taught me Spanish. Hahahahaha.

Sunday was cleaning and recovery day. I think I need another day.....

I know there's more stuff that I'm forgetting. We'll see if my mind starts working in a couple hours.

This is gross but it was super fun.....

This morning me, Scott, and Shanel were in the break room making some oatmeal for breakfast. I've been doing the oatmeal thing for quite some time now and Shanel claims to be the one to start it. I beg to differ. Hahahahaha. But anyways, Shanel took her spoon home and didn't have one except for the pho spoon I gave her. And the sink was broken too so she copuldn't wash her bowl. So I told her the bathroom is the place to go to wash it and she goes and comes back. I ask "Did you wash it?" cuz her bowl still looked a little dirty. She says "I did....but I'm not perfect." I just nod my head in silence and then Scott says "Well, we strive for excellence!!!" and I just started cracking up. I mean, we're talking about oatmeal here.

And for today's food competition, we will be eating a cup of peanut butter. Whoever can finish it the fastest will win. It sounds easy but we're not allowed to have any kind of beverage to help wash it down. This is just straight up peanut butter by itself. The cup sizes are like double shots. It's maybe 4 or 5 hefty tablespoons. I think I have a chance to win this. I normally eat peanut butter by itself but I don't eat it fast. So far Scott has won all the solid food competitions. I dominate on the liquid food competitions. This is somewhere in between solid and liquid so it might go down to the wire.....

A few months ago I was cleaning out stuff in the garage when I came across a guitar that nobody ever uses anymore. It was my Uncle Alex's guitar and then it was in the possession of my cousin Ramil and now I have it. I guess you can say it's been passed down the family. But it's just been sitting there and my younger cousins are way too young or they already have a guitar. I would like to pass this guitar to the next-in-line when the time is right. But since we were cleaning and this guitar had no place, I decided to bring it to work and leave it at my cubicle.

When I brought it to work, all the girls started coming to my cubicle during break times cuz they would hear music and want to be a part of it. I played it up, asking for song requests cuz I have a vast knowledge of songs stuck in my head. I know a bunch of songs but I don't know that much lyrics. That's the girl's job, to sing while I play. Hahahahahaha. Plus I have a horrible voice.

But thinking back, the only reason I learned to play guitar was to drop some p@nties. I always saw how girls' knees would buckle when some guy was playing their favorite song. I was jealous at how easliy they could do this and I wanted in on the action. This was back in high school when all of us were "inexperienced". Nowadays, I play guitar because it is soothing and puts me at ease. It's amazing what time can do....

Oh yeah, I started writing about my guitar because I took it home to change the strings but soon realized that I had no strings. So this weekend I might have to stop by Guitar Center and pick up a new set. So no guitar at work = no girls at my cubicle.

I almost died yesterday. I came home from work around 5ish and I knew I had to pick up my Mom from work at 530. I leave the house around 530 so I can get there by 6, which is the time she gets out. Well, anyways I'm dead tired from going to the gym and sleeping late from the night before and waking up early for work so I decide to take a 10-15 min nap. So here I am sleeping away when all of a sudden I wake up before my alarm goes off. The reason I wake up is because I can't breathe. Apparently I was choking on my own saliva. It went down the wrong pipe and me laying down caused it to stay there and not go down completely. It was that feeling when you're in the underwater and accidently take a breath. So I sat up with the quickness and then all the blood stayed in my head and I got semi-dizzy. But yeah, it was a little scary.

I never really drooled in my sleep before but something happened a few months ago. I started to notice these wet spots on my pillow whenever I woke up. I have no idea what triggered me to start drooling but I want it to stop. I was also informed by my friends that I snore pretty loud. Hahahahaha. Some girl told me this quite some time ago but I thought she was on crack so I didn't believe her.....

Today I had my 2006 Performance Appraisal and things turned out real good. I got a really good raise, one of the highest. I asked what was the average and I'm well above it. But yeah, at the end of the review the big boss asked me this question: "Are you happy with your job?" Throughout the interview I was all smiles and it was a good vibe. But as soon as he asked the question, my face turned serious and I answered with what was in my heart. I'm not gonna get into details about that but it's a double edged sword of a question. The hand that feeds also eats.

I have a 30gb video ipod, yet I have no video uploaded onto it. I think I'll add some this weekend. And I also need to update my music library. Some of my mp3's got corrupt and they skip and all that crap so I need to rip them from the cd's again.

I feel my creative juices starting to replenish themselves so imma start writing (music)again. I think my photography has triggered this into effect since I've been doing alot of photography. I love my Digital rebel XTi. I also just bought a new lens. A 50mm f/2.8 Canon lens. I saw some sample pix taken with this lens and I liked the results.

Current song learning on the piano: Don't Stop Believin' by Journey. I love that song.

Blogging from home is a different experience. Ha. Imma be a rebel and blog from wherever I am. So what's new? Let's see......I joined a gym and I went for the first time today. It was kinda packed and the only thing I saw free was an exercise bike so I just stayed on that for 30 mins and then was looking to lift some weights but it was packed still so I just left. I haven't eaten any rice, chocolate or drank any soda since Lent began. I've been good on the no-meat Fridays except when I went to Seattle but I was in a different area code so that doesn't count. Hahahahaha. Ummmmm, I started playing music again and I have ideas that are fresh. My hair is getting kinda long and I'm looking for someone who knows how to do cornrows. I keep getting C-blocked by stupid guys. They don't even realize what they're doing until I call them out on it. If you see me with a lady and we're chattin' it up, laughin' and having a jolly time don't come and try to join the conversation. Real example that happened today: I'm talking to a female and we're enjoying ourselves and this guy comes along and tries to be funny and says some stupid shit and so the female ends up leaving because of his comments. Major C-block. I was puttin' some good work and effort into that. But it's all good cuz I talked to her later on anyways. Imma get the job done no matter what. Just try to not make my job harder than it already is.

All my hats are starting to NOT fit. I bought a bunch of them when I was bald and now that I have a bunch of hair, all my hats are hella tight. It's almost to the point where I get headaches wearing them. I don't think I've ever seen a hat in size 8. The biggest hat I have is size 7 7/8. Ok I'm done.

Me and the Fonz cruised to Incahoots last night to meet up with this girl from work. We did some country line dancing and it was fun. I looked like an idiot trying to learn but whatever, I had fun doing it. Christine, the girl from work, is a good teacher. She puled me to the side and showed me the dance steps.

Me and the Fonz want to go back and learn all the dance steps for the line dancing so we can go out and pick up any girl in that place. They have lessons from 5-8pm on Tues-Sat. And they also have DODGEBALL on Sundays!!!! How exciting is that? Chrisitne is down for dodgeball too. I've been chattin' it up with her quite a bit lately and she seems like a dork like me.

The other coworker Scotty and his roommates met up with us at Incahoots later on in the night too. All those guys are hella funny. Scotty, Barnes, Matt and B Loadzz are always on a mission. It just too damn funny watching them find a group of girls and attacking. And it has to be a group. They will not do solo missions. I mean they will fly solo into a group of girls but the one of them will not go solo and find a solo girl. Me and Scotty rolled double and found a trio of girls but then Barnes and B Loadzz came by so I flew back to mission controls center and the three of them got rejected hardcore. Barnes was tellin' me he ended havig this argument with one of them and ended up calling her a bitch. Good times....

Oh yeah, no more blogging from work. Management called us out on using the internet for personal use at work and demanded that we stop so I will try to update every night at home from now on. They said they monitor everything we look at so I will make no more mentions anything related to work.

This was from last Friday.

After work I went over to Shanel's place to kick it. We chilled there and watched some Family Guy and she showed me her art collection. I have so much more respect for now that I've seen her passion. I am a big fan of the arts whether it be poetry, music, paintings, etc. I envy the people who do it for a living. Then we headed over to Karl Strauss for free beer. Strauss was packed like an ass. The regulars were telling me that this is the most packed they've seen it. I guess they were tapping their most popular beer so that's why there was so many people. But it was a good time nonetheless. I wish we would have gotten 1 big table instead of 3 small booths. At least the booths were all right next to each other.

But yeah, I was putting in some work on this "project" last night and some startling revelations came about. Things that I wanted nothing to do with. So at that very moment that the prophecies came out, I decided to abandon the "project". I didn't leave her or anything. In my mind I was just thinking to get through the night and things will be cool. I made it out alive. Time for the next project.....

Free beer tonight over at Karl Strauss in Sorrento Mesa. We'll be there before 6 if you wanna join us. We'll be the loudest, most obnoxious group in the place. You can't miss us.

But yeah, today all the female coworkers are rockin' pigtails (including myself since I am the only male with long enough hair to do so). The excuse was "National Pig Day". I don't know if it really is but that's what one of the girls told me. The real truth behind this is because one day one of the girls put her hair in pigtails and one of the supersivors mentioned that he had a thing for pigtails. So all the girls decided to tease him by all wearing pigtails and I found out about this so I decided to rock some pigtails too. My goatee is about 3 inches and I split that into pigtails and my hair is about 4 inches so the top half I did in pigtails. Hahahahahaha. My supervisor came up to me and said "You know, I have a thing for pigtails." And I responded with "you know, I was only born with one leg. This right here, it ain't a leg." Yeah I know we're gross but it's funny and it keeps the work environment fun. The new hot girl really likes my hair today. I invited her to Strauss. We'll see if she goes. If she gets faded, it's ON!!!!! Hahahahaha.

I thought of more stuff to write and once again I am at a loss for thoughts/words.

So that crazy girl Shanel, whom I said wanted to get in my pants, hangs out with me frequently. We have lunch on a daily basis and what not.....but only because we work together and she is around the same age as me. Yaye for youngins in the working world! But yeah, I keep telling her that I hate her and she's always so mean to me but she keeps coming back for more(it's like those wrestlers who are bad guys and they like it when people boo them). But she's fun to be around. It makes being at work tolerable. Today for lunch she kept some of the most random things and I told her that she should be blonde. She asked if I was saying that because of her intelligence? I told her no, it was for her fun factor. Blondes have more fun. Hahahahaha. My buddy Scotty said it's not a good idea for Shanel to go blonde cuz he really likes blondes and we all work together and he doesn't want to be forced to make a move on a blonde at work. We only have one blonde girl working here and she's practically married so she's off limits.

Oh yeah, Saturday is movie night at Shanel's place. I will be bringing over Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. It will be a fun night. Hopefully her roommates are home and we can all get faded and hit the hot tub. Wishful thinking. Ha.

I was driving to work this morning and I was thinking about some stuff and I thought it would be good to write in here. But here I am and I can't remember a damn thing. Watch, once I get home I'll remember it exactly.

Tomorrow, free beer at Karl Strauss in Sorrento Mesa on Scranton Rd. Me and the coworkers will be heading over there after work. The first Thursday of every month they do a keg tap and they hook it up with free beer. Scotty and the gang go there quite frequently while this will be my first time. I'm not really a beer drinker but if it's free, what heck. Why not? I'm not really too big on alcohol period! I can drink every once in a while but not like my friends who do it on a weekly basis. Did I mention that I'm allergic to alcohol? My Mom is too. But if a really hot girl offers me a drink or asks me to join her in a drink, I simply will not pass up that opportunity.

"Ahhhh, it's on the tip of my tongue......." Don't you hate that feeling? You know exactly what it is but it won't come out. Or when you walk into a room and wonder why the hell you are there? And then as soon as you walk out, you remember you needed to get the stapler or something.

I have this deficiency where I can hear music in my head but when I try to play it, it doesn't ever sound the way it did in my head. I'm looking for ways to associate sounds with pictures or something of the sorrt. The idea is if I hear a certain musical note, let's say an F# (F sharp), I'll associate it with the color red. So when I hear that note, that assigned color pops into my brain. I think this is called Synesthsia or something like that.

And Shanel doesn't think that the girl I'm seeing is all that great. She says that I can do better. Could she possible be alluding to herself? She keeps saying that I'm the one who likes her and its not her who likes me. I'm sticking to my story.....

Let's do a weekend recap.

Friday I left work early so I could catch my flight to Seattle. My flight was delayed for two hours because it had come in from Cabo and they needed to go through Customs or some crap like that. And then once we boarded the plane, they discovered that the landing gear had some mechanical problems so we had to wait for that. And since the plane was full, they had trouble doing the work on it and the pilot mentioned that they might have to unload the entire plane in order to fix it. Luckily they were able to fix it with all of us onboard.

The original departure time was supposed to be 4:45 but we didn't leave until 6 something. We arrived in Seattle at around 10ish and went to eat dinner at a place called The Rock. It's Friday and I'm here with my coworkers and they're all ordering some good ass food and I'm thinking if I should order something good too but there was nothing on the menu that was tempting and didn't contain MEAT. Fridays during Lent = no meat for me. But I was thinking that I'm here on business trip and the company is paying and I'm in a different zipcode so I opted to order something with meat and it was delicious. Sinning never felt so good....

So it's almost midnight on Friday night and we just finished eating dinner and my coworker wants to go to this "club". Hahahahaha. He drove so I said I was down to roll. It ended up being a good decision cuz we had a damn good time. Its almost 2am by the time we leave and make it to the hotel to check in. We were scheduled to start our work at 5am but we were on call.

We ended up not coming in at 5am but I was awake anyways. Our supervisor called us around that time and said they were fixing some problems and that he would call us when we could come in. He ended calling back later and told us to come in at 7am. So we get there but they weren't done fixing what they needed to fix. We were just chillin for a damn long time and we didn't get to start working until about 9:45am. Our work was supposed to be done by 10am. What we needed to do could not be possibly done in 15 mins. We ended staying til noon and I'm not too sure if the work we did would even be useful. Oh well. Shit happens.

And now we're done with work and its around 1pm and our scheduled flight is at 8:55pm. We had some other coworkers also in the area for some training and I called them up so we could meet for lunch. We go to the place I had in mind but it was closed and didn't open til 3pm. We were trying to catch an earlier flight at 5:30pm so we didn't want to wait til it opened. We ended going to the same place we ate at on Friday night and it was good. One of our coworkers in training is this really hot girl and she was the one I called to come meet for lunch and I was hoping to get her alone but all the other coworkers came along. It's all good. Lunch is good and we make it in time for the 5:30 flight.

We arrive in SD at about 8:10pm and I get home around 8:45 or so. I get a call at 9pm and it's my friend Kevin's b-day and they tell there's a party at his place. So i'm pretty damn tired but I go over there anyway cuz I've known Kevin since we were about 7 years old. But yeah, we drank and ate and played some musical instruments and listend to some jazz and also RATM since Kevin got tix to Coachella and Rage is gonna be playing. It was good to see friends I haven't seen in a while. I'm pretty much the only one who works a full time job cuz most of my friends are still in school so I can't hang out with them as much as I'd like. I ended up getting home around 1am.

Sunday comes and I don't wake up til noon cuz I'm dead tired. I wake up to Alexis' call. We were scheduled for a date on Sunday. She calls and basically makes sure that we're still gonna do our plan. So I'm cleaning from 1pm til about 4 and then I go to pick up Alexis. I haven't seen her since December. We were supposed to eat at a restaurant but she was kinda lagging so we didn't have time go to a sit-down restaurant and make it to the Misc. Ailments show over @ SOMA. So we decided to go to this taco shop called "It's a Taco Shop" over by SOMA. It was so weird. Random dirty looking guys kept talking to us. I know they were just checking her out and everything cuz I saw them looking at her ass but she was scared. Hahahahah. One of them had this dog and asked us to watch it while he went outside and did something. I told him No and I gave him this look like he was crazy and I wanted to fight him so he walked out immediately. Everytime I stepped away from Alexis, he would come to her and talk and then I would hear her call my name I'd come over and talk to them crazy guys. I don't think I'll be going back to that taco shop anytime soon.

So we go to SOMA to watch Misc. Ailments and they had their CD release show. It's about time they released their CD. It's been about 8 months since they recorded it. It turns out that Alexis knows the studio producer that recorded their album. I guess she's family friends with him. But the show @ SOMA was good and I got alot of good pix. I even had that press pass so I could go onstage and take pix of the bands. It was good show. I'll post the pix sometime within the next few days.

I like hanging out with Alexis cuz she likes to have her picture taken and I like to take pictures. We go hand in hand. So yeah, that was my weekend. I wish I could have gone to April Joy's housewarming but it's all good. I'm not Superman and I can't do everything but I wish that wasn't the case.

Oh yeah, there's this crazy girl at work named Shanel and she totally wants me. Hahahahaha. When we go out drinking, she gives me all these crazy looks like she wants to get in my pants but we work together and I will never let that happen....when I'm sober. If I'm drunk I am not accountable for my actions. If I don't remember it, it never happened....but I'm sure my camera will tell a different story.

I just found out I am flying to Seattle Friday night after work so I can do some work up there and work starts at 4am on Saturday. I'll be back Saturday night. Things are kinda hectic but whatever. This means I will miss out on April Joy's housewarming and Kevin's b-day.....but I will be back for Misc. Ailments @ SOMA and the date with Alexis.

Back in college (ha, that sounds funny. I feel like an old man) when Bluetooth was starting to come around and get noticed, I had an idea that I thought would revolutionize the electronic community. I thought about the way bluetooth or wireless internet worked and I thought it would be a cool idea if we could use those same ideas for rechargeable batteries. What if we could recharge batteries without ever having to plug them in to a charger? Well, it looks like somebody beat me to the punch. Looks like I won't be getting rich anytime soon. I'll let you guys read about the details on how this works.

I have more ideas such as this that I think could shake the ground we walk upon. It's just a matter of me actually figuring out how to get it to work. Think about it, if we invent something that pretty much the whole world will use we would be rich and never have to work a day in our lives. I mean, I would still "work" but I just would be in a different field if ya nom sain?

I went to sleep at 6pm last night and woke up at 4am. I don't really feel refreshed at all. Too many nights of staying up late and waking up early. I think I need a full week of sleep to catch up and get my body fully recovered. Well whatever, that's my own badd.

Things to look forward to this week:

*Misc. Ailments playing at SOMA
*Date with Alexis
*April Joy's housewarming
*Karmen coming back from Taiwan
*Ash Wednesday (don't eat MEAT!!!!)
*Think of something to give up for Lent (Soda for sure and maybe chocolate, MAYBE!)

So here I am blogging from workland and we got a bunch Boeing folks are here to help understand all the system problems we're having. Ok, enough about work....

Everyone around me is getting sick so that means I'm gonna get sick sometime soon. Did I mention I hate being sick? Ha. My friend April Joy is funny cuz she likes being sick. Crazy girl. Hahahahahah. I can't understand how anyone can enjoy being sick unless they are attended to hand and foot by someone and that person is fulfilling their every desire. I think I would enjoy being sick if it meant that I had to miss work or school or something. But yeah, being sick is not my thing cuz I'm sick for months at a time. I never take medicine cuz I think it makes the body weaker. I think your body becomes dependent on it and you don't build the immunities that you normally would if you didn't take that medicine. But whatever, I could be wrong. What else is new?

So I spent the New Year with my homie Nam and his group of friends. They had a party for the grand opening of his car shop Revd Up Kustomz. It was pretty dope. It was like a giant block party. They had a DJ, food, a unch of fixed up cars and bikes. They even had a stunt riding demo and I took a bunch of pix of it. They had Lisa Flemming there too. I was there for about 4 hours or so and I left before the bikini contest. I was hoping to be able to see it but my grandma was at home alone and I felt bad for leaving her there so I went home. But yeah pix are posted on my website www.derfjam.com and Happy New Year!

Oh yeah, I entered in this Chess tournament at work. The winners get to be the first passengers on the new 787 plane. I dunno if that's a prize or if it's punishment. Hahahaha. My supervisor wants nothing to do with that first flight. He wants to see it fly a couple hundred times before he sets foot inside that plane. But yeah, word on the streets is that some of the people that work here are nationally ranked chess players. So I brought my chess board to work and I'm practicing....

I wake up and I want something else. Everyday I wake up and I wish hadn't. It's not death that I wish. It's life. I wish I didn't have to sleep so I could experience all the things I want to and have been meaning to do. Stupid sleep takes up so much of my day. It's way overrated. Yet, I can't seem to get enough of it. My waking moments have me fighting to keep my eyes open. My eyelids get heavier throughout the day but as night nears, suddenly I'm wide awake. I don't know if it's me being greedy or the battle between my "id" and super-ego. My morals have all gone out the door and with it, any self-respect that I once had. I just want to fulfill these desires without shame. Is that so much to ask?

So today for Valentine's I brought cards and candy for the entire office. It's those Winnie the Pooh Valentine's cards that say something clever on it. Ha. People were all surprised cuz no one's done this since elementary school. I wish more people would still do it. I guess I'm the only one who doesn't care to get ridiculed. Some of the guys in the office were all like "I usually never get these kinds of things from a man." The chocolate will still taste the same even if it's from a girl. Ha.

Everyone has this so called "hatred" towards this day but it's just like any other day. It's like my birthday, another day come and gone. Basically I don't do anything too special. It might be because I'm single but that shouldn't matter. I'll go out and bring a girl chocolates or flowers anytime I feel like it. It might be because she's sad about something it might cheer her up. Or it could be me trying to impress her. Same shit, different toilet.

Oh yeah, Karmen gave me chocolate this morning. What a sweet girl! =)

....and you're to blame. You give love a bad name. Well well well, the Charger head coach Marty Schottenheimer got fired last night as you all may know. I walk into to work and people are waiting for my reaction. Ha. I guess that just shows how much they know about how I feel for the Chargers. I guess anyone passing by my cubicle would know that too. My posters and the stuff on my desk and screensaver and all the hats and shirts I wear everyday. Hahahaha.

But yeah, I'm a little shocked by the news as to how late in the offseason they decided to do it yet I am not troubled by it. I have faith in the General manager AJ Smith. The man has a masterplan and he would not start it without some of the pieces already falling into place. I think our team is loaded and anyone who takes over will have to just look pretty. It's like handing the keys of your Porsche to the valet driver. It's gonna look good no matter who is driving it. I think they have someone in mind to be the next head coach otherwise they wouldn't have fired Marty. I don't think we've taken a step backwards. We're moving laterally....I'm looking forward to our next move.

I was talking to my boy Johnny "The Moocher" Lam. We went to school together but alot of people hated him cuz of his "mooching". Me and Johnny were cool cuz he didn't really mooch off me that much but he hooked me up with alot of stuff in exchange for his mooching so I didn't mind. If I ever needed anything, he could get me a bootleg copy of it. He is from Hong Kong, the bootleg capital of the world. Hahahahaha. But yeah, he hit me up on Friday and we started shooting the shit. We were just talking about everything we're doing and what we've done since we last spoke. He's married now and his chick is pretty smokin' hot!!!!!! I showed him pix of the one I'm working on (I won't post it on here cuz she probably looks at this page). And he was teaching me phrases of his native language cuz my chick in the works is from the same place he is (Damn, that narrows the field so I might as well as put her pic up on here). He was explaining to me about why he's not an engineer and why he's doing what he is now. He's the manager of some company in the food industry. He told me he's in the works of starting an import/export company (I smell BOOOOOOOTLEGGGG!!!!!!!!!!). Hahahahahahahaha.

I was wondering how Johnny got his chick. But when he got with her he was about 50 lbs. lighter so that makes sense. Ha. Damn, I gotta get 50 lbs. lighter now. For reals.

I thought you were supposed to feel different when you got older. I really don't feel that different. Maybe it's cuz I still live at home and I don't have any real responsibilities. I mean I mow the lawn, trim the bushes/plants/shrubs, take out the garbage, do the dishes, do laundry and all that jazz but I don't feel like an adult. I'm 24 damn years old but I feel like I'm 16. I still have to call home to check in cuz my Mom is paranoid that I got killed if I don't call when I go out. I have to tell her where I'm going. It's pretty weak. I need to get my own place. I dunno though, people always tell the opposite of what I feel. "Take yout time in college". "Live at home as long as you can" Things of that nature but sometimes I have to find things out on my own for it to have any meaning. Somebody talk some sense into me.....

I woke up today in the worst possible way. I woke up cuz I had a calf cramp. Those are so damn painful when you don't realize what's goin' on! I woke up and felt paralyzed from the pain. I couldn't really move, let alone understand what was going on. I tried to get up out of bed but I couldn't. I tried to bend my leg so I could grab onto my calf but my knee wouldn't bend. After about a minute of being in pain, I finally realized I could use my other leg to push my cramped leg towards my body. Basically I just used one foot to make my other foot be in a neutral position. Because of the cramp, my heel was close to me and my toes were pointing away. I used my other foot to get my toes pointing towards me instead of away. It was a major struggle but once I was able to do it, the cramp subsided. And I finally was able to stand up and stretch it out. I HATE calf cramps. I hate them with a passion. But I guess it's my own fault for not stretching before running.

I didn't wake up in time this morning. I mean, I didn't get up in time. My alarm went off 410am but I turned it off and went back into bed. The next time I looked at the clock it was 512am. I still didn't get up. Ha. by the time it hit 530 I finally decided to get up. I was still debating if I should get dressed and go to work right away or eat and lounge around for a while. I decided to go to work and eat there. Ha. So here I am now.

Yesterday when I got home from work, I was feeling a little bit woozy. I had this dizzy feeling but I wasn't dizzy. At times it felt like I was just gonna tip over when I was standing still. This happened when I was washing the dishes. I guess it was a sign that my body was lacking sleep. I always thought 4 hours of sleep was good enough but I guess when you do it two weeks in a row it doesn't work.

I've been playing music again but I haven't been writing anything new or working on anything old. I've just been learning songs that are popular so that when someone asks me if I can play this or that, I won't even say anything and I'll just start playing it. It's funny how I get alot of admiration from the ladies when I play guitar. It seems they are so impressed with it. There's just something about the guitar. But when I play drums all the guys are impressed. I enjoy playing the drums more than the guitar but I like it when the ladies come around. Imma stick to guitar for a while. I'll be back on the drums soon though.....

I don't know why I can't go to sleep early. I try.....but I always just end up laying down for a couple hours before I actually fall asleep. It sucks too cuz I know I have to wake up early. My friends are still up from the night before by the time I wake up to go to work. I wish I could sleep at 10pm every night.

This year's SuperBowl sucked major ass. The Bears were just horrible and the Colts did enough to win. But I must say that Devin Hester is a BEAST! The Chargers should have been there and they would have won. But oh well, there's always next year.

The commercials were also pretty weak. There were two good ones in my book. The Snickers one where the two dudes kissed and the Sierra Mist one with the beard comb-over. Who would have ever thought of a beard comb-over? That is genius. I'm into that off-beat sense of humor type of thing.

This past Saturday, we celebrated my best friend Ramon's b-day. It was like a mini-reunion. Alot of us close friends were in the same vicinity for the first time in a long time. It was a good feeling to be able to walk to any part of the house and talk to anyone and be totally comfortable. The house was packed like an ass but everyone there was considered family. The trust that me and my friends built up is amazing. I like the fact that my friend's girlfriend can hang out with us even though my friend isn't there. That's the kind of trust we have. There's alot of February b-days among my friends so I hope there are more good times like this one.

It's Friday and I enjoy Fridays. For some strange reason, this day seems to go by way faster than any other day......except for Sundays during the football season. After the SuperBowl and ProBowl, it will be back to my regular routine of going to Church on Sunday mornings.

I don't know why my Mom gets pissed at me for not going to Church. The way I see Church is like a library. People go to a library to go study or read. And People go to Church to pray and ask for forgiveness. But I am able to study and read at a place other than a library. And I can also pray and ask for forgiveness in a place other than Church.

But since the chargers were winning this year, my Mom didn't really give me any grief cuz when we lose she says it was a waste of my time to be there at the game. I just enjoy being at the game no matter what. Winning isn't everything......but losing SUCKS!

I'm starting to lose track of the days. I wake up in the mornings and all I know is that I have work today. I don't know if it's Monday or Thursday. All I know is that it's not Friday and I'm up at 410am. I feel like I'm losing touch with society. In school, at least I knew what days were what cuz I had certain classes on certain days and certain times but with work it's the same thing all day everyday. I also got to see a variety of people at school. People that I got to hang out with with and have lunch with or just chat with. I got to meet new people all the time. Now I see the same people and I think I've seen everyone's entire wardrobe. I can tell when someone gets a new shirt or some new pants or new shoes or something. Call me crazy but I'm very observant of my surroundings. I know if someone wore the exact same outfit down to their socks 2 Mondays ago. I have a wandering eye but it's also very sharp.

I need to read some new books. I haven't read a book in about 6 months. Can someone recommend a good read? Yeah, right. I hardly know anybody that reads a book nowadays. Maybe 2 or 3 of my friends actually read. And they just read stuff that I just finished reading cuz they'll see me reading it and ask about it and then get interested. So I think everything I've read, they have too. What is happening to kids these days? Don't they have "Book-It" anymore? When I was growing up, we had this program called Book-It where after you read a certain amount of books you'd get a gift. I think after you read 4 books, you'd get a coupon for a free personal pan pizza from Pizza Hut. Pizza Hut was right across the street from my elementary school and jr. high. I was gettin' pizzas every other week. Hahaha. As you can see from my belly, I read alot of books.

Yesterday I got off work around 3 and made it home around 4. I ate a sandwich and then decided to take a nap around 430. I briefly woke up at 1159pm and fell back asleep. I didn't wake up until my alarm went off today at 410am. I feel refreshed. It was something that I had been lacking for the past month or two. An actual good night's rest. And here I am again comin' into to work at 530am. I can do it. It's just a matter of will. When the mind believes, the body will follow.

I'm not a big fan of the rain. I'm not against it either. It's just that the dumbest drivers decide that this is the day they need to be driving. I'm extra cautious when I know the roads are slick cuz I know from experience that hydroplaning is a real thing. I drive a huge ass truck so I know I'll be safe if someone hits me but I don't want that to ever happen.

I've been rear-ended before and my truck only came out with a few scratches to the bumper and bent my Chargers hitch while the car that hit me had it's hood all crumpled in and front grill all smashed. It was on a rainy day too.

I had pho for lunch today and it felt good to eat it. It was the perfect meal for a rainy day. Rainy days have their moments. You get to cuddle to stay warm and eat soup and get stuck indoors with the ones you love. Bonding moments.....

I don't know if I can do this 530am thing. I've gone back to it for the past 4 work days and my body feels like crap. My mind does too. It almost feels like I'm gonna get dizzy. I'm having focus problems, but I've had that ever since I was a kid. Jajajajaja (<---that's Spanish for "hahahahaha"). I guess I just gotta keep this routine on the weekends too instead of me staying out til 4am and then my body adjusts to that. I guess I don't myself enough time for my mind and body to recuperate. It almost feels like I'm lost and I don't know where to go or what to do next. I'm a zombie that's addicted to the internet.

The internet is the new TV to me. I hardly watch any TV except to watch sports. I'm always online and when I'm not, I have this burning desire to just check my email. I can't explain this addiction. It's causing me to be lazy and not want to get out of the house. I know I should go play basketball or ping pong or something so I can exercise but I have no desire to do so. I just want to surf the web. I know.....I should get one of those exercise bikes and have my laptop so I can just pedal away while I'm online. I have to somehow rig it so that my pedaling provides the power to my computer. That way the longer I am online, the more calories I burn. This is just an idea, a dream, another way for me to find an excuse to do something but to never do it.

I'm guilty of this way too often. I need to stop dreaming and start doing. My dreams can only take me so far. I always wake up from my dreams. I want to live in a world where there are no dreams, only checklists. The hope is there, the desire just needs to catch up. One day, gravity will get a hold of your panties. They'll be droppin' like raindrops and I'll be singing and dancing in the rain and doing circles with my arms out and my mouth open. The taste of raindrops is refreshing.....

I started coming in to work at 530am again. Why, you ask? Because of the lucrative pay of OVERTIME. I will leave this place today at 412pm. 10 hrs a day. It makes a huge difference in my paycheck, since I'm hourly. Pretty much everyone in the company is hourly except for the executives.

But yeah, I wanna get better seats for next football season. And more of my friends want to get seats with us. And since I pay for everything upfront with the tickets, I need a good amount of money to be able to do this. Right now we have 4 seats but next season imma be pickin' up 8 seats. It's all under my name and I just tell my friends to pay me whenever they get the cash, no interest, no deadlines.

I may be the youngest among my friends but it also seems like I'm the most responsible, even though I act like a little kid most of the time. I'm always the default for driver or wingman or if they want the HONEST truth ot something else but I make the most of it. I'm not complaining. I enjoy it. I like the fact that I'm first choice. It makes me feel important. =)

So last night me and my buddies went to grand opening of Club Montage. It was packed like an ass. Luckily I knew the right people to get us in without having to wait an hour in line. I pretty much knew half the people in the club. Ha. But yeah, we had a really good time......up until someone PISSED on us. Some dude from the 2nd floor decided to relieve himself on people dancin' on he first floor. I felt a little sprinkle of something and then I look up and I see this dude huggin the rail and then a stream of liquid coming from in between the rail opening. My friends ran up there with the quickness and we ready to fight this guy. But I guess they couldn't find him cuz it was kinda dark. That kinda ruined the night for us. I hate stupid drunk people.

Angela, my senior project partner, called me yesterday about a job opening over at Goodrich. It would be sweet to land a job over there since it is so close to my house (compared to this job). The weak part is that I heard Goodrich is gonna be relocating to Washington in a couple years and I don't wanna be going there or looking for another job. Whatever though, I can't get ahead of myself. See if they call me first and then take it from there. One step at a time. Every little step I take, you will be there...every little step I make, we'll be together. Hahahaha!

So tomorrow I need to take my passport pix so I can renew my passport this weekend. It sucks that I live so close to TJ and now I need a passport. Oh well. We only go there for tacos......the pink kind! Hahahahahahaha. My Mom told me to get my passport done cuz they plan on going to GERMANY in August. They're inviting me to go along....and I bet they will sucker me into paying for all the tix if I do decide to go. Hahaha. My Mom is sneaky like that. I don't care, it's not like I pay rent or anything. But yeah, I think I would want to go. It's just a matter of me being able to get time off from work. The reason for this trip to Germany is cuz my cousin and graduating high school there and we want to be there for here. I want to go cuz she's bound to have some hot German lady friends fresh out of high school and I want to experience the wonders of a European woman. I feel like watching Eurotrip now. "Scotty doesn't know...." Hahahaha. Yeah, European chicks are hott!!!! But since this is a family trip, I doubt that I will be hookin' up with anyone over there.

I hate being sick. From Oct. to Dec. I was sick. I got better around X-mas and New Years but once again I am SICK! I am sick of being sick. Ha. Today I woke up and I couldn't breathe through my left nostril. I also hocked up some brown-ass flem. My throat was hurting but I drank some tea and ate some soup so I feel better. I still have trouble breathing through my left nostril but I can manage. I'm getting hungry since I basically only had liquids(tea and soup) to eat. I'm thinking I should eat more soup during lunch but my stomach wants some rice and meat, preferably chicken. Ha. I eat chicken at least 3 meals a week. I love chicken. Chicken in any form is awesome; fried, baked, grilled, roasted, soup! I enjoy it all. I enjoy eating PERIOD. And I like girls who are down to munch and not afraid to pig out in front of me.

Ok, back to work.

About 2 mins ago, the new supervisor just came up to me and informed me that they are sending me back up to Long Beach this Thursday to do some performance testing. Performance testing is basically when someone runs through a script and records the times it takes for these actions to occur. This is usually 8-10 hrs of super duper fun.......NOT! I was up in Long Beach a couple weeks ago and the facility is nice and all but......Performance Testing can be very frustrating. The servers and systems don't always run smooth and they skew the data. I guess this is what they are looking for and want to find out what is causing delays and what not. Whatevs....I'm getting paid so it don't matter what they tell me to do.

So yesterday I had my first White Castle burger. It was quite delicious but way too small. Two bites and that burger was gone. I've always wanted to try one ever since I saw Harold and Kumar.

Last night I got a messsage from this girl I've been feelin'. Her name is Tatiana and I invited her to go see my old band play this Friday. The two times I was out with her, she would start speaking to me in Spanish. Hahahahaha. I would pick up words here and there but didn't understand everything she was saying. Her reasoning for doing so was because she spoke more Spanish than English and the majority of the people she's around speak spanish too. I think it's kinda sexy when she speaks to me in Spanish. Ha.

So I was going number poo this morning at work and some guy walks in and there's only one stall and one urinal upstairs. When the stall door is closed, it usually means someone is in there. Well, in this case it was me. This dude walks to the front of the stall door and then he looks under. WTF!?! I'm in there buddy!!!!! I see this fool crouching down and then someone else walks in and he immediately gets up. The door is not gonna magically close itself. It's closed for a pretty darn good reason. But whatever, if he saw my penis, he saw it. Nothing I can do now.

My old band is gonna be playing a show next friday and I asked a few coworkers if they wanted to go. One of them responded with "That's a definite maybe." What the hell is a 'definite maybe'? Isn't 'maybe' being uncertain. So they are definitley uncertain. I mean, I'm not angry at the response or anything but I do find it kinda funny. It's kinda like saying a girl is "pretty ugly". Hahahahaha. I just thought I'd share that. Back to my cubicle I go.......

So my Mom wants to go to Barona tonight but I kinda had plans to go to DnB with my coworkers. Earlier in the week I mentioned that we should go to DnB on Friday night and hang out but I was talking to a bunch of my workers and only one has confirmed that she wanted to go but she'll only go if more people go. Everyone else is sketchy. So I'm thinking it aint gonna go down. Oh well, next time. I guess I gotta plan things better.

Pix from Hollywood and the pix from the Porn Convention (Not work friendly!!!!!!) I didn't get great shots from this years Porn Con. cuz I was more interested in getting the free stuff they give out. It costs $75 to get in but you get like $200 worth of free stuff (DVD's, magazines, posters, condoms, lube, accessories, pens, candy, etc) Last year's pix were way better cuz we got there way earlier and all the good stars were still there. But I still had fun. The Hollywood pix are work friendly so peep them anytime.

So me and my buddies have this season of no holds barred. No rules, no regulations, and no girlfriends. The season will remain un-named due to it's graphic nature but it begins in about a month. I guess it could be considered the opposite of Valentines, in a way. I can't go into much details but it involves debauchery and drunken nights. It started off last year as a b-day gift but the b-day boy declined and everyone else who happened to be celebrating with us took the gift(s). The gift being the gift that keeps on giving. The season is near and I'm looking forward to it......

I'm still feeling the weekend. My body hasn't adjusted to all the drinking and non-sleep and other activities of the night that we did. Break just ended at work and I layed down on the floor next to my cubicle and listened to everyone's footsteps as they passed me by. Hahahahaha. A few of them asked if I was OK and I just looked up at them and gave a thumbs up. My supervisor just laughed.

I think I actually slept 8 hours last night. Let's see, I went to bed around 10pm and woke up at 530am.....but I pushed snooze a couple times and didn't get out of bed til 6am. I used to be at work by 530am which meant I was up at 4am but I'm in party mode and that aint gonna fly. I think I might be stuck in forever party mode. Life is just one big party now and I look forward to waking up next to an unfamiliar face.

I just remembered a conversation me and my friends had in Vegas. It was about being committed in a relationship. I'll write more about it at a later time but some valid points were made and I want to hear a female perspective. Tomorrow. Or later today.

Let's start off with last Thursday......

I woke up at 4am cuz I had to go to Long Beach for work. I drive to my coworkers house at 5am and homeboy aint ready. He told me to be by 5 and he aint even ready. Punkass. Ha. Well, we go and pick up our other coworker in Miramar at 530am and we head on down to LB. We get there around 730ish and go to the building we were supposed to go to. We walk up and no one is parked near it and the building looks abandoned. This is the building where we pick up our badges so we can have all access at the Boeing facility. We looked in the tinted windows and not a soul in sight. I called up the guy we were supposed to meet after we got our badges and I told him of the situation. He came by to where we were at and picked us up and brought us to another badge office. We finally get our badges and start our work around 9am. Our lunch is at 11am but we decided to work through it so we could get done with our work faster and not have to drive in traffic on the way home. Weel, the systems were acting like crap so everything was going by super slow and we didnt even get to finish the work we were doing. We left LB around 2pm and made it back to Miramar at 415pm. We make it back to my coworkers house at 5pm and then I go straight to Ramon's to pick him up for our Vegas trip.

I'm at Ramon's and his Mom asked what we were gonna do in Vegas. We were going there for the Porn Convention but we didn't want to tell her that. So I told her we were gonna go to the clubs and meet alot of sexy women and then get married to them that night. Hahahaha. His girlfriend was right there too. They just laughed and we went on our way without them bothering us about what we were gonna do.

Next stop, I pick up Joel who just happens to live down the street from Ramon. Joel hops into my truck with his PSP in his hand and he's already watching porn. Hahahahaha. We pick him up and then go to get Jay. It was Jay's B-day this weekend so we told my parents we were going to Vegas for Jay's B-day. It was the truth. Hahahahaha.

Well, I guess Joel's friend Jerry tells him about this party up in Hollywood that some sororities were throwing. We decided to go stop by and check that out before we headed to Vegas. The club was called Basque.....I think.

Right when we pulled up in front of the club around 9 or 10pm, there were bitches everywhere. All of them dressed in some booty shorts or short skirts or something hella tight that looked like it was made to fit a toddler. But yeah, the ratio in there was good. It was probably the best ratio I have ever been in. It was 6:1, approximately. The night was good.

We ended up going to a group of the girls' apartment. They all lived in the same area so we were up in there after the club. There was me and 4 of my friends and like 10 girls in one apartment. Everyone was pretty damn drunk except for me cuz I had to drive. Well, it's now 3 am and I'm starting to feel a lil' tired cuz I had woken up pretty damn early for work. What went down in the apartment will not be spoken of.

Going on.....we're driving to Vegas from Hollywood and I am really starting to feel tired. It starts to rain, or so I thought. The rain looked hard yet so light. We look out the window and the plants and trees are covered. It wasn't rain, it was snow. We saw an accident and I was driving fast so I had to brake hard and we skidded for a few feet. That's probably what happened in that accident. The ambulance was there and there wasn't really any cars on the road so the freeway wasn't blocked off. If I didn't see a big rig going 5 mph, I wouldn't have known to stop. I was probably going 70mph.

So we get past that accident and not 30 mins later we see about a mile of cars stopped dead in their tracks. There must have been another accident and they did block off the road until the scenen was cleaned up. We were stopped for maybe 45 mins before we started again. It's now 6 am of Friday morning and might I remind you that I was up at 4am on Thursday. Well, one of my friends who have been sleeping in the car offers to drive since he could see my eyes starting to drift.

I pull over on the side of the road and he takes the wheel. We're almost in Vegas and he's driving for a few miles and someone needs to pee. I'm already asleep at this time but I feel that the car stops so I wake up. I look at the gas tank and it's at 1/4. I fill it up as they go pee and I feel all refreshed and energized. My friends come back to car and they see me sitting in the drivers seat. They ask if I'm ok to drive and I'm all like "Yeah, I just took a good nap". They're all looking at me funny and I say "What? That nap was good. How long was I out?" My friend Jay says we went through two songs on his iPod so that's about 7 minutes. I slept for 7 damn minutes and I felt like I slept for 2 hrs. Hahahahahaha.

Yeah, I took over the wheel and drove to Vegas on my 7 minute nap. We get there and it's pure insanity. Alcohol. Porn. Gambling. Buffets. Football. Pure insanity.

We get home on Sunday morning around and sleep for a few hours and then head on to the stadium for the game. The Chargers lost but I had fun while it lasted.

I'm at work right now, wearing my Chargers gear still, and I would really enjoy it if I got to sleep. Hahahaha. I wanna see the pix on my camera too. I probably took 900 pix in the span of two and a half days. Good times.

So I'm here at work right now trying to load up some objects but since there's like 20 jabillion parts and what not it's kinda frozen. Let's see, it is now 9:59am and I started loading this stuff around 8:10am. I'm hoping that all this waiting doesn't lead to a screen that gives me some error. But enough about that.

Scotty brought in more pix from his party that his roommate took. Shanel is in 90% of all the pix and she's always holding a drink/bottle of Jager. Hahaha. I'll post them up sometime soon. I posted the few pix I took my website.

Oh yeah, April Joy has this foosball table that she's selling and I wanna check it out. I know I don't have room for it in my house but if it looks good, I might buy it and just keep it at a buddy's house. Hook me up with some pix of the table Apes.

So last Saturday my coworker Scott had a lil' party over at his house. The people from CDG that showed up were Nam (with his girl), Shanel, Karmen, Niki (with her man), and Geoff (with his girl). It was a pretty damn good time. Scott and his roommates and friends were all fun people to be around. There was a keg, some Jack Daniels, Jim Beam, Jagermeister, and other various forms of whiskey and some tequila. I think everyone there was pretty much hammered. Scott's place is dope cuz it's the total bachelor pad. They got a pool table, beer pong table, a huge tv, and not much furniture. There's even a pool next door and their neighbor must be tight cuz he tore down part of the fence so they have all access to the pool. It's also funny cuz scott and his roommates all have these huge, lifted trucks. It's like a monster truck rally in their front yard.

Scott's potential chick is on that show Veronica Mars. I don't know if she's a character in the show or one of the behind the scenes people. But yeah, she was looking pretty hot and she brought a friend who wasn't bad either. I didn't know Scott needed a wingman so I went on my own conquest with another chick there. I totally would have dropped my conquest cuz I can see her anytime. The friend ended up getting bored and wanting to go home. Bummer for Scott cuz his chick and her friend took off pretty early in the night. My conquest lasted the whole night though. I left the party with her and all the fellas were givin' me the good luck wink when we were taking off.

First thing this morning Scott asked me was "How'd it go?". Hahahaha. I told him I'd tell him all about at break......

Mad props go out to Shanel and Karmen for being stallions and drinking like champs.

So last night me and Fonso filmed (or tried to film) the opening scene to our music video. This is for our song called TUNA. You can find it on the Boston Market page. Well, we were just filming the intro scene which we thought would only take 30 mins or an hour tops. We ended up spending 3 or 4 hours doing it. This scene (when it's done) will probably only last 30 seconds. Every 'take' we were cracking up. I have a newfound appreciation for actors, directors, and film makers. It's hard to keep a straight face all the time. I'll post the video here (and myspace, youtube, etc.) when we're done. Expect it in a couple weeks or maybe a month depending on the Chargers playoff situation.

I still haven't been able to get back to my normal working sleeping schedule. I'm still on holiday sleeping schedule but I wake up at normal working schedule. My body is taking a hit. My back has been hurting since my body is upright for about 18-20 hrs a day. I think I have a pinched nerve cuz every time I take step with my left leg, I feel a little twinge of pain in the lower back right above my ass cheek. I also feel pain right below my ass cheek in the back of my leg in the hamstring area. I hope it's nothing serious. If it's not gone in a week or two I might consider going to a doctor.

I put this big Charger Girls poster on my wall at work and everybody stops by to check it out. I tell everyone (including the females) to pick a top 3. People point out some funny things that I never noticed about the girls. If you look at a poster and it has their names on it, my top 3 Charger Girls are (in no particular order): Ashley B., Lauren, and 3-way tie between Constance, Casie, and Michelle. Moving up the ladder is Ashley M. and Gail.

For the past few months I've been playing alot of music lately. I was playing piano everyday, playing guitar every once in a while, and the drums is always there. Playing the piano was inspiring me to write songs cuz it was something I haven't really done (at least not for a while). I started writing a bunch of songs but I never finished any of them. I would come up with a melody and structure and then I would get stuck. Nothing would fit and I didn't want to force something into it so I'd start working on another song and just come back to it later. Well, this happened for every song I started writing and now I can't even come up with new ideas. I have these songs that are unfinished and I don't know how to finish them.

I'm just gonna put music to the side for a couple weeks and hoopefully when I get back into it, I'll have some ideas. I have these books in my room that I want to read again. They inspired me before and hopefully they can do it again. We'll see.

But yeah, me and Fonso have been hanging out alot again. I miss the days when we would just hang out and do whatever came into our heads. It was the summer going into 11th grade and we hung everyday. That's when we learned how to play guitar. Nobody taught us. We just watch music videos and try to copy what we saw and heard. We'd listen to our cd's and try to figure out the chords they were playing. We'd look online to see if they had music(not tabs) for the songs. We didn't know how to read tabs back then. All we could read was music.....but we didn't know where those notes were on the guitar. To this day, Fonso doesn't know where the notes are. I eventually figured it out but he figured out how to use his ear and determine what the notes sound like. He doesn't know the names of notes but he knows what they sound like and that is the total opposite of me. People who read music don't have as good of an ear as those who just wing it. But I'm still developing my ear(even though the drums ruined my hearing).

One night me and Fonso were hanging out and he wanted to skate and I had my camera so I recorded him and this is what happened.....

I'm Destructive

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The Oldest and Newest members of the Callo family. My grandma is 90 and my nephew is 2 months. They are on opposite spectrums but they are closer than you can imagine. God bless them both.

I got a new website in the works but this time I'm not paying for it so I don't have the capabilities to do what I want. When I was paying for one, I didn't have the time to fully utilize all the options I had. I'm afraid the same thing will happen if I buy webspace again. So I'm using a free account but I'm doing what I can.

I started this website cuz me and my buddy Richard had plans on starting a photography business. We still do but I want to get to know my camera better before we start offering our services. Right now, my website is just me messing around. I don't know if this business will ever start or if it's just wishful thinking on our parts. Whatever though, we're having fun and that's all that matters.

If you want to peep what I'm doing, check it at www.derfjam.com. There's nothing really on it yet. I'm just seeing what I can and can't do and how things might look. Things will change alot but you can still offer some advice, constructive criticism, etc. Firefox doesn't show everything the way I set it up to be. It only shows up on Internet Explorer for some reason. Imma have to figure that one out.

Other things on my mind:
I was thinking of getting a MacBook cuz I was at this party and this guy had one and he was recording stuff with GarageBand and taking photos with the iSight thingy and I was intrigued by it. GarageBand would be useful with me recording my music but I can't justify spending $2000 on a MacBook when I already have a laptop. I would probably only use it to surf the net and record on GarageBand occasionally so I don't think it would be a wise investment for me. I already have recording software for my laptop but I have to hook up all these externals such as my amp, mic, etc. to get it working. I already have all these items but it's just a hassle hooking everything up. Oh well, I'll deal with it instead of spending 2G's.

So we drove up to the Bay area to spend X-Mas with family up there. The drive there was intense. I drove in the thickest fog I have ever seen. Visibilty was about 10 ft, or as how I saw it, 2 reflectors deep. Those reflectors dividing the lanes were the only things I could see. I was just hoping there wasn't a sudden curve in the road cuz the fog wasn't about to slow me down. Just cuz I couldn't see didn't mean I had to go the speed limit. Ha.

But yeah, I got to meet my cousin's fiance' and I also got to see their child, the newest edition to the Callo family. Taylor Callo. He's such a cute baby and already very photogenic at only 2 months. Everyone was waiting in line to get a chance to hold him. I just took a bunch of pix. I'll post a few once I get a chance to upload them.

I love going to the Bay and getting to see my cousin Kevin cuz we have hours of non-stop jamming. Thanksgiving 2 or 3 years ago, we jammed on our guitars for about 6 hours straight. My fingers were hurting like a bitch but he's one of the best musicians I have ever seen so no way in hell do I stop just cuz I can't feel my fingers. I wish he lived here in SD so we could start up a band. But yeah, we only got to jam for about 30 mins cuz he just got a new job and they designated him the bitch who had to work on X-mas.

Oh yeah, the Chargers pulled off another sloppy win. Hey, I'll take a sloppy win over a pretty loss anyday. Philip Rivers continues to amaze me with his ability to shake off poor plays but still come through when it counts. I got my playoff tickets and I'm ready to go. One more game until playoffs......

So I don't have to go back to work til Jan. 2! SCORE! But lately, me and my coworkers have been going out to lunch and we're all getting to know each other better and we're becoming closer. Work is so much more tolerable when you're around people you enjoy being around. Even my supervisor is cool. He was telling us yesterday that when his alarm went off in the morning he was all mumbling to himself, "One.....more......day" and he even acted out how he was getting out of his bed. Hahahaha.

I'll be going up to the Bay area this weekend to spend X-mas with my family up there. They've been coming down here for the past couple years so it's our turn to go up there. It should be fun.

I love not being at work and still getting paid.

Things coming up:
12/22 - Pops B-day, Roel's B-day party at Landlord Jim's
12/23 - Drive up to the Bay
12/24 - Chargers @ Seahawks
12/26 - Drive home, Uncle Amping's B-day
12/31 - Chargers vs Cardinals
01/02 - Back to work
01/06 - Company party/bonding sessions/drink up/whorefest @ Scotty's place
01/12 - Porn Convention in Vegas

And somewhere along the lines, the Chargers will be playing a playoff game at home. Lookin' forward to some exciting events.

Yesterday our dept. had a potluck and White Elephant gift exchange. That turned out to be pretty damn fun. The gift I ended up with was stolen so many times. It was the first gift taken and probably got stolen 11 times. It turned out to be this Domino game set and we started playing it during lunch and I never played dominoes before but it turned out to be quite fun. It's almost like poker where it kinda takes a while to win. But yeah, there was so much food and our dept. is ethnically diverse so I got to eat Indian food, Romanian food, Persian food, Chinese food, Filipino food, and some more that I don't know how to categorize. I brought Garlic Chicken wings and those were awesome. I think the surprise dish was this Indian Chicken Curry. It turned out to be one of the best dishes there.

Over the weekend, me and my buddies were having this conversation about hot girls and cute girls. One can object to the hottness of a girl. I can think a girl is a 9 while my friends think she is a 6 or 7. On the otherhand, when I say a girl is cute there is never any objection. This topic came up cuz the girl who sits behind us at the Charger games asked me to take a pic of her and her man. We never really got a good luck at her cuz she's behind us but when I took a pic of them I got a good look. Then my buddies asked me if she was hot. She wears nice outfits all the time so she catches the eye. But I told my buddies she's not hot, she's cute. And at the end of the game I waved goodbye to her and her man and she turned and looked at all of us and waved back. The guys finally got a good look at her and agreed upon my assessment of her being cute and that's where our conversation of cute and hot began.

I will take a cute girl over a hot girl any day.....

So last wed. and Thurs I had gigs playing with the company X-Mas band. We played up in Cypress on Wed. and here in Miramar on Thurs. Both days were fun but having to lug around so much equipment is a pain. But yeah, when we were playing I went all crazy on the drums and now everyone in the entire company knows who I am. Everyday I run into someone new complimenting me. It feels good to get recognized. The first 6 months I worked here, no one knew who I was and after one day I've become as recognizable as the head honchos. =) I smell a raise coming. Not.

And Friday when I got home from work, I straight up passed out. I got home around 5pm and didn't wake up til 3am. I was hoping to just take an hour nap so I could go out later on in the night but that didn't happen. So i was wide awake at 3am with nothing to do so I just decided to clean. Ha.

Saturday I had family from out of town over. It's always good to see family that I haven't seen in a long time. And I also went to Abie's B-day/X-mas party. I stayed there for a long while. Made some new friends and hung out with old ones. Took alot of crazy pix but none with my camera. I like getting a hold of someone else's camera and taking so many stupid pix that they wonder where the hell all that came from when they finally look at them. The only pic I took on my camera is of two girls kissing.

Sunday was gameday and that is my favorite day. Took more crazy pix with other people's cameras. I met a super hot girl named Vanessa who looks exactly like Jenaveve Jolie. She was fun. I grilled pretty much the whole time we were tailgating. During the game, it was all cold and I wished I had brought a jacket. Ha. But the Chargers won so it was well worth it.

So today's just another manic Monday. I wish it were Sunday, cuz that's my fun day. Yeah....hahahaha. I'm tired as hell and I wanna go home. BUt I still gotta get a gift for our White Elephant gift exchange here at work and I gotta pick up some food for our potluck here tomorrow. It should be fun. Back to work I go.....

I was at Costco with my parents and I saw Cynthia P. there. I've known here since kindergarten but I havent seen here since high school ended. I just saw her pass by cuz I was going one way and I saw this super pretty girl going the other direction and her face looked familiar. And I saw the lady next to her who looked even more familiar. Her mom would go on every band trip/concert/whatever we had so I totally recognized her. Cynthia, on the other hand, did not look like how I remember her. She had the "model" body back then. Now she's rockin' this juicy double and it looks oh so delicious. The fuller figure was definitely working! It had me do a double take. She is the ONLY girl in my book to be rated a perfect 10. She is that beautiful!!!!!! I wish I had gotten a chance to talk to her and get her number or something so we can go grab lunch or whatever. Oh well, here's hoping I run into her sometime again. *crosses fingers*

The creepy old man passed by me again this morning. This time he didn't look at me but he said Good Morning as he passed without ever looking in my direction. And no one else was around so he couldn't have been talking to someone else. Weird!

This past Saturday me and Alexis were supposed to go out. She said she would call me and we would go out around 7ish. So I'm chillin' at the house waiting for her call and 7pm comes around and still no call. I go do something to stay busy so I'm not just waiting. 8pm comes around and still no call. I call up Ramon cuz he said the boys are gonna have a little get together to celebrate the flag football championship they won. He says they're gonna meet up around 930. So 930 comes along and still no call from Alexis so I decide to go and hang out with the boys. We just chilled over at Joel's place and played Guitar Hero 2 and looked at pix from the championship game. The boys were doin' some crazy poses after they won the championship. Ha. Congrats to HTC. I'll be there for SportsFest 2007. But yeah, I never got a call from Alexis. Sometimes she gets super busy and loses track of time so that's what I thought happened. I'll get back to this later.

Sunday is gameday. Sunday is my favorite day. We went to the Chargers game and Sal's uncle is head of security for the Chargers so he got us all access passes to meet the players after the game. I must say that I absolutely HATE the Donkeys for their dirty tactics and futile attempts to end opposing players' careers just for the sake of a win. But anyways the Chargers kicked the Donkeys asses and LT set a new TD record and we won the AFC West. LT is the GREATEST!!!! And at halftime I get this voice message on my phone and it's from Alexis saying she was free after 530pm and we can go out then. I check the time of the message and it was sent on Saturday at 330pm. I felt like such an ass cuz my phone is retarded and never showed that message. She probably thought I stood her up so I immediately try to call her to explain what happened. But my phone wouldn't let me make a call. So I texted her explaining what had happened and she texted me back saying we can just reschedule and that she still loves me! =) But yeah, I'm getting a new phone tomorrow so this never happens again. I'm picking up the Nokia 6682 cuz my coworker was trying to get rid of it cuz it had too many features that he never uses.

Ok, back to the Chargers. After the game we got to go to the section where all the players family meet them and have dinner and what not. I got my calendar signed by a few players and I also took a bunch of pix with the players. LT was within 5 ft of me but he had about 10 security guards clearing the path for him so I never got to take a pic with him. It's cool though I got to meet a bunch of players and congratulate them on clinching the AFC West and I have pix to prove I was there! =)

Yesterday was one of the best days EVER!!!!!

So yesterday I ended up going to the Chargers Power Rally at Qualcomm. I went straight after work and right when I walk in I see Ramon, Mari, Joel, Neil, and Joe in line to meet the Charger Girls. They were near the front so I went up to them and got in line and got my poster signed by the Charger Girls and I took a pic with them too. Right after that I left to go pick up my Mom from work. I was there for maybe 10 min tops. Ha. I got what I wanted though. =)

And this morning I went to the House Of Powder Blues in downtown. Scott & BR (sports talk radio announcers) had an underground Chargers Rally there and doors opened around 445am. I probably got there around 5am but the line went around the corner of the block. There was probably 1500 rabid Chargers fans there. It was coo. Inside there were Hooters Girls and people getting "Lights Out" shaved into the side of their heads. The first two people to get their hair cut were Scott's kids. There were like 4 & 6 yrs old and its 5 in the morning and they're up. It was impressive. They had players come in and they interviewed them but by that time I had already left for work. I probably left around 615am and listened to them on the radio on my way to work.

So now I'm at work not doing anything and looking forward to rehearsal with the X-mas band. We practice at noon. I go to lunch at 1118 and come back at noon. So basically I get to have an extra two hours of lunch cuz I can't play drums inside the building during working hours(unless approved by upper management). Practice ends at 2 and we have break at 2 so again I get extra time to do nothing. YES! I'm thinking about asking for a raise. I'll wait for my 6 month review first. Ha.

Due to the servers acting like crap, my supervisor just told me we don't have to come in this Saturday! YES! Friday night debauchery, here I cum!

So once again I am work and the servers are crapping up. They have kicked us all off the programs and a message box appears stating "Attempting to reconnect...." which is Bolshleviks (that's the word I use for BS cuz it starts off similar with the bull.....and people think imma use profanity). I just went on NFL.COM and voted for the Pro-Bowl.

2 mins later(after an hour of crap).......Servers are back up. DAMN. Time to go back to work.

So tomorrow the Chargers are gonna a power rally over at the Q from 3pm-7pm and I wanna stop by. The Charger Girls will be there and we all know how much I love the Charger girls!!! =) I usually dont get off work til about 4 and dont get home til 515. Then I leave the house at 530 to pick up my Mom from work. She gets off at 6 but doesnt like it if she has to wait for me so I get there 5-10 mins early. The drive home will take about 20-30 mins depending on the traffic. So if the power rally ends at 7, I doubt I will be able to make it.

But Friday is official Chargers day and there will be another pep rally at the House of Blues....or as they say House of Powder Blues. Door open at 445am and I'm thinking of stopping by before work. My buddies who we tailgate with will be there and they're inviting me. I wake up pretty damn early so I think I will stop by. It's a maybe cuz I've been feeling shitty and I been coughing like crazy. It's one of those high pitched coughs and it's been lingering. Oh well, I can fight it. Ha.

I also told my boss that I will be asking for days off in early February so I can go to Miami and watch the Chargers play in the Super Bowl. I have a feeling this is the year. I know it. He approved it so they better go!!!!

So I joined the X-mas band at work(we're called the Cee Gee's. I guess cuz the company was called Continental Graphics before but now we're called Continental DataGraphics) and we'll be playing a concert for the entire company on the 13th. We still haven't practiced as a band and we have a week before we play. All they did was give me a CD with the songs we're gonna play and some guitar music but I'm gonna be playing drums. Oh well, it's not like the music is hard and I can totally freestyle on drums so I'm not worried. It should be fun. And we also get paid to play, including the days we rehearse. We got together the past two days but not everyone showed up so we couldn't practice but I'm still gonna get paid for it. Ha. And we also get to go on TOUR. We get to go to the other California facilities and perform there too. I think on the 14th we go up to Cyprus or Rancho Cucamonga or some crap and we get paid for traveling too. On top of all this, we get FREE food during the days we play. FREE I tell ya! My favorite food is the FREE kind! =) I probably gained 10 lbs. since I started working here but I don't care. Life is good. I can't complain.

So there's this creepy old man at work that likes to pass by and pretend he's looking at something so he can stop and he does this right in front of me and my coworker. Me and my coworker are the youngest cats up in this mug and to top it all off we look younger than we actually are, thanks to our Asian blood. But yeah, this old dude will stop in our view, and he knows we can see him, and he'll pretend to look at something like a flyer or paper or out the window and then after he's done he'll look right at us. He even has the nerves to smile at us. And the worst part is when he's about to leave he'll walk out the door and before the door closes completely he'll stick his head through and look at us and give us one last smile.

I mean, I'll make eye contact with people at work and nod my head and smile and say "Hi, good morning! How are you today?" But this guy doesn't say a damn thing and that's what creeps us out. And the whole sticking his head out the door thing too. He passes by at least once a day now and he doesn't even work in our department. We work upstairs with all the engineers and executives and I know this creepy guy doesn't work up here cuz there's only about 30 people up here and we all see each other all the damn time. Downstairs we have about 300 people working and those are just Data Entry employees. I think he's one of them....gays.

And now I have to work Saturdays for the rest of the month. Overtime. Sucks. There goes my social life....

So yeah, I'm at work right now and all the remote servers we use to do our work is shut down so we're all sitting here surfing the net and some asskissers are still trying to work, for what reason I do not know. I took a nap during lunch in the conference room and now I'm super hungry. We have vending machines downstairs so I might go there and just now, I remembered I had a bag of chips in my file cabinet. I went to buy some chips this morning at the vending machine and my chips got stuck on it's way down and I was all looking through the glass and I started to give the machine a little shake and then out of nowhere comes this other bag of chips that I did not purchase and it knocks my chips down and now I have two bags of chips! SCORE!

There's a game on tonight and I might watch it cuz the implications could be huge. Ravens vs. Bengals and if the Ravens lose the Chargers will get sole possession of 2nd place in the AFC. The Ravens have the same record as the Chargers but they beat us when we played each other early in the season. So if they win and end up with the same record as us at the end of the season, they get the higher seed cuz of the tiebreaker, which is the head to head competition.

Oh, and another thing......my band is no longer gonna be. The guitarist's ex is now dating the drummer of my former band and we were planning on doing shows together and he hates his guts so that aint gonna fly. My guitarist is also in this slump, or as I like to say depression, and he hasn't been showing up to practice. The bass player also doesn't practice and it makes things hard when we have to spend extra time for him to learn stuff when he can practice at home but he chooses not to. The singer hasn't shown up either but it's because he travels for his job, which is a valid excuse. I seem to be the only dedicated to doing this so I'm gonna break ties with the guitarist and bass player. The singer is really good and I want him to be part of my project so I'm gonna keep him even though I know he's gone for a good portion of the time. I think we're just gonna do an acoustic project with the singer and me playing guitar. I prefer the drums but it's kinda hard to find good, dedicated musicians. I'm just gonna record all the songs I write and send it over tto the singer and he can come up with lyrics and melodies or whatever so when he is in town, we can perform shows right away. That's the plan. We'll see if it goes through.

Lately I've been doing alot of things which are uncharacteristic of me but it's not surprising that I would do it. Me and my friends have been talking about our youthful desires and how we're coming to an end of our youth. They talk about "quarter-life crisis". I am the youngest one of my friends at 24 but we reminisce on the things we should have done when we had the chance. So now I'm doing the things we wish we could have cuz I don't think it's too late. It's never too late. I can do it My Way, just like Frank Sinatra.

Did I mention that I LOVE motorboats? I tried one out on my birthday and I can't seem to get enough. Hahahahaha.

So this past weekend was Joel's B-day and we participated in some debauchery. And by that, I mean hooking up with random bitches. I drank more alcohol this weekend than I have in the past 2 months combined. Ha. But anyways, I sweet talked the chick I was with into letting me use my camera. I didn't think I'd be able to do it but if you set your mind to something, you can do anything. Hahaha. But yeah, at the end of the night I was showing the footage to the boys and they saw more of me than they would have liked. That's what happens when you ask to see footage of me in action.

I haven't posted in this thing in a while since I have so many damn blogs/pages/websites/etc. Well, this past weekend I was in Vegas to visit some family. It was aight. Being there with family means I have to act decent. Ha. Anyways, I saw this old ass man wearing a Gilligan hat driving an old school Ford Bronco. And then there was this young cat driving this rice rocket. The rice rocket was swerving in between cars to get ahead of everyone. Well the old ass man follows him and rolls down his window and starts yelling, "Don't you ever drive around me like that again! You fuckin' asshole! Step outside, I will kick your ass!!!!!! Yeah, that's right you fuckin' asshole!" He was yelling obscenities for a full minute. I thought this was hilarious. This old man was livid and there was no way in hell he could've kicked the young cat's ass. This man was probably in his late 50's and the other dude was probably 21. The old man had some balls though.

She makes me feel good about myself. Being around her gives me a sense of confidence. I want to be able to reciprocate those feelings without getting my intentions mixed up. I don't know if it's me falling for her or if it's me just being lonely and accepting anything that comes within arms reach. It could be a combination of both. All I know is that I don't want to mess things up and say something that might drive her away. We are both in a state where we aren't sure what to expect. She probably isn't looking for anything right now but sometimes the best things in life are things that you come across by accident. I don't want to get my hopes up and have them come shatterring down like they usually do. I should be used to it by now, but it still hurts everytime it happens. Sometimes I wish I never met her and my life would be all smooth and dandy without me thinking about her all the time. But if not her, it'll be someone else and I'll still have these feelings. Also, I'm glad she's in my life because she teaches me things that I never would have wanted to learn. I'm becoming a better man and if love doesn't bloom, I'll come out of this experience knowing that you can have everything but the girl and still be happy. It doesn't take two people to love.....it takes one. Yourself.