The DerfJam Chronicles

...Mr. Cocky now sits in my cubicle. I hope that I can control my foot from accidentally kicking him in the face. I have an uncontrollable roundhouse.

The other day I was watching Bizarre Foods and homeboy was gonna eat a "Cabrito" burger. Some dude at work has been calling me "Cabrito" for the past year or so. He never told me what it meant. I knew it wasn't anything bad or he wouldn't be calling me that out loud at work. But as I was watching Bizarre Foods, they showed a "Cabrito". It's a goat. Hahahahaha. I had a long ass goatee and now I understand why he was calling me "Cabrito". So now that I found out, I started calling him "Chupacabra". That means goat sucker. Hahahahaha. This guy is always touching me so I joke around that he's playing for the other team and he wants to dome me up. Remember when that Senator was caught in the public bathroom tapping his foot under the stall to invite another dude in with him? Well, "Chupacabra" did the foot tap to me when I was using the urinal and he was in the stall next to me. It freaked me out until he started laughing. Hahahahahaha.

So last night at bowling league, I'm chillin' there mindin' my own business and grubbin' on some munchies before league starts and my teammate, the girl who's 18, says something to me. It caught me off guard. I'm not gonna mention what she said but it had to do with my job and what I do there. I TRY to keep business and pleasure separate so when someone outside of my job starts mentioning job stuff, it gets a little stalker like for me. Hahahahaha. It took me about 5 seconds to remember that her Aunt works with me. And I guess now they talk about me all the time. They share stories. Of me. FML.

So after league was done and I was taking off, the 18 yr old's Mom invited me to their place this Saturday. The 18 yr old invited me last week but I didn't think anything of it. Now that her Mom invited me, I'm thinking that I should go. Plus her Aunt will probably be there too and she'll want to talk work stuff with me. Hahahahaha. I guess you know where I'll be this Saturday.

I gotta get back on track with my diet. And my running. I've been lazy. Super lazy. Every day when I get home, I just wanna watch NBA Playoffs. Seriously though, this has been the best playoffs I've seen in a long while. I used to be all religious with basketball. Then I started getting religious with football. Now I'm starting to get back into basketball. After the NBA Finals, me and my cousins are gonna get back into playing basketball again. We used to play 3 nights a week. And my other cousin will be home for the summer so we can get more people in on the fun. I can't wait. I love summer!!!!

I tried stretching my ears to a 4g the other night and it hurt. So I went back down to a 6g. Not good. Patience. I need to learn to have patience. It usually takes a month or two to move to the next gauge but I've been doing it every 2-3 weeks. Hopefully my ears don't deform in the process.

I thought I'd get to relax for a bit when I heard I'd have a 3 day weekend. Is that what I got? Nope. 3 days off of work = 3 days of housework. I really can't wait to get my own place. You have no idea. I've never experienced freedom. People laugh in my face when I say I have to do "something". Something a 16 yr old would have to do, not a 26 yr old. I don't feel like a man, I feel like a child. A child with so much responsibilities. FML.

Project Hackintosh has FAILED. I thought I got it working but now it wont even boot up. I think my laptop is just so old it can't support it.

I finally got around to mailing stuff out. I still have a few more things to send and I'll get to it.

I've been contemplating on cutting my hair. Like, shaving it all off. Bald. But I have a feeling I'll regret it. I shaved my goatee a little over a month ago and now I'm growing it back because I feel naked without it. It's like if you leave your phone at home or if you forget to wear a watch. You just keep feeling for it and it's not there.

Eurotrip 2010. I've been planning this since I graduated from college. I've been waiting for my friends to finish school and/or get jobs so they have money to join me. I'm hoping that me buying a house doesn't interfere with this plan. This trip has been put off too many times. There's no way it'll get put off again.

I've been struggling to cope with my reality. The past 3-4 weeks have been zombie-like. It's like the lights are on but no one is home. I'm fighting to find answers. The scary part is that I think already I know the answers but I'm too afraid to execute. Sacrifices need to be made and I'm not sure I'm ready to give those things up. I guess I'm waiting 'til I have a Plan B and a Plan C, just in case.

I'm finding my salvation in music. It's the only thing keeping my head afloat right now. I have sheet music all over the place. On my desk at work. In my bag. On the floor of my room. On my laptop. On my work comp. I hardly even read sheet music. I can read it but I have no idea where the notes are on my guitar. I know where they are on a piano. So that's my Rosetta Stone.

I finally got OS X and XP to dual boot!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SUCCESS! It feels good to know that I can do it. Now, my laptop is super duper old so it doesn't have the capabilities to do what Leopard provides. It's a vanilla install right now. No internet, no photobooth, no nothing. I haven't gotten to play with it too much yet. I barely got it working at 2am this morning. There's still kinks I gotta iron out before I go out and buy a netbook.

I plan on buying one of those little netbooks. Those mini laptops. It's like 10 inches or so. And I'm gonna install OS X on it. I wanted to make sure I could install OS X on a PC before I went out and bought one. They're around $300 or so. They got webcams and all the fancy stuff needed to run Leopard. Now the processor is only 1.6 GHz and the max RAM is 2GB, but I think that will be enough. Still, a MacBook for $300!?!?! Now, the madness can begin. Muahahahaha.


I had a weird dream last night. I know I slept late and everything but my short sleep still produced a funny dream. In my dream I was playing the theme song to Growing Pains on my guitar. "Show me that smile again (show me that smile). Don't waste another minute on your cryin'. We're nowhere near the end (nowhere near). The best is ready to begin......." Hahahahahah. I woke up singing that song. It was awesome. I've never had a dream where I was actually singing.

Last night I spent a good 5 hours or so trying to figure out how to get OS X running on my laptop. I got an old ass laptop. A Dell 600m. I think I got it back in 2001. Hahahahaha. Well, after about 5 hours, I finally got OS X up and running. Just the basics though. I didn't figure out how to get wi-fi working yet. I installed OS X on a seperate partition on my ahrd drive cuz I wanted to leave XP there in case I want to use it. Well, after I got all wet and excited from OS X actually running, I decided to log onto XP so I can look up how to get wi-fi working. Well, much to my dismay...XP was no longer booting up. I must have changed something and not noticed and now I'm trying to figure out how to get XP back up. Catch 22. FML.

I started running the hill again. I stopped for a while and gained back 10 lbs. Eating loads of carnivorous treats + not running = fatty boy. Hahahaha. Now I gotta step it up. My lady best friend is comin' home in July and I gotta be all sexy when she comes home so we can pick up random strangers on the streets and have wild sex with them. J/k. I'm not like that. But it's fun to imagine things. What if life was like a whore house? Random chicks just come up to you and whisper in your ear "Can I play with your c0ck?" And I whisper back "Agato mami." Hahahahaha.

Speaking of whore houses.....my neighbor is tossin' this theme party tomorrow night. The theme is Rockstars, Jocks, and School Girls. It's bound to be insane over there. Last time he had a party, the cops showed up and I walked 3 houses over to get home. It was awesome. Hahahaha. Oh yeah, did I mention that they have a stripper pole in the living room? Whore house INDEED!!!!!!!!! I can't wait to get my own place....

So bowling league was last night and we're officially in sole possession of last place. The other week we were tied for 3rd place. Now, dead last. 8 of 8. When they asked me to join, I wasn't expecting to be on a good ass team. I just said yes because the girl who asked me to join was cute. And she's 18. Hahahahahaha. I am gonna be going to her place this weekend (or next) to drink up. Is that wrong? She invited me. And her parents know me, so it's no big deal. I also work with her Aunt. So it's like I'm already part of the family.

I was driving to work this morning and I don't know what I saw, probably her old car, but it reminded of this girl I was seeing before. And when I thought of her, I thought about the last time we got all hot & heavy with each other. And then all of a sudden, I got all turned on. While I was driving. I hate it when I get all excited while I'm driving. I sit pretty close to the steering wheel and then "it" begins to touch the steering wheel too. So I drove for a good 5 mins slumped down at an awkward angle so it wouldn't be pressed against the wheel. If you're riding with me and I'm driving all weird, now you know why.

I've been in the process of turning my laptop into a hackintosh. I'm too cheap to buy an actual Macbook. It's just hard to justify buying one when I already have a working computer. I probably should have left my laptop for dead instead of fixing it and then I woulda bought a Macbook. But something inside me kept telling me to fix this. It's fixable. And it was. Now, no Macbook for me. But yeah, so far no luck. Maybe my laptop is too old and can't handle all the requirements of OSX.

This past Friday I went to see my friend's new band perform. It wasn't the usual crowd I was used to seeing at live local shows. This one had a bunch of hunnies. The ratio was damn good. Too bad the quality of the hunnies wasn't really up to par. Hahahahaha. But still, I would take 30 nickels over a bunch of sausage any day. Hahahahaha.

Saturday was spent in LA. My Mom wanted to go shopping. So we went to K-town, Chinatown, Fashion District and the works. Damn. I hate shopping with my Mom. She tends to buy waaaay more stuff when I'm around. You can just call me the official bag holder. I saw some crazy stuff over there. gotta love the bootleg. I bought a couple bags for some lady friends. I already gave one of them to the intended recipient. The other still needs to get mailed out. I'll do it soon. I hope.

Sunday was spent at the swap meet. I spent the day with a lady friend and we cruised around Kobey's Swap Meet looking for treasure. We found alot of good deals and bought more stuff than we intended. I almost bought "new" shoes even though I don't need any more pairs. I did come up on a couple headbands, a sweet flask, an old school fag bag aka fanny pack, and some sweet belts(a piano belt and a sheet music belt). The day was a success. We plan on doing that more often now. Next time we go, first thing we're gonna buy is funnel cake. My lady friend has never had it before and I'm gonna make her try it and she will love it. Hahahahaha.

Yesterday after work, I spent the afternoon hangin' out with a lady friend. It was an absolute blast just to be with her. We were just joking around and shootin' the shiite and reminiscing and acting like retards and laughing our asses off. Everyone that kept passing by us would look at us like we're crazy....or if we were 16. Hahahahahaha. I love good times with good people. It just makes life so much more enjoyable.

We shared a lot of stories with each other that neither of us would really tell any other people but the conversations kinda led to it and we just spilled our guts out. Embarassing stories. Man. I can't believe I did some of the things I did. Hahahahaha. And some of the things she did I wanna tell the whole world. Hahahahahaha. It's that funny. But I won't.

This is probably the 3rd time I've hung out alone with this girl and it keeps getting better everytime. We've hung out in groups with mutual friends plenty of times but I like the one on one thing better. After yesterdays session, I think we'll be doing more of that. I just have a good feeling.

You know how when guys open the car door for girls? Well, someone told me that if I open the car door for a girl and when she's sitting inside and opens my door from inside for me, then she's a keeper. This one opened the door for me. It made me smile when she did that. Not because it was sweet. It's because I have a big ass truck and she's a tiny ass girl and my car door is heavy as hell and I saw her struggling to push the door open. Hahahahahaha. I laughed in her face. But when I stopped laughing I said thank you and I kissed her. (=

Last Friday, my cousins and one of my closest friends and I went to go watch X-men Origins: Wolverine. We downed a grip of food. And this was before the movie even started. Hahahahaha. I ended up going to buy more food during the previews. But anyways, after the movie we decided to watch another movie. It was a random thing to do. I've never done that before. But if you catch me off guard and throw a crazy proposal at me, more than likely I will do it. So we walked around to see what was starting right now and ended up watching The Soloist. It was pretty damn fun and exhilarating to do things on the whim. I feel young again.

I also joined a random bowling team again this season. I hate doing that. I asked a few close friends to see if they were down but none of them ever got back to me. I'm not gonna force them if they don't want to. I wanted to bowl and if no one shares my passion, by golly, imma do it on my own. I've been improving greatly and that's what's fueling my passion. I can see where I was before and I can see where I am now. Two different places. Last Tuesday, I was in the 190's. My goal for this coming year is to get a 600 series(3 games where I score over 200). I've set goals each year and I've reached them. Barely. But I still reached them.

I've been hanging out with a friend that I used to kick it with all the time. It feels like old times again. It's amazing what free time can do for your soul. I like it.

I'm wearing my necklace again. Maybe I'm ready. Maybe I'm not. But either way, the door is now open.

My diet has gone to shiite but I'm happy. Happier than I've been in a long time. So I don't really mind about the diet thing.

My ears are now at a 6 gauge. I said I'd stop at 4. My coworker told me he said the same thing when he was in the process. Right now he's at 0. I have a feeling I might end up the same way. And my Mom finally noticed my ears yesterday. She was pretty disgusted to know that the holes were that big. Hahahahaha.

I shaved my goatee 2 weeks ago. 3 people have noticed so far(or at least mentioned something to me). Imma grow it back. It was longer than I thought when I looked at all the hairs on my sink. It was a good 5 inches. But it curled on my chin so it looked like 3 inches only. I also feel naked not having it. It's the feeling when you forget to wear a watch or if you leave your phone at home. I was always playing with it and now I still go through the motions but nothing is there.