The DerfJam Chronicles

I think that's what her name was. Hahahahaha. Last night was another fun night. We had an emergency meeting with the Street Crew to discuss matters on an upcoming event. I can't talk about it here cuz it's confidential but there is money to be made and my pockets are waiting for it. But back to Emma. So Zoua calls me up last night asking me what my plans are for the evening. I told her that I was gonna be downtown and she asked if she could tag along. Zoua is slammin' so I agree and she asks if we can get her girlfriend too. I ask if she's hot and she says of course. You know girls are gonna say their friends are hot even when they aren't so that's what I was expecting. So we get to Emma's place and as soon as I see her, I see an amazing rack. But on our way downtown, somehow the topic of her breasts come up and she says they're real. I called bullshiite. So I said something ridiculous like "Mine are real too. I always get people asking me those same questions." So she calls bullshiite too and I said when we get to the club she is welcome to feel them.

Fast forward and we're at the club. We're in line for a really long time cuz Zoua can't find her ID. I hint that it could possibly be in my backseat due to some "activities" prior. So Zoua asks Joel to go back to my car and look for it. Joel, being the Gentlemen that he is, gracefully declines and proceeds to walk away. Right then and there, Emma calls him out and Joel decides to step up. So Joel goes back to walk a mile to my car and look for Zoua's ID. While he is gone, Emma decides to take me up on my offer to see if mine were "real" and she's just grabbing and exploring and feeling me up for a good minute or two. So when she finished and gave her approval that they were "real" I had to do my inspection on her. So I start reaching in jokingly, but she sticks her chest out inviting me in. I wasn't really gonna go and grab them but as soon as I saw the chest stick out I dove right in. I'm doing my inspection and Jerry sees me and he's all like "What the furk?". So I tell Jerry, "You gotta feel these, they almost feel real." We all laugh and then she turns and points her chest towards Jerry and he goes in. Hahahahahaha. I still got one hand on them.

So Joel comes back and we ditch the girls to go meet with another girl and then we have our meeting. During the meeting we tell Joel about what just happened and he was all like "How come I always miss the good stuff?" It is true. He is always gone when the juicy stuff happens.

Fast forward again to the end of the night. These fools are a little blazed and they want to get Emma blazed. I tell Emma that Jerry is gay so he won't get turned on if you grab his crotch or if he grabs your boob. It's disgusting to him. I told her "you can totally take your clothes off in front of him and he will not be turned on." He was denying it at first but once he realized that I was setting him up for the alley oop, he played along. The bait was set so this is where me and Zoua take off and Emma is left with Joel and Jerry. I need to call them later to find out what happened after she got blazed cuz if the stuff she did when she was sober was fun, I can only imagine what she did while under the influence.

I finally figured out what was hurting my knee. I thought that it was from running cuz I'm too heavy and my knees cant take it. But it can. I was playing basketball again yesterday and I can run fine. I just get winded quick cuz I'm out of shape.

I was playing hackey sack after I played basketball and I was kicking all left and my right knee started to hurt. It's the same feeling as my left knee, the messed up one. So the pain I have in my knee is from me standing on one leg and turning my body while my foot is planted.

I was looking through myspace last night and I noticed that a bunch of people's default pix are ones that I took of them. It makes me happy to see that they like my work. =)

I played basketball with my younger cousins yesterday. We played 21 tips for about 3 hours in the blazing heat. I won the first game but after that, I was dead beat. I could feel my knee throbbing and my calf ready to cramp. I made no effort in game 2 and I don't even think they finished it. Everyone was pretty beat. We were all looking for water and I only brought 2 bottles and it got killed with the quickness.

My knee has been bothering me for a couple weeks now and I figured basketball/running would loosen it up. It felt ok when I was in motion but sitting still makes it hurt. When I get up, the first couple steps hurt but after a while it starts to warm up and begins to feel ok. I've been sleeping with a pillow under my knee to keep it elevated and bent. It hurts when I straighten it out.

I kinda feel like alcohol was too hard to give up. I never really drank that much, but then again I was never at the clubs every week. I feel like I should give something else up right now for another 40 days. I was thinking maybe meat. I dunno, we'll see.

Oh yeah, I was at the park yesterday and there were mad hunnies around. A bunch of milfs and it was a hot day so they had "good" outfits on.

Jocelyn called me yesterday while I was at work. I picked up cuz I haven't spoken to her in a long while. We ended up chatting for a good 30-45 mins. She's one of the few people I enjoy talking on the phone with. No offense to anyone else.

Right now she's a substitute teacher and this girl is maybe 4'11" and has the facial features of a 13 yr old with DD's. She's teaching middle school and high school. Pretty much all the kids are bigger than her. Hahahahaha. She was telling me that she was in the Teacher's Lounge one day and they said to her "Excuse me, this lounge is for the teachers only!" I can totally imagine that happening to her.

It turns out that she aint really likin' the scene in Arizona and she wants to come home. She said she might come home in June and I said I would take her to Medieval Times. That'll be so much fun. I've never been there before but it looks dope as hell.

I remember back in the day Bobby, her brother, said that he could see me and Jocelyn hooking up. She was always talking good stuff about me and we'd have so much fun together. I don't really find her attractive or anything but I had a really good time whenever I was with her. We could be silly and act like little kids and not care about what other people think about us. We're also pretty loud. And yesterday she told me that none of her other friends are fun. They never want to do the stuff that she wants to do. One time we went ice skating and I don't do that kind of thing but I went with her anyways and I was eating shit all day and she had the best time laughing at me. Hahahahaha. So then I was just holding on to her for dear life and every time I fell I would drag her down with me and have her land on top of me. It was a good experience but I'm not gonna do ice skating any time soon.


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No, I don't really talk Alicia anymore. I have her as a friend on Facebook and that's my only contact with her nowadays.

Last night I dreamt of Alicia. She is the girl who worked in the Engineering Office at school. I used to visit that office everyday just to chat with her. And she would visit me in the lab from time to time and we'd have lunch together. I'd say that I'll take a 10 min break but it'll end up being an hour. She was easy to talk to and we'd get so into a conversation that she'd say "Man, I shouldn't have told you that." I took her out a few times also but she always emphasized that she'd go but "just as friends". Hahahaha. She felt the vibe, she knew what was up.

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Back to the dream:
I went to go pick her up at her apartment complex and I couldn't find parking. I told her I'd pick her up at 8 and it was still 7:30something and I was driving around looking for a spot. I finally found one but I had to parallel park my huge truck into it. So here I am trying to squeeze into this little spot and I get in but I realize that I'm too far from the curb. So I go and attempt to park it again but I see some people coming out and there's this huge commotion out in the street. I can't see what's going on but I see Alicia come out and she's wearing a good outfit. I look at myself and realize that I'm not dressed nice enough so I take off and zoom home to change clothes. It's now 7:50something and I'm looking for something to wear. I zoom back to her place at a little past 8 and get her. We end up at a bowling alley with all my friends already there.

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That's all I can remember of the dream. It's so random that she was in my dream. I thought she was really cute and fun to be around. I remember always inviting her out on Thursday nights but she'd have Bible study and I would call her anyways even though I knew. The last time I spoke to her was when I was in San Fran for the Chargers vs. 49ers game. She's from up north so she was home and I called her up to come meet us at Milk.



And yes, that is JAWS! Hahahaha.

From last Friday to last night I have been out. Being out means no sleep. This morning it hit me real hard. The past few morning I've been able to get up and still feel ok but this morning I could not get up. My eyes felt like someone squeezed a lemon directly onto them and then proceeded to pour salt on it. It still hurts right now.

Tough it out. Suck it up. Get on with your life.

I'm not gonna go out tonight. I think I'd like to TRY to catch up on some sleep. Last night's photo shoot took alot out of me. Here's a little taste.....

Last night was dope. I've never been to downtown during St. Patty's and it was poppin'. You know it's poppin' when you get there at 8:45pm and people are already gettin' tossed into the paddy wagon.

I was at Ole' Madrid and my friend Monica was the hostess last night. It was DJ Rags spinnin' and he was playing all the jams. That's my new favorite DJ. But yeah, the night started off slow but then they hit the streets and hustled some people to come into the club. It was funny to see Johnny from G-Spot work it. He would give all the ugly girls half off and then the hot girls he would let in for free. And he would be all slick about it cuz some of them were in the same group of friends. Hahahahaha. So Johnny and his crew G-Spot are gonna throwing Pitbull's after party on Apr. 4. Pitbull is definitely gonna bring the hunnies and after last night, we built up a good rep with G-Spot so we might be participating in this after party. So Sportsfest is a no go. And by the way, I love white girls. Especially ones that are freshly 21.

Thunderbolts of lightning, very very frightening. That's the song I thought of when I was driving home at 4am on Saturday night/Sunday morning. This huge bolt of lightning lit up the sky and I almost wrecked cuz it was so bright. It was like when sometakes a picture of you and the flash is right in your face. Jerry was with me and right when it happened I slammed on the brakes. Its a good thing no one else was on the road.

On Friday night, Vanessa came over to my place and we had a jolly good time. We had the place to ourselves for a little while and we made a bunch of noise. I hope the neighbors weren't pissed. She came over around 8pm and we were doin' our thang til' 1130pm.

Saturday night we went to Decos and Belo. It was ok. Decos wasn't really poppin' and Belo was packed like an ass. It was sardine status, which made it hard to walk anywhere. I know people were drunk and what not but I had to call them out on their actions. We had a lil' pow wow at the end of the night so I could explain my point of view and let them know how I felt.

Yesterday I went to LA with Fonso to drop off his girl at LAX. She's goin' to the Philippines for a couple weeks. She's very clingy so she didn't really want to go. She needs to be around her bf all the time. I don't think I can handle a girl like that. I need some space to do my own thing. But Fonso likes it so he can handle it. But yeah, after we dropped her off we headed over to Roscoe's for some chicken and waffles. We aint never been there so we were excited to go. It was pretty damn good. I think all we did yesterday was eat. We were eating on the whole way up. We killed 2 bags of beef jerky and a big bag of Munchies. And then after Roscoe's on the way home we tore up another bag of beef jerky. Too much. In the car, we were practicing our vocals. We sang along with the entire Catch Without Arms album by Dredg and half of El Cielo. Fonso was there when we first started doing music so he mentioned how much I've improved. Singing is my weak point but I'm working on it.

I have leftover Roscoe's and I brought with me for lunch today. Yaye!

Happy Pi Day. 3.14!

I love theme parties. The next theme party is gonna be a Pajama Jam. At least that's what the plans are. Hopefully it goes down cuz I'm stoked about it. And the person organizing it specifically said "pajamas", no lingerie or naked people allowed. That's kind of a disappointment for me cuz most of you know I don't sleep in very much clothing. But I'll buy a pair of pajamas for this party.

Vanessa is comin' over tonight. I better make sure I have enough condoms and lube available. SYKE. We're gonna have a jam session. Vanessa is a talented musician and I love playing with her. And I also enjoy playing music with her. Hahahaha. She is cute though and my thoughts do verge on dirty when I'm with her.

I played pool with Karmen last weekend. It was pretty fun. She was pretty faded and I wasn't so it wasn't really fair. Oh well. Before last Saturday, I didn't play pool in about a 2 or 3 years. And then on Sunday I played pool all day. I'm getting hooked again. And it doesn't help that my friend Richard got a pool table so we now have access to a table 24/7. Richard understands the game more than I do. I like it when we play each other cuz we're talking about the shots we're gonna do and the shots we've already made. It's like we're analyzing and learning as we play. I like to take more chances than Richard so I'm calling shots that he doesn't think is possible. Sometimes I make it and sometimes I don't. But after each shot, I know what to do next time around cuz we'll discuss what went wrong and what went right. When I say that Richard understands it more than me, I mean he knows all the terminology and the proper techniques. I'm pretty raw and I just go out there and do it. I'm starting to understand more cuz of him. That's what's good about playing with someone better than you. They bring you up to their level.

Nothing is sacred anymore. You all (yes, the 3 of you) know that I don't really kiss anyone on the lips. Well, last night I did it again. 3 times. But don't worry, it was the same girl. What can I say? I have a weakness for drunk girls. Who doesn't?

And I got to meet The Twins last night. Both sets. One of them was actually pretty cool. You wouldn't expect that from that type of girl.

I had someone offering to pay me more than what I am currently get paid. It's a music company. They're having their official launch party next Friday and imma see if they really meant what they said.

These next couple weeks are gonna be crazy for me:
*3/15 - Fame @ Decos, Kasia's B-day @ Belo
*3/17 - St. Patty's @ Ole Madrid
*3/19 - Mansion Wednesday @ Red Circle
*3/21 - ???Jive Music Official Launch Party @ Onyx/Thin???
*3/22 - White Out @ Aubergines
*4/04 - ???Pitbull Afterparty???
*4/04 to 4/06 - Sportsfest

No sleep.

I just got off the phone with Michelle. She called me during her lunch break. And you all know I don't like talking on the phone. But I enjoyed it this time. There's a few people that I do enjoy talking on the phone with. There's Aileen, Jocelyn, and now Michelle. Sorry, no offense to anyone else. I like it cuz they're all talkative and I don't have to do much talking. I'll have my moments where I put in my 2 cents but 80% of the time it's all them. And they go off. And they don't mind. I'll say one little sentence and they'll be all like "this reminds of me the time...blah blah blah" for 30 mins. I'm dictating the conversation by topics I introduce but it's them who do all the talking.

I can't even remember what me and Michelle were talking about. We say a bunch of silly things to each other. But I do remember hearing a bunch of little kids keep interrupting out conversation. Ha. I said I'd try to call her tonight, but I got work later so I doubt that will happen.

So last night was Staci's roommate's b-day party over at Channel 1. It was pretty fun. The theme of the party was 80's night and a whole lotta people were dressed up, including myself. I love how all the bartenders are female and they're all pretty slammin'. And they dress up to the themes as well. I really like going to Channel 1. I think might start going more often, even though people look at me weird cuz I'm the minority.

And I ran into Michelle's friend Celina. It turns out that Michelle is not playing games with me. Everything she said was the truth. She's a straight shooter. I asked her friend a few questions and her friend has no idea what's going on between us so she has no reason to back up her lies. It was just a little absurd where I thought it might be a made up story. But it's the truth. I was wrong once again. And I might burn for it. There goes my seats.....

I feel empty inside

This is a confession I'm not willing to make. I try to hide it as best I could. I see all my friends in relationships, getting married, having babies, and yet I'm still all alone. I'm happy for them but I wish someone could say they were happy for me. I give them nothing to be happy about. I can't help but think if there's something wrong with me. It's been a good while since I was in an actual relationship. I know I'm fat as hell and that is one of the major contributors but I'm working on it. I've been working on it. Some people have it easier than others. Some people are just lazy, like myself. I try to keep myself as busy as possible so I don't have to deal with my reality. All I'm doing is buying some time but I don't think it's doing any good. It still lingers in the back of my mind that I am not worthy. Not worthy for anyone. I come with excuses but I'm only trying to trick myself.

Last night I hit up the last girl that made me feel alive. I apologized for the way things ended and for the way things are now. She was nothing but a positive influence on me and I said some things I shouldn't have cuz I'm selfish. I shouldn't have let my ego get in the way. I can't remember the last time I saw her but the last contact I had with her was this past July and I flaked for her b-day. I vividly remember cuz it was same day as Ernie's bachelor party and I put him ahead of her. It's what friends do. And I never saw her again.

I just can't get anything right. Destiny is not on my side.

And with that note I end my confessions.

I don't kiss anyone on the lips...

...but I did this weekend. I find kissing to be more intimate than doing the deed. It might sound a little strange but that's what I believe. I will "do" someone I'm not attracted to but I sure as hell won't kiss them. There's just something about kissing that is more passionate and more sincere. You just can't fake it.

I had a dream last night that I was out with this girl and I knew who she was but I was acting like I didn't know her. It's like when you've never met someone but you've heard alot about them from your friends. It was that type of deal. Well, we were on on this date getting to know each other and we're having a blast and what not. And then I reveal to her that we have mutual friends and I've heard alot of good things about her. And then she says she knows exactly who I am too and she was playing the same game as me. And then things became even more fun after that.

That's all I can remember from that segment of the dream. The next part of my dream that I can remember is meeting some guy who is a lead singer for a band but he's also the drummer. He was showing the trouble he had when doing a crazy drum fill while singing a crazy melody. He had to torque his body in such a way for his mouth to reach the mic while turning the other way to hit the drums. It looked painful.

That's it.

I once sharted while driving

Maybe not once. It probably happened a few times. But the time I'm remembering is when I was sick and I was driving to school. Right when I found a parking spot, I coughed really hard and accidentally sharted cuz my abs contracted so hard that it squeezed one out. I walked so slow to campus. I didn't want it to smear all over my pants. I think I skipped my first class. And now you know why I carry extra clothes in my car at all times.

True story.

I eat when I'm bored

When I've done what I've wanted for the day or I just can't seem to focus, I have a tendency to just munch away. I dunno, it feels comforting and somewhat productive. I know I shouldn't but logic doesn't work sometimes. I can't explain the things I do except try to come up with reasons to back up my actions. It's not something I consciously think about. I probably would never have noticed if I didn't weigh 250+ lbs.

I wear underwear one size smaller so I can feel "bigger"

Yeah, I know it sounds a little crazy but hey, it's what I do. It's like when super fat people wear all black so it doesn't show their fat. It's the same idea. I think I have Napoleon Complex where I lack a certain feature/trait so I try and make up for it by exceeding expectations elsewhere.

I'm addicted to adult entertainment

I probably watch it every other night or so. I dunno, I don't really watch TV cuz I don't have one in my room but I do have a comp. So it just makes sense. It's pretty fun to watch and it's even funner to see it happening live right in front of you. It's an experience like no other. I can't believe the effort that goes into filming a 15 minute scene. It takes about 5 hours or so and I don't think I would ever be able to do that. I have trouble maintaining for more than 20 mins. These guys are like professional athletes. I can't imagine the kind of training they do that hold these crazy positions for an extended amount of time. I remember trying one of them crazy positions and I did like 15 pumps and then I started to cramp up. I need to build up my stamina.....