This morning I officially payed the bill for our playoff tickets. I'm pretty confident that the Chargers will beat the Broncos this Sunday. The Chargers are on a 3 game winning streak and the Broncos are on a 2 game losing streak. Momentum is on our side. Plus this is redemption. We got screwed out of the first meeting between us and now it's payback. We have a reason and it just adds fuel to our desire to beat these guys. I just wish Ed Hoculi was ref'ing this game cuz he owes us a big one. Hahahahaha.
One thing I like about the cold weather: I don't have to put my drinks in the fridge or add ice to make them refreshing. =)
Last night we were dancing, grinding as a matter of fact. She was facing away from me, with her booty pressed against my crotch. It felt good and as we danced my hands roamed her body. One hand holding a camera and the other exploring every inch of her torso. She leaned her head back and she was facing the ceiling with her head resting on my shoulder as we grinded. I know she could feel it. She was breathing heavy and so I began to nibble on her ear. She turned around to face me and we had our legs in between each other. My hard on pulsating on her thigh and her snatch gyrating on my thigh. She pressed her right cheek against my left cheek. Our lips were close.....so I went in.
This morning when I was taking my Mom to work I was listening to T-Pain's new album and my Mom goes "Canta ng mga egot ito, di ba?" And I was all like "How can you tell?" And then she started to sing the part in "Cant Believe It" where T-Pain goes "she make the people say 'yeeeeaaaaaaahhhh'..." My Mom was singing along with the 'yeeeeaaaaaaahhhh' part. I was cracking up cuz she did it good. My Mom impersonating T-Pain. I wish I got it on video. Hahahahaha.
And another time my Mom was watching Wowowee and they played the song "Dangerous" by Kardinal Offishal and Akon and she calls me to tell me they're playing the song she always hears in my car and she was singing the chorus part "That girl is so dangerous, dangerous..." Hahahahaha. My bro was cracking up cuz my Mom knew the words.
I now have a 32" flatscreen tv in my room. It's been there for almost a week now. And I've probably turned it on twice. It's just weird having a tv in my room. I think I went for maybe 2 years without a tv in my room? Maybe 3? But yeah, it's in there and I don't even have the urge to turn it on.
I've been in the process of converting my room into a lounge for about 3 weeks now. It's still not done. I'm hoping to have it done before X-mas, but I doubt it. I have waaaay too much stuff. I need to get rid of a bunch of old clothes. There are alot of stuff that I still like but never use.
List of things to do before X-mas: -take down all posters in my room -put shelves on my walls -patch up holes in the walls from thumb-tacks/nails -get new tires for my rims -get an ugly sweater -finish the Hundred Percent website -fix my strobe/continuous light bracket -backup all my pictures/files on my external hard drive(s)
My middle finger is hurting like crazy. And my ass is sore. No, it's not what you're thinking. Hahahahaha. This is from bowling. Every time I throw the backup ball, my middle finger gets caught and feels like it's been jammed. And after bowling 6 games straight, my plant leg ass cheek gets real sore. We usually bowl 3 games on League Nights but since my team missed last week, we had to make up for it tonight.
I told myself that I wouldn't drink anymore after my b-day until new years but last night was different. I ended up drinking. Ha. For the first time I got a little tipsy at the bowling alley. And this was during my games too. We started drinking on maybe the 2nd game. And then we started playing "If I get a strike on this frame, then you gotta take a shot of Patron....". It was pretty damn fun. And I was drinking with this girl I'm diggin'. She's like 4'11", has some thick thighs, a giant booty, AND she looks like she's 16 but she's 21. Hahahahahahaha. Now that we've drank together imma start hittin' her up outside of the bowling alley. Cuz last night she kept blaming me for all her open frames saying I shoulda never got her Patron but I know she was lovin' it. She was hopin' we'd get strikes so we could get more Patron. Hahahahaha. She just didn't want to drink during our games. She wanted to drink after. But I kept pushing for right here, right now, SHOT...you're buying! Hahahahahaha.
There's this other girl in bowling league that's pretty cute also but she's pretty young. So I'm staying away. Not jail bait young, but freshly 18 young. I saw her at one of the 18+ events at Decos once and she apparently knows a bunch of people I've met from 18+ events. All her friends know me since I'm the photographer. Hahahahaha. So after I saw her at the club we became real cool at the bowling alley. I never really talked to her before that cuz she looked jail bait young. But I've been talking to her every week at bowling and she doesn't seem that interesting. Maybe our ages are too far apart where we can't really relate. We can talk about bowling stuff all night but when I bring up topics outside of bowling it gets a little weird. So that's the main reason I'm staying away from her.
This morning, for the 3rd straight morning I woke up before my alarm clock (aka cell phone) woke me up. And it's not like I slept early either. Am I that much of a robot that I know when to get up regardless of what time I sleep?
Yesterday, my new lens came in. It's a beast!!!!! The thing is huge for such a small focal range. I took a few test shots but I didn't really get to play around with it too much. I'll get to play with it tonight since we're doing a photoshoot at Ryan's place. I have the Bohemian Rhapsody or Death Row idea in mind where everything is black and all you can is are the people's heads and the front person's arms. We'll see how it turns out. I'll also get to use my new backdrop and new lights/umbrellas tonight also. My mock studio got turned into the guest room already since we have family coming into town on Thanksgiving.
My room is also being converted. I want it to be a lounge. Hahahaha. I don't have a bed anymore so my room looks twice the size. All I have is a love seat. I plan on buying a flat screen 32" and maybe mount it on my wall and hooking up my computer to it. My room will probably be the gaming room now too. My bro recently bought a PS3 and his room is crowded so I know he wants to put in my room cuz everyday he keeps asking me when I'm gonna buy a TV. Hahahahaha. I've lived for about 2 years without a TV. The only thing I've watched in the past 2 years are sports or whatever it is someone else is watching when I sit in the living room. Or if I go to someone's house and they're watching, then I'll watch too.
I have a few books I've been meaning to read:
-The Mystery Method by Mystery(started but not yet finished) -Love is a Mix Tape by Rob Sheffield -Stranger Than Fiction by Chuck Palahniuk -Rules of The Game by Style -The Manual of The Warrior Of Light by Paulo Coelho
Of those books, the one most intriguing to me is Love is a Mix Tape. It basically captures some guys journey through love: meeting the girl, being with the girl, and then losing the girl. To me, music is my true love. It's my passion, my reason for being. And I can relate it with being in a relationship. It's crazy how some songs will remind me exactly of who I was with and how I felt at that moment in time. I'll remember it like it was yesterday. It's almost like music is a time machine. The soundtrack of my life. I haven't started this book yet but I have a good feeling about it.
Speaking of the soundtrack to my life, what would be the opening song to yours? I think mine might be Thunderstruck by AC/DC. That's just off the top of my head. I might change it if I thought about it for a long while. And for sure I want the closing song to be Dust In The Wind sung by will Ferrell. And every song in between is probably by R. Kelly and there might be a few break-ups in there too so maybe some Boyz II Men. Hahahahaha.
This morning I went to fill up on gas and I noticed that for the first time in a long time that gas was under $2/gallon. I was flippin' out. I seriously can't remember the last time gas was under $2. I felt like going home and filling up all the cars with gas. I was that excited. Hahahahaha.
Last night/this morning I didn't sleep until 3am. I went to bed at around 12 or so but I just couldn't fall asleep. I didn't really have that much on my mind but I did hear some crazy sounds. It was weird cuz every few minutes I would hear this humming sound. It was more like the sound that you do when you wet the tip of your finger and rub it on the rim of a glass. I guess that's not really a hum but I can't describe it. Whenever I'd hear it, I would envision alien spaceships outside my room just hovering. And when the sound would disappear, I imagined they took off to their home planet. And the fact that the sound would come back a few minutes later was confirmation in my head that traveling at light speed was possible. Hahahahaha.
Oh, the other day someone rang the doorbell at my house. My bro was closer to the door so he went to answer it. And when he got to the door no one was there but there was this package with my name on it. It was b-day gift from Jay. And guess what was inside it? Yup, you guessed it. It starts with a P and rhymes with morn. Hahahahahaha. As you all know I love me some pizzorn. I'm just glad it was my bro who got the door.
Drank like crazy on Monday til the early hours of Tuesday morn. Slept for a hours and woke up for work and felt fine. It's now Wed. and I woke up feelin' like major crap. It's 9am and I've already takin' 3 shits. I've eaten nothing so far. I dunno what's the deal with this late reaction. I dunno if it's the fact that I barely slept after all the drinking that made my body think it was still the same day and now it thinks today is the day after. Oh well.
My cousins are now attending school(4th, 5th and 7th grade) and they come to my place for tutoring. I never knew how hard it was teach kids lesson plans and what not. And it's even harder cuz I don't know the Tagalog-English translations of certain things so I can't thoroughly explain to them what to they need to do on their homework. I feel like a horrible tutor cuz I can see the frustration on their faces. I also feel like an idiot cuz some of the stuff they ask me I haven't seen in decades and I can't really remember what to do. It's like that show Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader. I've never seen that show but I imagine that's how the contestants feel. Like idiots. Ha.
In other news, the "vampire" thinks I'm the mastermind behind the "defection". Hahahahaha. I guess he started ranting on how I always criticize his every move. And I guess I leave a sour taste in his mouth. Hahahahaha. I take great satisfaction in knowing that he sees me as a threat. He's trying to play mind games but I'm playing them too. Except mine are real words and real actions. He knows that I'm aware of the truth behind the situation and he's trying to cover his own ass. The only thing I can tell him is the truth isn't hard to remember. When you start trying to come up with stories to cover lies is when you start stuttering and backtracking and getting all defensive. I know I did nothing wrong so I'm not backing down.
Last night I ordered this lens for my camera. It's a little b-day gift for myself. I've been wanting a decent lens for a while, since all my lenses are pretty shitty. I was thinking of buying a new camera but I thought about it and decided to just buy lenses. A new camera would have new features that I probably wouldn't even use. Sure, it'll have more megapixels but I don't blow my pictures up and print them bigger than 8x10. I don't even print them bigger than 4x6. My Dad has a DSLR also, so I can just borrow his if something goes wrong with mine. We use the same lenses anyways.
Oh yeah, last night I also started turning my sister's old room into a studio. We gave all the stuff in there to my relatives who recently moved into an apartment. There's still stuff in there that we need to give them. Maybe I'll do it this weekend. But my Mom wants to turn the room into a guest room but since we don't have any furniture to go in there yet, I'm using it as a studio for now. My bro keeps asking me if I called my sister to let her know what I'm doing. She comes home every other weekend so I'm sure she would like a bed to sleep on when she's home. So if she comes home this weekend, the couch will be her bed. Hahahahahaha. Yeah, I'm a great big brother.
Here's my Mom's yearbook picture. Hahahahahaha. It looks like it could go in a yearbook.
I don't think I write long blog posts anymore. I dunno if I ever did but I enjoy reading the longer ones that other people write. So just to make things fair, and by abiding by the Golden Rule, imma make a concentrated effort to write more thought out and lengthy blogs. I know I just ramble about the most random things but it's hard for me to sit down and think about what to write. I usually just write what's currently on my mind. I know when I'm driving I think of all this crazy stuff but as soon as I get home or near a computer, I forget all about it and start doing some other stuff. I don't foget what I was thinking about, it's just I get caught up in wanting to look at other things like reading up on the Chargers or something of the sort.
I know I probably touched on this before but I'm trying to build good habits. I don't want to have to act a certain way around some people and censor myself. I want to be able to do the same things I normally do around everyone. Therefore I refrain from using profanity at all times. I just don't want to get in the habit of cussing and then when I'm in a situation where I'm surrounded by children or the elderly I accidently let out some bad words just cuz I always do that. So I usually replace the F word with "Fudge" but I extend the "u" sound so it's like "Fuuuuuuuuuuuudge". I don't say "What the f*ck?", I say "what the eff?" Instead of "Oh sh!t" it's "Oh snap". I replace "Holy sh!T" with "Holy hot crap". I didn't really mention this specifically to any of my friends but I know I'm rubbing off on them cuz I'm starting to hear them say the things I say and less profanity. You just never know if someone's Mom is standing behind you.
Since my relatives moved out of my house, we're gonna convert the extra room into a guest room. I kinda wanna turn it into a studio, maybe for photography or music. Or I can turn my room into the studio and just sleep in the guest room all the time. Hahahahaha. BUt yeah, last night I was measuring the room so I can see what kind of things can fit in there. I also want to get rid of all my old clothes. They're too big for me now. And I don't want to keep them so I can make sure I don't get that big again. Before I was thinking I should keep them just in case I get fatter again, but that's not the right mindset. Imma get rid of them so I can ensure that I never get that fat again. I know I have relatives in the Philippines who are pretty big so I can give them all my old clothes.
Did I mention that I love Under Armour? I mean, I'm too cheap to buy the real thing so I buy the Wal-Mart brands but they feel so good. It keeps me cool on hot days. Last night I bought a bunch of the long sleeve ones so I can be outdoors and not get sunburnt. And I really don't feel the sweat when I'm working out. It works as advertised.
Last night we helped my Lola, Uncle, Auntie, and my cousins move into their new apartment. They live down the block from us now. My house feels so empty. I got used to having them around and I enjoyed it even though my house was pure madness. It was fun to come home to a loud house. There was so much energy. Being around so many people helped me NOT feel like an imbecile. I felt I had some worth, some value.
I welcome new things into to my life but when it leaves, it's hard for me to deal with.
So last night I went to a bachelor party. My buddy Eisen is the best man so he invited me along for the good times. It was crazy, weird experience. We met up at the Groom's place and I didn't really know what to expect. I was thinking it was gonna be dudes around our age but these cats were maybe mid 30's or even in the 40's, since Asians age well. But yeah, it was pretty fob-ulous. I felt like I was at my own house or something with all the Tagalog being spoken.
But yeah, we rented this Limo Bus which was pretty damn dope. It had a stripper pole and a good ass sound system in there. I've never drank while we were in a moving vehicle, other than the time we were on a boat in Lake Havasu during spring break. It was a crazy experience. We ended up going to this strip club but all these old cats were broke. So they got the groom a lap dance and then we booked. We were literally there for like 20 mins. That's the quickest I've stayed at a strip club. And then we headed downtown to cruise the streets but these cats were so old they didn't know where to go. So we drove around for like 2 hours, or at least it felt that way. Hahahahahaha. And then when we finally posted up somewhere, these cats didn't know how to holla at girls. This was the beginning of the weird part of the night. It's like these guys didn't know how to have conversations with girls. I mean, I'm still learning. It's difficult for me to come up to a random girl and strike up a conversation but these cats would be all like "Hola mami!" after the girl has already passed by and is like 20 ft away. That's not gonna work. Hahahahaha. And then when we got back on the bus, one of the old cats starts puking his brains out. He yacked all over himself and the bus diver pulled over. This guy is probably 37 and he cant handle his liquor. How pathetic. He's drinking like he's 18, like his first time ever.
Like I said, it was a crazy, weird experience. Hahahahaha. I still feel a little faded and I already drank a gallon of water.
After growing my hair now for over 2.5 years, I'm debating on if I should shave my head or not. I like having long hair but from the looks of it, I'm going bald. My hair is super thin to the point where my scalp is visible at all times. And all these people keep commenting that I'm already going bald and it's making me super self conscious. And a lot of people, like my family/relatives, say I look better with short hair but I beg to differ. I feel the long hair suits my personality and allows me to express myself.
I dunno, maybe it's time for a change? Maybe I'll start the coming year fresh? We'll see what happens....
I'm starting to get sick again. Damn. I started coughing again and this morning I had phlegm. I really need to sleep more. Now that I'm NOT working for the magazine, I think I'll have some more time to myself. We'll see what happens.
On Friday, I didn't go to work cuz I went to LAX to pick up my Mom's sister and her 3 kids from the airport. They came from the Philippines and are now living with us. Man, my house is full. We got 10 people living a 4 bedroom place. And over the weekend my sister came home so there was 11 of us. And we only have 2 bathrooms so it was madness. But it's fun. I'm speaking more Tagalog than ever, since my cousins don't speak too much English. I only know "proper" Tagalog since I only speak it to the elders but my cousins are teaching me all these slang terminology. And it's funny cuz I tell them I don't know what that word means and they don't know it in English so we have to play charades to try to explain things to each other. Hahahahaha. And I'm teaching them all about the internet. Their friends in the Philippines have Friendster so they asked me to create an account for them, now that internet is readily available.
Last night in bowling league was pretty wild. I was actually bowling pretty good. I was in the 190's and with my handicap I was in the 230's. But the shot of the night came when I thought that I messed up big time. I was throwing my ball in the same spot but for one throw my ball hooked more than I wanted and I left the Big 4 up. The Big 4 is the 4-6-7-10 split. I have never seen anyone convert this. So I thought I had no chance and I just chucked the ball really hard hoping for the best. As soon as the ball started getting close to the pins I could see that if I hit the first pin in the right spot it could roll over and hit the pins on the opposite side. But my ball hooks so I didn't think it'd go where I thought it would. But low and behold, my ball stayed true and hit it in the right spot and I converted the Big 4. The place went wild. Everyone started cheering and even people from the other teams came over to congratulate me. I just stood there in silence with my hand covering my mouth. I was in shock.
But yeah....here's the only recorded conversion of the Big 4. He did his a little different than mine.
It was an awesome wedding. It's probably the best one I've been to. It got me really excited for whoever is gonna get married next amongst my friends. And I don't really like weddings. But this one opened up my eyes...
I'm starting to come around to my senses again. I think what I'm eating affects my moods. Deprived of meat = not happy. I ate some fried chicken last night, and I've been staying away from fried foods in general, but it felt good to cheat. No wonder there are so many cheaters in this world. Cheating gets you there faster. Hahahahaha.
But yeah, I feel better about things and I can smile for reals.
For the first time in my life, I felt the joys that a woman feels when they go shopping. I've been kinda down on myself for unspecified reasons but I went shopping yesterday for new clothes and it made me feel better. I bought some new pants since my old ones were getting big. I used to wear size 40 but yesterday I bought size 36's. It felt good. It actually made my day. I was gonna buy 38's but on a whim I decided to try on some 36's and they actually fit. I was genuinely surprised. I only planned on buying new pants but I was so happy that I decided to buy new shirts, new underwear, new socks, and a new watch. Hahahahaha. I spent a grip. I also bought my Mom this gold Guess watch. She loved it and kept showing it off to everyone. Her b-day is coming up and I didn't get her anything for this past Mother's Day so I thought I'd get her an early B-day present/late Mother's day gift.
I hate doing damage control. No less than an hour ago, I found out some disturbing news. A close friend of mine totally disrespected another close friend of mine in the worst possible way. At one point they were very close, but now one of them doesn't trust the other. And it sucks cuz I hang out with both of them. And occasionally we all hang out together. Now I have to do damage control. Why can't some people control their alcohol? Damn.
There are two things you can never do. You don't mess with a man's food and you don't mess with a man's girl....regardless of how drunk you are. Respect.
A million miles I've walked on these feet, these tired feet of mine. A million times I've wanted to give up and just stop walking. A million thoughts kept telling me to never quit cuz someday I'd find what I'm searching for. But that someday seems like a million years away.
A million choices and not one belongs to me. A million chances and I've blown every single one. A million lessons to be learned but there's still a million regrets I need to get over. A million reasons but I've got a million excuses.
We finished the slideshow for Ramon's wedding a few hours ago. I think we did a decent job based on the time constraint. I would say we worked on it for 4, maybe 5 hours. I wish I was informed of it ahead of time so that way I could have added special effects and what not. I just hope they appreciate the effort put into it.
While working on this slideshow, I got to thinking......I wish I had friends like me. Not to sound conceited or anything but I feel like I do alot for my friends. Like, I'll get season tickets for us and pay for everything up front and just have them pay me when they can. I think that's a pretty big gesture. Now, the least they could do is offer to drive to games without me having to ask them. I feel like I'm forcing them to drive. I know I have a big truck and all but it's not like we have all that much stuff to bring. I wish they would see what I'm doing and maybe make things easier on me by at least offering to drive sometimes instead of me having to ask them.
I dunno, maybe I'm just rambling. But this whole wedding thing is making me emotional. I got alot of my mind. Alot of things I'm not willing to tell people. I don't know if anyone would understand where I'm coming from. It doesn't make sense to me as to why I feel this way. I'm happy for my best friend. In a week, he'll be married to a great girl. But at the same time I'm depressed. I wear a smile but if you took the time to look into my eyes, you'd know something is wrong.....
The other day at work, I got a call from a lady friend of mine that I haven't seen in a while. I was in the middle of alot of work so I declined her call. A minute later I get the voice message beep. Usually she doesn't leave voice messages so I thought it might be important. So I check the voice message and all I hear are moans of pleasure. Moaning for a good minute. Hahahahahaha. Either she's sending me a message that she wants some......or she was in the middle of getting some and she accidentally called me.
Last night I finally got a full night of sleep. Who knew it would do so much wonders? I've had back pain since last Friday and today is the first day it actually feels better. It's been getting worse everyday but now I'm on the road to recovery. I'm also not coughing that much anymore. I was coughing like crazy the past couple days and today I feel good. Maybe tonight I can get a full night of sleep as well? Hahahaha.
I was supposed to work on some slideshow last night but I went to sleep instead. I'll out it together real quick today and have some people review it and see if they wanna take stuff out or add stuff in. And tomorrow will be the last day I touch it since the deadline to turn it in is on Friday. If the slideshow sucks....oh well. It's better than nothing.
I was thinking of not going out to the clubs this week since my back has been hurting. But now that I'm feeling better, I'm reconsidering. But I'm also supposed to go hang out with this chick I met on a cruise a few weeks back. I bailed on her twice already and I don't wanna bail on her again. She's been real sweet and understanding of what I've been going through with my Grandma and me working double time. She works two jobs also, so she knows what it's like.
I also had this crazy ass dream last night. I was at a friend's place and his wife calls me into the room all panicking and going berzerk. And I see my friend is dying. So we call for help and they try to revive him but it's too late. So as they take my friend away, I'm consoling his wife and all but things started to get intimate. It was the only thing that I could do that would make her feel better. So I'm takin' her to town and doing everything she wants me to do. I'm havin' a blast. And then I woke up....at 100%. Hahahaha. I will also note that I haven't beat off or had any kind of action in a while. So this is my body telling me that I need to release. Hahahahahah. Oh yeah, I don't know who the people were in my dream. I can't remember their faces....
My back has been hurting since Friday night. Theres a couple things that might be the culprit of my pain. 1: Drea riding me. (It's not as dirty as it sounds. Honestly.) 2: Moving some couches. I woke up Saturday morning in pain. It even hurts when I cough. It literally feels like someone punched me right on the spine. The pain is right between my shoulder blades. If I push my chest out, there's a sharp pain in the middle of my back. If I'm still in pain at the end of the week....I might have to consider going to a doctor. And y'all know my beef with doctors.
If there's ever a reason that you invite me out and I don't show up without a call or any notice, it's because I'm with my Lola. I don't want to leave her home alone. I wanna make sure someone is home with her at all times cuz I don't want her being stuck and not to have anyone there to help her. It's a pain to have to do every little thing for her, but it's a pain I'm glad to endure. It's teaching me to become a better person, to not be so self absorbed. I've never had to put someone else's needs before mine. I get frustrated at times because she rejects my help, but I see her struggling so bad. I know she wants to do it on her own and she doesn't like being waited on hand and foot but her body can't function the way her mind wants it to.
I always wanted to live a long life but seeing someone live with unbearable pain scares me.
I miss these talks at night. Just opening up and not being afraid. Sharing our goals, our thoughts, our stupid tendencies. It made me feel....whole. I learned a lot about myself. The people close to you seem to know more about you than you do about yourself.
The other day I saw this 18-wheeler do this u-turn at the stop light. I think it was me, Jerry, Joel and Ryan sittin' in the car at the stop light on Telegraph by the 805 and we were thinking that this fool is crazy for even attempting to do that. But he pulled it off successfully and I was highly impressed. It's hard enough to bust a u-turn in my truck. I can't imagine having to do that in an 18-wheeler.
I've been sick for maybe 3 or 4 weeks now and I'm starting to feel better. Yeah, I should went to the doctor right when I got sick but y'all don't know the beef I got with them. Whenever I go get checked up, it always ends up being up a lecture on how much overweight I am and then they give me pamphlets on dieting and weight loss. I went to the doctor to get check up on my cough, not cuz I'm fat. So now I never go to the doctor cuz I'm tired of hearing it. Yeah, I'm aware that I'm overweight but I'm not mentally strong enough to do anything about it. I'm also very sensitive about the issue. So yeah, that's why I never go.
This past weekend, I drank for the first time in a long time. Like, really drank. I wasn't even planning on drinking but for some reason I just decided to go with it. And I'm glad I did. It felt good. I think the only reason I decided to drink was cuz I knew everyone there. I didn't need to have my guard up. The last time I drank was 4th of July at the magazine's launch party. I got kinda faded and this beast was giving me the eye. She hanging around the group of friends we were with so I thought she was with our crew. So when she came up to me to talk to me, I didn't really think twice about it. But yeah, I give her props for saying all the right things and making me feel comfortable. She had her game down pat. I didn't even realize what was happening...until it was too late. And you all know that I don't kiss people on the lips. I think it's more intimate that sex. But let's just say she pulled me in and I couldn't stop it.
Last night I tried Moonshine for the very first time. And I will mention that I haven't had any alcohol in a couple months. The last time I really drank was on the 4th of July. I've literally had a sip here and there (when a girl would ask me to taste their drink) but that's about it. Moonshine is no joke. It gave me a headache with the quickness. I only took maybe a teaspoon of it. Maybe when I'm done with this Food Project, I'll start drinkin' it up again and I'll take another stab at Moonshine.
My Lola is finally home from the hospital. She still can't walk but I'm sure she's happy to be home. It's kinda scary though cuz we all work and we can't attend to her 24/7 like at the hospital.
The reason we made her go to the hospital was cuz she was stuck in the bathroom for like 8-9 hours. Last week my Mom and bro left for work around 830am and my Lola was eating breakfast. Apparently she went to the bathroom shortly after that but her legs and feet gave out. She couldn't walk or move. My bro came home from work around 530-545pm and found her in the bathroom.
Bowling is quickly becoming one of my favorite sports. I love basketball, football, and ping pong but right now bowling is edging for that top spot. The fact that I'm getting good makes things more enjoyable. Before when I sucked I hated it cuz everyone was better than me. Now I'm runnin' with the big boys and havin' a blast. I'm ultra competitive so if I'm not doing good, then I'm not having a good time.
Yesterday was my Lola's B-day. She had to spend her B-day in the hospital. She's been in there since last Thursday. For the past 2 weeks she was in pretty bad shape. She was struggling. My Mom had to force her to go to the hospital. She didn't even want to go. I guess that's where I get it from cuz I hate going to the doctor until it gets really bad. But yeah, I hope and pray that she gets better. When we visited her she looked to be in better shape and in better spirits.
So last night I decided to go out. I took a nap after I got home from work and woke up feeling better than I did during the day. But yeah, our friend decided to bring his girl to the club. He was kickin' it with the fellas so I ended up dancing with his girl. We were dancning and talking and I don't really remember exactly what I said to her but somethin' went down.
She said something about looking all faded and I reassured her that she looked perfectly fine. I told her she was lookin' good. And I guess it made her feel good. So she decided to give me a kiss on the cheek but I didn't know she was gonna do it. I had my ear turned towards her mouth so I could hear her better. But I turned my head right as she went to give me a kiss. Of course she missed my cheek and her lips came VERY close to making contact with mine. And I told her "Whoa, that was close to the lips there! Your boy might be watching and think something different." And then she says "Don't worry he's not looking." And I turn around and survey the area and notice him far away with the fellas yuckin' it up. So I turn to her and say "If he ain't lookin' then why didn't you just go for the lips?" So without hesitation, she plants one on me. I know I'm a jerk for planting that seed but I didn't think she would do it. I figured she would say "It was an accident. I wasn't aiming for the lips." Oh well, I don't feel guilty. Hahahahaha.
I woke up last night because I couldn't breathe. It felt like I was underwater grasping and fighting for air. I was losing in this fight.
I went to bed at 10pm and woke up from my coughing fit thinking it was already 6am. I got up and looked at the clock and noticed that it was only 12:12am. All the coughing had made my temperature rise and I was sweating. My lungs felt like they were on fire and my throat hurt from all the coughing.
I dunno if it's a good idea for me to be going out tonight....
Last night I tried sleeping with a shirt on. It was tough. It felt like trying to run while wearing a backpack. It was just excess baggage. But I did sleep with a blanket again.
It's still hard for me to breathe. It feels like I have fluid in my lungs. I take a deep breathe and it's not as deep as I want it to be. I can only fill half my lungs before it starts to feel full or I'll just end up coughing. It's almost like the feeling where you're drinking something and it ends up going down the wrong pipe....that's the feeling I've had for the past week.
Last night I slept with a blanket for the first time in about 4 months. I wasn't cold or anything but I dunno. I went to sleep without a blanket but I kept waking up. It was hard to breathe and I dunno, I felt like the blanket would do me good for some reason. My body temp fluctuates from really hot to really cold. I get hot and then I start sweating and the I'm drenched with sweat which makes me feel cold. The blanket kept my body temp relatively even. I think tonight I might sleep with a blanket again. We'll see.
She's a different type of girl. One that excites me because of the things she doesn't do. It might be because she's a little bit older and knows what she wants. But nonetheless, her drive and ambition far exceed any girl I've ever met. And yet I hardly know her. I've talked to her a lot for the past two or three weeks. And it's not always me initiating the conversations. So she's taking control and I like it. But she also backs off and I like that. She's doing the right amount of push and pull and it's pulling me in further, closer to her.
I came to work at 5:30 this morning. I have to take my grandma to the doctor this afternoon. But on the drive here this morning, I kinda zoned out for a few seconds. It was like the deer in the headlights thing. My eyes were fully open but for some reason I was non-responsive. I didn't snap back to reality until my tires started hitting the reflectors in between the lanes. I wasn't sleepy or anything. I just straight up zoned out. It happens alot when I'm bored or thinking deeply about something.
I think I'm getting sick. For the past week I've woken up with flem. But after I hock up all the flem I feel fine.
I was supposed to do a photo session with Esther last night. I texted her in the middle of the day to change the location in order to make things easier for her. By the end of my work shift, I didn't get a reply from her yet so I tried calling her. No answer. So I figured she was busy and I decided to go to the original location to just shoot around for a bit. But she called me when I was on my way to the original location asking where I was at. It kinda upset me that she went to the changed location without giving me any confirmation/indication that she would go there. Oh well, life goes on.
I have a photo shoot with Katie this Friday. I think she is so slammin'. Her body isn't perfect but the way she carries herself makes me think it is. She's got this air of confidence that can make me believe in anything she says or does.
Yesterday Michelle came to the tailgate and she brought brownies and banana bread (that she baked) and cucumbers and carrots (that she sliced). I know she asked me if I wanted her to make anything and I said all the stuff above but I didn't think she'd actually do it. It just shows me that she cares. I got on her case cuz she only hits me up when she needs something and I'm sure she realized it was the truth. I mean, I'll call her just to to say hi and talk or whatever. She calls me and asks me to help her with something or if I could take her somewhere and stuff like that. I don't appreciate that. I feel used. But she made up for it.
The past 4 have been intense. It was an adventure nonetheless. It starts off like this:
Thurs: We worked an 18+ event over @ Belo. The girls there were gettin' buck wild. The way they were dancing had me at 100%. I ended up dancing with a few of them. I love them fresh. Hahahaha. They were sober as shiite and they just didn't give a damn who they were dancing with. Winding and grinding all night long.
Fri: We worked over at Thin and that place wasn't really poppin' so we bounced after a lil' bit and took off for Visions. I aint never been there before so I didn't know what to expect from that place. The managers were flippin' out cuz I was gonna take pix in there. It seems like they aint never had nobody come in there and take pix. They gave us the royal treatment. Hahahahaha. And all the people there were trippin' out too cuz they were all like "Since when did Visions hire photographers?" But yeah, I met this one chick who slammin' from head to toe. And she was all about pictures. So we went off to the corner and had a lil' photoshoot sessions with her and her friend. I woulda rated her an 8.5........in the dark. LOL. When I got home and looked at the pix, she wasn't as slammin as I thought. I started dancing with her after we took pix and my buddy danced with her friend. He thought he was taking one for the team so I could get mine, but it ended up me taking one for the team cuz we both thought my chick was better but the pix prove that his chick ended up being the good one. LOL.
Sat: In the morning I woke up to find a bunch of sequins on my bedroom floor. I was all wondering where the hell it came from. And then I started going through all the pix from the night before and noticed the chick I was dancing with had a bunch of sequins on her dress. I guess we were grinding a lil' too hard and me being at 100% knocked all them sequins off her dress. Hahahahaha.
But on Sat night we worked at Belo and Sin. Belo was crackin'. The place was gettin' packed and it wasn't even 11pm yet. That was a good sign. When we went to Sin, I ran into my ex-girlfriend and it was weird cuz usually my mind starts thinking all these thoughts of when we were together whenever I see her. But this time I was cool about it. I just saw her and said hi and that was it. I didn't care too much for her. I didn't see her for the rest of the night. And we ended up going back to Belo and havin' a good time. Slammin' hunnies left and right. It's a sign that school is almost back in session. They wanna party hard before it's time to hit the books.
Sun: Esther had us come over to Bong's place and she cooked for us. She made fish tacos and it was the most delicious fish tacos that I've ever had. I ate waaay more than I should have but she said she invited us over cuz we know how to eat and she made a grip of food. By the end of the night, we finished it all. Me and Bong also played a bunch of songs in his garage and we ended up recording one of them. It's Cupid by 112. It's one of my favorite songs to play on guitar.
Upcoming week:
Mon: Tonight is the Chargers game so I'll be there.
Tues: Bowling league championships. We're playing for 1st place. Wish us luck.
Wed: Out with Karmen.
Thurs: Another 18+ event @ Belo
Fri: Another night in Downtown
Sat: More nights in Downtown.
Sun: BBQ in San Marcos, and then Downtown.
This is like 10 straight days of commitments. No sleep. Sleep is for the weak anyways. Hahahaha.
Somehow the topic of weddings came up last night when I was with the fellas. Wait, I remember how it came up. We were listening to some songs and we pondered about how tight it would be to have an actual live band in a wedding since everybody does DJ's nowadays. We're all hoping that Ramon will hire an 80's band for his wedding. If the guy can schedule a wedding DURING football season(and ruin a chance of a lifetime to go to London), he sure as hell won't have a live band. It just goes to show his logic (or his lack of power in the relationship). Hahahahaha. But yeah, I told the fellas IF or WHEN I get married, I'm gonna pull an Uncle Jesse and play that song "Forever" at my wedding. I'll hop on a piano (even though I don't know how to play that well) and sing my heart out to her.
Back in high school, I was at Fatima's house and we learned how to play "Forever". We listened to that song for days to try and figure it out. I learned it on guitar and she figured out the piano part. I kinda remember the chords so I can figure out how to play the piano part the way Uncle Jesse played it. And don't ask me why I was at Fatima's house. Hahahahaha.
I played basketball last night even though my legs are sore as shiite. It hurt at first but after a while my muscles warmed up and I felt good.
I really love those Under Armour type performance shirts cuz they work. I run on my lunch breaks at work and I would feel all icky from my sweat but those performance shirts keep me feeling cool and the sweat doesn't stick to my body. I do bring a change of clothes but the sweat would just stay on me even after I would wipe it off. With these shirts, I wipe it and it's gone.
Me and my cousins have been playing basketball 3 nights a week and we're in bowling league and we play table tennis and we started the Madden 09 title shots. I have my wrestling belt and we play tournament style to see who is worthy of being called the Madden champ. My cousin Nate Dogg won the title this past weekend. I get first crack to dethrone him. I doubt I can beat him cuz I'm not 15 and I don't play video games all day anymore. Hahahaha. It feels good to do stuff with my family cuz we're all ultra competitive and it makes things interesting. We all get pushed to the limits, which makes us all give our best every time. I like that.
Bowling league last night was tough. My calves were sore as shiite yesterday and I couldn't get any power in my throw. I'm glad Richard carried me for the first 2 games. My calves loosened up by the third game and I bowled a 198. We ended up winning all 4 games and we secured our 2nd place spot. Next Tuesday is the last day aka The Championship Match. We get to play the 1st place team, my cousin. The first time we played them this season, we got owned on. That was when I was still bowling a 130 average. That was ages ago. For the past month I've been bowling over 170. It's gonna be an exciting match. The team we're gonna play against were originally our teammates. It was supposed to be 4 person teams but not enough people signed up so we split all the teams. Now the team that got split up will face each other for 1st. This is like the stuff movies are made of. I imagine my team down by a grip of pins and a miraculous comeback sends it into sudden death. And in overtime we go neck and neck but in the 10th frame one little mistake by the other team allows us to win by 1 pin.
I'm so hyped up about this Championship match that I'm signing up for the Winter bowling league. The fact that I've gotten alot better gives me confidence. Winter league is a money league. We play for money. That's where the serious bowlers are. My average was around 130 entering this league. Exiting this league, I'm now in the 160's. My goal was to break 200 last year but now, it aint no big thing when I break 200. 250 is now my goal.
I've been running everyday for the past month and today my calves are sore. This is the first time they are sore. I've had my hamstrings sore but not my calves. I'm wondering what I did differently.
I hate waking up to a calf cramp. It's one of the worst feelings in the world. That didn't happen this morning but the first step I took when I got out of bed almost didn't happen. Hahahahaha. My leg almost gave out on me.
I'm debating if I should run today or just walk, since I do have bowling league tonight and we're still in contention for first place. I think I'll run a little and see how it feels and if my calves hold up, I'll keep running.
This weekend I got to hang out with a long lost friend. He called me up last week to invite me to his daughter's birthday. I wasn't planning on going since I had some family birthdays to attend also but that got moved so I decided to cruise on by. And I'm glad I did. I haven't hung out with this guy in so long. To be honest, I'm very bitter that he isn't around us anymore. I know he has his priorities with his family and whatever but we've known each other since we were 3 years old. We grew up together and went through a lot of tough times together. I would just like to see the effort to hang out or even a random phone call to just shoot some shiite.
But yeah, I'm really glad that I got to see him this weekend. I'm looking forward to more good times with the friends.
My watch is becoming loose. I just noticed that yesterday. Usually my watch is snug around my wrist but now it jiggles around. What's also weird is that no hair grows around the part where my watch is. I have like a bald spot on my arm that's a perfect line. It doesn't help that I have a slight watch tan so it points it out even more. Hahahahaha. I guess it's from the watch rubbing on my wrist and pulling the hairs off or something. That's the only explanation I can think of. Or the constant pressure of the watch against my wrist blocks the hair from coming out of the skin.
I've been running everday for maybe 3 weeks now. Before I would dread the thought of having to run but now I find myself wanting to run. It's starting to become fun. I'm setting goals for myself. Before I set a time limit for myself. Now it's distance without stopping. I noticed that if I don't look ahead and just watch the ground as I run, I tend to be able to run farther. I dunno, I guess it's seeing the goal that makes me more tired. If I can see it, then I know I'm that close but I'm all super winded. If I just watch the ground and my footsteps, I'm at the goal before I even know it. I like that. So I've been watching the ground more that looking up. It's a good thing that I run when there are no people around. Hahahahaha. Or else I might run into them when I'm not looking forward.
I'm glad that I finally have some friends who blog.....and get this, on a regular basis. I mean, blogs shouldn't matter that much but it feels good to read about what's going on with my friends since I don't get to see them on a regular basis. I know my blogs don't exactly highlight my days or anything (at least not this one) and that's why only a select few know about this one.
I'm also glad it's football season, which is where I usually pack on a few pounds every year from all the tailgating we do. We'll see how good I can be with my food project still underway. I think I did pretty good this past weekend with my eating at the tailgate. I didn't overdo it and I felt satisfied with the amount I ate.
Our new seats for the season are pretty damn spectacular. We got west endzone seats and I enjoy standing up throughout the majority of the game. It makes me feel like I'm a part of the action or something. I dunno. Hahahaha. It's better than sitting down. that's it.
We, as in me and Joel, also discussed that my cousin and Ramon have officially been cut from our crew since they decided to ditch us the last game. Hahahahahaha. SCISSORS!!!!!!!!! BAND-AIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lately I've been sleeping a lot more than usual. This is alarming to me. I normally sleep around 5 hours a night. But for the past week or longer, I've been sleeping for 8-10 hours a night. I guess I can blame it on me working out more often and changing what I'm eating.
I do feel different emotionally. I think I've calmed down a little bit. I'm more relaxed than I ever was. But I'm also more sensitive than I normally am. Maybe before I stopped caring cuz I was headed nowhere but now that I'm making changes and starting to make some sort of progress, my feelings are more prevalent. I was at rock bottom and I had nowhere to go but up. Now I have a little bit to lose and I'm a little scared. Change is not something I'm good at.
It's 1:30 am and I just got done talking with her again. She told me her fears and the lack of sleep it causes. All her thoughts and anxiety cause endless nights. She told me she wanted to shut everyone out and I told her I wanted to shut her out too, just to make the situation easier. But we both can't do it. It's just too hard.
And she called me out on a lot of the things that I do. She told me to be a good guy, to do the right thing even after she's gone. Treat every girl right, and with respect. She said she can see the good in me but I have to stop portraying myself in a different light. She's seen the real me and she wants me to make everyone aware of who/what I am really am.
I was kinda getting pissed off at all the things she was callin' me out on, but I know she's right. And I can't change overnight. It's a tough process to get these habits out of my system.
I know at the end of the day, I'm gonna thank her for helping me become a better person. Live, learn, love.
I'm growing fond of the new girl. I've been talking to her more and more. I keep "accidentally" running into her. Hahahahaha. And she's been singing with me on our breaks. I'll bust out the guitar and go in the hall and then she'll be grabbing some coffee or something and she would hear me and stop and listen. And if she knows the song I'm playing, she'll sing along with me. I like that. I like a girl who's not afraid to sing.
Today, we were singing that BBMak song "Back Here" and we were staring at each other in the eyes while singing the words. I felt a connection but I couldn't help but laugh cuz she actually knew all the words and I actually knew how to play the song. Hahahahahaha.
I wanted to cut off all contact with her so that way when she leaves, we won't be close anymore. But it's too hard to do. I'll just make the most of the time we have left. It's a lot easier knowing now instead of her just blindsiding me and telling me right before she leaves. I have time to deal with it and gather my emotions.
We were talking the other night and I asked her a few questions that I probably shouldn't have. What can I say? I'm just curious sometimes. She didn't answer at first, which made me even more curious. She just basically said it wasn't the right time to reveal that answer. And then I started talking about other stuff, with the intention of bringing the subject up again in a subtle manner.
When the subject came back up, she answered by letting me put the pieces together. She brought up the things she had been doing. She mentioned the things she had given up. The things she had been asking me for help with suddenly had meaning. And then I realized the truth. She's leaving. Leaving for good. I will never see her again in my life.
I cried for the first time since my Grandma passed away.
She said she would be sad when the moment of truth comes along. She said she's already sad just thinking about it. I told her that I would miss her. And she asked for my advice on how to deal with it. The things I said were too drastic for her to do. I'm not good with goodbyes.
Finding out the news, I was wishing that I never got close to her. I wish that I didn't meet her. I wish she knew that I'm a jerk. I'm not that guy she should trust her life with. Yet she does. I wish she didn't accept me for who I am. I wish she didn't make me a better person. I wish she didn't know how much she means to me. How much easier would this situation be if I kept my distance from her?
I haven't felt this lonely in a long while. It's not just her that's making me feel this way.
My close friend invited me out to dinner and then not decided to not show up. No explanation. And no answer on the cell for two days. Still no answer. I went out of my way to show up for this dinner only to be stood up.
Another friend made up some BS story about me not wanting to go to Comic-Con and gave my pass to someone else? The story has yet to unravel but the people I spoke to have given me their story. I don't know what the truth is. I just need to hear from this friend if they ever decide to return my phone calls/messages.
I have a problem with people not living up to their word. I don't mind if something comes up and there's a change of plans. But flaking and taking the easy way out is not acceptable in my book.
I really feel like shutting everyone out of my life for right now. I need to figure out who I can trust. I need to figure out what I'm doing wrong. I need to change things for the better.
Yesterday when we were having lunch, she informed that she is now single. It was out of the blue. I don't really remember any of our conversation but she just threw that out there. And that's all I can remember. I wanted to stand up and give out a big "wooooo hooooo" but I think that would have been too much. So I just did the good ol' fist pump under the table.
It really took me by surprise. 5 years gone out the window. I really want to step in and fill that void in her life. Whatever she's missing out on, I know I can provide. But I don't wanna be the rebound guy. I'm not thinking of doing anything dirty with her. I actually enjoy being around her and spending time with her. I can do what I normally do with the fellas and not be afraid to do it in front of her. I told her that she was like the girl version of me. She acts like a total tomboy yet she's still very feminine. I like that. And she knows all about my pr0n obsession. Hell, she even supports it. I got nothin' to hide from her. I can be me.
I'm debating what I should do. What kind of plan can I devise in order for her to fall for me? I'm not gonna make it where I'm chasing her. No, that's played out. I gotta set up scenarios where she realizes that she's missing "something" and I just "happen" to be her Prince Charming. Eh, yeah right. I'll just continue daydreaming....
So I tried callin' her at around 630ish last night and she didn't pick up. I figured she was still mad at me from our last conversation a few weeks ago. I said some things I probably shouldn't have and she was questioning my morals and values. I admit, she probably wasn't the person to tell this thing but it slipped and I always try to be upfront and honest with her.
So my phone rings late last night and I'm wondering who the hell would call me at this hour. I see the name on the phone and I pick it up. So she apologizes for the last time we talked and she explained that she was going through some ordeal and she was stressed out. And I explained the story behind what I said and she was cool with it. She understood that I meant no harm and I'm just trying to have fun. So we're good. And then we ended up talking for a damn good while. And those of you who know me know that I hate talking on the phone. But I enjoy talking to her on the phone. She's probably one of the few people that I enjoy talking to in general. I'm pretty sure we can talk for days and not even realize it. And I think that's what happened last night. The only reason we got off the phone was cuz I said that I needed to wash the sweat off my balls and I think it's marinated long enough. She was grossed out at first but I explained to her that I was working out and then I was resting and now I needed to shower. And then she was all understanding and saying she does the same thing. I guess no one talks to her the way I do and she doesn't know how to react. Hahahahaha. And so I have to explain everything.
Just to clarify to all you perverts out there, there is nothing going on between me and this one. We're just friends.
I was with this girl who was wild. I knew she was wild but I didn't know how wild. I'd seen her workin' it and shakin' her thang so I wanted a piece. When I met her my hair was neatly tied back. When I parted ways with her, my hair was down and soaked with sweat. And so begins the saga.....
On the sofa we were grindin' and gettin' each other all worked up. And she smothered my face with her voluptuous chest. These had to be at least D's and I couldn't help but move my head from side to side making motorboat sounds. She laughed at this but continued to pound my face with these flotation devices. I almost felt like I would end up with two black eyes by the end of the night.
I swear this girl was raised on a ranch cuz she rode me like she had been riding horses all her life. As she mounted me, she wrapped her hands around my head and ripped off my hair tie, along with a handful of hair. She pushed me deep into the sofa and pulled my legs out from under, so only my back was touching the sofa with my ass hanging off the edge, and proceeded to ride me into the sunset. After a while, she turned around and faced away from me still riding me. She leaned back into me and I began to kiss her neck. I nibbled on her ear and when the time was near I whispered to her that I was about to unleash all my fury.
She began to stroke away while still mounted on me. My piece was in between her cheeks and her hand. I told her the time was now and she licked the palm of her hand and began to churn butter. It was like she was driving a stick shift on a winding road. The straightaway was here and she had me from 0-60 in under 3.5 seconds. The baby yogurt was splattered all over her hand, back and my belly. And she commented on how much there was. She asked me how I'm able to let out so much. She was in shock. And I told her it was because she was that damn good!
Here I am thinking she's gonna get off me now that I've finished. I begin to try getting up but she pushes me back down and says to me "You can't leave until I finish". I look at her in amazement cuz no one has ever said that to me. Keep in mind, that she's still on top of me. So I accepted the challenge.
I proceeded to insert some fingers into her from behind and with my other hand reach over to the front and rub away. This was a little difficult to maneuver. The in and out motion with one hand and the rubbing motion with the other, factored in with the fatigue, was not working too well. She was trying to get my soldier to stand tall again, but to no avail. So I just continued the in and out motion while she rubbed away on the front end. She began to moan and my fingers were getting moist. She was quivering and all of a sudden, she stopped and her body went limp and she breathed very heavily. She rested on top of me and we were both covered in bodily fluids. We laid there for a few minutes catching our breaths. And then she got up and I was able to leave. By that time, I was ready for the next round and I wasn't sure I wanted to leave...
Over the weekend, I got the best head I have ever gotten in my entire life. She did a lot of things that no one has ever tried before and things I didn't think I would let anyone ever do. She was making my toes tingle and my whole body tense so I let her do whatever she wanted to me. And she wouldn't stop. Even after I spewed forth the juices of life, she kept going. I tried to get her to stop but it felt too good for me to fight it. She had me at her mercy.
I don't know why but when I looked down at her and she was staring up at me while taking me to town, it just turned me on so much more. That eye contact, it's like entrancing or hypnotizing or something. It's a feeling I can't describe. It's like we were communicating without words. She knew what to do just by looking me in the eye. I think she enjoyed seeing the pleasure on my face. The fact that she was turning me on was turning her on.
I think I'm in love. Naw, not really. But it was pretty damn awesome.
It seems like every other tech article I read is about the iPhone. I'm sure it's great and all but I'm kinda tired of seeing so much about it. I've just never seen anything get so much hype. But it seems like it's living up to it. I guess the people are getting what they want....
So far no one has looked and I haven't given into temptation yet. I've wanted to and I had to fight myself to stay strong. I'm going to be positive about this whole situation. I have a plan this time. It's going to work. She'll never know what hit her...
No one is watching me and I can do whatever I want. I've been doing whatever I want. But now imma do what I didn't do. Imma do the right thing, or at least try. I've been told plenty of times but I never listen. It's hard to listen to someone when you don't believe them. Imma listen to myself.
It's not about the things you do when people are around. What matters is when no one is there and you're all alone and you know you can get away with it. What do you do?
I was making my morning oatmeal and someone pulled up next to me. I didn't really think anything of it. But then I felt some eyes staring at me. So I turned and looked to see who it was. The face was unfamiliar but she was smiling at me. So I smiled back. She quickly turned and walked away. I followed her out the door so I could say something to her but then I remembered my oatmeal so I turned back around. After I made my oatmeal, I went in the direction that she went and saw her walking back to where I was. She was making eye contact with me and smiling the whole way. I was smiling too. I kept walking past her and sat by Ramon so it wouldn't look like I just followed her. Ha. But then on the way to my desk, I ran into Scott and he's training her, so I went into the room that she was in. I was gonna stay but I had business to attend to. At least now she knows my face and next time I see her I'll say something.
She asked me to talk to him about cleaning up his act. As a friend, apparently it's my duty to talk some sense into someone who's path has gone astray.
But how can I tell someone to do something if I don't believe in it? She explained all the angles to me and what role I play in it. It made sense when she was explaining it. I even had a guilt trip about it. But when I look at my friend, I don't see anything wrong. It's his choice.
I guess it's the way I was raised. My Mom was always telling me what to do and what not to do. She was molding me to become what she felt was right. On the other hand, my Dad always let me do what I do and allowed me to learn from my mistakes. He let me mold myself, but with some guidance. That's the same thing I'm doing with my friend. I'm there if he needs me, but I'm not going to interfere. He's a grown ass man and he knows what he's doing.
Just the way that she talks has got me in a knot. That accent of hers is so exotic. I absolutely love Russian girls. Even in a drunken state she refuses my advancements. But she lets me in just enough to keep me coming back for more. Damn her for being so sexy. And damn her for loving my camera more than me.
Me and Shanel went out to lunch yesterday. We were talking about "being" with someone from work. Hahahahaha. But yeah, I told if I had a choice to pick one girl from work, it would be *________*. I'm not gonna name any names but it's for obvious reasons. I'm sure if you met her, you would know that I'm into those kinds of girls.
And we also talked about the one that I'm attached to. I talk to her occasionally and I wonder what it is that keeps me hanging on. It might just be the comfort and all the experiences we shared, but regardless of who I meet I always end up going back to her. I guess it's the backup plan and I always mess up so I resort back to her. I need to grow a pair and move on cuz I know it'll never be.
It's been etched into my brain and I can't get the images/feelings out. It's the curse of a good memory. I can't stop thinking about that night and how good it felt. For a moment, I actually felt loved. I don't know what it's like to be loved but I imagine it feels like that. I guess this is what they call the forbidden fruit. I got a taste and now I want more.
It's not necessarily her that I want. It's the feelings that I felt which is driving me mad. I know I always say that the last time was the best time, maybe cuz it's the most recent and I can remember it better, but this one tops it all. The other times I knew what was gonna happen. I was mentally prepared for what was to come. But this time, everything was a total surprise. That's what made it so exhilarating. And now I'm a sucker.....
I always thought I was waaaaay out of shape. But I guess I was wrong. This weekend I played football with my cousins and this is probably the first time I ran full speed in about 5 months. But I was playing receiver and DB and I had to cover one of my cousins who is about 130lbs. I'm about 250lbs so when you look at us, you see that there is a mismatch and the 130lb. guy will have the speed advantage. But that's not always the case. My other cousins were saying that how can someone almost twice your weight be faster than you? They were totally ripping on my 130 lb. cousin. I was huffin' and puffin' more than he was but still, I was amazed that I could actually keep up with him. I know he thought I was slow which is why he probably thought he could take it easy. Even if he wasn't going all out on me, it made me feel good to just be out there and being active and not sit on ass all day.
The activities happened on Thursday night. She texted me Friday morning, since she didn't come to work. And she texted me again in the afternoon. Both times I thought she wanted to talk about what went on between us, and where we stand. Both times I was wrong. Or so I thought.
She finally hit me up again around 3am last night/this morning and we had a lengthy discussion of what went down. She was saying that it was bothering her the whole day on Friday. I don't blame her. It would probably bother me too if I was in her shoes. I don't know how people who cheat on their significant others can live with themselves. But yeah, we talked it out and it wasn't like it was planned. It was a spur of the moment kind of activity. Things like that happen when people are drunk. And so now she's taking a break from drinking.
And we're still on good terms. I actually think we're closer now. That sexual tension is gone and we can just be comfortable.
I dunno if I should feel guilty or not but I did for a little while last night. Up until the point where my lips met hers. In my mind was the fact that she was engaged to some other man but at that very moment she laying in bed next to me, not him. We were laying face to face, with her head gently resting on my arm. We were smiling at each other and not a word was spoken. I started to pull my face closer to hers and she closed her eyes. Our lips met and all the guilty feelings went away in the heat of the moment. It was intimate, passionate, and exhilarating. I went from 6 to 12 instantly. Tongues darting in and out, back and forth, and hands roaming freely. I rolled onto my back and she gracefully mounted me. I don't think our lips ever separated.
3 hours later when I got home, the taste of alcohol still lingered on my tongue. Keep in mind that I barely drank anything that night. This flavor was all from her mouth.
I no longer feel guilty about the fact that she's engaged. It was a night of passion that she was probably yearning for. Her man is on the other side of the world right now, and a girl has her needs. The only thing I do feel a little quirky about is how she's gonna react the next time I see her, at WORK......
So tonight we're gonna go do coverage for Sean Kingston over at Aubergines. I'm not really a huge fan of the guy but whatever. I'll add it to my resume. Ha. Now if T-Pain came to town, I'd be there with no hesitation. If I could be 1 other dude right now, I'd want to be T-Pain. Sure, the guy is ugly as hell but he's makin' the hits and everyone wants to work with him. Ha. The other night, we probably spent a couple hours on youtube just watching a bunch of T-Pain videos. The guy comes up with crazy outfits and even crazier dance moves.
I've been watching a lot of youtube lately. My cousin will IM with a link to a video and then I'll go off on a tangent for hours. I also watch a bunch of guitar/bass lessons on youtube. And I like to see the Wowowee girls. Romyreen Enriquez is slammin'!!!! And I found some softcore of the Viva Hot Babes. Hahahahahaha.
According to a few people, my phone has been crapping up. Apparently they can't hear me but I can hear them. But they say there's a lot of static. And I so i tried it out. I called my phone from Jerry's phone and I heard what everyone is telling me about. I guess it's time to upgrade.
Arizona trip has been confirmed. Vegas trip has been confirmed. Almost every weekend from here on out until July is booked. Looking back at all the things we've been doing this entire year has been pretty nuts. We've covered so many events and I have so many nightlife pictures that I want to create my own gallery and a favorite shots portfolio. Everything has been going by so fast. And I'm enjoying every second of it.
Last night some startling revelations surfaced about the Arizona trip. Let's just say we're mixing up a special concoction of "R. Juice". I'm a little bit out of the loop since I work and the other guys have no jobs. But they filled me in on some info that got me from "7 to 10". I'm excited.
The bowling association refused to take me and Richard's original team name, Dominatrix Time. So we put a suggestion for a new name and now we are called the Ball Droppers. We were on fire yesterday. We won all 4 games. We were in 3rd place as of last week, but I think we just moved up to 2nd. My cousin's team is currently in 1st place. It'll be hard to beat them. Him and his teammate actually work at the bowling alley so they know the lanes pretty well.
After league was over and I was waiting for my cousin, My teammate from last season walks into the bowling alley. It was such a pleasant surprise. His name is Jeff but I call him Coach. There are 2 reasons I call him that. 1) His name is Jeff Fisher aka head coach of the Tennessee Titans. 2) He actually coached me last season in how to bowl. He'd give me pointers in my game. He'd tell me "Throw it exactly how you threw last time but stand one board over" or "You're not following through after the throw" or "Wherever your thumb points is where the ball will go". He gave me a lot of useful advice. So yeah, we had just finished bowling and he's about to bowl and he wants us to bowl again with him. So I decided to against my better judgment. My arm was starting to feel like jelly. I tossed a couple practice balls with my right but I couldn't even grip the ball anymore. My arm was hurting that bad. But I wanted to bowl with Coach. So I bowled another 3 games with my left hand. Ha. I did decent for bowling with a 16 pounder on my off hand. Those guys wouldn't dare bowling with a 16 with their good hand. Hahahaha. I probably averaged around 70 with my left. I average around a 130 with my right. Yeah, I know I suck. But it's fun and that's all that matters.
I was having a heart to heart with my cousin last night on the ride home after bowling. He was telling me that he was getting super stressed out from going to school full time, working full time, being in bowling league, being the bowling league secretary, and having all his duties at home to take care of. He said he was getting absent minded because of all the things going on. Little details he was missing and he was starting to misunderstand things. I told him I knew how he felt since I have my full time job, my part time job, playing in a band, giving guitar lessons, taking singing lessons, and doing my chores at home. I told him the only way I remember what to do is by writing it down. Write down everything you need to do and set up time constraints. You learn to become more efficient. Sometimes the busier you are, the more you can focus and concentrate. I'm sure all parents know what I mean. You make time for the things that are important to you. Nothing can get in the way of things you NEED to do and you're always looking for an excuse for the things you WANT to do but DIDN'T do.
I'm starting to have oatmeal for breakfast everyday again. I did it for a few months but then I got tired of it. Lately I haven't even been eating breakfast. I'd wake up at 8 and go to work. Today I got to work at 730. I would like to come in at 530. I feel like I have more time to myself when I come in earlier. I spend less time in traffic therefore, I get to do more stuff. I probably spend an hour and half each day in traffic. That could be an hour and a half more of sleep. We all know I don't really get much sleep. Well, it's starting to catch up to me. I'm starting to feel tired all the time now. Tired boy = not so happy boy.
Oh yeah, I've been working on my website. I kinda changed the whole thing. I wanted something new. www.culturebullets.com It's not that spectacular but whatever. It's easy to maintain.
Future trips: May 17-18: Glamourcon in LA May 24-26: Back up to the Bay with the fam? June 7-8: Arizona to visit Fran? June 28-29: Vegas for Shanel's b-day?
So this weekend I was up in San Jose to visit my Lola's grave for Mother's Day. On Saturday at my cousin's house, my Auntie asked if I wanted to sleep in My Lola's room since there was gonna be 5 of us in the other room. They're all scared to sleep in my Lola's room cuz they're afraid they will see her. Ha. So I told her yeah, I'll sleep in Lola's room. I usually sleep with no shirt and no blanket and with the fan on. Well, early in the morning, I felt someone put a blanket on me. I didn't think anything of it. So the next day my Mom asked if everything was ok in there. Nothing strange happening? And then I remembered the blanket incident. When I was a kid, I used to move around alot and I would kick my blanket off to the side. In the middle of the night my Lola would notice me without a blanket and so she would put it back on me. Thanks Lola. I love you.
I finally slept at a decent hour last night. I got pretty sleepy at around 930 but Stranger Than Fiction, that Will Ferrell movie, was on around 10 so I stayed up and watched that. It wasn't as good as I was expecting. I thought it would be pretty funny since the concept was so ridiculous but it was a love story. And right now I don't believe in love. At least I don't believe it's in my immediate future. But maybe when I stop being so selfish, I might start to believe.
I'm headed up to the Bay tonight. We're gonna go visit my Lola's grave. I need to take a nap before I drive up there. I also need to clean my truck.
Indra hit me up last night. Hahahaha. I was on AIM, like how I usually am everyday, and he sends me an IM asking why I haven't been on. That guy has a couple of loose screws in his head. The things he talks about is ridiculous. But he did mention that he's starting to learn drums and he was asking me for advice. I know what he's doing. I do it all the time. If I know a girl likes something, I learn about it so I can have something in common with her. It makes her feel comfortable and she won't realize that we're getting close. It's all part of the game. Like in sports where you study your opponents tendencies and use that knowledge to your advantage. It's the same thing. Life is a sport, play hard. 6 o'clock to 12 o'clock hard.
Esther calls us the Three Pervateers. Hahahaha. But she loves us.
I think this is the 4th consecutive night that I've gone to sleep after 3am. It's starting to take it's toll on me. On my drive to work this morning, it felt like I got shampoo in my eyes. My eyes were burning for some reason. It was hard to keep them open, which is natural but the burning sensation was weird. It went away after I took a dump at work. Hahahahaha. My eyes feel normal now but it's still hard to keep them open. I think I'm just Asian and that's how my eyes are supposed to look.
Can you say Sausage Festival? Red Circle last night was a 17:3 dudes to chicks ratio. It was like breakfast time and the longonisa was fresh. I still had a good time though. I danced with a few hunnies. No fatalities last night. =( I met a few people who were looking to hire photographers. I should hit them up tonight so they don't forget about me.
Today is pho day. It gonna be me, Vanessa, Karmen, Shanel, Scott, and Ramon. And I think Marcos, Arturo, and Damien are gonna meet us there. I feel like going right now. I just don't wanna be here. Hahahahaha.
I don't really think I'm that dark but I think she captured the essence of me. Hahahahaha. I love Shanel. She's awesome. My Mom loves her too. My Mom calls her "Pretty Eyes".
It's Model Casting Call Part 2 tonight over at Red Circle. The first one didn't turn out as well as I would have liked. This one has a bunch of sponsors so it has the potential to be better. Ramon said he was gonna cruise out with us. He's been MIA for a good while now.
Ever since I got this photography gig, I've been exposed to alot of things that I probably wouldn't have ever seen. It's almost like I'm starting to become numb to certain things. Things that I once considered sacred is like another walk in the park now.
Last night we went to Bong's place to celebrate his b-day. That mutha sucka kept making us take shots and drink beer. It was the "drink this for my b-day" offer and you can't deny the b-day boy his wish. But yeah, we stayed there longer than I was hoping. It was fun though. Esther was dope on the piano and we were jamming for a while. We started off with her asking me if I knew this one song but the name didn't sound familiar. So she sat on the piano and played it and then I picked up the guitar and started playing along. I didn't know the song still but it was a good song. But yeah, they were impressed that I was able to learn the song in like 5 mins. So I asked Esther if she knew another song. She didn't, so I started playing it on guitar and then she learned it in like 2 mins. She's the better musician. I was seriously impressed with her. I even asked her if she had enough free time cuz I want her to join my band. She came to my gig a couple weeks ago and she liked my songs. She even asked me to play some of MY songs last night and she played along to it. She picked it up real quick. It's hard to find someone with "the ear".
Joel got pretty faded last night. Jack Daniels is not his friend, but it was the drink of choice for the b-day boy. So Joel was going off on a rant and he mentioned that he doesn't know if Ramon still exists. He said he hasn't heard from "the guy" in a while. And then I informed him of Ramon's plans to come out and party with us this week. He got pretty excited cuz he kept on calling Ramon a "sucker" for even getting married and then he went off on another rant about pu$$y and marriage and loyalty and friends. The guy was just spouting off. It was pretty hilarious. If I wasn't friends with Joel, I'd think he's an arsehole.
When we dropped him off, Joel started to go wild on Jerry's car. He dove on to the hood as we were backing out of the driveway and proceeded to elbow the hood. And once he got off, he Tiger Knee'd the passenger door. Hahahahahahaha. Crazy drunk. And then I was pretty faded and I couldn't find my way out of Jerry's car. I found the door handle but it was locked and I couldn't find the lock so I was trapped for a cool minute or so. LOL. I had to open the window and Jerry came around from the outside and unlocked it for me. Oh yeah, did I mention I was the one driving? Hahahahaha.
It's bowling league again tonight. I'm glad Richard and my cousin are in it with me. I just wish more of my friends were in it too. This reminds me of one of the things Joel was ranting about. Friends and their priorities. Maybe I need to do a better job of keeping in touch with my friends? I apologize. Being busy doesn't mean that friendship takes a backseat.
I saw Three 6 Mafia perform over at Martini Ranch this past Saturday. Friggin' Jerry goes up to DJ Paul and says "How's your hand? Is it doin' alright?" What a dummy!!! Hahahahaha. But he doesn't give a shiite. For those of you who don't know, DJ Paul has a "baby hand". One of his hands, from the forearm down, is half the size of the other one. He was born like that. But he wears this dope ass gauntlet glove on his baby hand to make it look tough.
We hit up Martini Ranch for Three 6 Mafia, Onyx/Thin for Elena's, and On Broadway just for the hell of it on Saturday. After the club hoppin', we hit up the usual spot. CONCHINGS. Hahahahaha. We always see a bunch of people we know and people we seen at the clubs there. Somehow I ended up dropping my license at Conchings and had to go back the next day to get it. At least I knew where I dropped it.
We saw Iron Man yesterday and I loved it. Iron Man is a total pimp. He probably read The Game cuz I noticed his techniques. Hahaha. And we stayed for the scene after the credits. who shows up at the end? Well, none other than Samuel L. mutha f*ckin' Jackson!!!!!!!!!!!! The dopest part about yesterday was we brought a bucket of KFC to the theaters with us. We had 8 pieces of chicken, 4 corn on the cobs, and 4 biscuits for me, Joel, Jerry, and Paul. We could hear people in the theaters saying "Where's that chicken smell coming from?" And then Jerry would raise his hand with a chicken in it. And another funny thing is we sat up front!!!!!!!! LOL. Joel was all embarrassed to be seen with the chicken so he stood away from us when we were getting the movie tickets. And he didn't even touch the chicken until the lights went out. Me and Jerry took the chicken to town right when we sat down. Hahahahahaha.
So I covered the Ray J event last night and, needless to say, the turnout was excellent. Every dude that was there was someone I knew. And they were working for the event. There were all kinds of hunnies last night. You name your flavor and it was there.
Me and Punla ended up dancin' with some white girls and I only got to 40% cuz they didn't really dance that well. Ha. But this chick in the red dress was shakin' her rump shaker like there was no tomorrow. Did I mention that red is my favorite color? Ha.
I don't get to watch TV that much, since I don't have a TV in my room and TFC is always on in the living room, but last night I watch this program called Accidental Genius. It was on the National Geographic channel and I thoroughly enjoyed it. They had guys who were savants and people who had a traumatic event and then they recovered and all of a sudden had some special ability.
They did this test on normal people and had them read familiar passages and show a picture with dots on them and show it for a split second and they had to guess how many dots were on there. And then they blasted magnetic waves on a certain part of these peoples brains and had them do the test again, and they were more attentive and saw details better.
************************************************
I think some people are born with certain abilities but everyone is capable of doing it too. I know I have a good memory but the only reason I think it's so good is because I'm organized. I know where I put my stuff. There is a whole reasoning behind the method. Repetition also helps. When I put things back I put them exactly how I found them. I'll know when someone moves my things cuz it's not put back exactly how I put it.
***********************************************
When I got to my desk this morning there was a gift for me. It was this cute little bag and inside was a bento box and some chopsticks. Michelle, the new girl, got it for me. She went to SDSU also and I've been kickin' it with her everyday for lunch and breaks. We also get in trouble at work cuz we're too loud. The higher ups will come over and ask what we're doing and to keep it down. Ha. She's fun and really cute. I don't wanna say too much about her cuz she might read this. I've shown her a lot of my stuff (photography, writing, music, pen15, etc.) Thanks Michelle!
Bowling league was a little peculiar last night. I guess not enough people showed up so what would have been 4-person teams got split into doubles. So now it's just me and Richard on a team. We're called "Dominatrix Time". Richard is pretty good. I seen him bowl maybe like 5 years ago but we were all messing around so I didn't get to see his real skills.
I haven't bowled since last season so I sucked hairy ballzack last night. The first game I got a 131. The second I got 148. A little bit of an improvement. And then on the third game I got hella tired so I bowled a 101. I didn't even think I would break 100. But I barely did. So we lost 3 out of 4.
Right now my arm is all sore. It's hard to straighten my arm and I can't really pick anything up. I think I need to downgrade my ball. I have this massive 16 pounder. I only bowl with 2 fingers so I think that's what makes it heavy. I need to learn how to use my thumb. But I think a 14 pounder would be the most effective for me.
It begins tonight. I'm pretty excited. I haven't really bowled since last season and we're the defending champs. Hopefully I'm not too rusty. I got the award for most improved player last year and so we'll see if my improvements have stayed with me. We lost two players from last year but I think the replacements will be worthy. Richard is one of my closest friends and he was a kick arse bowler when he was younger. I think he won some city championship for kids. And the other I have never met but he works at the bowling alley so he's gotta have some mojo. You can't work at a bowling alley and suck.
I wish that our 4th member was someone I knew. I asked a few of my friends but they're kinda busy or they didn't want to. The only one who was down was Bobby but he responded too late. Lazy bum. Hahahaha. He called me back the same day we got our 4th member. It's just so much funner when we're all friends. Sometimes I feel bad cuz we're joking around and having a jolly good time but that other guy who's on our team doesn't have the same sense of humor as us and he just looks at us weird. It's almost like we're alienating him.
Last night I went to my best friend Jay's house and we watched these videos of us from back in Kindergarten. We still look the same. Our hair is just different. Hahahahaha. The videos were pretty weird too cuz it's his Dad just filming us in the classroom learning our lesson plan. And then he films us at recess going buckwild. And then we go on a field trip to the park across the street. He also filmed the junior olympics. Jay ran the relay race and his team got beat cuz he didn't hand off the baton very well. Hahahahaha. I remember my event was the tug-o-war but it didn't get filmed. Maybe my Mom has it somewhere.
It's pretty sick to know that me and Jay have been friends for over 20 years. Not many people can say they've been friends since kindergarten. I know people will be in the same class in kindergarten and then meet up again later on in life, but we've been friends the whole way through. That's something special.
Today would have been my Grandma's birthday. The big family reunion was planned for next weekend. We're still gonna go up to the Bay to visit her grave.
Yesterday something really crazy happened. My sisters alarm clock, from when she was a kid, is displayed in my Mom's room for decoration. It's one of those white Japanese cats with the paw up and it plays music when the alarm goes off. Well, the alarm hasn't worked for years. Yesterday my sister was in the living room and heard some music, or she thought it was someone's phone. Well, she followed the sound and it was coming from my Mom's room. It turns out her alarm clock went off. That clock is out of reach and nobody set the alarm. My parents say it was my Lola visiting us. She let us know that she's still with us.
I saw Harold & Kumar 2 and it was dope. I loved it. I wanna see it again. It's so ridiculous with the exaggerated stereotypes. It takes things to the limit and pushes it.
I also got to chill with Shawne Merriman and Stephen Cooper. I was taking pix at the club and Merriman goes to me and says "No more pictures" and so I stop and then I'm watching him and he starts to triple kiss these two chicks. It was dope!!!!!!!! Kendra Wilkinson was there too and she was faded. I got to take a pic with Julia Bond. Note to self: Teach Joel how to take pix! I hate that guy.
Staci finally sent some pix from 80's night at Channel One from a few months back. My shirts says: Metro League: Rock Paper Scissors Metro Champion 1982 1983 1984 1985. And everyone sang 80's songs on karaoke. I wanna throw another 80's party but with my friends this time. It was pretty fun with a bunch of people I didn't know that well. Imagine the madness if it was with my closest friends. That would be obese! Morbidly obese!
