The DerfJam Chronicles

For the past 3 days I've been blowing blood out of my nose and spitting out bloody flem. Not a good sign. I am feeling better today though, so there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Imma be goin' out tonight and I have a feeling that this will not help me recover. I doubt I'll do any drinking but I'll still be outside the comforts of my home and I won't be resting.

I was supposed to take Andie out tonight but she has some viral infection and she's pretty messed up. She can't even talk. When I saw her yesterday she looked like a zombie who could barely keep her eyes open. She whispered to me that the medications she was taking was going into full effect. I should gave given her a beer to enhance the effect. Hahahahahaha.

Andie really knows how to dress. All her outfits are really cute and I kinda wanna take her shopping with me so she can help me pick out some nice clothes. I dress like a bum everyday, but I aint really tryin' to impress nobody so it don't really matter. But it does feel good when I dress nice and people compliment me. I guess I have to dress nice only once in a while for that effect to keep it's meaning.

My website is pretty much done in the design phase. Now all I gotta do is add content. Peep it here

The drive to and from work is so pleasant during this time of the year. What would normally take me an hour now takes me 35-45 mins. I love it.

I've been working on my website now for a week and it should be up but I'm having some trouble getting my scripts to work. I mean, I'm not doing anything complicated but I'm just not that good at this whole web design thing. I've probably spent 20 hours on it and a normal, computer savvy person could have done it in 2 hours. Yes, I'm a little slow. I know that.

I want to buy some new equipment for my camera. I just wish Best Buy or Circuit City didn't jack up the prices cuz I hate having to wait like 2-3 weeks for my online purchase to arrive. And I don't wanna pay and extra $30 for 2 day delivery. At that point I should just spend the extra $75 and get it at Best Buy or Circuit City. Oh well.

I was bored a couple days ago and I made this picture. It's of Ramon, Ronnie, Marcos, and me. We are the 4 Whorsemen. We just like to go out and have a good time no matter what.

So it's the day after X-Mas and I'm here at work. I wanted to come in at 5:30am this morning but I've been going to bed at around that time for the past 3 days. It's been a fun little weekend. Here's a weekend recap:

Friday the family went over to Barona casino for the buffet and a little bit of gambling. They had some crab legs there and I tore it up. I probably ate like 20 crab legs.....and I don't even like crab legs(there's a story behind me saying that all the time). And after that, I cruised on over to Sin in downtown to meet up with some coworkers for some unadulterated fun. I took plenty of pix but I can't post any of them to protect the identity of the participants. Some might have significant others, some might be frequent church-goers, but nonetheless their actions are not accounted for.

Saturday was my Pops b-day and we had a lil' potluck that my Mom threw together. It was basically an X-Mas party for my Mom's coworkers and she didn't tell any of them that it was my Pops b-day. So there was a bunch of random people at my house and I just kept my distance. And after the party at my house, I stopped by Roel's pad for his b-day thingy. I got to see some friends that I haven't seen in a while. It was good times.

Sunday was a cleaning day due to the party we had the night before. I also watched a little bit of football and went to church for the first time in a while.

Monday was mostly spent at Qualcomm. We got to the stadium around noon and started the debauchery. Michelle came by and I gave her my X-mas gift and she loved it. It was a pair of Chargers lightning bolt earrings. She immediately took her earrings off and sported these ones. I like it when people actually like their gifts. =) The Chargers spanked the Broncos and now we got one game left on New Year's Eve day against the Raiders. It should be a blowout.

Tuesday was spent delivering gifts to my relatives and just hanging with the family. We didn't do anything special. We opened gifts and took some family pictures and that's it. It felt like a regular day to me, which is fine. I don't have a problem being ordinary. I think this was the first time we didn't gather together with relatives and celebrate in one location. I guess we're all too old now and people are tired and vacation days are actually used for resting.

Last night I had rehearsal and we played for about 3 hours straight and now my fingers hurt. The good thing is that we got 2 new songs written and a 3rd one almost done. It feels good to be productive.

After rehearsal I came home and worked on some stuff that I've been talking about. It's taking me a lot longer than what I was expecting cuz I'm learning new stuff as I go. I don't feel like writing that much so I'll post a little sample of my work. Enjoy.

I went to bed at 9pm last night but I didn't sleep very good. I saw almost every hour on the clock. I think I missed 4am even though I had my alarm set to 4:30am. I haven't slept much in the past 3 or 4 days. I've been working on some big things that can hopefully take me places. I'll reveal what those things are in the near future.

Last night I saw the R. Kelly video for his song "Thoia Thoing" and I was cracking up. It had this Japanese theme and R. Kelly was sellin' it. R. Kelly + Numchucks = Video Of The Year nominee. The song itself is pretty ridiculous. I usually like R. Kelly's music but this one almost had a reggaeton feel and I'm not really down with reggaeton. I'm sure this video is up on youtube. Give it a peep.

On the way to work I saw this skunk in the middle of the road and I flashed my headlights cuz I didn't want to run over it and I didn't feel like changing course. I never knew that skunks run weird. They have this slinky type effect on their body. It's like watching a huge caterpillar run really fast.

Shanel just walked in right now and the first thing she said when she saw me was "Oooohh". It wasn't like a "sexy" ooooohh, it was more like a "i'm pleasantly surprised to see you this morning" type of ooooohh. And I responded with a "whattup" oooohh.

Last night I had a heart to heart with one of my closest friends. I'll tell you, guys don't talk on the phone to each other unless there's a major crisis at hand. I faced this crossroad a few years back and now it was his turn. He came to me asking for advice and I told him all the things I was feeling at that moment in my life. I weighed the pros and cons and told him the consequences that each will bring. And he asked me if I was happy with my decision. I told him that I was NOT happy but I'm glad that I made that decision cuz now I know the difference between needs and wants. You can't always have what you want but you can survive. If you can't have what you need, you need to re-think things over. That was all he needed to hear. Someone to tell him he isn't crazy and that someone will have his back regardless of whatever decision he made. I wish I had this type of support when I was going through it. Moral of the story: How do you expect to provide for a family when you can't even provide for yourself? And respect a woman's right to choose.

"My ear gets sore after a while of penetration"

Hahahahahahaha. Another classic conversation. I love it.

Man, I am dead tired. I probably had 8 hours of sleep in the past 56 hours. Not good. My body can't recover and I feel like I'm getting sick again. This is the 3rd time I'm getting sick. I am a sickly child.

Shampooing the carpet was a success yesterday. The carpet does look WAY better and we managed to do it in record time. I basically moved all the crap/furniture out of the way and my bro just shampoo'd away. And then I would dump out the dirty water and my bro would refill it with clean water and carpet shampoo. We are a good combination.

Picked up my Mom and ended up taking her shopping after work. I kinda needed to get a lot done so that had to get put in the backburner.

I had rehearsal last night and we finished a new song and we were working on another. I want to go to the studio and record an album. I think we have enough songs now where we can start selling some cd's.

Went over to Jerry's after rehearsal to drop off some pix I took this weekend and discuss my "compensation". There was a lot of good news in that conversation.

The white elephant gift exchange at work was yesterday and I got someone a ri-dong-culous gift. I ended up getting a gift from Andie. The limit was $10-15 and I'm pretty sure she spent over $50. I came out on the good end of that. But I will take her out next Friday. A concert and dinner and then we'll make sweet love and take it from there.

Vanessa, me, and Andie

I came in at 5:30am this morning. Why? Cuz my Mom wants me and my bro to shampoo the carpet today for this X-mas party we're having at our house this weekend. So I'll be home a little before 2:30 today and we can get started on shampooing the carpet and hopefully we'll be done in time for me to pick up my Mom from work at 6. This is ridiculous. My Mom wants us to clean the carpet so other people can come over and leave their footprints all over the place. I don't have a problem cleaning, it's just that the place is gonna look exactly the same after the party. Why not just clean it after the party? It's not like our carpet looks dirty. We have a dark colored carpet. I was trying to reason this with her and then she came up with some idea that there's all this dust in our carpet and that's why I got sick. There's no point in arguing with my Mom cuz she'll fight it to the death and never admit that she's wrong.

I remember having this conversation with this old guy at the tailgate on Sunday. He was talking about marriage and the pros and cons of it. Basically he said that if you get married go all the way. Have a couple kids, cuz what's the point of being married without having any kids? Having a wife sucks but having kids is the best. He made a lot of good points but I can't remember them all. As of this moment, I don't see myself getting married. Things could change down the line but right now it's not on my mind. I know Ramon is basically getting his dong cut off soon but I saw it coming and it doesn't bother me in the least. He still hangs with the fellas unlike someone else I know, *cough* Ernie *cough*. Plus he has one of the coolest girls I've ever met. She's still a girl though, which means she's still a little crazy. No offense Ramon.

A little while back I made this 'Motivational Poster' that had a picture of me and the fellas drinking it up and smoking and it said "Friends don't let friends get married. It's ok to love someone but just say NO to marriage" It was a funny poster if you were one of the fellas but some of the significant others didn't appreciate it too much. Hahahahahaha

Friday night was supposed to be this huge event with me taking pix of like 8 models in various clubs and what not. Well, only 3 models showed up but we still had the limo and champagne and VIP access in the clubs so it was still a good time. The only thing that took away some of the fun was that one of the clubs took me out cuz of my camera so basically I couldn't take pix. We spent a good portion of the night in this club too so I didn't get to take that many pix. Oh well. It was a good night overall.

Saturday was spent at Ramon's flag football game. It was the championships and I was taking pix of them. Things didn't turn out the way we wanted and they ended up losing a close game in the championships. Calls that could have gone either way went against us.

Sunday was the usual. Tailgating, eating, drinking. The Chargers clinched the AFC West so that was awesome. I got to hang out with Michelle for a good portion of the tailgate. She baked some cookies for me and they were delicious. Butterscotch and chocolate and some nuts and all that delicious goodness. Michelle kinda plans things waaaaay ahead of time, which is a good thing, but every time I try and make some plans for us she already has something going on. So we were debating and decided that on Feb. 16, we'll be going up to LA to see Wicked. So I guess she's gonna be my Valentine.

Alot of other things happened but I was pretty faded so the details are a little blurry. I'll remember them eventually. The pix are on my camera.

I hate being sick. I was sick 2 weeks ago and now I came down with something different. The past two days my voice has been pretty much shot. It just feels like I never recovered. Bleh.

Those are my specialties. Hahahahaha. So last night I slept at 7pm again. I woke up and looked at the clock and it said 11:59pm. I normally sleep like 4-5 hrs/night so I guess that was a natural time for me to wake up. But I didn't wanna just sit around and do nothing while everyone was asleep so I decided to go back to sleep. I woke up again at 4:25am and I felt it was too early for me to go work so I slept again. I woke up for the 3rd time around 5:15am or so. Then I decided to take a shower and eat breakfast and pay some bills and do some other crap. I was gonna leave for work early but I got caught up with the crap I was doing that I ended up leaving around the same time I normally do.

Today is the last rehearsal for the X-mas band. Some people don't know their parts yet and keep looking at the music. I stopped looking at the music a few practices ago and I'm just playing it all by ear. They gave us a new song yesterday but I didn't even get the music so I can learn it by ear right away. I wanna have them all memorized but we're playing like 11 songs and there are 3 songs where I am unsure of their endings. It's not a big deal, it's only the last few measures but I've been ending the song at a different time than everyone else. Oh well, we'll iron out those kinks today.

Sorry for the no blog yesterday. I was in a meeting right when I got into work and then I had some stuff to take care of and then I went to music rehearsal for 4 hours and then by the time I came back, it was time to go home.


*******EDIT 8:12am***********

Shanel wrote a blog? That's like me having a girlfriend.

I think this past weekend has been the best weekend of '07. Action packed with testosterone and determination and pride and all the good stuff that makes life worthwhile.

Friday night I started fixing my compact digital camera. The screen cracked when it was in my pocket and it's been out of commission for like 6 months. It was still able to take pix but I had to look through the little viewfinder, but then I couldn't see the pic turned out like until I uploaded it onto my comp. So I got a new screen and decided to fix it myself instead of spending $120 to send it to Canon and have them repair it for me. I got a screen for like $65 and it came with instructions but they were a little weird. So I just decided to explore the inner workings of the camera on my own. and after about 4 hours and 3 unsuccessful attempts I finally got my camera working again. Now I can have a camera with me at ALL TIMES once again. Yay! And later that night my friend Jerry called me and told me that there would be a model photoshoot for DYSMD Girls.

Saturday I went to the photoshoot over in downtown at Red Circle. I guess they rented out the place and set up shop over there. I got there around 11am and stayed until 4pm. It was my first time being at an actual photoshoot. It was good for me to learn what the environment was like and the preparation that goes into everything. I never knew how much time and effort went into a shoot. I got to meet alot of the models there and they were asking for my card but I was all like "You know what? I'm fresh out but I'll get it to you when I get some more." The only 2 models doing shoots that day were Desiree and Rona. The crazy thing is I went to middle school with Desiree and I told her that I remember her. I said I was in band and she was in color guard. And then she was all like "Yeah, I remember you too. You played drums, right?" That was crazy. But yeah, Desiree and Rona each did 3 sets and it's pretty tough. Time constraints and people rushing and trying to squeeze things in. I'm glad I wasn't the main photographer. I was photographer B. I just took a bunch of auxilary shots, behind the scenes stuff, etc. I'll post some of my pix.

Sunday was one of the dirtiest games I have ever seen. Those Tennessee Titans were looking to take someone out. We had so many guys get injured in that game. I'm just glad we came out with a win. That's what we needed. A win on the road against a team with a winning record. Hopefully this gives us plenty of momentum going into the playoffs.

After the game, my Mom had us put up a bunch of X-mas lights around and outside the house. We spend a good portion of the day doing that. And when we finished that, I spent a few hours editing the pix from the photoshoot cuz I had to turn them in that day. I didn't realize that I took over 1100 pix. It was crazy. I think I only ended up giving 534 pix to the boss. They're quality shots though. Quality, not quantity.

Around 6 or 7 on Sunday night Michelle hit me up and asked me if I wanted to go to Charger Park with her to greet the team as they came home. She said the team was gonna be arriving around 9pm so she was gonna get there at 8:30ish to make sure. Well, I was dropping off the photoshoot pix and then I called her at 840 to see if the team had arrived yet. She said I need to get there soon cuz Casey Pierce, the Chargers.com writer, called her and told her the team arrived at the airport at 8:25 and they were gonna arrive at Charger Park a little before 9. So I hauled some major ass to try to get there.

As I pulled into the parking lot, I saw the Chargers team bus in front of me so I parked in the first spot I saw and started running full speed. It was like a scene in a movie. As I'm chasing after the buses, the first person I see is Michelle standing right by first bus and I tell her I made it. And she's smiling at me and says "Perfect Timing!" So we're chatting and she introduces me to her parents. Eeeeek. But they seem to be lovin' me. I guess Michelle told them a bunch of good things about me already. So we're taking pix and greeting the players and chattin' it up. They're good people. It was fun. The crazy thing that happened was when I was talking with Michelle I saw this blue-ish white light streak across the sky. I dunno if that's a sign or anything but it gave me a good feeling. Maybe it means I'm gonna have better seats come playoff time? Ha. =)

Last night at Strauss was a total blast. But something was missing. My night was not complete. I didn't get to see my favorite engineer. Booooooooo! I haven't seen her since last Strauss.

But Andie, the new girl, cruised along and she was fun. She's got a pretty slammin' body and she is an absolutely AMAZING singer. When I first heard her, she was doing this Faith Hill song and it gave me goosebumps cuz I felt every word she sang. If I wasn't a man, I probably would have cried. It was that good. Another thing I like about her is that she can munch. Nothing turns me on more than a girl who isn't afraid to eat. At the end of the night, we were chillin at Shanel's plpace and we ordered a pizza and me and Andie had a competition. Who could finish more pizza? It ended up as a tie cuz we ran out of pizza. But the girl can munch. And she's so tiny. I would guess that she's only like 95 lbs. She'll be a good, new addition to the crew.

Me and Shanel always have these weird conversations where people will walk into it at the wrong time. We'll be saying something and it's totally in context with what we're talking about but to a person who only hears that line, it sounds extremely dirty. For example, this one time we were eating a burrito and she was scared of this meat that didn't look fully cooked. I grabbed it and ate a piece to show her it was safe. It was fully cooked but the marinade made it look very pink. So I told her "Don't look at it! Just close your eyes, open your mouth and swallow." And someone comes in right when I said that and they were like "What are you guys doing?" And we just started cracking up.

I went to sleep pretty early again last night. Around 9pm. That's early for me. I usually sleep around midnight or later. My body is in a weak state right now. That's my only excuse for sleeping this early.

Right when I walked into the office this morning Shanel says "How can I depend on you if you're not even here?" I told her yesterday that if I came in and she wasn't here, I would text her. Well, I kinda felt like an asswipe when she said that. Maybe I shouldn't go around offering things I can't do. Am I in the wrong for feeling this way?

And when I went to get the morning coffee (morning tea for me) with Scott, I accidentally spilled some beans with him. We were just havin' some guy talk about crazy stuff we do and I mentioned something and he stopped me and was all like "What did you say?" And I was all like "Uhhhh, you didn't know? Well you didn't hear it from me then." I mean, it's not too big of a deal but I dunno if I should have been the one to break the news to him. Oh well, the damage is done.

Tonight is Strauss and I brought my camera. It's always good times at the Strauss. I invited Michelle but she already had plans. She said she would come next month. It means alot to me cuz she doesn't even like beer and she's willing to go for me. It was funny when I was talking to her the other night cuz when I called her she was still at work. She tutors kids after school and what not but one of the kids she was tutoring got next to her and yelled into the phone "Get off the phone with her, she's supposed to be tutoring me!" But she kept talking to me for like 10 more mins and then she started laughing all of a sudden and she told me that the kids she was tutoring were all on their phones now too. Monkey see, monkey do. Gotta love the kids. Hahahahaha.

Last night I went to bed at 7pm. The night before I went to bed at 9pm. I haven't been feelin' good lately. I guess I haven't been letting my body get any rest and now it's catching up to me. I also feel another cold coming. Not good.

Shanel has been comin' in at 6:30am and when I got here at 6:45am she wasn't here yet. SO I waited 15-20 mins to see if she would show but she never did so I texted her. She texted me back saying "Thanks for waking me up hahahahahaha". And when got here she told me she was supposed to come in a little earlier today since she has a doctor's appointment but now she might have to cancel it. Shanel is also sick like me.

You know who else is sick? Vanessa. She has strep throat and she didn't even come to work yesterday and she's part of the X-mas band too and we had studio time yesterday. We just ended up doing some songs that she wasn't singing. It's a good thing she's sick this week and not next week cuz that's when we perform. Eeeeek.

I think all this sickness is from Rosarito and dancing in the rain at Papas & Beer. Alcohol + Lack of sleep + Dancing in the rain = Sick. Whatever, it was well worth it. I had a blast. Looking forward to the next trip.

I just remembered about this voicemail that Shanel left me on the last time we went to Strauss. It was after Strauss and we were dropping off Karmen and then gonna head over to Scotty's house. Shanel was riding with Ramon and Vanessa was with me. So Shanel is trying to call me to tell me not to drop off Karmen and just bring her with us to Scott's but Karmen was pretty much wasted. She was ready to pass out. So Shanel is calling me but I can't find my phone. I can hear it my truck but it dropped in between the seats and I couldn't find it so I couldn't answer. Once we made it to a stoplight, I looked under the seat and found it. So I had a new voice message icon when I found it. I listened to it and here's what it said: "Freddy! Freddy? Why aren't you picking up your phone? What are you doing with Vanessa? Are you making out with Vanessa? You better not be! You should be making out with me! Freddy? Ok, call me back." Hahahahahahaha! I was cracking up when I heard it. Shanel is crazy.

That's all for right now.

I've been feeling a little down ever we came back from Rosarito. I didn't really want the fun to end. I keep looking at all the pix and I'm smiling and all happy. Now, that's not the case. I'm here at work and pretending to look busy. Hahahahaha. The only thing I have to look forward to today/this week is music rehearsals in the studio with the X-mas band.

I'm getting paid like an engineer but I'm getting to do what I love to do, play music. Who wouldn't want to be in X-mas band? I get so much priveleges. The only hard part about being in the X-mas band was that I also got to voice my opinions on some of the people who auditioned. I was kind of a deciding vote yesterday. We've been rehearsing with one of the guys for over a week now and it looks like he'll get cut today. We have a week and a half til the performance. I think there might be 2 newcomers (technically 1, cuz the other is just switching instruments) today. We haven't gone through all the songs yet. We've practiced maybe 4 or 5. Those are the songs that the new singers are gonna do. The focus has been on them. I guess the other songs are traditional X-mas songs so "everybody" should know it. I haven't actually played on a drumset with the band yet. I've been sitting there listening to their style of play and thinking of my parts that could fit with them. Today is gonna be the first day I actually get to hop on a drumset and play with the full band.

I was told that some people heard me play last year and they were inspired to join the X-mas band this year. Apparently every drummer they had before me was mediocre at best. I know the feeling of playing with people who are still learning. It makes you hold back cuz they can't comprehend all the things you're doing. It's a different story when you play with people who are waaaaaay better than you. It's like they bring you up to their level, or at least a couple notches above your normal playing level.

Practice is at 1:30. Only 5 more hours to go......

I found this site, , that shows you how to make wallets out of money. I think imma try it sometime this week. How sweet would it be for you to be pulling out a wad of cash from a wad of cash. Hahahahahaha. Maybe I'm the only one who finds that entertaining.

I've had some doubts about myself and my abilities as of late. Some things just aren't falling the way I want them to and I know what I need to change but I just can't bring myself to do it. Being in a comfortable spot is NOT always a comforting thing. You gotta be on your toes at all times or else you become complacent.

I don't think I've practiced for Struedel Court in over a month now. Things just keep coming up and I keep pushing things back. Maybe I don't wanna do this right now? Music is my life. I really enjoy it, but there are other things that I'm enjoying more. Another one of my flaws: not keeping my eyes on the prize. I have a wandering eye and it's also very greedy. Instant gratification is what I need and nothing can stop me.

The new year is coming and I want to end this year off right so I can keep that vibe going into the next one.

I really want to get into all the full details of this trip but I can't. All I can say is that I went down there with something in mind and plans changed a little but I still had fun. The whole coworkers/keeping it professional deal went out the window. I mean, we'd go out and have fun but not his kind of fun. This is a throwback to the college years. Madness. Good times. And plenty of incriminating photos.

We're doing a tribute to a couple of CDG employees who passed away this year and we're playing their favorite songs at this year's X-mas Luncheon. One of the songs we're playing is "Let It Be" by The Beatles. Now I was thinking what song is my favorite? I can't think of one song that I listen to over and over.

Growing up, I was listening to everything my parents were listening to. Kenny Rogers, Dolly Parton, Eagles, Freddie Aguilar. etc. I know in 7th grade, Green Day opened my ears to different styles. It always pop, or folk songs, or disco, or whatever that I was listening to. Now I listened to punk, rock, metal, everything of the sort. Today if you looked through my ipod you would find country, jazz, drum 'n bass, pop, punk, rock, metal, hip hop, R&B, and way more different genres.

Someone pick a song for me.....

Tomorrow we leave for Rosarito. We're all comin' in to work early so we can leave early. Me, Ramon, Ronnie, Marcos, Shanel, Karmen and Vanessa. The same people who roll to Strauss. These are my favorite people at work. We're all young (except Ronnie the grandpa) and looking to have fun.

It's gonna be madness. I just wanna see what everyone is like when they're super faded. Cuz we all know the truth comes out when you're faded. I will be bringin' my camera along but only the people on the trip will get to see the pix. I might post some of the sober pix, but I'm anticipating very few of those.

There's this new girl at work, Andie. She has a pretty slammin' body and she dresses all nice everyday. I invited to Rosarito but she already had plans. So I invited her to Strauss next week and she seems up for it. We'll see how faded she gets. Muahahahahaha.

I'm in the X-mas band again at work. This year is gonna be so much funner. I can feel it. I held back a little last year cuz I didn't know how they would respond to my style of play. It's only me and the guitarists that are the same. We have 2 new singers, a new bass player, and another guy who plays keyboard and guitar. I wanted to do all uptemp, rockin' songs but we have alot of old people who work here so we have to put in a couple of old, regular, slow X-mas songs.

I went shopping on Friday and I guess after all the food we ate on Thursday, the shirts I bought had to be one size bigger. Not good. I've actually been munching all week since we had a potluck at work and my cousins came into town and we went to Barona buffet and Thanksgiving and leftovers. Too much leftovers. I think I gained 10 lbs. this week. I stopped weighing myself a while back but I can feel it in my knees. Not good.

*Playing drums
*Playing guitar
*Playing ping pong
*Watching football
*Taking pictures
*Hot girls
*Taking pictures of hot girls
*Hot girls who like to pose for pictures

It's now 3:22am and I am officially 25 years old. I just got home from a night out with the fellas and it was a damn good night too. Let's just say that we met up with some hunnies and they were some wild ones. So wild that I'm hurting in places I didn't think could hurt. I am extremely dehydrated from the amount of drinking we did and the amount of sweating I did.

So I came home from work yesterday and I was beat. But I was also hungry. So I decided to eat before I did anything else. After I finished eating, the Chargers vs. Colts game was on NFL Replay and I wanted to hear the commentary, since I was at the game, so I watched that. So I was watching the game and I started feeling sleeping, from the food and from being tired/sick. So I went to my room for a little nap. This is probably around 6 or 7pm. I woke up at 1am. Right when I woke up, I saw my camera and knew I messed up bigtime. There goes project 365. I dunno if imma start it back up or what not. I feel a little dejected right now.

So I met with my friend Kiko, who works over at Circle K, and we were shootin' some shit and he asked if I was still kickin' it with Alexis. Alexis is the girl who I spent alot of time with last year. I got a new job and she got a new job so our schedules got off track and we just never had any time when we were both free to go and see one another. I would see her maybe once every couple months or something and then it just faded. I would call and she'd be busy and vice versa. So the calls became less and less frequent. But anyways, back to Kiko. We were talking about Alexis and he asked when was the last time I saw her. I said it's been maybe 6 months or longer. And he said he ran into her recently and apparently she had gotten into an accident. He said her face was all busted and stitched up and she lost all her teeth. He was telling me they had to fly a chopper in to get her to the hospital ASAP. That is so nuts. I feel like an arsehole cuz I never kept in touch with her. I never made the effort. I am an arsehole. =(

...begins today.

Her: "I thought you were gonna pull out?"

*pause*

Me: "I never pull out."


Now if you walked by and just heard that portion of the conversation it would sound a little weird. So what was the conversation really about? I was parked in a tight parking spot and it was hard to get into the passenger side.

Stupid? Yes. But the littlest things never cease to amaze me.

Oh yeah, hi. Don't expect anything from this. I just felt like writing about it. That is all. Move along now. Nothing to see here.

I never realized how much I talk to myself...

It's time for something new.

Friends, friends of friends, strangers, thank you for reading.













Project 365

I wasn't feeling good all of last week but yesterday's victory over Denver made everything all right. The Chargers are back. That's what I was expecting right out of the gate. Now I hope we can continue this every week. The only loss I might be expecting is on Nov. 11 when Indy comes to town. The reigning SuperBowl Champs. If we beat them, my trip to Arizona will be set.

I'm starting to feel better. I can eat regular food now. I was limiting myself to soft foods and mainly liquids cuz of the pain but I'm good now.

My backyard is setup to where I can play ping pong all the time now. Before I would have to fold up my table and put it to the side when I wasn't playing. Now it's just out there ready to be played on at all times. That makes me happy.

I tossed my line and she took the bait. Now all I gotta do is reel her in.

I'm not too sure the Strauss was a good idea last night. I mean I had a lot of fun but I shouldn't have drank any alcohol, not at the state that I'm in right now. My drive to work was a nightmare this morning. I kept opening my window in case I was gonna yack. I'm not hungover or anything. I only had 2 beers and I wanted to yack after the first one. But Karmen and Shanel kept pouring beer down my mouth. One girl holding me down, the other pouring beer down my mouth. How can I resist? I might post pix later. Maybe.

Man, hanging with Ronnie last night was comedy. He says the craziest shiite you will ever hear. And he's not just making stuff up, he's telling me real events. He showed pix. I believe every word he now says. Let's just say he does things right. Imma keep hanging with him. I only had a good right hook. Now he's showing me the 1-2 combo. He's showing me the ropes. The Game has begun.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY APRIL JOY!!!!!!!!!!

Another night with no sleep. Another day with pain.


I'll see if I can drink my sorrows away at the Strauss tonight....

I was able to take a dump!

My stomach still hurts though and I got this wicked headache from trying to deal with the pain and still do work. No OT for me today. =(

My stomach was churning so I started drinking a lot of water and I ate an orange. It didn't really help. I'm kinda hungry but I don't wanna eat cuz I don't want to have that crappy feeling while I'm at work. I tried taking a dump here but nothin' was comin' out. I should have brought the Mylanta and Rolaids to work. I'm not gonna eat for the whole day. I don't wanna yack while I'm here. I'm also really tired since I barely slept. I might leave at lunch. We'll see how I feel....

I must have ate something bad cuz last night was one of the worst nights ever. I started getting sleepy around 830pm but my stomach was hurting. It almost felt like I got kicked in the sack cuz there was pain in my lower abdomen. I tried eating some fruit to help settle my uneasy stomach but that made things worse. And I remembered when I was a kid and my stomach was hurting, my Mom would make me some tea and that always made me feel better. So I tried that out but I still felt the same. I tried to go to sleep but the pain was keeping me awake. I was sweating like crazy just lying in my bed. I got up and went to the bathroom to try to take a dump but nothing was coming out. And it really felt like I needed to take a dump. I could feel whatever I ate just sitting in my stomach. Because it wouldn't go down, all my food came back up.....twice. I yacked hard, it came out with so much velocity that it hurt. So I decided to drive to the store to pick up some Pepto or Mylanta, or something. But it was almost 2am already and all the stores were closed. So the only place I knew that was open was the gas station and I cruised through there and turns out that my friend Kiko works there now. I was telling him about what I was feeling and he said he something similar a few weeks ago and recommended some Rolaids. So I picked up some Rolaids and Mylanta and I took both of them. I thought it was gonna be instant relief but the pain was still there and I still couldn't take a dump. I decided to just lay on my bed until I fell asleep. I didn't really sleep at all. I would fall asleep for 10 mins and then wake up for 30 mins and so on. I saw every hour on the clock last night/this morning. When my alarm clock went off at 530am I felt better. But right when I stood up I felt the pain again. So I decided to try to take a dump again for like the 20th time. This time it actually came out so the Mylanta and Rolaids did work. My stomach felt so much better after that. It still hurts a little and my throat still hurts from throwing up but I'm here at work when I didn't think I'd be able to come in.


And Aileen sent me a couple of pix from her camera. I wanted to see the rest but I guess I gotta go to her place to see them.

So we, Struedel Court, had our very first public performance last night and it was.....interesting. We brought our PA system but when we walked in they already had one so we didn't bother using ours. Bad idea. So we're up on stage plugging in and our guitars aren't being heard through the speakers. So they just ended up mic'ing our guitars. We couldn't really hear each other so we just playing everything by memory, hoping that we're in the right spot on the changes and stuff. It also sounded like one of our guitars was out of tune the whole night. I kept on tuning after each song but it still sounded that way. And when Fonso would mess up he would start laughing. I would just smile and try to not make it so obvious. But it was a fun show. There wasn't really any pressure since it was so last minute and there were barely any people there. My cousin, Joseph, and Meryl were the only ones who showed up. Thanks guys. I know everyone was watching Monday Night Football, Padres and other shows so I wasn't expecting a big turnout. There was maybe 30 people in the entire audience.

Hopefully on the next show we'll have way more songs. We only played 5 last night. But we're gonna bring our own amps so that way if things don't work, it's our fault. I don't like putting the blame on someone else.

Oh yeah, the show last night was for a Church benefit thing and all the performers gave some words of wisdom or true life experience/lessons or something of the sort. We said absolutely nothing and just played music. My guitar does my talking for me.



A bit of fragrance clings to the hand that gives flowers.

The dredg concert was dope as hell. They played a bunch of old songs, the current hits, and a few super new ones. They were even taking requests from the crowd. Aileen only heard a few songs from them when I let her listen to them a long time ago but she ended up really liking them at the show and I got her their CD. Me and Aileen had a lot of fun that night. My friends Ruben, Nickie, Fonso, Tin, Joseph, Meryl, and Max were also at the show and some of them I haven't seen in a good while so it was a good time. A few of us hit up TGIFridays after the show and had more fun. Aileen ordered this 3 course meal. I like it when a girl has an appetite and isn't afraid to munch in front of me.

I would say, of all the girls I've taken out (I haven't taken that many out) Aileen is probably in my top 3. I dunno what it is. We just have fun. There is never a moment of silence. I love that feeling. It also helps that she's crazy and blunt as hell! She does stuff that you wouldn't normally expect and it makes things exciting and spontaneous cuz I'm pretty much the same way. All the pix we took are so stupid and obnoxious. I'd post them on here but they're all on her camera, and for good reason. Everyone and their Mom would see what we were doing if it was on my camera. That reminds me, I should delete a few of the pix on my camera. Hahahahahaha.

I found out last Thursday that my new band, Struedel Court, is gonna be having a show tonight. We're playing for this fund raiser for The Arts that our friend is taking part in. I think it's for her Church and she knew we were looking to start playing and she asked us if we wanted to do it. Show starts at 8pm and I don't know what time we're up. I haven't really asked anyone to go cuz I know people have theirs shows to watch and Monday Night Football and it's a school night and all that jazz. So I don't really expect anyone I know to show up. But if you happen to be reading this and want to listen to some smooth jazz, the address for the venue is 1969 Sunset Cliffs Blvd. San Diego, CA 92107.

Cousin's b-day this week and also a few friends. I gotta do my shopping tomorrow or something. Too many October babies. I guess that means they were conceived on Valentines.

I've had this weird throw up feeling for the past 2 days and this morning my stomach was killin' me. I had every intention of showing up at 5:30 this morning but I was on the crapper for half an hour so I got here at 6:12. Oh well, I'm still leaving before 3.

I also woke up to find my hand all curled up. And usually when I fall asleep with my hand all curled up, my hand is numb for the entire day. Luckily my hand isn't numb, but it does feel like I'm wearing a watch waaaaaaay too tight.

I tried shrimp pho yesterday and I wasn't feelin' it too much. Of all the seafood, shrimp is my favorite but the broth tasting like boiled shrimp water wasn't doin' me good. Shanel got the chicken pho and I tried a little and it was good. I might get that next time we go.

Dredg concert tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!

So my supervisor talked to me about my Diner that I have set up here. She was asking if I wanted cabinets? Apparently upper management was looking at all my items and our supervisor thought they might not like it, since it's all out in the open. They haven't said anything about it so it might be a sign of disapproval. So that's why she offered to get me some cabinets to conceal my items. She is fine with me setting up shop but if upper management complains, they will get on her case about so I told cabinets would be a good idea.


LJ tells me that Kelvin is having a Pajama Jam this Saturday and I might be tempted to go. He said there was gonna be a bunch of hunnies in tiny pajamas so that might be incentive enough.


I went over to talk to Vanessa, the new girl, this morning and we were chatting and I invited her out to lunch today. I told her we were gettin' some pho and she was all like "Cool, I'm down! I didn't bring lunch today." And then I said something like "Alright alright. It's on." And then Tam butts in and asked where we were gonna go for lunch and he said he didn't bring lunch too and wanted to come along. C-BLOCK!!!!!


Mr. Hot Shot isn't pissing me off as much anymore. He stopped working during break, he's starting to talk to us more, he even played some guitar during lunch yesterday and he was pretty decent. I think we attacked him too much and now he's finally trying to get back. We always make fun of each other and none of us get our feelings hurt but he did before and that didn't stop me. I guess now he knows that everything is just a joke and we're not really trying to attack each other.


My bro's company is moving to Texas so he's looking for a new job. Imma try to get him into my company but I dunno if they allow that, especially if we're gonna be working in the same department. I'll find out.


Tomorrow is the Dredg concert. I'm excited to see them. And I also looking forward to seeing Aileen.

The rain stopped and the sun is shining for the time being.

I got called into the Big Boss' office earlier today by my Supervisor and when I walked in the two big bosses were in there. They told me to have a seat. I was nervous. I didn't know what I was in there for. They must have saw the fear in my eyes cuz I made eye contact with all three of them before I sat down. But then one of them said "Don't worry, this is good."

They proceeded to tell me some stuff about our company achievements and changes going on and stuff I saw when I started and where we are now as a group. Everything we've done has exceeded expectations so......now I am a Technical engineer II. Along with more duties and responsibilities comes more pay!

They gave me a pretty FAT raise. It's morbidly obese!!!!! This is more than double of my previous raise, and that was one of the highest they were giving out. This was totally unexpected.

I walked out of that office smiling like I just got the girl of my dreams and her best friend. I couldn't hide my smile and excitement. I wanted to call my Mom right away and tell her the good news.

I wanted to leave but now I'm glad I stayed. =)

Curveballs. Learn how to hit them.

I look back at all the things I've done and I'm quite proud of all my accomplishments and achievements throughout the years. I was doing something right to get me to where I am today. But I have one big regret that I can't get off my chest. They always say "regret the things you do and not the things you didn't do" but this is something I didn't do and it's haunting me. 8 years of futility, 8 years I can't get back. It was fear that drove me to seclusion. I didn't know what to do....so I didn't do it. It was my predominant Catholic upbringing that always made me think twice about everything. I was never able to put myself in the equation. I was always thinking about the consequences and who would be offended and what would so and so think about me if I went through with this.

I've been trying to break the mold but there's always someone who slaps me in the face and puts me back in my place. I wanna fight back but my conscious tells me not to. It tells me to turn the other cheek.

But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you (Luke 6:27-28). I understand the concept but the execution is the hard part. Knowing and doing are two different things. You don't fight fire with fire, you fight fire with water. But what if there's no water around?





He who strikes the first blow admits he's lost the argument.

...there is no such thing as failure, only learning lessons.

"The first problem for all of us, men and women, is not to learn, but to unlearn."
-Gloria Steinem

All the things that I do wrong, I keep doing wrong. To reprogram my mind is out of the question. It's instilled in me. No thought goes through my head until after I've done the deed. Instinct. It's the fight or flight syndrome and I'm fighting to the death. Pavlov's dogs aint got nothin' on me. I'm already salivating...

We know something is wrong and we know we need to fix it. Soon.

Based on yesterday's experience, I decided to come in early so that way I would not have to deal with stupid drivers. I left the house at 5:15am and clocked in at 5:39. My alarm went off at 4:30 but I decided to sleep an extra 30 mins. Yaye!

Yesterday I bought the Dredg tix. I'm excited to see them. I remember the first time I saw them the singer was all fat. And the last time I saw them the singer got skinny. Imagine me losing enough weight to end up looking like Ramon. I guess that's what happens when you're in a band that tours and you guys aren't famous yet and y'all still don't have any money. I've only heard Dredg on the radio once. And that was on 94.9, which is an Indie station. I like the bands that aren't mainstream cuz they have a sound of their own and they're not afraid to do different things. I know when a band gets signed, their sound becomes what the record company wants them to sound like. EVIL!

I also stopped by Costco to restock on the goods. I made an excel spreadsheet that lists what item I bought and it's quantities, and I'm tracking the buy price, sell price, profit, and all that jazz.

My Mom is sick, Shanel is sick, people around me are sick, and I'm starting to feel sick too. I woke up and my throat felt all lumpy and full of phlegm. So Today we will have pho and hopefully it makes me feel better. I invited Vanessa again. She's always down. I like that about her.

LJ tells me there's this slammin' girl who got interviewed. He saw her sitting in the lobby waiting for the interview. He also said she went to State and I'm pretty sure I introduced myself to all the girls in engineering cuz I went to all the SWE (Society of Women Engineers) meetings. What? That's where all the hunnies were at. Don't hate. But yeah, he said her name was Jade or something and the only girl I remember with a name similar to that was some Korean girl in the Masters Program. And she was slammin'. So we'll see if this is the same girl. But why would someone with a Masters apply here? Hahahahahaha.

Oh yeah, I'm leaving at 2:18pm today.

And Scotty's Pirate Party is a NO GO! Boooooooo! Sorry Melin.


Don't open a shop unless you like to smile.

I left at 6:40 and barely clocked in right now at exactly 8:00. People don't know how to drive when the roads are a little slick. Why do the worst drivers decide that they need to drive when it rains? And it doesn't help that I live in Mexico. Front BC drivers + rain = 1.33 hr commutes to work. Yaye! NOT!

When I was driving this morning, my hand was throbbing from playing so much guitar yesterday. It was mostly my thumb, which I will say is my most important finger. I could function normally missing any other finger except the thumb. The thumb is crucial for grabbing/grasping/holding things. But yeah, all my fingers (except the pinky) on my left hand hurt right now. It feels like I have paper cuts on my fingertips. And I have the mouse on my left hand here at work. Bleh.

Last night at practice we were writing this new song and I'm excited about it. I opened up a can of worms with a capo (pronounced K-poe, I think). A capo is basically a clamp that goes onto your guitar and you can play the same chords but in a higher key, so essentially it is no longer the same chord but you're doing the same fingerings. I don't really play conventional chords in all the songs I write. I guess you can call them open bar chords, if that makes any sense. I don't do bar chords, where you press your pointer finger on all six strings, cuz I have small hands and it hurts when I do a lot of them in one song. Yeah, I don't think anyone who reads this is gonna understand any of this paragraph.

Moving on, Beerfest this Friday........and rain? I dunno if that's a good combination. Sorry April. Imma have to pull out. When in doubt, pull out! =) If you're going, rain or shine and it happens to be shining in the afternoon, I'll give you a call.

I wanna go see Good Luck Chuck. Who wants to join me?

I'm buying Dredg tickets today. So far it's me, Aileen, Fonso, and Tin that are going for sure. I'm buying our 4 tix today. And I might meet Thompson and Krisando there. Who else wants to go? Ramon? Mari? April? The show is on Sept. 28 and starts at 8pm. They'll probably hit the stage at 9:30 but they get to pick who opens for them and I'm curious to hear those opening acts. $15 only.

So I set up my basketball hoop that I won at the company picnic. I put it on my cubicle. At first it kept falling down but Shanel helped me tape it down so it would stay. I've only shot a few baskets and it hasn't fallen yet so that's a good sign. I should have used duct tape but all we got here is scotch tape and that tends to lose it's stickiness when it gets cold. But yeah, Mr. Safety Committee Guy said as long as my b-ball was a soft, plush one it would be ok for me to shoot around. And I'm not allowed to shoot it from halfway across the room. Booooo! That would be dope to be sitting at Ramon's desk, a good 40-50 feet away, and shoot it from there. Here's the work layout:


The new people like LJ and Vanessa don't have seats yet. Mr. Safety Committee Guy also inspects my Diner/food stash to make sure no roaches or rats are being attracted. I think Mr. Hot Shot and Mr. Safety Committee Guy would make good butt-buddies. =)


I got this pimple right underneath my lower lip. It's right next to my soul patch. At least I hope it's a pimple and not a cold sore. I popped it yesterday and all this solid puss came out. It was like the size of a sesame seed and my lip was starting to swell. It's gone today.

I came to the realization that I'm living on borrowed time. The things I do and the abuse I put on my body and my mind. I'm surprised that nothing extremely bad has happened to me. There have been a few close calls but I have the "I'm young and I'm invincible" mentality. I'm starting to feel things that I've never felt before. Pain in muscles I didn't know I had, aches in joints, shoulders poppin' out of place, and carpal tunnel kickin' in.

I was having a conversation with my Mom last night and she was saying I needed to take care of myself better. I was getting angry and was starting to yell at her. I didn't scream at her or anything but my tone of voice was a commanding one. I'm sure she didn't like it cuz she stopped talking. I was mad cuz she was trying to stop me from doing what I like to do. I'm more angry at myself for not having a clear head and not seeing what I was doing. I was almost at tears cuz I know I have no self control and I don't know what I need to do. How can I right this wrong?

I'm mad now and I'm trying to change. Every other time I've tried to make a change, I would be doing good for a month and then I would revert back to my old self. We'll see what happens this time around.


Do not fear going forward slowly; fear only to stand still.

I remembered what I was thinking about last night. Cesar, the former guitarist of my old band, hit me up asking me if I wanted to do the drum tracks for his new projects. Cesar joined the Air Force after I quit the band, so he's stationed over in Utah most of the time. He said he was coming down here next month and he was gonna record. I was excited for him cuz I knew I ruined a good thing when I left the band. It was good to hear that he was still doing music. But I'm excited to play drums. I don't think I've touched my drumset since December. And I have a brand new drum set. I only used my drumset for 3 gigs before I left the band. So everything is still in it's case and in tip top shape. I just gotta dust em off and tune the heads and they're good to go.

My Mom was talking to her sisters in the Philippines and they're gonna coming stateside sometime and we already have 6 people living a 4 bedroom house. If you add my Auntie, her husband and her 3 kids, that's a grip of peeps in my house. And my Mom still has 2 more sisters that will follow after and they each have their own families. Most likely, they will stay at our place until they can find jobs and afford an apartment. Either that or me and my bro are gonna move out. I've been spending my earnings like a madman when I shoulda been saving for a house. My bad.

Earlier today at a meeting, someone wrote "Fred loves you" on the new girl Vanessa's nametag on her desk. That's not gonna be good when she sees it. I didn't bother crossing it off cuz what if she's flattered by it? If she gets pissed I'll just say I didn't know anything about it. It's not my handwriting.

I had a bunch on my mind last night and I wanted to write about it today but I totally forgot. Like that's never happened before. Meh.

But I was talking to Aileen last night and we've been planning a dinner date or something from way back when but the both of us are really busy so we never got around to it. I told her about the dredg concert on Sept. 28 and she said she was down for it. Yaye! And then we can do dinner that same night before or after the concert.....or we could just go straight to the baby-making. Ha. Yeah, but I'm real excited to see her. I haven't seen her in a good while. A lot has changed since the last time we graced each other's presence. I went to her place a couple months ago but she wasn't home so I just played ping pong with her bro and sis and their cousin. And I dominated them....with my left hand. Ha.

Flag Football has begun so imma be out there in Ocean Beach on Saturdays doing some photography. I love taking pix. Who wants to model?

Kicked Glenn's arse in FFL thanks to Carson Palmer and his 6 td's. Andre Johnson of the Houston Texans helped me out bigtime too. Pick him up if he's available. Oh, and screw Leon Washington. Hahahahaha.

So Friday night I went to take my Mom to the Movies cuz she wanted to watch this Filipino movie called A Love Story. It was pretty funny cuz right when we walked into the theater, we were the only ones in there. The theater was huge too. It looked like it could hold around 500 people and it was just us in there. When the movie started a few more people walked in so there were about 7 total. It was weird watching it with my Mom cuz there was like 10 love making scenes. Hahahahaha. But I didn't really like the movie. I'm not too much into those romance stories and crap. I'd much rather see comedy or action stuff. I am a man. =)

Saturday was the company picnic. April Joy came with me and I enjoyed her company. We never really hung out when we were in school. When we would get together it was always school related, working on a project, grabbing a beer after a final, and things of that nature. I dunno why I waited so long to start kickin' it with her. Actually I do know but I'd rather not say. But yeah, back to the picnic. I had a good time. There were a bunch of games and I participated in a couple of them. I was in the hula hoop/human chain game, where 10 people hold hand is a cirlce and pass the hula hoop around while music is playing. And I was in the shaving cream/goldfish toss where they lathered my face with shaving cream and people tried to make goldfishes stick to my face. They had this mega raffle where they were giving away a laptop and an X-Box 360 with Guitar Hero 2. I didn't win anything. I never win anything. That's the story of my life.

Sunday was football all day and the Chargers lost. They lost bad. That's all I will say. Looking forward to Green Bay.

Oh yeah, I was talking to Karmen on Saturday night and she was kinda mad that I ignored her during the picnic. I saw her there and I said hi but I didn't really go over and talk to her. I usually keep her company anytime we go to a function or whatever cuz she's not really comfortable with everyone we work with. She doesn't understand the lingo and all that stuff that we do but I always break it down and explain it to her. Like one time she heard one of us say "I dig it" and she was wondering what that meant. Hahahahaha. Things like that, I'll make sure she understands but no one else really explains things for her. Since she's not too good with her English so she takes everything literally. But I felt kinda bad cuz she said she didn't have a good time. She felt all alone and bored. I saw her with Jesse so I thought she had company but apparently he wasn't doing any talking and he felt the same way as her. I'll remember not to leave her alone next time we're out.

Pirate Party is tentative. We'll find out if the planners are gonna go through with it. Stay tuned....





Do good, reap good; do evil, reap evil.

I'm still at work and I'm trying to meet this deadline. Funny thing is, I don't really care. Ha.

I invited Vanessa to lunch today. I was a little scared at first but then I remembered that I have nothing to lose so I just straight up asked her to join us for some pho. It was originally just gonna be me and Karmen but as we were clocking out for lunch I saw Vanessa and I wanted her to come. Ha. She's not really slammin' or anything but there's something about her that intrigues me. It could be the new girl factor, just something different and new to look at. Don't get me wrong, she's not ugly but if I was walking down the street I wouldn't break my neck to check out the goods. But yeah, I'm glad I invited her and I'm glad she went. Found out that she's from the dirty south too and she knew some of my high school mates. But Karmen tells me she has a boyfriend. Oh well, that's never stopped me before. Muahahahahahaha.

Beggars can't be choosers. And when you're ugly, you can't be picky.

Don't expect a blog from me tomorrow cuz I just got out of a meeting and they want me to have 20 MLV's QA'd by tomorrow. It took me a whole week to do one. Now they dropped out a bunch of steps in order to meet a release deadline tomorrow. Only the bare necessities will be QA'd. It took me 2 hours to do, with all the steps, and now they dropped a bunch of steps and expect me to do it in 20 mins. We'll see if that's plausible. They gave me some people to help me out. I got Stephanie working with me. She's pretty damn slammin'! Half white and Half Filipino. I think half white and half anything is perfect. It's just a winning combination. It's like peanut butter and jelly. They're both good but when you combine them it's AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, wish me luck.

It just went down and all the hype that we put into it was not worth it. Pssssst, come here. I have a secret for you: "HYPE KILLS". I think the fact that this challenge is kinda slow, it's hard to get pumped for it. The second you toss that first cracker in your mouth, the whole pace of your life comes to a snailing stop. The most anyone ate was 5 saltines. And there were 3 or 4 people who ate 5. I only ate 4. I thought I could do better. It just felt like I was chewing for days and nothing was getting swallowed. It was like gum that lost all it's flavor and somehow became salty.

Today we're having a potluck too. I brought in some chicken wings. I hope someone brought some rice.

And we were passing around this going-away/good luck card that everyone is signing for Niki and Mr. Hotshot in my cubicle here says something like "Oh, so when I leave is everyone gonna do this for me?" And I said something like "Instead of 'good luck' or 'we'll miss you', we're gonna write FINALLY! IT'S ABOUT TIME" And we all started laughing and he turned around to his computer and with his back to us he said "Go ahead, laugh it up." He got all butt hurt! I felt kinda bad but I was too busy cracking up. I got a black heart. No remorse, no regrets. Go for the killshot while you can. Now he has his headphones on and isn't listening to us. I'd really like to punch him in his ovaries!!!!

Why does punching someone/something feel so good? I can't explain what goes on inside me when my fist makes contact. I still remember the last time I punched someone. It was in downtown after hittin' up a club. There's a reason why I don't go to clubs. But yeah, some drunk fool was walking and someone in his posse bumped shoulders with my brother and they got all offended by it. So this drunk starts wailing punches on my bro and I'm a good 15 ft away from him and I see the attack happening so I run over and deck this fool right on the temple. It only took one shot and his head went down and he was staggering. This guy threw like 20 punches on my bro and he's lucky I only threw 1. But his posse stood in between us to stop me from doing further damage. I just pointed at him and said "Don't you EVER try that again!"

Last night was very productive. We recorded a new song called "Caves and Portals" and added more to a newer song called "Cowboy Cologne". That song isn't done yet but we've been stuck on it for a couple weeks. We added more parts to it and now we just gotta figure out the structure of the song.

My back has been acting up on me again. I need to start running again when I get home from work. Who wants to join me? It'll be more like fast pace walking than actual running but whatever. I'm slow, I'm sure you could tell just by looking at me. ;) I do accept foot race challenges.

I didn't eat until 5pm yesterday. Those 8 tacos filled me up and stayed inside me for a while. I didn't even feel thirsty or anything. I know people who eat one meal a day and i thought they were crazy. I thought it was impossible. Now I know if you a big enough meal, you can last a whole day without feeling hungry.

Today we're having a long overdue food challenge in honor of Niki's last day here. It's gonna be The Saltine Challenge. Who can eat the most saltines in 1 minute? My personal record is 5. The current record to beat/match is 7 but the guy who did that doesn't work here anymore so I dunno if that record is still valid. Scott won the first time we did it with 6 saltines. Imma shoot for 6 today.

Plans for tonight:
*RUN
*Change guitar strings
*Clean guitar
*Work on new songs


Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still.

Taco Tuesday was fun last night. It was me, April Joy, Ramon, and Mari that went to On The Border. I was leaving work and Ramon was leaving too so I told him I was going to OTB and I told him to roll too and it's history from there. I always have a good time when I have good company. It doesn't matter what we do, a good time will always happen.

We had some margaritas and a few tacos. Well, everyone else had a few tacos. I just happened to eat 8. Hahahahahahaha. It was good. I think my favorite one was the crunchy chicken taco. Let's see, there was ground beef, shredded beef, carnitas, and chicken. And I had one of each, the crunchy version and the soft version. I was struggling on the last one but I managed to scarf it down. Thanks for dinner Apes! I got you on the next one.

I can still feel the tacos as I'm typing this. My mind is telling me that I'm hungry since I would normally be eating at this time but my stomach is telling me that I'm full. It's a conflict of interest and my mind is winning. But I'm eating fruit so it's all good.

The company picnic is this Saturday and I still don't have a date. I invited April Joy but she didn't really give me a straight answer. She just said that it was far. The picnic is in Lakeside, which is a damn drive. But she has a party to go to in the evening anyways so I'll just take that as a no. It's ok, I'm used to hearing no.....as in "No, Don't Stop! Harder!" j/k. Tomorrow is the last day to sign up so if I don't have a date by then, I guess I just won't go. I didn't really ask anybody else cuz nobody has really met my co-workers except April Joy. I was gonna ask Aileen but we were planning on going out to dinner that night and I don't wanna spend an entire day with her. So the offer is still in the air if you decide you'd like to go Apes. Just let me know by tomorrow. And don't worry, I'll drive. =)

I'm going to Fonso's tonight and I wanna record all the songs that we've written. I also want to re-record the ones that we've already recorded. Those versions were recorded right when we wrote them and they've changed a little bit so I wanna have up-to-date copies.

Hopefully my pinky can hang in there. My ripped hangnail is still bothering me. If it hurts when I type, it's bound to hurt when I play guitar. I'll test it out on 1st break.





A rat who gnaws at a cat's tail invites destruction.

I think the janitor read my blog cuz I just went to the bathroom and the U seat is BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hellz yeah. I can now handle my business with my dignity still in tact. I'm stoked.

So they changed the toilet seats at work (or at least the bathroom that I go to) and I'm not liking it very much. There's this little lip in the back that cups your cheeks and it's annoying. Plus the front end is all small. I hate the fact that my sack rests on the front end. The normal seat they used to have was this U-shaped seat and my sack could hang freely. It bothers me that if my sack is touching the seat, then other dudes' sacks are also touching the seat. It's not a good thought. Bring back the U seat!!!!!!!!!

Another thing that bothers me is that there aren't enough bathrooms in this facility. 75 people share 2 stalls and 1 urinal. It's mayhem after lunch. That's just for the men. There might be 3 or 4 stalls for the women but theres only like 10 females on our floor so it's not bad.


I played guitar at lunch today instead of eating since I'm saving my appetite for Taco Tuesday. I need the practice anyways.

I was struggling last night at practice. My fingers were hurting and I couldn't remember the songs we wrote. I was forgetting the rhythm that I was playing and I was also forgetting the structures of the song. But we did record one of the songs that we already finished writing. It's a song called "Debutante". I'm a dumb butt and I left the recording at my friend's house. There was another song that was recorded and I needed to listen to it to come up with a part but I left that at my friend's house too. Oh well, I'll be back there tomorrow.

So my favorite band, dredg, is coming to town on Sept. 28. My buddy Thompson (Mr. Solar Turbines) is gonna cruise over and check them out too. Tickets are $15 if anyone wants to go. The show is at SOMA so it's a nice, little, intimate venue. The last time I checked dredg out, I got to meet them and take pix with them and I got them to sign my CD and poster. And yes, they spell their name with a lowercase d.

I came in earlier today so I could leave earlier. I could probably leave around 3ish but I'll do a little OT and leave at 4. Hourly over salary sometimes has it's advantages. =)




A nation's treasure is in its scholars.

Friday night I did nothing but listen to music for like 5 hours. It was good. I need more inspiration. The more I write music, the more I need to listen to other music. I need to hear different things to keep my mind fresh.

Saturday was chill. I woke up hella late and I ran a bunch of errands. And I couldn't wait for the night. At around 8pm we headed down south to take the virgins for a good time. When we got there, I was offering to pay for them and all they had to do was pick which one they wanted. But none of them took the bait. Needless to say, they're still virgins. I tried to help out but there's nothing I can do for them. If you can't do a whore, you can't do a regular girl. They're just gonna have to do it on their own. We ended up leaving the whore house since they weren't gonna do it and we went to a regular strip club and they had the time of their lives there. I personally don't like strip clubs cuz I don't like getting worked up and not being finished off. If you're gonna get the soldier to stand at full attention don't leave him standing in full attention the whole night. Finish the salute so he can be at ease. But yeah, we left the strip club early since we were tailgating at the Chargers game the next morning.

Sunday morning took too long to get here. But Chargers season is here and that's all that matters. We got jacked from our usual tailgate spot though. People came early. The parking lot got packed quick too. We got to the stadium 10 mins later than when we usually get there and we find some other dude in our spot. Oh well. We just posted up next to him. But we had so much leftover food. I hate having leftovers. But I guess that's better than not having enough food.

The Chargers offense was looking stagnant the entire first half. A lot of dropped balls ,good defense by the Bears, and bad officiating. I'm glad Gates stepped up cuz he's on my fantasy team. The Bears held LT but we got the win so it doesn't matter. We had to beat 2 teams to get this win: the Bears and the Refs.

Looking forward to Taco Tuesday! =)





A gem is not polished without rubbing, nor a man perfected without trials.

Last night at the Strauss was pretty damn fun. It was Scotty, Mya, Roman, Shanel, Niki, Ramon, Karmen, Ryan, me, and April. Big ups to April for comin' out even though you didn't really know anyone there. I hope you had a good time cuz I sure did. That emptiness in my heart, that void in soul was filled yesterday when I got to see for the first time in a long time. I hope I don't have to wait that long to see you again. =)

After Strauss we hit up Scotty's place and we played ping pong while the others played Beirut (aka beer pong). Me and Scotty played one game and I realized I need to start practicing again. I also played Karmen and she's pretty good. She said she used to play all the time 10 years ago.

I didn't even drink that much last night but I was feeling weird when I got home. I took a shower and then watched highlights of the Colts-Saints game while I waited for my hair to dry. But I tried to sleep around 12 but I was feeling cold. So I put some clothes on and turned off the fan. I fell asleep for a little while but I woke up at 2am feeling all hot. I took my clothes off and turned tha fan back on but I couldn't fall asleep. I didn't fall alseep til 4am and I had to get up at 6am. What did I do during those 2 hours awake? I tried to fix my phone cuz my text message isn't working. I can receive messages but I can't reply to them. It was asking me to Define a Message Center Number. I didn't know what that meant so I did some research on it. I found something online and I put that message center number but I still haven't tried a text yet. I will later though.

....and I already took 3 dumps. I feel a 4th one coming but imma cork it and wait til lunch. What's for lunch today? I have 2 apples and an orange. I already ate one apple for breakfast. It was ok. It tasted a little old. I got them last weekend and I guess fruits only last a few weeks at the most. I'm trying to eat healthy sometimes. I feel like my back is taking the brunt of my weight and that's the reason for my back pains. If I'm carrying less weight, my back will be working less and therefore able to to maintain for longer periods of time.

Don't forget to set your lineups today since tonight is the first game of the season. I've been waiting for this since February. Not the fantasy football, but the real season. This is my favorite time of the year. It's kinda like Christmas but better. Being with my friends every week, grillin' it up in the parking lot, eatin' great food, watching the Chargers tear it up. There's not much more you can ask for.


Strauss tonight. Happy hour starts at 6pm but since tonight is Opening Kickoff, it's gonna be packed like fudge. We'll be getting there at 5:30pm(maybe earlier). I got to work this morning and was informed that 2 more people will be joining us. If we're seated at a regular table it's all booked but since we're gonna try to get there early we're gonna ask for a huge table so we can seat more guests. I'd like to get this huge table so April Joy can join us. I haven't seen her in a good while. I think since graduation and that was pretty much 2 years ago.



A child's life is like a piece of paper on which every person leaves a mark.

It's almost 3:30 and I've been pretty swamped all day. I'm ready to go home right now. My brain is fried and I feel like taking a nap. It also doesn't help that my side of the room has no AC. Boooo.

It's so hard for me to sleep at night. Open window, no blanket, no shirt, no shorts, fan on. I don't have AC at home....or at work. I do feel like I've lost 5 lbs. from sweating all day. But it's all water weight so imma gain it back quick.


I wanna be a house-husband and just raise the kids all day and clean the house and run errands. and cook and all that good stuff that housewives get to do. Who's up for my offer? I'm ready to start ASAP.

Hit up the Strauss in Sorrento for free beer tomorrow night. April Joy? I know you're not too far from Sorrento. 5:30pm. Be there. Aileen, I know you want my body but the only way you'll get me is if I'm drunk. This is your chance....



A book tightly shut is but a block of paper.

This past weekend, we stayed about an hour south of San Fran at my cousin's house. It was like a mini family reunion. We left Friday night around midnight and got there at 7am. I drove the whole way. I wanted to switch off with my bro at around 4am but he was knocked out cold. I tried to tap him to wake him up but no response. So I kept driving and bumpin' the jams helped keep me awake.

There was about 25 people sleeping in a 3 bedroom house. It was madness. And it was also an oven up there. The outside temperature was 105 during the daytime. It was really messing me up. The house was a cool 75 degrees or so and I kept having to go outside to get thing or put things away and the drastic temperature change really got to me.

It was good to see my family. My little cousins don't even remember me. And my grandma was really happy that my estranged uncle actually showed up. His wife took over the show and kind of pulled him away from the family. It's good to see that he grew some balls and showed up for a change.

All in all, it was a great weekend and I'm tired as usual. That means I'm back to my regular schedule.





A book is like a garden carried in the pocket.

Why do I even have a blog? I hate writing about my life. So why keep a journal of what I do or recount the events? I dunno, maybe I'm doing this cuz I don't get to see alot of my friends that much anymore and it keeps them up to speed with what's kinda goin' on in my life? Maybe it's cuz I need someone to talk to but no one is ever there in real life? It is kinda nice to get some stuff off my chest and lay it all out. But I never lay it completely out. Why? I think I'm afraid. Afraid of letting someone in too close.

Whatever.

I was at the Charger game last night and even though it was the 3rd and 4th string playing I still had fun. I just like being in the environment, the atmosphere. It feels good to hang out with my friends and be around people with a common interest. It also feels good to tailgate and drink it up before AND after the games. Yesterday we got there around 5pm and there was still alot of parking. Our usual tailgating crew didn't go so we didn't have the grill or the usual good eats. But I had beef jerky, pringles, and crunch & munch. And we ran into another fellow tailgater and they had some beer so we drank a couple of those. It's my escape from reality. Thank you Chargers for being there for me.

I'm driving up to the Bay tonight and I'm dead tired. I better take a power nap right when I get home so I have some energy to drive through the night. I hate almost falling asleep at the wheel. Wish me luck and a safe trip.




Deep doubts, deep wisdom; small doubts, little wisdom.

So I saw Balls of Fury last night and it was hella funny. They throw so many curve balls in there that it kept me guessing on what was gonna happen next. And the curve balls were outrageously ridiculous. I wish there was more ping pong action but it's all good. I liked the movie but I doubt other people will like it as much not unless they enjoy kung-fu spoofs, ping pong, or just plain-stupid-where-you-have-to-be-a-little-retarded movies.


I woke up hella late this morning. I wanted to come into work early so I could leave early and go to the Chargers game but I woke up at 7am. I'm still leaving early regardless. I should have just asked for the day off. Oh well.


The Cliche' Series. Be on the lookout for it.



If you don't want anyone to know, don't do it.

So apparently last night was the last game of the bowling season. I totally thought there was one more week. The goal I set at the beginning of the season was to break 200 at least once. That's all I wanted to do. I didn't care what place we got. If I didn't break 200, the whole season would have been a failure.

So here's how last night's action went:

For the 1st game, I was trying to find the pocket. The lanes were freshly oiled so they were all super slick. My ball had no hook and would basically go straight into the 10 pin. I tried standing more to the left and aim for the head pin (the closest pin) but I was leaving the 3-6-10 up all the time. I ended game 1 with a score of 93. Pathetic! I didn't even break 100.

Game 2, the oil was drying up so my ball was starting to hook (hook means it curves for you non-bowlers out there) so once again I had to find a new spot where to stand and change my throw. I was kinda throwing it straight in the 1st game but now the straight ball wasn't doing me any good. It wasn't doing me any good in the first place. But now my ball was starting to go the way I wanted it. Now I just needed to find where to stand. I usually stand slightly to the left of center, maybe the 3rd board from the left. The oil dictates where I stand. The dryer the lanes, the further left I stand. But I did better this game than I did in the 1st. I ended the game with a score of 115. Still pretty horrible but better than before. It doesn't matter how many times you fall, what matters is how many times you get up.

So the 3rd game of the night and the final game of the entire season was up. I was doing pretty horrible for the first two games and I kinda lost hope for my goal of breaking 200. This was the last chance, the last ditch effort to redeem myself. I had a good feel for the lanes now but the first two games kinda destroyed my confidence. Happiness through lowered expectations. I felt like I wasn't gonna break 200 this season but I still had to try.

1st frame: I bowled a 7 and picked up the spare.
2nd frame: Strike
3rd frame: Strike
4th frame: Strike
5th frame: Strike
6th frame: Strike
7th frame: Strike
8th frame: I knocked down 9 and picked up the spare

At this point my score is 199. I didn't even realize it cuz I didn't think I'd be able to break 200. Now I was all excited. All I needed was one more pin. I've choked under pressure before and guttered. This was not gonna happen this time. My goal was set and now my goal is back in sight. "When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it."

9th frame: strike
10th frame: I knocked down 7 and picked up the spare. I got an extra roll and knocked down 9

FINAL SCORE: 248. And with my handicap (since I suck) my total score was a 318.

That's my highest score EVER. I was so happy, you have no idea. It feels so good to achieve a goal that you set so high that you don't think you'll be able to get anytime soon. It also show that the harder you look, the harder it is to find. I was trying so hard to get to 200 that it was getting further away. Once I came to to terms that I wasn't going to get it, it hit me smack dab right in the face.

On top of me breaking 200, my team was crowned the League Champions last night and I got the league's Most Improved Bowler award.

Last night was a good night.


Tonight I plan on going to see the movie Balls of Fury. It's a ping pong movie and all you guys know that I'm crazy about ping pong. I'll let you guys know how it is...

143. Happiness ensues.

I feel like I'm torn inside......literally. My arsehole feels a mile wide. I took 3 dumps at work yesterday. The 1st one was ok. The 2nd one I started to feel a little uncomfortable. And by the 3rd one, it felt like I was shittin' an actual brick. When I went back to my desk to sit down, it hurt when my bum made contact with my seat. I had to clinch my cheeks tight and then sit down.

I just took a dump before I started writing this and it still kinda hurt. Not as bad, but the pain is still there. I hate this feeling.



Yesterday we wrote a couple more songs. I like it when we make progress. It's funny though, we write songs so fast that when we go back to play the ones already written, we forget what the hell we played. It's a good thing we record our songs so that way we can go back and remember our parts. We record it on video so we can see what our fingers were doing cuz sometimes we hear but we can't replicate, but when we see it we can remember faster. I love music. I wish music jobs paid better. Otherwise I would be a studio musician.

I want to do a real recording session of our songs sometime soon. Maybe put them on a CD and start handing it out or selling for real cheap. I also want to play gigs.

143


If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.

My younger cousin turned of age last week so I decided to take him to a club. They let us in but later kicked us out on suspicion of fake IDs. It was weird, 5 bouncers came by and checked our IDs at least twice. And they still weren't convinced that our IDs were real. Man, that's never happened to me.

We weren't exactly dressed all super nice so that could have given them the idea that these kids aint got no money to buy clothes which means they aint got no jobs which in turn means that they're not old enough. Whatever though. I'm over it. I like dressing comfortable.



Can't wait for the weekend. Goin' up to the Bay to visit some family. Relatives from Chi-town comin' to the west side too. I'm thinking I should bring my guitar cuz one of my cousins up there is an awesome musician and we always jam out for the longest times. It's hard to find good quality musicians and I've played with alot of people. I can honestly say that my cousin is in the top 3 of all musicians I've ever played with.




If heaven made him, earth can find some use for him.

So during break I was playing the guitar at my desk. No one was around and I wasn't playing that loud. Mr. Hot Shot comes back to our cubicle and sits in his seat and immediately turns around and politely asks me to keep it down. I obliged without hesitation but was a little weirded out by his request. So now I was playing way softer than I was before, which was already soft, and I look at what this fool is doing. I see this guy doing WORK during our BREAK. WTF? He asked me to keep it down so he could do work during our break. Next time imma just play hella loud and pretend that I can't hear him.

One time during our break he went on myspace so I checked out his page. The guy talks about being "seriously lonely". His pix are all super emo like he wants someone to feel sorry for him. He does seem very anti-social and only talks to us when he needs help. Me and the other 2 guys in our cubicle are always joking around and laughing it up and having a good time. And once in a while this guy will turn around and give us this look like we need to grow up or something. We'll joke around when one of messes up and say that you're gonna get fired or cut from the team. When we say that to him, it looks like he's gonna cry. I hate it when people get their feelings hurt when we're joking around. Then I start feeling bad and it eats me up inside.

I seriously wish we could trade this guy for someone else. I don't care who. I'll take the old lady. At least she jokes around with us too. She actually has a sense of humor....and she drinks piss all day. Not really, but she has this big ol' jug of apple juice everyday and it just sits on top of her desk and it looks like piss. Hahahahahaha.